Monday, July 31, 2006

TIDE TURNING?

I got an e-mail from a high school classmate. I thought it was another death but it turns out the mother of another classmate wants to become a priest. Evidently the diocese of Pittsburgh wants to excommunicate her. This is definitely more interesting than the Promise Keepers.

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, July 30, 2006

WOW

I was talking to my relief person about the person I mentioned in last Thursday's post. She said "he sexually harassed me. I'm glad he's gone."
SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for El Heraldo De Mexico.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

AND IT MAKES ME WONDER...

Whether some people are really cursed? Or whether they ARE a curse? Or are they passive-aggressive? Or just losers?



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Friday, July 28, 2006

WEEK 14
.
Well, the unlucky 13 is over. I got a 99 on the mid-term. The only answer I got wrong was "right subclavian vein." I will never forget that as long as I live.


janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, July 27, 2006

SEE THESE CHRISTIANS

How they love one another. One of the Bible-thumpers with whom I work altered at least three documents with my signature on them. Isn't there something about bearing false witness against thy neighbour?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

I HAD A DREAM

I was at my college and I broke my leg. And I had some abnormal lung sounds. Evidently I blacked out and Roger carried me to my car so I could drive myself to the hospital. I was draggin myself around on a cast with no crutches.

I dream about my college a lot. Before that it was my high school. I have not broken any bones in a while.

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

ANDERSON #1

Pamela Anderson is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.
POP!

Goes the shoulder.

Monday, July 24, 2006

DO YOU EVER GET THE FEELING THAT

1) EVERYONE else is more important than you and

2) No one is listening anyway?

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, July 23, 2006

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Arizona Daily Star.

TOO HOT/TIRED TO BLOG

I think that says it.

.

Friday, July 21, 2006

WEEK 13.

.This mod is already one-third over. As much as I'm looking forward to it, Mom says you should never wish your life away. By the time graduation comes I will be closer to my death and so will those closest to me.


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janedoe@seductive.com


Thursday, July 20, 2006

DOLDRUMS

According to the Columbia Encyclopedia "equatorial belt of calms, area around the earth centered slightly north of the equator between the two belts of trade winds."Usually referred to as the "summer doldrums" but they can occur at any time or place. Like right now as I am waiting for my sex life, other relationships, finances, personal satisfaction level to improve.

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WENDY WITHDREW

Wendy has withdrawn from class. She started the same day I did.

Last night Shirl accidentally grabbed my ass and apologized.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

FEMALE URINAL MAN

I had forgotten. We are still in the sign of Cancer, which is his sign, a water sign. But I think his birthday was last month.

janedoe@seductive.com
A NICE COMPLIMENT

From Geraldine, re last mod's extra-credit project: "Very cool, Jane. Your talents no know bounds!"

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janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

HOT, HOT, HOT

Today was supposed to be a record high. Don't think we made it. Instead of my uniform I wore a Jams World baby doll dress to work. Yesterday I wore my uniform and walked down Woodmont Avenue looking like a Bedouin woman.
ANDERSON#1

Pamela Anderson is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

Monday, July 17, 2006

SEX TOY STORY

The person who gives me dirty books and sex toys every birthday and Chanukah is upset about last month's sex toy store post. I explained that I was shopping for stockings, not toys, and that I didn't even BUY any.

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, July 16, 2006

RAIN WOMAN

Shirl is calling me "Rain Man" because of my autistic tendencies. She could at least call me "rain woman."

THE BEST DEFENSE

There have been 15 homicides in DC this month. I heard someone on WTOP say a lot of people are signing up for self-defense courses. It brings back memories of the robbery.

Jay says if a client comes on to you hit him/her and call the cops.
SEVEN MONTHS

Seven months until my official last day of school. Seven months of little sleep and barely hanging on financially. My muscles hurt so badly I woke up screaming yesterday morning. I am taking aspirin and Ben Gay. I used to work with a gay guy named Ben. There is some Dilacor in the bathroom but don't want to take that without an official OK.
SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Beirut Daily Star.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

HE'S REALLY DEAD
.
It took a while for it to sink in. Worked all night, got up for mass, turns out they gave the wrong time (or no time). The parish secretary was very nice. I tried to be as noncommittal about the whole thing as I could, "he went to our high school, he taught there, he had a daughter and a couple stepchildren..." I didn't mention the fact that he had been kicked out of our school on a morals charge. Last week I said he was "one of the people I blame most for my dysfunctionality." Except the person I should really be blaming is myself. Please, G-d, no more deaths for a while...

Friday, July 14, 2006

WEEK 12
...

