Sunday, August 31, 2003

DANCE OF THE WOODIES

I heard this guy on Smooth Jazz this morning. Yeah, that's really what the song is called, unfortunately, but it's really quite good. His name is "Kleinpeter," which means "small Peter" in German, and he as a dog named "Doody." Unfortunately, the guy has no ear for names, but then I have pigs named Thunder and Lightning, so what do I know?
14 DOWN, 11 TO GO?

Just mailed out five more query letters, have not had word from any publishers.

Saturday, August 30, 2003

IM OSTEN NICHTS NEUES (ALL QUIET ON THE EASTERN FRONT)

Nothing really worth blogging about -- that which is is too painful or too personal to share.

Friday, August 29, 2003

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

The Animal Welfare League of Alexandria, from whence cometh my beloved Thunder, is hosting its 12th annual Canine Games tomorrow.
THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMM

They say Madonna French-kissed Britney Spears and Christia Aguilera at last night's VMA awards.

Thursday, August 28, 2003

TAKIN' IT EASY

Still recovering from yesterday's (and Tuesday's and today's) drive.

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

IN MEMORIAM

Just found out my friend Babe Giacoma from Sacred Heart died. Reminds me of Dickie's death -- we were at the beach, then, too. Also, there was an earthquake in New Jersey, but we didn't feel it. Maybe I should stop going to the beach.

KAZAA #1

KaZaA is #1 of the Lycos 50 again, beating out Kobe Bryant and the Blaster worm.
GREETINGS FROM OCEAN CITY, NJ

Tunnel of Love

"Fat man sitting on a little stool
Takes the money from my hand while his eyes take a walk all over you
Hands me the ticket smiles and whispers good luck
Cuddle up angel cuddle up my little dove
We'll ride down baby into this tunnel of love

I can feel the soft silk of your blouse
And them soft thrills in our little fun house
Then the lights go out and it's just the three of us
You me and all that stuff we're so scared of
Gotta ride down baby into this tunnel of love

There's a crazy mirror showing us both in 5-D
I'm laughing at you you're laughing at me
There's a room of shadows that gets so dark brother
It's easy for two people to lose each other in this tunnel of love

it ought to be easy ought to be simple enough
Man meets woman and they fall in love
But the house is haunted and the ride gets rough
And you've got to learn to live with what you can't rise above if you want to ride on down in through this tunnel of love "

From Bruce Springsteen's 1987 album "Tunnel of Love"

Now I know what Bruce Springsteen was talking about when he wrote Tunnel of Love and Born to Run. Can't remember the last time I rode a Merry-Go-Round (or a Tilt-a-Whirl)

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

GONE FISHIN'

Or crabbin'. Or clammin'. Or something like that.

Monday, August 25, 2003

LEAVING LAWN GUY LAND

"But, in truth, Eddie O'Hare would never quite leave Long Island -- least of all, in his mind...In the year of his graduation from Exeter (1960), Eddie was prompted to seek a summer job away from home; this desire, in combination with Eddie's developing awareness that he was attracted to older women -- and that they were attracted to him, would lead Eddie to remember Penny Pierce's business card, which he had saved...Mrs. Havelock would take an active interest in Eddie's development of the younger-man-with-the-older woman theme...While Mrs. Havelock was riveted and greatly upset by the sexual authenticity of Eddie's stories, Mr. Havelock -- good teacher that he was -- concerned himself more with the quality of Eddie's writing....He was well-liked on the teaching-writing circuit, where he could be relied on not to sleep with the students. Not with the younger students anyway...What Ted had told his daughter was, 'this poor kid never got over fucking your mother.'"

From A Widow for One Year, copyright 1998 by John Irving

Sunday, August 24, 2003

GEOGHAN

Catholic Exchange still does not have any commentary on John Geoghan. One of the Mensa women says "why can't US priests have housekeepers, like in Latin America?"
WHAT MEN WANT

Not sure I believe this.

Saturday, August 23, 2003

FROM THE "FEELING BETTER ABOUT MYSELF" DEPARTMENT

Talked to an 18-year-old girl in Charles County who told me she's thinking of starting a family. She loves her boyfriend in spite of his criminal past, but says if they make too much money, they won't be eligible for subsidized housing.
GEOGHAN DEAD

John Geoghan died today. May God have mercy on us ALL.
TATTOO YOU

If you missed the Ozzfest yesterday, there's still the Second Annual DC Tattoo Expo this weekend.

Friday, August 22, 2003

TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION

"From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere."

