Tuesday, March 31, 2015

LENNY MAY NOT NEED SURGERY

Mom says they might be able to treat everything with medication. I slept about ten hours, feel as though I haven't had any rest at all. 

MOM SAID LENNY DIDN'T HAVE THE SURGERY YESTERDAY

No idea as to whether he'll have it today. 

Sunday, March 29, 2015

MY COUSIN LENNY HAD A HEART ATTACK

He is having surgery tomorrow. 

CUTE PICTURES, ESPECIALLY FOR THIS TIME OF YEAR

See https://www.facebook.com/erinbonillaphotography and https://twitter.com/guineapics

FEELING IT

Or not.

I was beginning to think I was not "feeling it" this Lent, going through the motions but not really experiencing any growth. Then I realized maybe that's how it's supposed to feel--hurt, disappointment, frustration, betrayal and humiliation. And there are Jesus' three falls--we all resolve to sin no more yet we keep doing it. And the element of forgiveness--apologizing yet not having my apologies accepted, and at the same time not accepting other people's apologies, holding grudges. The problem is, some hurts have an expiration date, others don't. 

KEEPING ON KEEPING ON


IT'S PALM SUNDAY

Although you wouldn't know it from the weather. At least I'm healthier than I was Palm Sunday two years ago. 

YUM! YUM!

Cough syrup: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSNqmVBsEA4

IT'S 24 DEGREES OUTSIDE

I am eating Dinty Moore Beef Stew inside. It's also good pig-cuddling weather.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

I DON'T PRACTICE SANTERIA

I ain't got no crystal ball: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LTCyZvb2Uzw

I WANNA BE SEDATED

See  https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JBN1CkyRzmE

R IS RIGHT ON THIS ONE:

He says "not all of Frodo's letters are idiotic and time consuming."

WE USED TO PRAY THIS IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

The Angelus: http://catholicexchange.com/the-word-was-made-flesh

QUANTUM MECHANICS MADE EASY


DOES THIS LOOK FAMILIAR?

See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGcHNnI2mh4&feature=youtu.be

IT'S 2015

I'm tired of hearing you say "I don't use a computer." Find someone who does, then. 

THIS IS WHAT I MEANT

By the phrase "nobility obliges." A post from my Facebook friend and opera expert Fred Plotkin: 

"This evening in Oxford I was at a lovely reception and was introduced to an elegant charming woman. The gentleman who presented me to her said, 'this is Fred Plotkin, who is an opera expert and knows a lot about Italy.'
Me to the Elegant Woman: Do you like opera?
Woman: I adore opera. I travel often to see it. I grew up in Vienna and my husband and I go to Salzburg and Bayreuth very often. And of course we go to Covent Garden.
Me: I love those places too. I was in Bayreuth last summer. Here is my card. It would be very nice to go to an opera next time you are in New York
Woman: Thank you. That is very kind of you. I do get to New York now and then.
Me: Where do you live?
Woman: Kensington Palace
Me [to myself]: It's Princess Michael of Kent!!! How did I not figure that out? It's because you don't watch TV or look at certain publications...
Me [to Princess Michael of Kent]: It is an honor to speak with a fellow opera lover.
Princess Michael of Kent: It is I who feel honoured.
Me: Sigh."

FOOD FOR THE POOR!

See https://secure3.convio.net/ffp/site/Donation2;jsessionid=374EDD5DCED32F61AEF3B325C2231BD6.app311a?df_id=32924&32924.donation=form1

PEOPLE ASK IF I'M FEELING BETTER

I tell them I'm walking:


I have admired Reiser's work for years, before I had heard of Charlie Hebdo.

A CLUB FOR WHICH NO ONE WANTS TO BE ELIGIBLE

See http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-17928/what-i-wish-more-people-understood-about-losing-a-child.html

Thursday, March 26, 2015

CAN'T WE JUST PRAY?

