Monday, August 31, 2015

A FUN THING TO DO

When you walk past a garbage can and hear little rat toenails inside, whack it good and hard with a crutch and watch the rats fly out. Not a good thing to do with your bare hands. 

janedoe@seductive.com 

I ASKED SOME ASSHOLE FOR THE TIME

He  called white-assed cracker bitch and told me to ask a white man for the time. I wonder what his excuse was? Trayvon Martin? Michael Brown? Freddie Gray? The Charleston church shootings? 

janedoe@seductive.com

A FANTASTIC SITE

Don't let the title put you off. http://poemsporn.tumblr.com

They also have a Facebook and a Twitter page.

THIS IS HOW I FELT THIS MORNING


janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Saturday, August 29, 2015

HAD A BEAUTIFUL BIRTHDAY LUNCH

Made up for spending most of my birthday on the couch. 

BEING IN PAIN SUCKS

But painkillers suck, too. Or at least their side effects. 

I JUST THINK THIS IS A COOL PICTURE


And why does Spell Check not recognize the word "anole?"

Friday, August 28, 2015

THIS IS WHAT I'M DOING


janedoe@seductive.com

SONS OF ANARCHY IS TRENDING

I guess a prequel would make sense, as so many of the main characters are dead: http://www.ew.com/article/2015/08/26/sons-anarchy-spinoff-mayans

Kind of like Better Call Saul. I never realized what a badass Mike was. Too bad he had to die: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jS6kAKj8R9o

And there are no possibilities for a Sopranos spinoff or a prequel, as so many characters are dead, including James Gandolfini.

  janedoe@seductive.com

WATCHING LITTLE WOMEN LA

Christy is pouting and Tonya is being a bitch. 

janedoe@seductive.com

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

ASSHOLE SHOOTS SELF

Disgruntled former employee also kills two former co-workers, Alison Parker and Adam Ward, wounds a third, Vicki Gardner. I will not mention the asshole's name: http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=225_1440602498

janedoe@seductive.com

TODAY IS NATIONAL DOG DAY

I know I've posted this before, but I still love it: 


janedoe@seductive.com

I CAN IDENTIFY WITH DUDLEY

This is the fourth time in my life I've been one-legged: 


Amazing how much energy Dudley had after doing this bit for 25 years. 

OPINIONS ARE LIKE ASSHOLES

Everyone has one. 

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Sunday, August 23, 2015

ASSHOLES

The following appeared on the Cleveland Park listserv:

A neighbor on 29th street called 911 last week to report 3 young men on the roof of a home on Dumbarton. After calling 911, the neighbor confronted the men on the roof who explained they're Urban Roof Runners and using our neighborhood as an obstacle course. 

Please we aware of this trending activity and call 911 should you see anyone taking part in this dangerous practice. 

More information and video of Urban Roof Runners:
Urban Roof runners are practitioners of Parkour. Parkour's developed from military training with aspects of a non-combative martial art. Parkour is an activity that is usually - but not exclusively - carried out in urban spaces. Parkour involves seeing one's environment in a new way, and imagining the potentialities for navigating it by movement around, across, through, over and under its features.

Go to this link for a video example of urban roof running: 

THE OW SONG, 2015 REMIX

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Chorus:

Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow!

Second Verse:

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Repeat Chorus 

DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU

By the time I was in second grade I was reading on a sixth grade level, but I hated math and was bad at it. Mom thought flash cards were the solution, she even brought them on vacation. Even on my birthday I wasn't spared "lessons" and my birthday is during the school year: http://catholicexchange.com/the-long-winter-and-readings-reward

Saturday, August 22, 2015

I WONDER WHICH IS THE WORST PAIN?

Tooth pain? Foot pain? Genital/Urinary tract pain? 

MY NEW BACKPACK

From my cousin Lynn:


THE CONCEPT OF THE SWEET, CARING NURSE IS LARGELY BULLSHIT

Most of them are callous as hell. I'm sure Florence Nightingale was a bitch. Same goes for nuns. 

Baked by Yael in Cleveland Park is now Certified Kosher and nut-free

I LIKE ANIMALS

But Jeez: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFOWOePqKow

THINKING OF BIRGIT DRESSEL

When she died they found over 100 substances in her body. She was so immune to painkillers they had no effect. She died after "three days of agony" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birgit_Dressel

BEYOND THE BLUE HORIZON

Lies a rising sun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTVulMhj0oQ

TODAY IS THE FEAST OF THE QUEENSHIP OF OUR LADY

See http://catholicexchange.com/queenship-of-the-blessed-virgin-mary

Foot started bleeding again

GOT THE STITCHES OUT

Screamed like a bitch.