Dr. Seuss

Bruce Ladson reads this. So what does this make -- 12 people who read my blog now? Bruce was not sure whether the burrito story was true. I told him "would I make that up? Why would I make that up?" Why I HAVE to make that up -- there are enough strange things that happen without my having to make them up.

janedoe@seductive.com
DIRTY OLD POLISH LADIES

I am so embarrassed. I am turning into my father. An older woman at work is regaling a much younger male co-worker with details of her sex life which would embarrass ME, and that's hard to do. Then one of my male friends told me the younger guy probably gets OFF hearing about this. My father has ideas about what kind of language men and women should use amongst each other. When I say "asshole" or "bullshit" to one of my male friends, his comment is " I would never have said that to a woman when I was your age." I say, "Dad, they're NOT saying that to me. I'm saying that to THEM." He tells me about his teenage years at an auto factory in Detroit in which old Polish ladies said really foul stuff to him all the time. This bothered him so much he joined the Army. Come to think of it, the old Polish ladies were probably my age.

Thursday, August 21, 2003

THE DREAM

Last night I dreamt I had got a second master's degree, but was no happier, richer, more famous or beloved,and I was even deeper in debt. Then I woke up and realized I already had one master's degree, and was at least not out the money for the second one.

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

YOU WANT FLIES WITH THAT?

Got a burrito with live worms in it from California Tortilla in Bethesda. At least they were nice about giving me my money back.

This should make self-righteous vegetarian assholes think about something: the manager says the worms were probably in the lettuce, not in the meat. Should have gone to Popeye's as planned.
YOUR HOROSCOPE FOR THE DAY

My Horoscope for the Day from Joyce Jillson:

" You're low on faith. You want to know for certain that desires can be achieved before you even dare to desire them. Reading biographies, studying articles and watching videos about success will keep you on track."

Unfortunately, even the people who inspired me are letting me down....

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

THE MILAGRO BEANFIELD FILES

Am watching the X-Files "Milagro" episode again. Yeah, it's a slow night. Pagett can't think of anything for his characters to say or do. Heck, I have enough characters and episodes to fill an entire season. I just don't have time to write it with my three jobs.

They're still playing the Gatorade spot talking about the swamps of Gainesville. Can't escape that, either.
BLASTER #1

The Blaster Worm was #1 in the Lycos top 50 last week, pushing Kobe Bryant and his accuser out of the top spots.

Monday, August 18, 2003

TWO MORE GREAT BLOG TITLES TAKEN

The Angry Clam and Tanning Yak.
FEELING BETTER ABOUT MYSELF

Just saw on Channel 5 three kids were riding a scooter and were hit by a guy driving an unregistered vehicle with no license (or maybe no insurance). I never let more than one person ride my scooter.
THE SUCCUBUS

I am watching an old X-Files episode in which A.D. Skinner encounters a succubus, or a jealous, possessive old woman. Is that me? Skinner tells his estranged wife, Sharon, how she made everything worth it, no matter how hairy his job got, she made it all okay, knowing he would be asleep with her at night, waking up with her in the morning. So why did you let your marriage turn to poo poo, Walter?

janedoe@seductive.com
BLUE MORNING BLUE DAY

Out in the street it's 6 am, another sleepless night
Three cups of coffee, but I can't clear my head from what went down last night
No we won't have our own little ways, but somehow we keep it together
You hear me talk, but you don't hear what I say, I guess it don't even matter

Blue morning, blue day, won't you see things my way?
Blue morning, can't you see what your love has done to me?

I've always listened to your point of view, my ways are cut through men
And I've always been a patient man, but my patience has reached its end
You tell me you're leaving, you tell me goodbye
You say you might send a letter
Well honey don't telephone, cause I won't be alone
I need someone to make me feel better

Blue morning, blue day, won't you see things my way?
Blue morning, can't you see what your love has done to me?

Blue morning, blue day, won't you see things my way?
Blue morning, can't you see what your love has done to me?

Blue morning, blue morning
Blue morning, blue morning
Blue morning, blue morning
Blue, blue, blue day, yeah

From Foreigner's 1978 album Double Vision

This is how I feel today, but it's more like "grey morning, grey day."

Sunday, August 17, 2003

THE PARENT TRAP

Dating for single parents. Honestly, kids have only been a problem for me one time. I never met the kid, but his father told me he was a sweet kid, just "misunderstood." That's why he took him out of high school -- he was getting tired of all the conferences with the kid's guidance counselor. The charming child's mother was dead -- she was a Wiccan who foretold her own death -- hit by a truck on her way to the welfare office. Dad had to cancel our first date because the kid had reportedly fallen off a roof that afternoon. However, the boy did have one good thing going for him -- he wanted to see Spiderman.
AND THEY'RE OFF!

