THE NEXT GENERATION
Responses to yesterday's post:
From Bohannon: "THAT...is pretty special!
also evidence of really great genes.
or jeans."
From Dianne: "CONGRATULATIONS!! Sounds like you're part of a long line of visionary, forward thinkers! The world needs Aquarians more than ever these days."
From Chris: "wow - and people think the kemps are prolific"
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, January 30, 2005
GENERATION NEXT
My cousin Kerri had her baby this morning--0ur family is now five generations. Yay! The oldest in our family is my Great Aunt Mary, not sure how aware she is of anything now--she's 103 years old. For years she addressed my grandmother as "Joey's widow." George asked how long my grandfather had been dead and I said "35 years." The baby is an Aquarius like my late father and grandfather, my cousin Marie and the his mom's sister, Jamie. I am going to draw up a chart for the baby so he appreciates his flakey spinster cousin early in life.
When Susan found out she was pregnant with her second child it was around Christmas time. She had already told her oldest about a "very special baby," so the kid grew up thinking her brother was the Messiah.
My cousin Kerri had her baby this morning--0ur family is now five generations. Yay! The oldest in our family is my Great Aunt Mary, not sure how aware she is of anything now--she's 103 years old. For years she addressed my grandmother as "Joey's widow." George asked how long my grandfather had been dead and I said "35 years." The baby is an Aquarius like my late father and grandfather, my cousin Marie and the his mom's sister, Jamie. I am going to draw up a chart for the baby so he appreciates his flakey spinster cousin early in life.
When Susan found out she was pregnant with her second child it was around Christmas time. She had already told her oldest about a "very special baby," so the kid grew up thinking her brother was the Messiah.
Saturday, January 29, 2005
LOOKING GOOD WHILE DOING GOOD
Starbucks says it's donating part of its profit to help tsunami victims. I guess that makes up for the fact that it charged rescue personnel at ground zero for bottled water on September 11th.
Starbucks says it's donating part of its profit to help tsunami victims. I guess that makes up for the fact that it charged rescue personnel at ground zero for bottled water on September 11th.
Friday, January 28, 2005
THIRTEEN WEEKS
Hmm, is that unlucky? Started shopping for Valentines last night. There were a bunch I would have sent Mom and Dad last year with old couples talking dirty to each other or younger people complaining about how their love lives sucked. Decided that was a bad idea this year.
janedoe@seductive.com
Hmm, is that unlucky? Started shopping for Valentines last night. There were a bunch I would have sent Mom and Dad last year with old couples talking dirty to each other or younger people complaining about how their love lives sucked. Decided that was a bad idea this year.
janedoe@seductive.com
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
THANK YOU
How bout getting off of these antibioticsHow bout stopping eating when I'm full upHow bout them transparent dangling carrotsHow bout that ever elusive kudoThank you IndiaThank you terrorThank you disillusionmentThank you frailtyThank you consequenceThank you thank you silenceHow bout me not blaming you for everythingHow bout me enjoying the moment for onceHow bout how good it feels to finally forgive youHow bout grieving it all one at a timeThank you IndiaThank you terrorThank you disillusionmentThank you frailtyThank you consequenceThank you thank you silenceThe moment I let go of it wasThe moment I got more than I could handleThe moment I jumped off of it wasThe moment I touched downHow bout no longer being masochisticHow bout remembering your divinityHow bout unabashedly bawling your eyes outHow bout not equating death with stoppingThank you IndiaThank you providenceThank you disillusionmentThank you nothingnessThank you clarityThank you thank you silenceyeah yeahahh ohhhahhh ho ohahhh ho ohhhhhhyeaahhhh yeahh
Thank You
by Alanis Morrisette
As always, I wait until January 25th to start my post-Christmas thank-you's, figuring anyone who would have sent anything would have sent it by now. This year's cards will also include some post-condolence thank-you's.
janedoe@seductive.com
How bout getting off of these antibioticsHow bout stopping eating when I'm full upHow bout them transparent dangling carrotsHow bout that ever elusive kudoThank you IndiaThank you terrorThank you disillusionmentThank you frailtyThank you consequenceThank you thank you silenceHow bout me not blaming you for everythingHow bout me enjoying the moment for onceHow bout how good it feels to finally forgive youHow bout grieving it all one at a timeThank you IndiaThank you terrorThank you disillusionmentThank you frailtyThank you consequenceThank you thank you silenceThe moment I let go of it wasThe moment I got more than I could handleThe moment I jumped off of it wasThe moment I touched downHow bout no longer being masochisticHow bout remembering your divinityHow bout unabashedly bawling your eyes outHow bout not equating death with stoppingThank you IndiaThank you providenceThank you disillusionmentThank you nothingnessThank you clarityThank you thank you silenceyeah yeahahh ohhhahhh ho ohahhh ho ohhhhhhyeaahhhh yeahh
Thank You
by Alanis Morrisette
As always, I wait until January 25th to start my post-Christmas thank-you's, figuring anyone who would have sent anything would have sent it by now. This year's cards will also include some post-condolence thank-you's.
janedoe@seductive.com
AN UNHAPPY BIRTHDAY
Today would have been Jacqueline DuPre's 60th birthday. She spent about a third of her life in a wheelchair. Before she died someone named a rose after her but her vision was so far gone she couldn't see it so she chose it by its scent.
janedoe@seductive.com
Today would have been Jacqueline DuPre's 60th birthday. She spent about a third of her life in a wheelchair. Before she died someone named a rose after her but her vision was so far gone she couldn't see it so she chose it by its scent.
janedoe@seductive.com
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Monday, January 24, 2005
MARCH FOR LIFE
Today is the March for Life, which should hopefully counteract the March for Babies' Deaths.
janedoe@seductive.com
Today is the March for Life, which should hopefully counteract the March for Babies' Deaths.