I am about almost one-fifth done with everything now. This week's topic has been the heart/circulatory system, which I probably know more about than a lay person should, kind of in the Frida Kahlo vein (no pun intended)....

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janedoe@seductive.com
BASTILLE DAY

Bonne Bastille!

janedoe@post.com

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Thursday, July 13, 2006

VARICOSE VEINS
...
Two of our topics are varicose veins and spider veins. The pictures in the book are not very good but I was not gonna remove my pants for the benefit of the class. I had my teeth cleaned. Lupi and Julie say my gums look better than they ever had. Great, my face is broken out but my gums look good. I told Mom I would rather have a good-looking face and bad gums but she pointed out the dangers of an endocarditis (myocarditis?).....

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

MARKET DAYS.

Tuesday is market day in Bethesda. There is a woman there whom I think is a Mennonite. She has a lovely complexion and German facial features like Barbara's. Her gray hair is tied in a single braid behind her neck and she wears the characteristic Mennonite puffy-sleeved small-print dresses. Every Tuesday she comes from the town of Gardners, Pennsylvania. She sez it's in the 717 area code just north of Gettysburg. I feel funny trying to engage her in conversation and asking her if she is a Mennonite. Even if I ask clients whether they have contagious diseases. Her stand sells fruit and baked goods. The raspberries are gorgeous. There is an almost ethereal quality about her that I envy, especially as I walk from the market to deal with the assholes in the parking garage.

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ANDERSON #1

Pamela Anderson is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

Monday, July 10, 2006

SCHOOL DAZE


School is back in full swing. Our school is about a mile from the house in which I grew up. I think I worked just across the street from the school when I was about 18. If the building is there it's changed so much I don't recognize it. Or maybe I've changed so much.

It's near a wooded area. On break I go out the parking lot and just feel the summer. And smell it. There is a bowling alley across the street from school. I went there and got a cold drink. It seems as though time stands still there.

Also, the Seven Stars convenience store on Park Avenue keeps the screen door open in nice weather. In the morning the smell of frying bacon and eggs reminds me of years ago. It is comforting. .


janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, July 09, 2006

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Richmond Times-Dispatch.
GIRLS ON FILM

Paul sent me a C-SPAN video clip of the April 29th Correspondents' Dinner. It's amazing one can look so good and feel so bad.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

A BODY IN MOTION

Stays in motion. Force equals mass times acceleration. Momentum equals mass times velocity.
ANOTHER DEATH

One of the people I blame most for my dysfunctionality is dead. They buried him today. They're having a memorial service for him next Saturday. I will probably go if nothing else just to make sure he's really dead. As though I am not still hurting from my father's death. Some times I think I'm going insane.

How many deaths does this make in the last five months? Nine?

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Friday, July 07, 2006

WEEK ELEVEN


Boy, this week of "vacation" has flown by. Monday we start in full swing again. .



janedoe@seductive.com


Thursday, July 06, 2006

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

Took a makeup artistry class with Liza at First Class. Two things I learned:

1) Brushes are an important tool of the trade. You can use them more effectively than fingers or those little applicators you get in the package.

2) There is such a thing as a licensed makeup artist in Maryland .
SHE SEEMS OKAY

The woman mentioned in yesterday's post is back at work, dressed and acting more subdued and demurely than she usually does. I asked her something like "are you feeling better today" and she said "yes." I guess it's none of my business beyond that.

What bothers me is that I pride myself on my ability to “think outside the box.” I never would have thought “seizure,” but I will consider it in the future. By the time I was in third grade my vision was 20/200 and I was walking into walls. My teacher said I was “on cloud nine” because I was always staring into space, Mom and Dad accused me of trying to attract attention and my pediatrician said I was “just tired.” I have a hard time forgiving that and an even harder time forgetting. One of my best friends has seizures but she’s never had one around me. She says she’s afraid people think she’s either retarded or a druggie (her words) and she is certainly neither. I have a leaky tricuspid valve, a disorder common to heroin addicts and phen-fen users, but I would imagine by looking at me you wouldn’t think either. I am not skinny.

My newest massage teacher is a registered nurse who says massage therapists should not try to “diagnose” or make clients think “something is wrong with them.” Case in point, a hypothetical client is a thin post-menopausal woman who has been told to bump up her calcium intake. My suggestion that the therapist suggest the client ask her doctor about a bone scan was met with a negative from the prof. On the other hand, she suggested asking the client about her children, social life, etc to make sure she’s not lonely. Personally I hate it when medical doctors/nurses try to play amateur psychiatrist – I guess it’s a throwback to the days in which Mom and Dad accused me of trying to get attention when all I needed was a pair of glasses.