See http://catholicexchange.com/six-things-necessary-prayer

PLEASE HELP THESE PIGGIES

See http://www.sun-sentinel.com/video/originals/sun-sentinel-shorts/sfl-crazy-cavies-guinea-pig-rescue-short-20150323-premiumvideo.html

LONG NIGHT'S JOURNEY INTO DAY

It was one of those nights. First I told a woman about telling the police about a man who was lying on the sidewalk growling like a dog when the temperatures were in the 30's if not 20's. She accused me of trying to get the man in trouble. A couple minutes later I was walking up 18th St and three black men came up the other way. I guess I must have looked scared/surprised because one of them said "we're good. Don't be scared." Do I look like that much of a racist? I said "I'm not scared of you, asshole." 

Next I said something about the homeless who don't deserve to be homeless, as opposed to those who do. That apparently offended someone. While I was telling this to one of the Diner guys a fight broke out, causing police to rush in. He said it was just that kind of night. To add insult to injury a guy IN the Diner accused me of soliciting, which I wasn't, refused to serve me and asked me to leave. I am still sick, it was cold and the only other places to get hot food at that hour were Pizza Bolis and 7-11. 

This morning did not start better. I asked the woman at Burger King for grape jelly and she gave me strawberry. 

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

TODAY IS THE FEAST OF THE ANNUNCIATION

See http://catholicexchange.com/angel-maiden-ongoing-understanding-annunciation

THIS LITTLE GUY

Is too cute not to share:


See https://www.facebook.com/TracesofTexas/photos/a.162532927112178.34097.105810232784448/921178721247591/?type=1&fref=nf&pnref=story

TIME TO EAT THE DONUTS

As opposed to making them.

janedoe@seductive.com

FOR THOSE OF YOU OBSESSED WITH POLITICAL CORRECTNESS

See http://www.massagemag.com/massage-titles-matter-why-we-dont-use-masseuse-29065/?utm_campaign=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_source=march-prod-enews&utm_content=article-1&utm_term=0

FEELING BEATEN

It seems I can't do anything right. Last Sunday one of the RQX guys caught me sleeping in the morning show office. Rather than waking me up and telling me to get out he took an upskirt picture of me and posted it on three social media sites. This wouldn't have been so bad if we didn't have about a hundred Facebook friends in common, at least one of whom I'd like to work for. To make it worse, at least one guy appears to be enjoying it WAY too much. If guys are gonna get off on my picture I want to be compensated for it. 

Three days later I came down with the worst cold I've had since 1989. Thinking it was an allergy I ignored it. Saturday I was coughing and B told me to shut the fuck up. Then on my way to work the cab driver kept on opening the windows and told me to try not to cough. Right before I paid my fare I breathed on it. 

The next day I made the mistake of referring to someone as having mental retardation as opposed to having an intellectual disability. This put me somewhere between Hitler and Pol Pot--I was told it was because of my insensitivity that last Sunday's incident happened. 

The day after that I got a text saying "you used to be a really hot looker back in your day...you're still a looker." I called him and he tried to clarify by saying "I saw a picture of you in that pink dress, then saw another picture of you. You've gotten a little older."  Lovely. I asked him not to text me and he sent me about nine texts. So told him one more and I'd call the police. Haven't heard from him since. 

janedoe@seductive.com 

Saturday, March 21, 2015

THE ONLY THING MORE UNSETTLING THAN GHETTO BITCHES IN SPANDEX...

...is ghetto bitches in textured stockings. 

I AM TOLD I AM KILLING THEM SOFTLY WITH MY COUGH

Okay, maybe not so softly. Nothing like being told to shut the fuck up when you can't stop coughing. 

This is the worst snot I've had to deal with since 1989

THIS IS MY NEW RINGTONE

See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwaXZYZwUSE

RAPE IS NOT YOUR FAULT


I NEED A SAUNA

Or a schvitz or something like that: 




AGAIN, WE SHOULD ALL HAVE SUCH A PROBLEM

See  http://catholicexchange.com/brother-klaus-asceticism-eating-disorders

INTERESTING

I got my tattoo almost a year ago and I still prefer men:


BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD HAVE THE RIGHT IDEA

Chicken soup for the butt: http://www.paperbackswap.com/Beavis-Butthead-Chicken-Soup-Butt/book/0671025988

CAB DRIVER COMING IN WAS A PIECE OF SHIT

So I breathed on my money before I gave it to him. 