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, January 23, 2005
ROSEMARY WOODS DEAD
AOL reports Dick Nixon's secretary Rosemary Woods is dead. When I was a kid feminist groups pointed out not too many women were involved in Watergate, something to be proud of. Ok, that's two famous people dead this weekend.
AOL reports Dick Nixon's secretary Rosemary Woods is dead. When I was a kid feminist groups pointed out not too many women were involved in Watergate, something to be proud of. Ok, that's two famous people dead this weekend.
'SNO BIG DEAL II
Trite as it sounds, Georgetown looks like a fairy tale with the wind blowing the snow, so after work I drove down Wisconsin Avenue and down to the river. It was really kind of surreal, especially with the moon – it was dark enough to look like the dark night of the soul. Weather like this is a reminder of the need to hibernate – good weather to stay inside with the phone and the computer and the books and the pigs.
Trite as it sounds, Georgetown looks like a fairy tale with the wind blowing the snow, so after work I drove down Wisconsin Avenue and down to the river. It was really kind of surreal, especially with the moon – it was dark enough to look like the dark night of the soul. Weather like this is a reminder of the need to hibernate – good weather to stay inside with the phone and the computer and the books and the pigs.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
KEVIN'S BIRTHDAY
Today is Kevin's birthday. It's easy to remember -- exactly three weeks after new year's and four weeks after Christmas, now four weeks after his father's death. Jennifer's mother died during Holy Week while Kathleen watched. Mom said Kathleen would hate Easter after that. They buried Edna on my birthday, which also sucked. My father's death was expected and it was still awful enough with cops, paramedics etc coming to the house. At least no one suspected Mom of murdering him. I often wonder which is worse -- having your father die totally unexpected on a holiday or dying slow death over the course of almost two years, draining you physically and emotionally.
Today is Kevin's birthday. It's easy to remember -- exactly three weeks after new year's and four weeks after Christmas, now four weeks after his father's death. Jennifer's mother died during Holy Week while Kathleen watched. Mom said Kathleen would hate Easter after that. They buried Edna on my birthday, which also sucked. My father's death was expected and it was still awful enough with cops, paramedics etc coming to the house. At least no one suspected Mom of murdering him. I often wonder which is worse -- having your father die totally unexpected on a holiday or dying slow death over the course of almost two years, draining you physically and emotionally.
'SNO BIG DEAL
We've had about four inches of snow and people are making it out to be Armageddon. Less than two years ago we had about three times that much. My father had his stroke that day, which was the beginning of the end. In the space of 366 or 367 days I lost my father and grandmother, had my life threatened and had two relationships go south. I think I can handle a little snow.
We've had about four inches of snow and people are making it out to be Armageddon. Less than two years ago we had about three times that much. My father had his stroke that day, which was the beginning of the end. In the space of 366 or 367 days I lost my father and grandmother, had my life threatened and had two relationships go south. I think I can handle a little snow.
Friday, January 21, 2005
Thursday, January 20, 2005
ONE YEAR AND ONE WEEK
One year ago last week one of the man I loved told me to forget I ever met him. Which I gladly did. That lasted about three months. At least I had a father and a grandmother then.
One year ago last week one of the man I loved told me to forget I ever met him. Which I gladly did. That lasted about three months. At least I had a father and a grandmother then.
CRASHING BALLS
Sounds kind of like Smashing Pumpkins or popping balloons. I'm typing this from Kramer's. Last inauguration the weather was so awful I didn't want to budge -- this year I'm not really in a ball-crashing kind of mood-- I feel fat and I look pale enough to star in the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It would have been more fun with Frances. Went to the Omni Shoreham and thought, "gee, I'm getting old. It looks like a prom here." Then I realize it was the GW ball. Despite what you may have seen on TV, the attitude, at least in my neighborhood, is more "so what" than "yeehaw." I guess everybody else has to get up to go to one of their three jobs tomorrow morning, too. They showed the Black Tie and Boots Ball. Someone brought in an Armadillo. It looked a little like Lightning. I did get to see the Kilgore College Rangerettes. They sure wear a lot of make up. It was sweet -- one of them called me "ma'am."
Sounds kind of like Smashing Pumpkins or popping balloons. I'm typing this from Kramer's. Last inauguration the weather was so awful I didn't want to budge -- this year I'm not really in a ball-crashing kind of mood-- I feel fat and I look pale enough to star in the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It would have been more fun with Frances. Went to the Omni Shoreham and thought, "gee, I'm getting old. It looks like a prom here." Then I realize it was the GW ball. Despite what you may have seen on TV, the attitude, at least in my neighborhood, is more "so what" than "yeehaw." I guess everybody else has to get up to go to one of their three jobs tomorrow morning, too. They showed the Black Tie and Boots Ball. Someone brought in an Armadillo. It looked a little like Lightning. I did get to see the Kilgore College Rangerettes. They sure wear a lot of make up. It was sweet -- one of them called me "ma'am."
