Tuesday, November 29, 2005

THANKSGIVING #1

Thanksgiving is #1 of the latest Lycos 5o.

Monday, November 28, 2005

DEAD MAN FARTING

I changed the title of my November 18th post from "People in Comas" to "Dead Man Farting." Brandilynn says that's some of her best material -- bloaty dead people.

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, November 27, 2005

PENIS VAN LESBIAN

Is more attention-grabbing than Dick Van Dyke. But then it's not as family-friendly, either. George's late brother-in-law was named Donald but everyone called him "Don," however, no one refers to Donald Duck as "Don Duck." Come to think of it, no one refers to Mickey Mouse as "Michael Mouse" or "Raymond McMouse" or whatever his real name is.
ADVENT, ADVENT

Today is the first Sunday of Advent. This year I don't have the energy to put together an advent wreath. I have purple candle from Tammy's wedding and the holder from the Yahrzeit candle purchased on November 23rd. In the spirit of interfaith cooperation and lack of energy on my part I am putting the one purple candle in the Yahrzeit holder and burning it for a few minutes each Sunday in Advent. Forget about having a tree.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

BLACK FRIDAY

WTOP says it was a gray Friday. Stores were full, but evidently people weren't spending as much. In some cities people came to blows over laptops. My father would have said "what horseshit."

Friday, November 25, 2005

PIE MAKES THE WORLD GO 'ROUND

In addition to the dinners he brought a frozen pumpkin pie and a homemade apple pie his wife had made. No one had touched either so about 21 hours later so I figured they were fair game. I took the Saran wrap off the apple pie and OMFG, I c an't remember the last time I had a pie like this. I was gonna bring Cool Whip or something like it but I forgot. It didn't matter. It didn't need Cool Whip, ice cream, sauce or anything of that persuasion. That's how good it was. Ruth makes one like this, with vanillla instead of cinnamon. I think it's a French thing. It is out of this world. There is nothing like homemade crust, either. A couple days before he died Dad told Mom he wanted Ruth's apple pie so she made one. A good thing, too, it was the last pie he ever ate. There was still some left when I flew into Florida the next day.

janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, November 24, 2005

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE

"It's a sucky life and just when you think it can't suck any more it does."

Phoebe Buffay on Friends

Well, this morning I was sitting there at work thinking I am the most miserable person in DC and this is the worst Thanksgiving ever. Last year my boss told me to give him the receipt for my dinner and he would reimburse me. This year he didn’t mention it so I figure he had had an attack of the cheaps. I kept my KFC receipt anyway. Then, at around three AM, bossman, who is not a touchy-feely guy, show up with NINE turkey dinners. He thought everything, even butter for the rolls. The turkey was cut into slices, rolled and each roll was filled with stuffing. I thought “what’s he doing, bringing burritos for Thanksgiving.” Then I realized he really HAD thought of everything. I have not been so touched by a gesture in a long time. I felt like George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life, except I am not Donna Reed and I am not Married to Jimmy Stewart. Maybe it won’t be the worst Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year after all.
THINGS FOR WHICH I AM THANKFUL

I realized
last year I didn't list anything for which I am thankful. Gee, what an ungrateful little wench I am.

This year I am grateful :

That no family members or pigs have died within the last four months.
That Mom and her siblings and Dad’s four sisters are all in reasonably good health.
That Peppy and the pigs are healthy.
That I am healthy even though I have to drag myself out of bed.
That I have a place to live and will for about the next 27 or 28 years. I do not have to answer classified ads or deal with rental agents, roommates or landlords.
That my career has not gone any farther downhill and that things may be actually looking up. For people like Catherine who live within walking distance and offer to meet me for a drink on Thanksgiving or my birthday.
LIVING ON A PRAYER

If you need a good prayer to say before dinner, here is one:

"Bless us, O, Lord, and these thy gifts which we are about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, amen."

If you have issues with Jesus, just say "Bless us, O, Lord, and these thy gifts which we are about to receive from thy bounty. Amen."