The first three query letters are in the mailbox and should go out with Monday's first mail. I am eagerly expecting rejection.

Saturday, August 16, 2003

THE NIGHT THE LIGHTS WENT OUT IN MICHIGAN

From my cousin Lynn in Ohio (Joe's Sister) on the Detroit blackout:

"It was eerie. Sections of town (Friday evening) that were normally robust with traffic were reduced to one or two cars. At 4:30, Thursday, the freeways and roads were gridlock. It took me 3 hours to travel 20 miles. I started with 1/4 tank of gas and was past empty when I arrived at my mother's. It reminded me of the riots during the late 60's. Curfews were in effect on Thursday and Friday. Yesterday (Friday) I had to go to our Detroit store and one would have thought we were in Beirut. I really appreciate air conditioning. I have returned to Columbus today and had to take a relaxing bath after working 12 - 14 hours daily up to and including today. The cat, Clem, saw to it that the relaxing bath never happened. I lit a tranquility candle, only to singe the hair on his tail. MEOW!"

My mom tells me the relatives in da U.P. are fine, but Oil City, PA lost power.
LET'S GET CATHOLIC

I have found three potential publishers to send manuscripts to. The Mediterranean Semitic person who assumes my people are crazy wants to know why I am making the people in my book Catholic. Because we ARE Catholic, dummy!

Friday, August 15, 2003

THE IMMACULATE CORRECTION

Today is a Catholic Holiday. One of the Chosen People says "I assume you people are crazy."

I did go to church. Yeah, I admit it was just long enough to read the bulletin and drop a check in the basket but hey, it's the first time I've been in a long time.

Thursday, August 14, 2003

LIGHTS OUT

"New York City has no power
And the milk is getting sour
But to me it is not scary
'Cause I stay away from dairy."

Phoebe's Blackout Song

CHARLIE WARREN SHOW

I am producing the Charlie Warren Show tonight. Charlie, in his innocence, has enough confidence in me to get everything right before he arrives. I told him he had better check back with me, unless he wants three hours about overweight, aging producers who date their co-workers' fathers' drinking buddies and lust after younger men.
WHEEE!

Today is my birthday. Wheee! I dreamt about mothers and babies last night. Wonder what that means? I am watching an old X-Files episode in which a woman says her memories are being stolen by aliens. I hope that doesn't happen to me. Memories are all I have. In another episode (also on tape) a writer's dead character comes back from the dead and says he's disgusted with him. At least all my characters are real and living.

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

I LIKE MINE YELLOW-GREEN AND SOFT

Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm talking about pickles.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

KOBE #1

Kobe Bryant is now #1 of the Lycos top 50 searches. His accuser is #2.

Monday, August 11, 2003

TWINS: DOUBLE YOUR FUN!

Heard a feature on Morning Edition that blew me away. A woman had (or was) a chimera, that is, in utero, she had a fraternal twin sister, but both eggs fused and became one person. Freaked me out for most of the day.

Sunday, August 10, 2003

FAT-BOTTOMED GUYS

Coco advises this woman to give a fat guy a try even though she's not sure she's attracted to him. Bad advice if you ask me.
LITTLE GREEN FOOTBALLS

Another great url taken.
THE SECRET IS OUT

I have been trying to write a book. I finally have the first six chapters written, and copies of the manuscript are going out to the first readers. I have no idea what to do next. There, I said it.

Saturday, August 09, 2003

TWO MORE GREAT BLOG TITLES TAKEN

Mindless Babbling Crapfish and Pooing in the Woods.
Could I BE Any More Desparate?

I signed up for a Catholic Dating Service. So far I have had four responses, and I haven't even uploaded a picture.
FAITH CRISIS IN BLOGOSPHERE

Terry Mattingly says "the faithful can blog, too!"