Before the surgery:



With the stitches in:



With the stitches out:

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

I WISH SO MANY PEOPLE COULD SEE THIS:


CHRIST ON A CRUTCH

At best it's profane, but for me now it seems even less appropriate, even if we have something in common. 

Monday, August 17, 2015

"PLEASE G-D BLESS EVERYBODY"

"and help me to be good."

Louisa May Alcott

This prayer says it all. 

janedoe@seductive.com

"LET IT BEGIN WITH ME"

I used to dislike the song Let There Be Peace On Earth because I thought it was so namby-pamby flower child. Then I heard another explanation--that it means no one is completely powerless, that we can do SOMETHING to make things better, whether it's world peace, the environment, or our own health/financial situation. 

janedoe@seductive.com

Saturday, August 15, 2015

ANOTHER GOFUND ME PAGE

As a crime victim I can relate: http://www.gofundme.com/zfzxj8z8

BOO ON YOU, SPRING GARDEN

 I can't walk or drive and you made me order extra food to cover the minimum. Then your guy shows up NEXT door, he bothers the people there and I have to walk over there on crutches to pick up my food. Fail. frown emoticon

MY COUSIN HAD A FRIEND NAMED NEWTON

People called him "fig:" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyI3IL46yq4

BOO HOO

No birthday mani-pedi this year. Didn't order  a cake, either.

BIRTHDAY HIGHLIGHTS

Variations on a theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-V34nUqoes

and: 


and:



and the best:



RIP JAMES WHITE

He was a host at WAMU and a reporter/anchor at WTOP.  Nice guy. His sister says he worked part time and had no insurance: http://www.youcaring.com/james-white-former-newscaster-for-npr-wamu-and-wtop-412812?

TODAY IS THE FEAST OF THE ASSUMPTON

One of my Jewish friends said "I assume you people are crazy"

http://catholicexchange.com/the-assumption-of-mary-in-history


DRAT!

I forgot the new moon.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

COMPASSION

I came across that word twice today: 


and in the movie Mambo Italiano.

Unfortunately, I was never told to feel it for myself.

TODAY IS INTERNATIONAL LEFT HANDER'S DAY


ONE WEEK SINCE THE SURGERY

I am in pain and depressed. Same-day surgery my ass.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

TODAY IS NATIONAL MIDDLE CHILD DAY

It seems the people with whom I have had the most issues with are middle children: http://lasvegas.cbslocal.com/2015/08/12/10-things-you-should-know-about-middle-children

janedoe@seductive.com

ABOUT A YEAR AGO A WOMAN SAID TO ME "CRUTCHES SUCK."

But there are things that suck more. Being told "there's nothing wrong with you" or "it's just nerves" sucks. Being told "you're not that sick" sucks. Being made to go to school/work no matter how awful you feel sucks or being told "you just need some exercise" sucks. And probably the worst thing is being accused of faking an illness/medical condition to get attention. 

janedoe@seductive.com 

I WORK WITH SOME FUNNY GUYS

C calls me "Footloose" and M calls me "Thumper."

THE CAISSON SONG

Heard that a while ago. Our unofficial school song was "give a cheer, give a cheer, for the men who drink the beer, in the cellar of good old St. James." If I had children I would send them to Catholic school and repress them just so they would grow up to be creative. Like the Monty Python guys.

janedoe@seductive.com

IT'S 2015

Not using a computer is nothing to be proud of. 

janedoe@seductive.com

I WORRY ABOUT TURNING INTO HOUSE





janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

TIME FOR SOME COMFORT FOOD

Wonton soup and an ice cream sandwich. This afternoon my stomach was too upset to eat a whole candy bar. This should happen all the time. 

C WAS RIGHT

Foot hurts like a mofo. 

WOW

That was a long nap.

FOR THOSE WHO SAY I NEED MORE EXERCISE


Not only that, I wore out two crutches. Twice.

THIS IS KIND OF COOL

Shortly after reading this I got to ride past the Dominican House of Studies: http://catholicexchange.com/the-irony-of-church-tours

Monday, August 10, 2015

BACK AT WORK

Washed my hair for the first time since Wednesday. 

janedoe@seductive.com

FOOT IS SWOLLEN LIKE A FOOTBALL BUT NOT INFECTED.