OK, DUBYA
Four years ago it was pouring down rain. At least the weather was slightly better for this year's inaugural balls. I don't blame you for having lost my job, that was a gift from the Clinton administration, but the five jobs that fizzled out after that were during your administration. Also, I guess I can't blame you for my relationships going south, especially the one with the gay guy, and my father and grandmother could have died during any administration. Of course, there's no chance of your being re-elected, so you have nothing to prove anyway -- you're sitting pretty. It's like I told one of the TV 20 guys about the Carter administration -- Jimmy Carter had nothing to do with it -- I was 16, overweight, worked at Burger King and had no boyfriend. One of the guys said there were probably a lot of Iranian teenagers who felt that way about the Shah, that's why they had a revolution. Except they probably worked at Falafal King, not Burger King.
Four years ago it was pouring down rain. At least the weather was slightly better for this year's inaugural balls. I don't blame you for having lost my job, that was a gift from the Clinton administration, but the five jobs that fizzled out after that were during your administration. Also, I guess I can't blame you for my relationships going south, especially the one with the gay guy, and my father and grandmother could have died during any administration. Of course, there's no chance of your being re-elected, so you have nothing to prove anyway -- you're sitting pretty. It's like I told one of the TV 20 guys about the Carter administration -- Jimmy Carter had nothing to do with it -- I was 16, overweight, worked at Burger King and had no boyfriend. One of the guys said there were probably a lot of Iranian teenagers who felt that way about the Shah, that's why they had a revolution. Except they probably worked at Falafal King, not Burger King.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
AND HERE'S TO YOU, MRS. HAUTANEN
Got a Blockbuster gift card, and the first movie I rented was the Door in the Floor, an adaptation of A Widow for One Year (See The Masturbating Machine and Lawn Guy Land ) Kim Basinger looks the way I feel. Also, The Graduate will be playing at the Warner Theater, with Morgan Fairchild in the role of Mrs. Robinson. Nothing like the old older woman/younger man thing to get the old hormones flowing again.
janedoe@seductive.com
Got a Blockbuster gift card, and the first movie I rented was the Door in the Floor, an adaptation of A Widow for One Year (See The Masturbating Machine and Lawn Guy Land ) Kim Basinger looks the way I feel. Also, The Graduate will be playing at the Warner Theater, with Morgan Fairchild in the role of Mrs. Robinson. Nothing like the old older woman/younger man thing to get the old hormones flowing again.
janedoe@seductive.com
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
DATE MY PET
Found this website in Cat Fancy. Not sure whether there are any pig owners there. I dated a guy with 22 cats. Believe it not, his cats were the least of the problem.
Found this website in Cat Fancy. Not sure whether there are any pig owners there. I dated a guy with 22 cats. Believe it not, his cats were the least of the problem.
Monday, January 17, 2005
HELEN THE OBNOXIOUS
Helen said "Janey, I've been meaning to talk to you about your language. Did you notice you use the words, 'um,' 'like,' and 'you know' an awful lot. It really bothers me. You see these beautiful, well-dressed women on TV and then you hear these words. I'm saying this to help you because language is so important in your profession.'" It was all I could do keep from saying "well, you know, like, um, fuck you, Helen."
jane@seductive.com
Helen said "Janey, I've been meaning to talk to you about your language. Did you notice you use the words, 'um,' 'like,' and 'you know' an awful lot. It really bothers me. You see these beautiful, well-dressed women on TV and then you hear these words. I'm saying this to help you because language is so important in your profession.'" It was all I could do keep from saying "well, you know, like, um, fuck you, Helen."
jane@seductive.com
I HAD A DREAM
Today is Martin Luther King Day. As I am not black, I have been freelancing at this place for almost four years don't get holiday pay and I need the money, I am working.
I did have a dream this morning or last night in which I left about three thousand dollars in cash and uncashed checks in the pocket of my shorts.
janedoe@seductive.com
Today is Martin Luther King Day. As I am not black, I have been freelancing at this place for almost four years don't get holiday pay and I need the money, I am working.
I did have a dream this morning or last night in which I left about three thousand dollars in cash and uncashed checks in the pocket of my shorts.
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, January 16, 2005
A DIFFERENCE IN THE FAMILY
"I still remember the exact location of my car on the day when I realized -- it is a terrible admission -- that Jody's death would not solve all my problems. It was many years ago, and Jody was still quite tiny. He cried constantly, and it seemed to me that none of us would ever be happy again."
from A Difference in the Family by Helen Featherstone
I first read this book when I was an intern at DC 101 and am re-reading it now in wake of my father's death. My father's death has not solved everything, but I realize we will be happy again.
"I still remember the exact location of my car on the day when I realized -- it is a terrible admission -- that Jody's death would not solve all my problems. It was many years ago, and Jody was still quite tiny. He cried constantly, and it seemed to me that none of us would ever be happy again."
from A Difference in the Family by Helen Featherstone
I first read this book when I was an intern at DC 101 and am re-reading it now in wake of my father's death. My father's death has not solved everything, but I realize we will be happy again.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Friday, January 14, 2005
ELEVEN WEEKS
It's been eleven weeks since my father died and the weather has been rather Armageddonish. Not only that, there's talk that the Tsunami is a sign of the End Times everyone's talking about. Went to Foxes -- about a mile away from where I grew up.
Got this ring in memory of Dad.
janedoe@seductive.com
It's been eleven weeks since my father died and the weather has been rather Armageddonish. Not only that, there's talk that the Tsunami is a sign of the End Times everyone's talking about. Went to Foxes -- about a mile away from where I grew up.