Friday, August 08, 2003

KEMP MILL CLOSING


Mix 107 reports Kemp Mill Records is closing, blaming people downloading so much music from the Internet. Not sure I believe that, but sorry to see them go -- they've been around since I was a kid and there's a store on Connecticut Avenue.
AND HERE'S TO YOU, MRS. HAUTANEN

This morning on Good Morning America, Diane Sawyer talked about the most famous line from the movie, The Graduate, "plastics." And I thought it was "Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me." That movie has had special significance for me since I was 23 and had a 19-year-old boyfriend. When I was four years old, I was in love with Jeff Reinch, who was three. My family hated him. This was to set the pattern for the next 30 years.

janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, August 07, 2003

THIS IS STUPID

Seven signs she digs you. Seven signs a DUMB woman digs you. A couple posts ago I talked about some of the dumb things I've done, and have considered doing, but even I think this is stupid. None of the guys I'm currently dating have roommates in punk bands. The closest is one who lives with his paranoid schizophrenic mother. He is almost as bad as she is -- he won't give me his home or work phone numbers, and insists on calling me all the time. Never mind I won't give him my home phone number, so I end up wasting valuable cell phone minutes.
EVIL DAY, EVIL PIGS

Today has been an evil day. The tarot card I drew was the Wheel of Fortune, which stands for luck, destiny, felicity, karma etc. Yeah, hard luck, unhappy destiny, bad karma. My grandmother is in the hospital, the pigs are biting each other, and there is something wrong with my insurance. Of the three guys I've been dating, the one I REALLY like doesn't call, the one who said he would call last Thursday called today and woke me up and the other one continues to play games.

Wednesday, August 06, 2003

LET'S MAKE A DEAL

You've got to give a little, take a little,

and let your poor heart break a little.

That's the story of, that's the glory of love.



You've got to laugh a little, cry a little,

until the clouds roll by a little.

That's the story of, that's the glory of love.



As long as there's the two of us,

we've got the world and all it's charms.

And when the world is through with us,

we've got each other's arms.



You've got to win a little, lose a little,

yes, and always have the blues a little.

That's the story of, that's the glory of love.

That's the story of, that's the glory of love.

The Glory of Love by Billy Hill

Sung by Bette Middler (or the kid who plays little Bette Middler) in the movie Beaches. I think it was also part of the Guess Who's Coming to Dinner soundtrack

I have received an offer which was more like a business deal than a romantic overture, and I am not sure I agree to all the terms. Of course I could present my own terms and see how he feels about them.

Come to think of it, just about all my relationships have been like business deals. No, I'm not saying I whacked a guy because he bought me dinner or blew him because he helped me move into the new house or boffed him because he bought me a present. However, most of them were based on guilt, obligation, or fear of abandonment. Sure, I liked them, but there have only been two men whom I actually LOVED, whose happiness was more important than my own.
CONAN THE GOVERNOR?

Arnie Scharzenegger says he is running for governor of California. Stranger things have happened. I guess.
WHY PANIC AT TEN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING?

"She was wearing tennis shorts and tennis shoes, although she didn't play tennis, and a floppy flannel shirt that was too big for her -- it was Ted's. She wasn't wearing a bra. Earlier that morning, when Eddie was leaving to pick up Ted at the carriage house, Marion had taken his hand and placed it under her shirt and held it against her bare breast; but when he tried to kiss her, she drew away, leaving Eddie's right hand with the feel of her breast, which he would go on feeling for about ten or fifteen years."

From A Widow for One Year, by John Irving, 1998
FIT TO BE TIED?

The Knot asks "is your relationship marriage-worthy?" As I said before, the closest I have come to a proposal is "if you marry me, I promise my father won't call you 'Shiksa.'"
HE'S SO VAIN

The Associated Press reports after about 30 years, Carly Simon will reveal who's "So Vain." Chief suspects are Mick Jagger, Warren Beatty and James Taylor.
ALMOST AS BAD

There is an e-mail going around at work saying someone is cutting his/her toenails in the control room.

Michelle says there is only one woman board op besides me, however I don't think it was necessarily a woman. Bohannon used to cut his fingernails on air, but never his toenails, at least not that I saw. O'Brien says they will do DNA testing if necessary.

This is where having disgusting toenails is a good thing. I have not had mine cut since Easter, so it could not have been me. My feet are terrible. I have dewclaws and thick calluses like a dawg's pawpads. You should see the poor people who cut them. The one looked really tired and probably sorry she had agreed to do it. The other one just giggled. I make sure I tip them big.

They say if you put a sleeping person's hand in water, he or she will urinate. You can also do this with their feet. I make sure I go to the bathroom before and after I get my toenails cut.

THE ANUS OF TRUTH

Kevin sent me this:

"A high school friend of mine, Buddy, has been trying to get me to go
to Burning Man with him and some other people for several years now
(they actually did). After seeing this, I kind of wish I had went."

http://www.mushero.com/trips/bman00/goat/goat.html

http://houseness.org/goatrodeo/

It is not as bad as I had feared.
A HIGH-PRESSURE SITUATION

This article from WebMD suggests having mixed feelings about a relationship can raise your blood pressure. Maybe this is not a bad thing. I call my mother when my blood pressure goes up into the triple digits.
NO PURCHASE NECESSARY

Just what I've always wanted! A Catholic clock!

