Friday, December 31, 2004

NINE WEEKS

Today would have been my parents' 45th anniversary. Having Kevin's father die was like losing my own father all over again.

janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, December 30, 2004

WEIRD DREAMS

Dreamt I sold some of my soap to Gypsies (or Roma, as they prefer to be called) and they made a fortune off it. This morning the workers over my condo were making all kind of terrible noises -- sounded like Armageddon. Dreamt Mom and I fled but I wanted to grab the pigs first.

janedoe@seductive.com
A CHRISTMAS (NEW YEAR'S?) MIRACLE

Got the result of my beloved Thunder's cytosis -- it was non-malignant and non-infectious. I realize it's so silly, even sinful, to worry so much about a guinea pig when tens of thousands of people are dying in South Asia, but I figured God took my grandmother, my father, Kevin's father, Rita's dog and Dr. Love, at least he could spare my pig.
HERE COMES THE BRIDE

Well, actually not for a couple of months. My cousin Lynn is getting married in 2005. She and her fiance, Jerry, are very much in love and Mom and I are very much happy for her.


"SHE'S ALMOST AS BIG AS THE ISLAND"

Mary Hautanen on Spanish soprano Montserrat Caballe.

Unfortunate, but true. We saw her (Montserrat Caballe, not my mom) on the Performing Arts Showcase, a pleasant surprise. Performing Arts Showcase airs on Channel 19 in Sarasota, which normally broadcasts county commission meetings and stuff like that, but runs arts stuff in the odd hours. The non-commercial showcase comes from California. You can see it on channel 19 on DC Cable and a bunch of other stations.
DONATE ONLINE NOW!

Catholic Relief Services is (are?) collecting money to help tsunami victims, estimated now to number over 100 thousand.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

THE POST FUCKED UP

This world-class newspaper said Kevin's father was 93. He was 83. Also, they said my dad had three sisters and he had four and they spelled our name wrong.

janedoe@seductive.com
MORE THAN I CAN STAND

Former Westwood One newsroom employee Richard Preston, aka "Dr. Love" died. Funeral arrangements are set for Monday. One of Rita's dogs died two days ago.

janedoe@seductive.com
BACK IN DC?

Flew in from Miami Beach BOAC.
Didn't get to bed last night!
On the way the paper bag was on my knee,
man I had a dreadful flight!
I'm back in the U.S.S.R.
You don't know how lucky you are boy!
Back in the U.S.S.R.
Been away so long I hardly knew the place.
Gee it's good to be back home!
Leave it till tomorrow to unpack my case.
Honey disconnect the phone!
I'm back in the U.S.S.R.
You don't know how lucky you are boy!
Back in the U.S.
Back in the U.S.
Back in the U.S.S.R.
Well the Ukraine girls really knock me out!
They leave the West behind!
And Moscow girls make me sing and shout
that Georgia's always on my mind!
I'm back in the U.S.S.R.
You don't know how lucky you are boys!
Back in the U.S.S.R.
Show me round your snow peaked mountains way down south.
Take me to your daddy's farm!
Let me hear your balalaika's ringing out!
Come and keep your comrade warm.

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

LIFE INSURANCE

Why do they call it "life insurance," not "death insurance?"

Monday, December 27, 2004

Sunday, December 26, 2004

WET CHRISTMAS

Instead of a white Christmas we had a wet one.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

DEATH NOTICE

Kevin's father, Carl McCall, died unexpectedly in his sleep Christmas morning. The notice should appear in the POST within the next few days.
COPING WITH CHRISTMAS

For those of you who don't celebrate Christmas, click here.
MERRY CHRISTMAS

"God bless us, each and every one"

Charles Dickens

When I was a kid Dad told me about how some girl in his class referred to Bob Cratchit as "Bob Scratchit." About 30 or 40 pounds ago my former news director referred to me as "tiny Jane."

Friday, December 24, 2004

OH, MY GOD!