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

This guy is a real dumbass

See  http://registerguard.com/rg/news/local/32781780-75/story.csp

YEAH, YEAH

G-d answers all of our prayers. But sometimes the answer is "no"


janedoe@seductive.com

"Mendacious dirt bag comes much more naturally to me"

Hugh Laurie

janedoe@seductive.com

THIS IS A STUPID IDEA

For a number of reasons:

http://thinkprogress.org/culture/2015/03/17/3634583/starbucks-baristas-write-race-together-coffee-cups-solve-racism

1) A lot of people go to Starbucks to enjoy themselves, not discuss controversial topics. 

2) It get inflammatory. Apparently 40 per cent of Starbucks employees identify as minorities. What if one of them gets in to a heated discussion with a white customer, the customer notifies corporate and the employee gets fired? 

3) Nothing more aggravating than being in line at Starbucks and having a clueless barista in front of me engaging a customer in idle banter. 

Think Progress also mentions Starbucks' use of language--referring to a cashier as a "barista," the way Apple refers to a glorified Radio Shack employee as a "genius." Don't get me started on how everyone is an "associate"--a janitor is a "janitorial associate" and a dishwasher is a "dishwashing associate."

And also, look at a DC store locater and how many Starbucks there are East of North Capitol Street: http://www.starbucks.com/store-locator/search/location/District%20of%20Columbia%2C%20USA

Saturday, March 14, 2015

PUBLIC SERVANTS ANNOUNCEMENT

Most cops and bouncers are not assholes--they are just doing their jobs. So don't you be one either. If one of them asks you to leave the premises, do so. If one of them tries to prevent you from entering a building, then don't do it. If you are physically restrained, do not resist. It will only make things harder for you and make you look bad. 

THAT WHICH DOES NOT KILL CAN SURELY SCREW US UP


"Nan, who feared no animal but a bear, was fired with a desire to milk her."
Louisa May Alcott

See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn676-fLq7I

I AM A NICE PERSON

So I will not send emails to everyone in your address book saying "fuck you." Or post "I'm forty years old and still poop in my pants" on your Facebook or Linkedin pages, even when you leave everything open. 

JUST PLAN DUMB-O

My patience is wearing thin with these assholes: http://www.nationalreview.com/article/415308/peta-now-fighting-rights-fictional-elephants-katherine-timpf

TODAY IS SATURDAY THE 14TH

Duh.

Friday, March 13, 2015

I ALMOST FORGOT

Today is Friday the 13th. 

janedoe@seductive.com

LOST IN TRANSLATION

I told a Facebook friend in Belgium  "I have to eat," meaning "a girl's got to make a living." Her response was "enjoy your meal." And to make it better, S, who I presume speaks English as his native language, wanted to know who picked up the tab. grin emoticon

Thursday, March 12, 2015

THIS #HASHTAG ABUSE HAS GOT TO STOP

See  ‪#‎thicke‬‪#‎goat‬ ‪#‎hugeperv‬https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=J3twwafch4g

WOW ALL THESE GUYS BUYING ME SHOTS.

I hope it continues AFTER Easter.

IN VINO VERITAS

A woman told me what people tell me when they're drunk is what they really think of me. In that case I am beautiful and lots of men want to kiss me. 

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A WEEK MAKES

One week ago today we were freezing to death in a cemetery. 

STEPHEN STILLS PROBABLY HAD THE RIGHT IDEA

But not sure if he was in a diner at this hour of the morning when he wrote it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HH3ruuml-R4

IN MEDICAL NEWS

Lemon oil helps shrink sebaceous cysts better than bergamot or plain rubbing alcohol. 

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH

And I was so happy to see you but maybe only because I haven't seen you so long. And I still like you a lot but not sure if I love you. Or if I cold learn to. 

janedoe@seductive.com 

YES, "NIGGER" IS A BAD WORD

But so are "Hunky," "Polack," "Wop," "Kraut," "Spick," "Mick," and "Chink." And if you don't want people calling you that, don't call yourself or other people that. Word. 