Got this ring in memory of Dad.
janedoe@seductive.com
Thursday, January 13, 2005
WHY PEOPLE REFER TO COPS AS PIGS
[Reporters]Where?d you come from? [billy (as roxie)]Mississippi[reporters]And your parents? [billy (as roxie)]Very wealthy.[reporters]Where are they now? [billy (as roxie)]Six feet under.[billy]But she was granted one more start[billy (as roxie)]The convent of the sacred heart![reporters]When?d you get here? [billy (as roxie)]1920[reporters]How old were you? [billy (as roxie)]Don?t remember[reporters]Then what happened? [billy (as roxie)]I met amosAnd he stole my heart awayConvinced me to elope one day[mary sunshine (spoken)]A convent girl! a run-away marriage!Oh, it?s too terrible. you poor, poor dear.[reporters]Who?s fred casely? [billy (as roxie)]My ex-boyfriend.[reporters]Why?d you shoot him? [billy (as roxie)]I was leavin?.[reporters]Was her angry? [billy (as roxie)]Like a madmanStill I said, "fred, move along."[billy]She knew that she was doin? wrong.[reporters]Then describe it.[billy (as roxie)]He came toward me.[reporters]With a pistol? [billy (as roxie)]From my bureau.[reporters]Did you fight him? [billy (as roxie)]Like a tiger.[billy]He had strength and she had none.[billy (as roxie)]And yet we both reached for the gunOh yes, oh yes, oh yes we bothOh yes we bothOh yes, we both reached forThe gun, the gun, the gun, the gunOh yes, we both reached for the gunFor the gun.[billy and reporters]Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they bothOh yes, they bothOh yes, they both reached forThe gun, the gun, the gun, the gun,Oh yes, they both reached for the gunFor the gun.[billy]Understandable. understandableYes, it?s perfectly understandableComprehensible. comprehensibleNot a bit reprehensibleIt?s so defensible![reporters]How?re you feeling? [billy (as roxie)]Very frightened[reporters]Are you sorry? [roxie]Are you kidding? [reporters]What?s you?re statement? [billy (as roxie)]All I?d say isThough my choo-choo jumped the trackI?d give my life to bring him back[reporters]And? [billy (as roxie)]Stay away from[reporters]What? [billy (as roxie)]Jazz and liquor[reporters]And? [billy (as roxie)]And the men who[reporters]What? [billy (as roxie)]Play for fun[reporters]And what? [billy (as roxie)]That?s the thougt that[reporters]Yeah[billy (as roxie)]Came upon me[reporters]When? [billy (as roxie)]When we both reached for the gun![mary sunshine]Understandable, understandable[billy and mary sunshine]Yes, it?s perfectly understandableComprehensible, comprehensibleNot a bit reprehensibleIt?s so defensible![billy (spoken)]Let meHear it![reporters]Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they bothOh yes, they bothOh yes, they both reached forThe gun, the gun, the gun,The gunOh yes, they both reachedFor the gun[billy (spoken)]A little louder![reporters]For the gun.Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they bothOh yes, they bothOh yes, they both reachedFor the gun, the gun,[billy (spoken)]Now you got it![reporters]The gun,the gunOh yes. they both reachedFor the gunFor the gun.[billy and reporters]Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they bothOh yes, they bothOh yes, they both reached forThe gun, the gun, the gun,the gunOh yes, they both reached for the gun.Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they bothOh yes, they bothOh yes, reached forThe gun, the gun, the gun,the gunThe gun, the gun, the gun,the gunThe gun, the gun, the gun,the gunThe gun, the gun, the gun,the gun.[billy]Both reached for the...gun[reporters]The gun, the gun, the gun,the gunThe gun, the gun, the gun,the gunThe gun, the gun, the gun,the gunThe gun, the gun, the gun,the gunBoth reached for the gun.
From the Chicago soundtrack by Fred Ebb and Bob Fosse
Got nailed in traffic court. Damn cop showed up. After I was found guilty I walked behind the cop and coughed "eat me" into my hand. The one consolation was the judge threw the book at a 17-year-old kid for going 77 mph in a 45 mph zone in his parents' Beamer. One afternoon I had one of the pigs in my lap and a DC cop drove by. I said "look, baby, another pig."