So far doctor is pleased with the outcome. 

janedoe@seductive.com

SCREAMED LIKE A BITCH WHEN THE GAUZE STUCK TO THE SUTURES

And when they pulled the IV out. 

janedoe@seductive.com 

At Washington Hospital Center

janedoe@seductive.com

Leaving the building for the first time since Wednesday

janedoe@seductive.com

GEE

If people could actually see my feet: http://www.hithenews.com/discover-what-your-feet-say-about-you-23.html

TODAY IS THE FEAST OF ST. LAWRENCE

See: http://jesus-passion.com/saint_lawrence1.htm

THIS IS HOW I HAVE BEEN SPENDING THE WEEKEND

And I think I've done a pretty good job of it.

Sunday, August 09, 2015

EVERYTHING WAS BEAUTIFUL AT THE BALLET

And in the movies and on TV. I guess that's why I pursue it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTZpXCcFq20

PAPAVER SOMNIFERUM


FRIAR JEFF'S BUNNIES CHEER ME UP


Here they are on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/friar.j.l.wallace/media_set?set=a.2784326320064.190846.1015433888&type=3

These were originally posted in early 2012. Before the robbery.

No fever

TASTES LIKE BEAR



They eat bear meat in Pennsylvania. Mom says it's tough. Whenever we had a really tough cut of meat for dinner she'd say "it's like bear meat."

RIP Frank Gifford

OKAY


G used to panic when he thought I would blog something. He'd say "no blogs."

THE POWER OF KABBALAH

Register now: http://www.eventbrite.com/o/the-kabbalah-centre-5939226587

Sometimes the pain takes hold of my whole body like a spasm.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!

Amy Paige at the Big 98 in Nashville had a birthday Thursday when I was pretty drugged out. One of her birthday wishes is that we give to St Jude's Hospital: https://www.stjude.org

Here is another great way: http://www.thebig98.com/features/guitarbque-2015-981

Saturday, August 08, 2015

THIS IS HOW I FEEL ABOUT MY PIGS


I CAN'T BELIEVE IT

My mom actually watched Eyes Wide Shut.

Thinking of ordering a pizza

TODAY IS INTERNATIONAL CAT DAY

Here are some nice pictures from the British Museum: https://www.pinterest.com/britishmuseum/cats-in-the-museum

THIS HAS NOT BEEN TOO HARD


Granted, I have mostly been drugged out or asleep since Thursday.

What a cute tune

Capybara, by Shonen Knife: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=grbnESRlQG4

TODAY IS THE FEAST OF ST. DOMINIC

See http://catholicexchange.com/st-dominic

The "singing nun" who wrote the a song about him left the convent and took up another woman. They ended up committing suicide together in 1985, mainly because of financial troubles. 

http://articles.latimes.com/1985-04-02/news/mn-19342_1_friend-commit-suicide

Ironically, some reports say on the day they died someone cut them a check for much more than they owned--it would have also funded their retirement. 

Regardless, I think it's unfair to blame her, or St. Dominic, for the Inquisition: http://www.express.co.uk/expressyourself/97930/Tragedy-of-the-singing-nun

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnF1OtP2Svk

and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ixgc_FGam3s

THIS IS PRETTY ACCURATE


Wednesday, August 05, 2015

MIGHT AS WELL GO TO BED

Not allowed to eat or drink anything. 

janedoe@seductive.com

LITTLE SHOP OF FLOWERS

This is a get-well present from the owner. The store is on 18th St. in Adams Morgan.



janedoe@seductive.com

ANGELS IN AMERICA (CANADA, TOO)

"All the people who worshiped God on earth and like meant it get to be angels."

Mike Judge

Tonight in Kabbalah class we learned some of the most unlikely people we meet are actually angels (servers, cab drivers, etc) And some of them we see once and never again. In some cases I'm grateful for that. 

janedoe@seductive.com

MY FOOT PRE-OP

janedoe@seductive.com

A VIEW FROM THE 'HOOD

Okay, from the bridge. It was so beautiful all I could do was put my bag down and snap the picture:

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, August 04, 2015

RIP BILLY SHERRILL

Among other hits he wrote Stand By Your Man: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwBirf4BWew 

And there was the Blues Brothers version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Psm96Dn9KII

I GUESS IT'S APPROPRIATE OUR POPE IS NAMED FRANCIS

St. Francis of Assisi referred to "Mother Earth." Also to brother sun, sister moon, brother air, sister water and brother fire: http://www.catholic.org/prayers/prayer.php?p=183

GOOGLING THE WORD "DIVINE" COMES UP WITH ALL SORTS OF THINGS

"Divine Mercy," "Divine Praises..."