A Christmas memory from my childhood. I could never figure this practice out, but it is now coming together, thanks to Benjamin Ludwig.

janedoe@seductive.com
MORE GORGEOUS PIGS

For more gorgeous holiday pigtures click here and also on http://guinealynx.info/forums/viewtopic.php?t=16303&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=hail=king=snuggles&start=620

janedoe@seductive.com


SANTA BABY

Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me
I've been an awful good girl
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Santa baby, an out-of-space convertible too, light blue
I'll wait up for you dearSanta baby,
and hurry down the chimney tonight
Think of all the fun I've missed
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be oh so good
If you'd check off my Christmas list
Boo doo bee dooSanta honey,
I wanna yacht and really that's
Not a lotI've been an angel all year
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Santa cutie, there's one thing I really do need, the deed
To a platinum mineSanta cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Santa baby, I'm filling my stocking with a duplex, and checks
Sign your 'X' on the line
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me
Boo doo bee doo
Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring
I don't mean a phoneSanta baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight

--by Javits and Springer

not sure I want a sable, it would look too much like Thunder, but the rest of the presents would be okay.

janedoe@seductive.com
EIGHT WEEKS

Who knew my father would die eight weeks before Christmas? Mom and I have had a nice day so far, but it would be a lie to say I have no anger issues. On December first I sent out about 75 cards with Times death notices in them. One family I've known for 20 years made no note of my father's passing, but they did send me a picture of their son and his new girlfriend. Not sure whether I'm gonna send them a card next year.

janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, December 23, 2004

LISTEN UP

Evidently I will be doing a Christmas greeting at Smooth Jazz. It should be playing for the next couple days.
HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on, our troubles will be out of sight
Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on, our troubles will be miles away.
Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.
Through the years We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself
A merry little Christmas now.

--Ralph Blane

Now I realize what he means by "we all will be together if the Fates allow"
COMCAST SUCKS

Arrived in Sarasota last night, which I would have told you earlier, but the Uncle Fester lookalike at the Westfield Town Center Comcast booth wouldn't let me blog. When I complained that I had been a Comcast customer for years and paying more and more for less and less Uncle Fester said "Well, ma'am, if you con't like it you can disconnect." Now that's real salesmanship.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

MISSED OPPORTUNITIES

Missed my flight this morning. Will try again this afternoon.

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

LAKEY LEAVES

WETA program director Ingrid Lakey left Friday. Our loss is Philadelphia's gain.

NOW WE LIGHT A THOUSAND CANDLES

Today marks the first day of winter. About the only good thing I can say is the days will start getting longer. The other day it was so cold I left a Coke in my car and the Coke froze partially. Lightning's fur didn't look right so I brushed and combed it, making it look worse. Then I held my hand over his head and his fur stood right on end. I went to the bathroom, and when I combed my own hair it stuck straight out. Then I realized there was nothing wrong with the pigs -- the air in here is just dry.

Monday, December 20, 2004

FROM DAINTY JUNE TO MAMA ROSE

Since my beloved Thunder appeared in the Pets of Alexandria Calendar, one of my gay friends said he saw me turning into Mama Rose, except I bear little or no resemblance to Ethel Merman. Gee, and I always wanted to be Dainty June. My ex sez he's glad I've got some excitement back in my life.

janedoe@seductive.com

BLOG YOU, TOO!

This is a friend's blog. I take no responsibility for him/it. You can find us both listed at Blogwise.

janedoe@seductive.com

NINE DOWN, ONE TO GO

Well, I have been to (or eliminated) nine of the ten parties I was invited to. The only one left, at least before I leave town, should be easy -- It's in the building where I live and all I have to do is bring a little something (like from Giant or Whole Foods or something). Yesterday I wore a red jelly bracelet to brunch. Lori Anne asked if it was a kabalistic thing. I explained the only reason I wore it was it went with the red shirt I was wearing.

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, December 19, 2004

SOME GORGEOUS PIGS

While Guinelynx is normally a chat forum, I found some gorgeous Christmas pictures, especially those towards the bottom. For those of you who don't celebrate Christmas, there is a Jewish pig (yes!) on this page.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

DAN CLUNE STILL MISSING

Bookcrossing team member Dan Clune is still missing -- his friends have put together a website.
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION

Men who knit.