[Reporters]Where?d you come from? [billy (as roxie)]Mississippi[reporters]And your parents? [billy (as roxie)]Very wealthy.[reporters]Where are they now? [billy (as roxie)]Six feet under.[billy]But she was granted one more start[billy (as roxie)]The convent of the sacred heart![reporters]When?d you get here? [billy (as roxie)]1920[reporters]How old were you? [billy (as roxie)]Don?t remember[reporters]Then what happened? [billy (as roxie)]I met amosAnd he stole my heart awayConvinced me to elope one day[mary sunshine (spoken)]A convent girl! a run-away marriage!Oh, it?s too terrible. you poor, poor dear.[reporters]Who?s fred casely? [billy (as roxie)]My ex-boyfriend.[reporters]Why?d you shoot him? [billy (as roxie)]I was leavin?.[reporters]Was her angry? [billy (as roxie)]Like a madmanStill I said, "fred, move along."[billy]She knew that she was doin? wrong.[reporters]Then describe it.[billy (as roxie)]He came toward me.[reporters]With a pistol? [billy (as roxie)]From my bureau.[reporters]Did you fight him? [billy (as roxie)]Like a tiger.[billy]He had strength and she had none.[billy (as roxie)]And yet we both reached for the gunOh yes, oh yes, oh yes we bothOh yes we bothOh yes, we both reached forThe gun, the gun, the gun, the gunOh yes, we both reached for the gunFor the gun.[billy and reporters]Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they bothOh yes, they bothOh yes, they both reached forThe gun, the gun, the gun, the gun,Oh yes, they both reached for the gunFor the gun.[billy]Understandable. understandableYes, it?s perfectly understandableComprehensible. comprehensibleNot a bit reprehensibleIt?s so defensible![reporters]How?re you feeling? [billy (as roxie)]Very frightened[reporters]Are you sorry? [roxie]Are you kidding? [reporters]What?s you?re statement? [billy (as roxie)]All I?d say isThough my choo-choo jumped the trackI?d give my life to bring him back[reporters]And? [billy (as roxie)]Stay away from[reporters]What? [billy (as roxie)]Jazz and liquor[reporters]And? [billy (as roxie)]And the men who[reporters]What? [billy (as roxie)]Play for fun[reporters]And what? [billy (as roxie)]That?s the thougt that[reporters]Yeah[billy (as roxie)]Came upon me[reporters]When? [billy (as roxie)]When we both reached for the gun![mary sunshine]Understandable, understandable[billy and mary sunshine]Yes, it?s perfectly understandableComprehensible, comprehensibleNot a bit reprehensibleIt?s so defensible![billy (spoken)]Let meHear it![reporters]Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they bothOh yes, they bothOh yes, they both reached forThe gun, the gun, the gun,The gunOh yes, they both reachedFor the gun[billy (spoken)]A little louder![reporters]For the gun.Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they bothOh yes, they bothOh yes, they both reachedFor the gun, the gun,[billy (spoken)]Now you got it![reporters]The gun,the gunOh yes. they both reachedFor the gunFor the gun.[billy and reporters]Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they bothOh yes, they bothOh yes, they both reached forThe gun, the gun, the gun,the gunOh yes, they both reached for the gun.Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they bothOh yes, they bothOh yes, reached forThe gun, the gun, the gun,the gunThe gun, the gun, the gun,the gunThe gun, the gun, the gun,the gunThe gun, the gun, the gun,the gun.[billy]Both reached for the...gun[reporters]The gun, the gun, the gun,the gunThe gun, the gun, the gun,the gunThe gun, the gun, the gun,the gunThe gun, the gun, the gun,the gunBoth reached for the gun.
From the Chicago soundtrack by Fred Ebb and Bob Fosse
Got nailed in traffic court. Damn cop showed up. After I was found guilty I walked behind the cop and coughed "eat me" into my hand. The one consolation was the judge threw the book at a 17-year-old kid for going 77 mph in a 45 mph zone in his parents' Beamer. One afternoon I had one of the pigs in my lap and a DC cop drove by. I said "look, baby, another pig."
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
WE HAVE NO SONGS
Newschannel 8 reports WHFS has changed to a Spanish-language format. The old joke was WHFS stands for "we have four songs."
janedoe@seductive.com
Newschannel 8 reports WHFS has changed to a Spanish-language format. The old joke was WHFS stands for "we have four songs."
janedoe@seductive.com
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Monday, January 10, 2005
ONE CAN BUY ANYTHING OVER THE INTERNET
Even a pig. If sheep are your thing, click here.
janedoe@seductive.com
Even a pig. If sheep are your thing, click here.
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, January 09, 2005
NUNS ON EXHIBIT
The John Paul II Cultural Center is holding a Nuns in America exhibit. Sorry, that's too weird for me.
The John Paul II Cultural Center is holding a Nuns in America exhibit. Sorry, that's too weird for me.
Saturday, January 08, 2005
HE HAD IT COMING
Welcome To The Cell Block Tango! (Jazz Music)
[LIZ]Pop!
[ANNIE]Six!
[JUNE]Squish!
[HUNYAK]Uh Uh (squeezing necklace)
[VELMA]Cicero (Smoke puffs)
[MONA]Lipschitz!
[LIZ]Pop!
[ANNIE]Six!
[JUNE]Squish!
[HUNYAK]Uh Uh (squeezing necklace)
[VELMA]Cicero (smoke puffs)
[MONA]Lipschitz!
[LIZ]Pop!
[ANNIE]Six!
[JUNE]Squish!
[HUNYAK]Uh Uh (squeezing necklace)
[VELMA]Cicero (smoke puffs)
[MONA]Lipschitz!
[ALL]He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
[VELMA]I betcha you would have done the same!
[LIZ]Pop!
[ANNIE]Six!
[JUNE]Squish!
[HUNYAK]Uh Uh (squeezing necklace)
[VELMA]Cicero (smoke puffs)
[MONA]Lipschitz!
[LIZ (Spoken)]You know how peoplehave these little habits
That get you down.
Like Bernie. Bernie like to chew gum.
No, not chew. POP.
Well, I came home this one day
And I am really irritated, and looking for a little sympathy
And there's Bernie layin'on the couch, drinkin' a beer
and chewin'. No, not chewin'. Poppin'. So, I said to him,
I said, "Bernie, you pop that gum on more time....then I fired two warning shots...into his head.
[GIRLS]He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!
[ANNIE (Spoken)]I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake City
about two years ago and he told me he was single
and we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He'd go to work, he'd come home,
I'd mix him a drink, We'd have dinner.
Well, it was like heaven in two and a half rooms.
And then I found out,"Single" he told me? Single, my ass.
Not only was he married...oh, no, he had six wives.
One of those Mormons, you know.
So that night, when he came home, I mixed himhis drink as usual.