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

KOBE #2 AGAIN

The woman accusing Kobe Bryant of molesting her is again the #1 Lycos 50 search. Kobe himself is #2.
MORON LAWN GUY LAND

Talked to another (younger) guy from Long Island who's into tarot cards. At least this guy's Lutheran. Why is it I keep ending up with older/younger Jewish guys, or married guys, or Jewish guys from Long Island? At least they're not all older married Jewish guys from Long Island.
WHEN YOU COME AROUND

I heard you crying loud all the way across town
You've been searching for that someone
and it's me out on the powl
As you sit around feeling sorry for yourself
Don't get lonely now
Dry your whining eyes
I'm just roaming for the moment
Sleazin' my backyard so don't get so uptight
you been thinking about ditching me
No time to search the world around
Cause you know where I'll be found
When I come around
I heard it all before
So don't knock down my door
I'm a loser and a user so to slag me
down because I know I'm right
So go do what you like
Make sure you do it wise
You may find out that your self doubt
means nothing was ever there
You can't go forcing something if it's just not right

When I Come Around from Green Day's 1994 album "Dookie"

But do you know where I'll be found if and when you do come around?

Monday, August 04, 2003

DON'T DRINK AND SHOOT

"And i thought this was because you saw the "U.S.BEER DRINKING TEAM" hat i
used to have. The back of it said " it AIN'T an olympic sport but IT OUGHT TO
BE". However, now that i have seen the web site, i may join the team!!
There is one thing, if you are on the beer drinking then you CANNOT join the
target shooting team!! the two just do not mix!!"
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

"Not knowing does not make you stupid, incompetent or evil. It just means you don't know."

Cecil Hickman

I wish everyone would get that.

Sunday, August 03, 2003

BUT WILL THEY BE ELIGIBLE TO COMPETE IN ATHENS NEXT SUMMER?

The US Beer Drinking Team.
YOU WISH!

Is he a keeper?
PEOPLE UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

Just got an e-mail with the subject "Janedoe, why not enhance your manhood?" Hel-lo, who do they think I am, Cassandra?
JUST MAKES GOOD SENSE

The ones you like never call back.
MORON SEABISCUIT

The Catholic view of Seabiscuit. As I said before, I got a big kick out seeing the short jockeys in the Mexican Bordello, also of seeing Tobey Maguire in his underwear.
MORON THE YAWN PATROL

I am feeling so lazy I am running the board with my feet. Grooms will love that. When I was at Westwood , we had a CD player which could not be activated from the board. If I wanted to record from CD to cart, I had to hit the cart button with my left index finger and stretch and activate the CD player with my right big toe. If I were any shorter, it wouldn't have worked.

Saturday, August 02, 2003

THE YAWN PATROL

In case you haven't figured it out, I have been working the graveyard shift, or what someone at the Post , or maybe it was the now-defunct Star referred to as "the yawn patrol." I feel like Woody Allen's Great Roe, "a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion. The Roe is reputed to sleep for a thousand years and then suddenly rise in flames, particularly if it was smoking when it dozed off. Odysseus was said to have awakened a roe after six hundred years but found it listless and grouchy and it begged to remain in bed just two hundred more years. The appearance of a Roe is generally unlucky and usually precedes a famine or news of a cocktail party."

from Without Feathers, copyright 1972

KATE AND ERIC AND GREG AND CHARLIE (AND DAVE AND JASON)

A Catholic argument against gay marriage.

Friday, August 01, 2003

INSIDE EDITION SEGMENT CANCELLED

The Inside Edition segment with Laura Hillenbrand was cancelled due to poor audio quality.
DR. PHIL

Just finished watching Dr. Phil , "when his five-year-old beats up her four-year-old." What an annoying, whiny pair of brats! Worse than the pigs! The depressing thing is, the woman is pregnant with another child. this should be good.
INSIDE EDITION

Inside Edition is supposed to do a segment on CFIDS tonight. Not sure whether there will be any footage from the Seabiscuit screening (see updated July 28th entry).

Gonna try to tape it, even though my rotten VCR has been eating up cassettes recently. I won a coupon for a free video Monday. I figured I would rent Deconstructing Harry, The Ice Storm, Pleasantville, or Spiderman. You get the picture.
YOU WANT FRENCH FRIES WITH THAT?

The Washington, DC Tarot Society is now meeting at Hamburger Hamlet in Crystal City. Interesting.


janedoe@seductive.com