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

YAHRZEIT

I have what the Jews call "yahrzeit," or "time of year." Actually according to the Hebrew calendar it was last week, but I'm not Jewish anyway. When I was about 12 Mom found out you could make cool things with Yahrzeit candles. That year everyone got made-over Pringles Potato Chip containers with Rokeach candles inside. The Giant closest to me was closed so I drove to the Kosher Mart in Rockville. Inflation being what it is the candles are smaller, but they did the trick. I put it on top of the TV over the pigpen, right in front of a tryptic of Our Lady, Baby Jesus and a bunch of angels.

janedoe@seductive.com
FOOD AND FRIENDS

Food and Friends still needs apple and pumpkin pies to deliver to people tomorrow. You can drop them off at their location in Northeast DC.

janedoe@seductive.com
BLOGGER FUCKED UP

Blogger is too fucked up to properly link to my pig page so I'm going shopping.

janedoe@seductive.com
MATTERS OF THE HEART

Made an appointment to see the cardiologist because I'm due for one. I am also due for a tooth-cleaning and a follow-up mammography but I have decided to pick my pain. The cardiologist is the least painful and humiliating.

janedoe@seductive.com
CAN YOU READ THIS?

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

TOODLES TO TED

Tonight is Ted Koppel's final Nightline broadcast. He's been doing it for 25 years. Makes me feel old. Must make him feel REALLY old.
THANKSGIVING #1

Thanksgiving is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.
DON'T FUCK WITH ME

I have had it up to here and I am not in the mood for it.

Monday, November 21, 2005

UNIVERSALLY PISSED OFF

Nurgle has a great expression "universally pissed." One of my elementary/high school classmates writes "I read your blog almost every day. I need to get a life." Uh, thanks.

janedoe@seductive.com
SIT ON A HAPPY FACE

That's what I feel like telling about 99 percent of most people I run into. I am still angry and depressed about having to work over the holidays, but time and a half lessens the blow a little. It's not having to work so much as the fact that no one appreciates it. If I had thought I would be training for a new job at my age and having to work over the holidays I would have had more fun in college. As I am not a hurricane victim no one will deliver a free turkey dinner or CD player to my home, so I will probably end up reheating a take-out dinner from
KFC or microwaving a TV dinner at work. I can identify with that guy Dominick Maldonado in Tacoma who said "The world will feel my anger." This morning after work I bought myself a cheerful hot pink lipstick for $1.05 at CVS so I can at least PUT on a happy face.

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, November 20, 2005

NOBODY LISTENS

Which is depressing. Which is why I get depressed.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

THEY MAKE GREAT GIFTS

The new Smooth Jazz CD is out and benefits the Washington Jazz Arts Institute. Here I am with Grooms and Santos. I am the "friend."
OH, BETTY, WHERE ART THOU?

No, I haven't "turned homo" as one of my Catholic school friends termed it, although it does seem like a more and more viable alternative. I am sitting on the couch in front of the TV eating Betty Crocker milk chocolate frosting right out of the can. I will be like Goldie Hawn in Death Becomes Her.
AAAAAAHHHHHH

Slept more than 12 hours. Can't remember the last time I did that.

Now I am craving bacon.

Friday, November 18, 2005

DEAD MAN FARTING

Mom tells me people in comas fart. Brandilynn says so do bloaty dead people. As I don't deal with either much I will have to take their word for it.

janedoe@seductive.com
WALK THE LINE

The Johnny Cash biopic with Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon opens today. I remember the day Johnny died -- I was running the board at WMAL.

janedoe@seductive.com
SOME RELIEF

For the first time since October 15th, or maybe 14th, I have the day off. I don't have to be anywhere till midnight Sunday. I plan to spend the day eating, drinking and sleeping.

janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, November 17, 2005

CRAPPY HOLIDAYS

Not only am I gonna have to work 13 hours Thanksgiving Day, I have to work the Friday and Saturday after, possibly Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. This is gonna be the worst Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year ever. The only consolation is I can hit the shops immediately the Friday morning after Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

POKER #1

Poker is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.
CELL PHONE BANK ROBBER ARRESTED

WTOP reports police arrested 19-year-old Candice Rose Martinez in Centreville this morning.

Monday, November 14, 2005

ARMED AND DANGEROUS

One of the biggest stories around here (it even made the networks) is one about a woman going around robbing banks talking on her cell phone the whole time. One of the banks she's accused of robbing is near where I grew up and went to high school. At least one time she allegedly showed the teller a gun. I can well imagine how he/she felt.