You know, some guys just can't holdtheir arsenic.
[LIZ,ANNIE,JUNE,MONA]Hah! He had it coming
He had it coming
He took a flower In its prime
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!
[VELMA AND HUNYAK]Pop, six, squish, uh-uhCicero, Lipschitz
[JUNE (Spoken)]Now, I'm standing in the kitchen
carvin' up the chicken for dinner,minding my own business,
and in storms my husband Wilbur, in a jealous rage.
"You been screwin' the milkman,"he says.
He was crazy and he kept screamin',"you been screwin the milkman."
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times!
[ALL]If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
[HUNYAK (Spoken)]Mit keresek, én itt? Azt mondják,hogy a hÃres lakem lefogta a férjemet én meg lecsaptam a fejét. De nem igaz, én ártatlan vagyok. Nem tudom miért mondja Uncle Sam, hogy én tettem. Probáltama rendõrségen megmagyarázni de nem értették meg...
[JUNE (Spoken)]Yeah, but di you do it?
[HUNYAK]UH UH, not guilty!
[VELMA]My sister, Veronica and I did this double act and my husband,
Charlie,used to travel round with us.
Now, for the last number in our act, we did these 20 acrobatic one two three four, five...splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other.
Well, this one night we were in Cicero,
the three of us, sittin' up in a hotel room,
boozin' and havin' a few laughs and we ran out of ice.
So I went out to get some.
I come back, open the door and there's Veronica andCharlie doing
Number Seventeen-the spread eagle.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out.
I can't remember a thing.
It wasn't until later,
when I was washing the blood off my hands
I even knew they were dead.
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming all along
I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
[VELMA]They had it coming
[GIRLS]They had it coming
[VELMA]They had it coming
[GIRLS]They had it coming
[VELMA]They had it coming
[GIRLS]They took a flower
[VELMA]All along
[GIRLS]In its prime
[VELMA]I didn't do it
[GIRLS]And then they used it
[VELMA]But if I'd done it
[GIRLS]And they abused it
[VELMA]How could you tell me
[GIRLS]It was a murder
[VELMA]That I was wrong?
[GIRLS]But not a crime!
[MONA]I loved Alvin Lipschitz more than I can possibly say.
He was a real artistic guy...sensitive... a painter.
But he was troubled.
He was always trying to find himself.
He'd go out every night looking for himself
and on the way he found Ruth,Gladys,Rosemary and Irving.
I guess you can say we broke up because or artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive
and I saw him dead.
[ALL]The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]They had it comin'
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]They had it comin'
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]They had it comin'
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]They had it comin'
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]They had it comin'
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]They had it comin'
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]All along
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK] All along
'Cause if they used us
'Cause if they used us
And they abused us
And they abused us
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]How could you tell us
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]How could you tell us
That we were wrong?
That we were wrong?
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had Himself
To blame.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha
You would
Have done
The same!
[LIZ (Spoken)]You pop that gum one more time!
[ANNIE (spoken)]Single my ass.
[JUNE (Spoken)]Ten times!
[HUNYAK (Spoken)]Miert csukott Uncle Sam bortonbe.
[VELMA (Spoken)]Number seventeen-the spread eagle.
[MONA (Spoken)]Artistic differences.
[ALL]I betcha you would have done the same!
by Fred Ebb and Bob Fosse
Rented the Chicago soundtrack from Blockbuster. No matter how heinous, none of the men I dated deserved to die, at least not by my hand. The Hunyak left the biggest impression on me. There are some blond Hungarians, my mom being one. She also reminded me of my grandmother with her rosary.
Welcome To The Cell Block Tango! (Jazz Music)
[LIZ]Pop!
[ANNIE]Six!
[JUNE]Squish!
[HUNYAK]Uh Uh (squeezing necklace)
[VELMA]Cicero (Smoke puffs)
[MONA]Lipschitz!
[LIZ]Pop!
[ANNIE]Six!
[JUNE]Squish!
[HUNYAK]Uh Uh (squeezing necklace)
[VELMA]Cicero (smoke puffs)
[MONA]Lipschitz!
[LIZ]Pop!
[ANNIE]Six!
[JUNE]Squish!
[HUNYAK]Uh Uh (squeezing necklace)
[VELMA]Cicero (smoke puffs)
[MONA]Lipschitz!
[ALL]He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
[VELMA]I betcha you would have done the same!
[LIZ]Pop!
[ANNIE]Six!
[JUNE]Squish!
[HUNYAK]Uh Uh (squeezing necklace)
[VELMA]Cicero (smoke puffs)
[MONA]Lipschitz!
[LIZ (Spoken)]You know how peoplehave these little habits
That get you down.
Like Bernie. Bernie like to chew gum.
No, not chew. POP.
Well, I came home this one day
And I am really irritated, and looking for a little sympathy
And there's Bernie layin'on the couch, drinkin' a beer
and chewin'. No, not chewin'. Poppin'. So, I said to him,
I said, "Bernie, you pop that gum on more time....then I fired two warning shots...into his head.
[GIRLS]He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!
[ANNIE (Spoken)]I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake City
about two years ago and he told me he was single
and we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He'd go to work, he'd come home,
I'd mix him a drink, We'd have dinner.
Well, it was like heaven in two and a half rooms.
And then I found out,"Single" he told me? Single, my ass.
Not only was he married...oh, no, he had six wives.
One of those Mormons, you know.
So that night, when he came home, I mixed himhis drink as usual.