INSURANCE WILL COVER TRANSPORTATION TO AND FROM THE HOSPITAL.

Now I just need someone to ride home with me in the vehicle.

NOTHING BUT FLOWERS II

If you're in Athens, Ohio, go to the Kroger on State St. for all your floral needs.

Monday, August 03, 2015

"SPEAK GENTLY"

That's what we learned in Zohar class tonight. 
G.W.  Langford is credited with saying “Speak gently! It is better far
To rule by love than fear”:  http://www.alice-in-wonderland.net/alice7a.html


And then there’s Lewis Carroll’s “I speak severely to my boy,
And beat him when he sneezes…”

The pig-baby still cracks me up:
janedoe@seductive.com

MY COUSIN IS THE GREATEST

Yesterday she posted "Friends, gather the wagons! Jane will need your help once she has her surgery! I wish I lived closer to lend a hand with simple things like bringing in the mail, taking care of the pigs, cooking you a wonderful meal and drinking vodka while you heal. Let her know how you can help. Hugs."

janedoe@seductive.com

SOME ASSHOLE PROPOSITIONED ME FOR A HUNDRED BUCKS AT STARBUCKS.

The going rate is a LOT more than that. Then after that some old fart on the bus chastised me for sitting in a handicapped space (there were enough other free ones).

Showing him my foot and telling him I was having surgery Thursday did not move him. 

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, August 02, 2015

Sunday nights are pleasant in our 'hood

THINKING OF MY MOM--MEMORIES OF NOSE JOBS PAST

The night before the first one she kept me up until midnight playing Uno and drinking canned soft drinks. I was so hydrated I crawled over the bed railing to go to the bathroom even after after my pre-op shot. Despite all this hydration I still developed a fever.

After the surgery she got me to eat lunch. I remember there were mashed potatoes in it. They are easy to suck down no matter how sick you are/how much pain you're in.

Yes, unfortunately, nose jobs DO grow back. Nine years later E let me recuperate in her late mother-in-law's bedroom. It was a huge, beautiful bed. Not sure what happened to it.

Thursday I will be on my own.

Dannon Oikos PiƱa Colada Yogurt is the bomb.

Saturday, August 01, 2015

"EVERYONE IS AN ASSHOLE TO SOMEONE"

Barbara Shapiro

"THE BORROWERS"

A 1952 children's book by British author Mary Norton. The Borrowers are little people who live under the floorboards of an old house. They "borrow" stuff from the "human beans," who they believe were put on earth to serve them. Here a moral thing comes in--what they call "borrowing" most of us would call "stealing," but to them their borrowing is legitimate, stealing only occurs when one steals other things from other Borrowers.

Rosa Pickhatchet, the maid, gave notice when she saw one of them and old Aunt Sophy, disabled after a riding accident some twenty years earlier, had long taken to her Madeira decanter along with her bed. The borrowers felt safe with her, as she was convinced they came out of the decanter and they were sure no one would believe her, as even she thought she was hallucinating.

Poor Aunt Sophy, if only she knew.

I AM ABOUT TO BECOME ONE OF THE CRIPS

As opposed to the Bloods: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkJdLm_SWJ4

One viewer put it well when he/she said "I'm just here eating pop corn and reading comments." I feel that way about a lot of Youtube videos.

FRODO ASKED IF MOM WAS STILL PRACTICING

I wasn't sure if he meant being a nurse or being Catholic.

I LIKE THIS PICTURE

Saw it on the wall at the Kabbalah Centre:


I know, I keep confusing Tu B'Av with Tu B'shvat

Stocking up on healthy foods that don't require much heating, refrigeration or other prep.

A SHITTY STORY

One of my decks fell into the toilet. 

RUNNING OUT OF ENERGY

Even updating this blog. I am going to crash as soon as I can. One week from today I'll be in bed. 

Everything takes longer than you think it will.

TODAY IS THE FEAST OF ST. IGNATIUS OF LOYOLA

See http://catholicexchange.com/st-ignatius-of-loyola-madman-or-militant-monk#.Vby2zgxL14k.facebook

GOOD DAY!

Eh? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJE3EgTGg9k