I FEEL THIS WAY MULTIPLE TIMES PER DAY:


IT'S A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT IN ADAMS MORGAN

People have their doors and windows open. But this is not an invitation to steal stuff. 

janedoe@seductive.com

WATCHING BETTER CALL SAUL

And thinking of the robbery, feeling for Mike. 

janedoe@seductive.com

IT'S FOGGY OUT

I am riding the train but I am not driving it. And I am not high on cocaine:


janedoe@seductive.com

Saturday, March 07, 2015

THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING I'VE SEEN IN A WHILE

See: http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/six-common-phrases-must-banned-house

WHY ARE WE HERE?

Some people talk about life paths, the thing for which we were put on earth. Two cases of tragic, short lives come to mind:

1) Henrietta Lacks: born in poverty in Virginia, parents died at a young age, brought up by her aunt and uncle, married her first cousin with whom she had been raised as a sister. Husband cheated on her numerous times, gave her gonorrhea and syphilis (she didn't continue treatment) and eventually the human papilloma virus. She died of cervical cancer in Maryland  at age 31 but before that doctors found some incredible cell growth no one had ever seen before. Years later when scientists tested other family members they found no similar cells. Scientists kept her cells alive and were able to use them to develop a polio vaccine, gene mapping and to help find a cure for cancer. Although her life of illness and poverty ended way too soon, her cells affected the lives of thousand if not millions of people. 


2) Ernesto Miranda, for whom the Miranda warning is named ("You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law....") Like Henrietta Lacks he was not born into a wealthy family, lost his mother at a young age and didn't get along with his new stepmother. Arrested for the first time about the time he was in eighth grade, he was arrested multiple times after that. The most famous one was for the rape and kidnapping of a mentally handicapped woman in Arizona--It was determined he had not been advised of his rights and the case went to the US Supreme Court. Miranda was convicted, served time and was paroled. He died at age 34 after being stabbed to death in a bar fight in Phoenix. 


Neither of these people lived to be 35--both lived lives fraught with tragedy, part of which were brought on by bad luck, part by their own choices. It makes me wonder whether they were put on earth simply for one purpose and died when their purposes were fulfilled. 


PUBLIC SERVANTS ANNOUNCEMENT

Set your clocks forward if you haven't already: http://blogs.theprovince.com/2015/03/06/daylight-savings-time-2015

MY GRANDMOTHER LIVED IN THIS BUILDING


DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME

See http://www.eonline.com/news/624610/sex-injuries-in-the-us-have-doubled-and-it-s-probably-50-shades-of-grey-s-fault

GIVE ME A FISH...

...and I eat for a day. Teach me to fish and I eat for a lifetime. Sure, that's all well and good to spout stuff like that, but sometimes it's not enough. Sometimes you have to tell people where the fish are. or in some cases even give them a ride to the fish pond. Because a lot of the pond seem to have nothing but minnows in them. And others have dried up completely. 

I AGREE

Sometimes reading can just be fun: http://catholicexchange.com/arnold-lobels-frog-toad-stories

LORD, I AM SO TIRED

How long can this go on? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAzAucMOE0s

Tuesday, March 03, 2015

SHOPPING FOR FLOWERS SHOULDN'T BE SO STRESSFUL

Linda's funeral is Thursday and I have two other events that day. And am trying not to get sick. At my age you can't tell if you're feeling bad because of allergies or hormones or if you're actually sick.