You know, some guys just can't holdtheir arsenic.
[LIZ,ANNIE,JUNE,MONA]Hah! He had it coming
He had it coming
He took a flower In its prime
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!
[VELMA AND HUNYAK]Pop, six, squish, uh-uhCicero, Lipschitz
[JUNE (Spoken)]Now, I'm standing in the kitchen
carvin' up the chicken for dinner,minding my own business,
and in storms my husband Wilbur, in a jealous rage.
"You been screwin' the milkman,"he says.
He was crazy and he kept screamin',"you been screwin the milkman."
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times!
[ALL]If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
[HUNYAK (Spoken)]Mit keresek, én itt? Azt mondják,hogy a hÃres lakem lefogta a férjemet én meg lecsaptam a fejét. De nem igaz, én ártatlan vagyok. Nem tudom miért mondja Uncle Sam, hogy én tettem. Probáltama rendõrségen megmagyarázni de nem értették meg...
[JUNE (Spoken)]Yeah, but di you do it?
[HUNYAK]UH UH, not guilty!
[VELMA]My sister, Veronica and I did this double act and my husband,
Charlie,used to travel round with us.
Now, for the last number in our act, we did these 20 acrobatic one two three four, five...splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other.
Well, this one night we were in Cicero,
the three of us, sittin' up in a hotel room,
boozin' and havin' a few laughs and we ran out of ice.
So I went out to get some.
I come back, open the door and there's Veronica andCharlie doing
Number Seventeen-the spread eagle.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out.
I can't remember a thing.
It wasn't until later,
when I was washing the blood off my hands
I even knew they were dead.
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming all along
I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
[VELMA]They had it coming
[GIRLS]They had it coming
[VELMA]They had it coming
[GIRLS]They had it coming
[VELMA]They had it coming
[GIRLS]They took a flower
[VELMA]All along
[GIRLS]In its prime
[VELMA]I didn't do it
[GIRLS]And then they used it
[VELMA]But if I'd done it
[GIRLS]And they abused it
[VELMA]How could you tell me
[GIRLS]It was a murder
[VELMA]That I was wrong?
[GIRLS]But not a crime!
[MONA]I loved Alvin Lipschitz more than I can possibly say.
He was a real artistic guy...sensitive... a painter.
But he was troubled.
He was always trying to find himself.
He'd go out every night looking for himself
and on the way he found Ruth,Gladys,Rosemary and Irving.
I guess you can say we broke up because or artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive
and I saw him dead.
[ALL]The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]They had it comin'
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]They had it comin'
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]They had it comin'
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]They had it comin'
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]They had it comin'
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]They had it comin'
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]All along
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK] All along
'Cause if they used us
'Cause if they used us
And they abused us
And they abused us
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]How could you tell us
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]How could you tell us
That we were wrong?
That we were wrong?
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had Himself
To blame.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha
You would
Have done
The same!
[LIZ (Spoken)]You pop that gum one more time!
[ANNIE (spoken)]Single my ass.
[JUNE (Spoken)]Ten times!
[HUNYAK (Spoken)]Miert csukott Uncle Sam bortonbe.
[VELMA (Spoken)]Number seventeen-the spread eagle.
[MONA (Spoken)]Artistic differences.
[ALL]I betcha you would have done the same!
by Fred Ebb and Bob Fosse
Rented the Chicago soundtrack from Blockbuster. No matter how heinous, none of the men I dated deserved to die, at least not by my hand. The Hunyak left the biggest impression on me. There are some blond Hungarians, my mom being one. She also reminded me of my grandmother with her rosary.
THE TONE SHOW
This morning coordinates were messed up so we got network tone for the better part of one hour. I warned the chief engineer about this and he told me everything would be alright. It wasn't. Dan suggests we promote it as "the tone hour" for people to tune musical instruments by. Another idea would be to tell people this is government mind control but a lot of our listeners don't have much of a sense of humor and I like having a job.
This morning coordinates were messed up so we got network tone for the better part of one hour. I warned the chief engineer about this and he told me everything would be alright. It wasn't. Dan suggests we promote it as "the tone hour" for people to tune musical instruments by. Another idea would be to tell people this is government mind control but a lot of our listeners don't have much of a sense of humor and I like having a job.
Friday, January 07, 2005
ROSEMARY KENNEDY DIES
CNN reports Rosemary Kennedy died. It was on a Friday, just like my father and Jesus. One night I told Bohannon Rose Kennedy never forgave Joe for having Rosemary lobotomized. Bohannon's answer was "nor should she have."
janedoe@seductive.com
CNN reports Rosemary Kennedy died. It was on a Friday, just like my father and Jesus. One night I told Bohannon Rose Kennedy never forgave Joe for having Rosemary lobotomized. Bohannon's answer was "nor should she have."
janedoe@seductive.com
SPLITSVILLE
Channel 7 reports Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston are calling it quits.
janedoe@seductive.com
Channel 7 reports Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston are calling it quits.
janedoe@seductive.com
BRUTALLY HONEST
"I dialed a wrong number and got the following recording: 'I am not available right now, but I thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.'"
--Contributed to "Life in These United States" by Antonio Curtis from the Daily Inbox
janedoe@seductive.com
"I dialed a wrong number and got the following recording: 'I am not available right now, but I thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.'"