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, November 13, 2005

GONNA TRY SOMETHING

Image hosted by TinyPic.com

Hey, it worked! This is what I look like. This is me at George and Hope's wedding.
REINVENTING ONESELF

A local Goodwill spot has a guy talking about how he was shot and paralyzed as a result. He was a forklift operator and obviously couldn't go back to work so Goodwill re-trained him in computers. He says he's now doing better than he was before but he wouldn't recommend getting shot as a way to self-improvement. Neither would I. I guess it is possible to reinvent oneself.
PARIS BURNING

George Noory's guest says Nostradamus predicted the burning of Paris. When you Google "Paris" you get a lot of "Paris Hilton." Roger doesn't think she's very pretty. Mom says "isn't she kind of a slut?"
ANOTHER REASON I NEVER GOT MARRIED

Because of men who send me e-mails like this: "I don't recall that. You'll have to be more specific. I don't know what "prfc" stands for. My previous email pretty much said what had to be said as far as I was concerned. I'm an unadorned and fairly raw personality. I don't put on pretenses for anybody...By your response I infer you have no further interest in me. That is fine. I have no time for snobs. I apologized and stressed I was willing to listen to you and correct myself. Apparently this meant nothing to you as your only reply was to mention another equally inappropriate comment I made. I'm willing to listen to you but apparently you aren't willing to reciprocate. Find men who are willing or adept at playing "the game" of dating..the pretense...the different costumes...etc. I don't have the inclination for it. I'm myself. Go get a phoney for your baloney."

This guy lived in subsidized housing on disability payments. Our one "date" was in a food court. I had a diet soda, he had water. It was Dutch.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

SURVIVOR

Well, I survived the "informal gathering" with boys, now men, who made my life miserable in high school and elementary school telling me I looked great and to call them. I also surived Veterans Day, but could not stop thinking about my father. He was a veteran and he died on a Friday. Also, my darling Lightning died on a Friday. A guy on WTOP was talking about how spending the day with his corpsmates (corpsmen) was important to him. I guess they're like classmates. A TV anchor guy said there are 25 million veterans in America. As war is part of our nature, veterans will not be an endangered species.

Friday, November 11, 2005

A FINE DAY FOR A REUNION

When my Uncle Sonny blew back into town
Said I'll just go for a ride and have a look 'round
He took off his fedora and stuck his fingers in the crown
And he pulled out twenty dollarsAnd he laid that money down
He called out to a taxi cab
Take me down to Central Park
And keep that meter runnin' to the twenty dollar mark
And he kept his eyes turned forward
And he sat up straight and tall
And no one even noticed him, no one cared at all
It's a fine, fine day for a reunion
It's a fine, fine day for comin' home
You did your sittin', you did hard time
But you ain't gonna sit no more
They can't keep you there no moreIt's a fine, fine day
And nothin's gonna take you, nothin's gonna take you away
It's a fine, fine day, oh yeah
First time I saw Sonny, I was just about this tall
He always made my momma kinda crazy when he'd call
Him and my old man would stand and whisper in the hall
Then they'd dissappear and maybe not come home at all
Then one day Sonny stopped comin' around
Heard he'd gotten himself into a little trouble out in town
Sometime after that he finally disappeared for good
Then he pulled that ol' Houdini
Like we always knew he would
It's a fine, fine day for a reunion
It's a fine, fine day for comin' home
You did your sittin', you did hard time
But you ain't gonna sit no more
They can't keep you there no more
It's a fine, fine day, oh yeah
And nothin's gonna take you
Nothin's gonna take you away, oh yeah
It's a fine, fine day, fine day
It's a fine, fine day, fine day
It's a fine, fine day, fine dayI see you made it back all right, all right
I see you're none the worse for wear
It's been a long time comin'
Nothin's gonna drag you away from here
A fine, fine day
And nothin's gonna take it, nothin's gonna take you away
Oh yeah
A fine, fine day, oh yeah
A fine, fine day
A fine, fine day
And nothin's gonna take you
Nothin's gonna take you away, away
A fine, fine day, fine day
A fine, fine day

by Tony Carey

It's a fine day for a high school reunion but we're not having one, just an "informal get-together."
Unfortunately I think I do look worse for the wear, at least I weigh less than I did four years ago.

janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, November 10, 2005

PARANOIA

It's 51 degrees outside but it's supposed to feel colder because of the wind we're supposed to have. It was already blowing when I left work this morning. For some reason I am feeeling paranoid -- maybe because this is what the weather was like when
Lightning died. The night before he died I took a class at First Class and I am scheduled to take one tonight -- also Dad, Grandma and Aunt Mary died right after I took classes there. Even though I have not had enough sleep in the past couple days I still can't sleep despite two generic cold and flu night time capsules. There is no logical reason for this -- the pigs are fine and things are looking up careerwise and relationshipwise although there is nothing I can hang onto yet.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

I HAD A DREAM

Dreamt I was at my high school -- it was more beautiful and luxurious than I remembered. The principal asks me to bring him some ice tea and I wonder whether it is a regular ice tea or Long Island ice tea. I wander around the school and forget it, then feel terrible. My uniform still fits even though I weigh more than 40 pounds more than I did then. I am determined to "do it right this time" because I feel there is something lacking in my life. In a waking state I realize it's silly to re-do things that happened over 20 years ago. This is the not the first time I have had such a dream. It could be because my graduating class is having an "informal get-togther" Friday night. We are not having a real "reunion" this year.

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

HALLOWEEN #1

Halloween is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

Monday, November 07, 2005

VOTE EARLY AND OFTEN

Oops, wrong state. Virginians elect a new governor tomorrow. The choices are between incumbent Democratic Lieutenant Governor Tim Kaine and Republican Jerry Kilgore. The fun doesn't start in Maryland until next year.

janedoe@seductive.com
LEAVE OF ABSENCE

"Ich sitze am Straßenrand
der Fahrer wechselt das Rad.
Ich bin nicht gern, wo ich herkomme.
Ich bin nicht gern, wo ich hinfahre.
Warum sehe ich den Radwechsel
Mit Ungeduld?"


The Tire Change

I sit on the edge of the road
The driver changes the tire.
I don't like where I came from.
I don't like where I'm going
Why do I watch the tire change with impatience?

No, I haven't taken a leave of absence from this blog. I found out I can't work four jobs seven days a week so I have taken a leave of absence from one of them. Honestly I don't feel really good about it, but it had to be done.

Der Radwechsel

by Berthold Brecht

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, November 06, 2005

CITY OF FIGHTS

Le Figaro reports rioting has spread from the Paris suburbs to the city. Copycat riots are spreading through France.
ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT

Rose says her idea of heaven is having enough time to read the Sunday New York Times . She didn't say actually reading it was heaven. For those of you who don't have access to the print edition, click here.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

My head is stuffed up and my contacts are gunked up. Made some coffee, trying to stay awake.
SUPPORT THIS BLOG

And this blogger. Click here. My address is radiobaby@hotmail.com

Saturday, November 05, 2005

IT'S JUNE IN JANUARY

Or maybe May in November. Temperatures went up to 75 degrees today. Right now it's 56 degrees, winds are calm, relative humidity: 89%, visibility: six miles, barometric pressure : 30.06. I'm sure it will get worse, but right now I guess the thing to do is make hay while the sun shines.

Friday, November 04, 2005

SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE

I have worked every single day since October 15th. I feel guilty about sitting on the patio at Zorba's and having a glass of wine. I didn't go to church All Saints Day or All Souls Day but I did pray for Grandma, Dad, Aunt Mary, Mark and Lightning.

janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, November 03, 2005

ROSA PARKS BURIED

They buried Rosa Parks in Detroit yesterday. I imagine her friends and relatives were relieved to have everything over with. I know I was with my father. He's been dead over a year. Why am I not over it?

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

ALL SOUL'S CAKES

Today is All Soul's Day, or "Day of the Dead" in the Latin countries. Or maybe that was yesterday. Traditionally in England people went around on Halloween begging for "soul cakes" in return for prayers for the departed. Last year Mom didn't want any trick or treaters. Maybe she should have given out soul cakes. There was an article on Catholic Exchange about a woman who gave her kids little slips of paper to hand out to the houses saying they would pray for the "host's" departed relatives. I like that.

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

HALLOWEEN #1

Halloween is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.