COOL CHANGE

Record lows the last couple weeks, warmed up and got cold again. I am still coughing but now hocking up green stuff, so at least it's coming out. And it's not all in my head, literally or figuratively. Kind of tired and feverish a lot--here is a list of supplements I was on a year ago: http://janedoesblog.blogspot.com/2014_01_01_archive.html#82230607579884101

Here is what I am now--will probably be modified in the next couple weeks. Maybe this will help someone else, that's why I'm posting it:

Albuterol
Angelica
Bee Pollen
Flonase
Garlic
Ginger
Ginseng
Multivitamins
Phytoestrogen capsules (GNC brand)
Probiotics
Royal Jelly
Texas Superfoods
Turmeric
Vitamin C
Vitamin D
Vitamin E

TODAY IS THE FEAST OF ST. KATHERINE DREXEL

See http://catholicexchange.com/st-katharine-drexel-first-family-charity

I have a sebaceous cyst behind my left ear

Monday, March 02, 2015

AMEN

This song is pretty but kind of sad, too, and creepy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYSVMgRr6pw

janedoe@seductive.com

NIGHT OWLS

Started a new Night Owls thread on www.guinealynx.info/forums

Here some treasures from almost three years ago: 


"I am in the Diner not doing radioish things. There have been at least two fights since last call"

"Not doing radioish things--home sick. I blame either the crabcakes I ate yesterday or the disgusting little rodent board op for whom I filled in"

"I am glad when my pigs poop, pee and fart everything out."

I don't remember eating crabcakes, but I do remember being sick. 

I GOT MY PEEPS


janedoe@seductive.com

WEEPING OVER DOWNTON ABBEY



Or at least tearing up a little—twice over Lady Mary. Once singing Silent Night accompanied by Lady Edith and another time reminiscing with her and Tom about Lady Sybil. 


And there are happy endings, at least seasonal endings—Carson and Mrs. Hughes, Anna and Bates and Robert not dropping dead from a heart attack, which I feared he’d do any minute. And his forgiving Lady Edith for having an illegitimate daughter and her forgiving him for his treatment of her. 


There are acts of kindness, too, or at least justice.  Lady Violet calling vile Spratt on his vile behaviour, at least towards Denker. In addition, she is incredibly gracious to Princess Kuragin, who is shitty to her now and was shitty to her about 40 years ago.


Then there’s Thomas, who can be a prick but you can understand why. He’s not the kind on whose fecal roster you’d like to be.  He avenges himself and other maltreated family members nicely by turning the tables on Lord Sinderby and Sinderby’s butler, Stowe, who is an incredible piece of shit. 


And Rose saves the day, which she wasn’t obliged to do as Sinderby was so rotten to her parents. She saves his bacon, which is kind of ironic as he’s Jewish. Maybe he’s so rotten to her father because his nickname is “Shrimpy.” At least it’s not “Porky.” Really, he’s probably a bigger bigot than anyone in the Crawley family. 


Last but not least there’s Molsely, who’s been screwed over his share of times, and Baxter, who apparently didn’t have a good life, using their days off to find someone who will prove Bates innocent. 


I hope they get another dog next season. 

Sunday, March 01, 2015

Northwest DC looks like a Christmas card. The problem is, it's March

YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR...

....until you heard the voices in your ears: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rN7izonx-F8

One of the pig people hears voices. There are times when I think I'm crazy--but I know I'm not that crazy.

"HOW'S THE JOB SEARCH GOING?"

Ranks right up there with "how old are you?" "how much do you weigh?" "how much do you earn?" "how much did you pay for/do you owe on your condo?" and "why aren't you married?" None of your business--if I wanted to tell you I'd volunteer that information. 

50 SHADES OF DULL

As Jane Curtin said, it was bound to happen:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krtF36_KjDI





A NICE, SENTIMENTAL ARTICLE

But giving up beer for a little more than six weeks doesn't necessarily guarantee eternity in heaven: http://catholicexchange.com/fasting-dads-root-beer-potato-chips

RIP LINDA SMITH OF MURRELLS INLET, SOUTH CAROLINA

Wife of Shelby Smith, mother of Lance and Jaclyn Smith, step daughter of William Brown and sister of George Hohmann Jr. She was preceded in death by her parents Edna Brown and George Hohmann Sr. and her first husband Donald Critchlow. 

PIGS IN A PARK!

See http://sfist.com/2015/02/26/more_on_the_small_herd_of_guinea_pi.php

MARCH MADNESS, BABY!

And all the other things that come with March.