--Contributed to "Life in These United States" by Antonio Curtis from the Daily Inbox
janedoe@seductive.com
ANOTHER REASON I NEVER GOT MARRIED
I got the following e-mail from a Catholic dating service, whose name I will not mention:
"dear Jane
I am like your profile. I am free many things. I like friend have her life when are date need other people because all life change handing some people. What happen with you? What recent is saw went movie?"
Dan sez the guy sounds like Yoda.
janedoe@seductive.com
I got the following e-mail from a Catholic dating service, whose name I will not mention:
"dear Jane
I am like your profile. I am free many things. I like friend have her life when are date need other people because all life change handing some people. What happen with you? What recent is saw went movie?"
Dan sez the guy sounds like Yoda.
janedoe@seductive.com
TEN WEEKS
It's been twelve weeks since my father died. Tim says when his mother died he cried so hard he thought he would damage his eyes. Is that medically possible?
janedoe@seductive.com
It's been twelve weeks since my father died. Tim says when his mother died he cried so hard he thought he would damage his eyes. Is that medically possible?
janedoe@seductive.com
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE TO REMIND ME
Went to Foxes Music last night. It's about a mile from the house I grew up in.
janedoe@seductive.com
Went to Foxes Music last night. It's about a mile from the house I grew up in.
janedoe@seductive.com
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Monday, January 03, 2005
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE BACK?
Started back at work full (or three-quarter) throttle today. Some pig owners feel the same way. Went to Laura for a reading.
janedoe@seductive.com
Started back at work full (or three-quarter) throttle today. Some pig owners feel the same way. Went to Laura for a reading.
janedoe@seductive.com
ROSARYMART
Yeah, that's what it's called, Rosarymart. And we wonder why people make fun of us. Saw a guy on TV with a rosary this morning and realized I hadn't seen mine in a while. It has to be somewhere, but I figured it's okay to get myself a new one every 25 to 30 years.
janedoe@seductive.com
Yeah, that's what it's called, Rosarymart. And we wonder why people make fun of us. Saw a guy on TV with a rosary this morning and realized I hadn't seen mine in a while. It has to be somewhere, but I figured it's okay to get myself a new one every 25 to 30 years.
janedoe@seductive.com
JANE HAUTANEN ALIVE
Since so many of my posts seem to contain the word "dead," I thought I would accentuate the positive.
janedoe@seductive.com
Since so many of my posts seem to contain the word "dead," I thought I would accentuate the positive.
janedoe@seductive.com
SHIRLEY CHISHOLM DEAD
Shirley Chisholm, the first black woman elected to Congress, died this weekend. Another one of my interviewees dead.
janedoe@seductive.com
Shirley Chisholm, the first black woman elected to Congress, died this weekend. Another one of my interviewees dead.
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, January 02, 2005
WHAT I ATE
My late father said it was good luck to eat pork New Year's Day. George sez eat Chinese food, Hope sez Chinese people say eat noodles to bring riches (not sure whether that applies to Chinese or American new year). So for breakfast yesterday I had a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit from Mac's and for dinner I had pork lo mein. Figure I have all bases covered that way. Like you really care about what I eat, anyway.
The temperature was up to about 69 degrees downtown. Maybe that's God's way of saying "I'm sorry."
My late father said it was good luck to eat pork New Year's Day. George sez eat Chinese food, Hope sez Chinese people say eat noodles to bring riches (not sure whether that applies to Chinese or American new year). So for breakfast yesterday I had a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit from Mac's and for dinner I had pork lo mein. Figure I have all bases covered that way. Like you really care about what I eat, anyway.
The temperature was up to about 69 degrees downtown. Maybe that's God's way of saying "I'm sorry."
Saturday, January 01, 2005
SOMETHING ELSE NICE
A pig named Sophie gave birth to three piglets yesterday, just in time for the new year. Sophie's owner's niece gave birth to a human baby on the 30th. I know it's trite, but with so many people getting sick, hurt, dying, losing their jobs, homes etc, this is refreshing.
A pig named Sophie gave birth to three piglets yesterday, just in time for the new year. Sophie's owner's niece gave birth to a human baby on the 30th. I know it's trite, but with so many people getting sick, hurt, dying, losing their jobs, homes etc, this is refreshing.
FUNNY
Whenever I mention your name, or even vaguely refer to you I can still see people's eyebrows go up. It's been almost a year since you told me to forget I ever met you. Lillian gave me a bottle of Lily of the Valley shower gel for Christmas. She told me to use it before I see someone special. Interesting how people try to get details out of you. Helen did the same thing a couple months ago.
Whenever I mention your name, or even vaguely refer to you I can still see people's eyebrows go up. It's been almost a year since you told me to forget I ever met you. Lillian gave me a bottle of Lily of the Valley shower gel for Christmas. She told me to use it before I see someone special. Interesting how people try to get details out of you. Helen did the same thing a couple months ago.
CIRCUMCISION
Today is the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God, formerly the Circumcision of Our Lord. When I was a kid it was simply marked in calendars and prayer books as "circumcision." Imagine explaining that to a little Catholic kid, especially a girl. My Unitarian ex and I were discussion the merits of circumcision, from a purely medical/religious point of view. I told him "the last guy I went out with was Jewish. He's been circumcised. I've seen it. I liked it."
Today is the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God, formerly the Circumcision of Our Lord. When I was a kid it was simply marked in calendars and prayer books as "circumcision." Imagine explaining that to a little Catholic kid, especially a girl. My Unitarian ex and I were discussion the merits of circumcision, from a purely medical/religious point of view. I told him "the last guy I went out with was Jewish. He's been circumcised. I've seen it. I liked it."