I guess if this woman wants to talk to me or anybody about it she will. .

.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

OFF-THE-JOB TRAINING

This evening I went to get my mail and pay my condo fee. I don’t know what was wrong with the front desk attendant, who has seemed like a nice, competent person until now. Tonight, however, she was walking like a movie zombie (or mummy or Frankenstein). I did not smell alcohol or pot on her – I asked her if she was ok and she mumbled “yes.” A guy who just happened to walk in from outside told me he was a doctor and he thought she was having a seizure. She could stand up and walk ok, she was not jerking or twitching but she was staring straight ahead.

The doctor told me to call 911. Ironically he was interested in moving into our building – I explained we were a condo and he needed to contact individual owners if he was interested in renting. He stayed with me until the 911 people came. I’m not sure whether they took her to the hospital or not.

This has me bothered – should I have called 911 right away? I tried to find a condo board person or the building engineer but couldn’t. I wouldn’t have just left her there – I went to bed after the paramedics arrived and the engineer had been paged. This bothers me especially as I am entering a healthcare field and and pride myself on being a professional.. .

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

ANDERSON #1

Pamela Anderson is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.
4TH OF JULY

Happy 4th of July! Try to celebrate by relaxing and not thinking about North Korea firing test missiles.

Monday, July 03, 2006

HAVE A HEALTHY DAY


Well, I am actually trying to bring my cholesterol down. Leo sez two ways of doing it (other than statin drugs) are by losing weight and exercising more. That's what the Kaiser doctor said. Yeah, right, after a day of talking to retarded hicks I'm gonna go to an aerobics class, which I can't afford anyway. It's all I can do to get into the car, drive home and crash face-first on the sofa. As for eating healthy, it's enough for me to get out of bed and get myself to work to talk to the hicks, forget about making a nice little salad the night before.
Years ago a nutritionist I went to said instead of eating an Egg McMuffin I should have a hard-boiled egg and toast a plain English Muffin.


1) English Muffins by themselves taste like styrofoam disks. The only way to make them BEARABLE is to put a fried egg, a slice of "Canadian bacon," whatever the fuck that really is, and a slice of processed cheese food between the two porous slices.

2) I am busy and stressed out enough as it is. The last thing I need to do is get up EARLIER, boil an egg, toast a muffin and clean up after that.

3) A double cheeseburger and a McChicken are a dollar apiece. A "premium salad," which is the only kind that fills me up, is three or four times that much. You do the math.

There that being said, I am actually TRYING to eat healthier. On the plan currently -- fresh fruit, tuna fish packed in water, cappucino with nonfat milk, 100% oat bran cereal and Chicken Stars soup. I figure I cannot eat this shit seven days a week, but one-seventh of my life is spent on Monday, so I will make Monday my "healthy day." People associate Mondays with pain, hardship and getting back into the swing of things after a relaxing weekend, so I figure make the suffering full-blown.

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, July 02, 2006

THE DAVINCI CODE

It's movie. That's all. Get over it. Even the guy who wrote the book says that.

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Philadelphia City Paper.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

THREE FUNERALS AND NO WEDDINGS


"Another bride, another June, another sunny honeymoon"

Fats Waller

Well, this June it was three funerals and NO weddings. Since March first I have been affected by eight deaths -- fortunately none of them mine and none very close to me, but at least half of them way too young, one of them a horrible accident. I guess you can say there were none of the hurt feelings and resentment which accompany weddings. The guy who taught us business law at Immaculata told us estate cases generated more animosity than divorce cases and unfortunately I have firsthand evidence that that's true. I think it was Miss Manners who said even things which are supposed to be happy occasions -- birthdays, weddings, graduations, anniversaries generate bad feelings. A couple months ago Mom said "I don't like weddings. I prefer funerals." This may be a good thing as her overweight unmarried daughter's chance of marrying anyone let alone someone she's attracted to are decreasing every year. I can see where she's coming from, though. With weddings and other "joyful celebrations" there seem to be some hurt feelings, either by the honourees, participants or others. Someone complains someone is not properly dressed or better-dressed that he/she is or that he/she was not properly acknowledged/appreciated by another party.

At least there will be no more funerals for the next couple days. Also, I forgot to mention yesterday was Mom's and Catherine's birthday. I sometimes forget Catherine's birthday but never Mom's.
CANADA DAY

Bonne fĂȘte du Canada!!!

Celebrate by playing pin the tail on the beaver: http://frankandgordon.ca/