Friday, December 17, 2004

SEVEN WEEKS

Seven weeks since my father's death. Sometimes it seems like years, sometimes it seems as though it were just yesterday. I was hoping Dad would haunt the old bag down the street but so far no such luck.

janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, December 16, 2004

DC: WHERE THE ELITE MEET TO EAT

I am invited to at least ten parties this holiday season, and have had to say “no” to at least three. I went to one last night at which the first guy who approached me was overweight, needed a haircut (needed his hair combed, too) and wore a plaid flannel shirt. I’m sure you saw him in the latest GQ. His companion was slightly better-looking and wore a totally unmemorable T-shirt (but at least it didn’t say anything like “too late, I’m taken,” or “I’m hers, because she deserves the best). This is the gist of our conversation:

Overweight Plaid-shirt Guy: So, do you live around here or work here?

Me: Some kind of generic response. I don’t want him to know where I live or work. (OWPSG plies me with more questions, including how I know the host and whom else I know at this soiree)

OWPSG: (Gesturing at bleach-blond within earshot) I asked that woman how she knows (host) and she says she has sex with him every night.

All I can do is smile weakly and hope the bleach blond is the host’s wife. Believe it or not, OWPSG is married and doesn’t even have the good sense to take his wedding ring off.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

MATTERS OF THE HEART

Saw the cardiologist today -- my father's and grandmother's deaths had little to do with it. It bothers me when my birthdate is written right on my chart and they ask how old I am. Can't they do math?

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

CHRISTMAS #1

Christmas is again #1 of the Lycos 50, Clay Aiken is #2, Paris Hilton is #3.

Monday, December 13, 2004

DEATH FOR PETERSON

NPR reports jurors have recommended death for Scott Peterson. Also, President Bush has nominated Michael Leavitt for Health and Human Services Secretary.

janedoe@seductive.com
LITTLE COMPLIMENTS EVERYWHERE

Kelli Fox sez expect compliments today. People have been complimenting my pig page. Speaking of which, get a load of these bunnies.

janedoe@seductive.com
THE EXORCIST III

Exorcism guy (see December 9th) called to thank me for the referrals I gave him.

janedoe@seductive.com
SANKTA LUCIA

Natten gar tunga fjat runt gard och stuva
Kring jord som sol'n forlat skuggornar ruva
Da i vart morka hus stiger med tanda ljus
Sankta Lucia, Sankta Lucia
Natten var stor och stum nu hors det svingar
I alla tysta rum sos sum av vingar
Se pa var troskel star vitkladd med ljus i har
Sankta Lucia, Sankta Lucia

Today is the Feast of St. Lucy. I apologize for the lack of diacritical marks.

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, December 12, 2004

WEIRD DREAMS

I have been having weird dreams of a sexual/militaristic nature recently. Uncle Henry used to say he would have terrible dreams when he was coming down with something. He has been dead almost ten years.
BLOG YOU!

Today's POST has an article on getting your blog read by more people. Most of it is from the Department of Big Duh, but I did find out about Blogwise. E-mailed Reenhead a couple days ago, haven't had any results.
BRING IT ON HOME

If you ever change your mind
About leavin', leavin' me behind
Oh, oh, bring it to me
Bring your sweet lovin'
Bring it on home to me, oh yeah
You know I laughed when you left

But now I know I've only hurt myself
Oh, oh, bring it to me
Bring your sweet lovin'
Bring it on home to me, yeah ...
I'll give you jewellery, money too

And that's not all, all I'll do for you
Oh, oh, bring it to me
Bring your sweet lovin'
Bring it on home to me, yeah...
You know I'll always be your slave

Till I'm dead and buried in my grave
Oh, oh, bring it to meBring your sweet lovin'
Bring it on home to me, yeah ...
If you ever change your mind

About leavin', leavin' me behind
Oh, oh, bring it to me
Bring your sweet lovin'
Bring it on home to me, yeah ...

Bring it on Home
by Sam Cooke

Good tune -- heard Sam singing it in duet with Lou Rawls on American Roots.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

RATS WITH WINGS

"All they do is sit in the rain gutter and coo and crap."

John Irving, The World According to Garp

When I left work at 6:20 this morning the pigeons in the overpass were cooing, but I did not park my car under the underpass, so they did not have to opportunity to crap on it. It's amazing what they can do in six hours. Mom sez they don't have bladders, that's why they shit in liquid form.

Also, apropos Irving, The Door in the Floor is now available on DVD/video.

Friday, December 10, 2004

THE EXORCIST II

Exorcism guy called at work today. I gave him the phone numbers for the Diocese of Arlington and the Archdiocese of Washington.

janedoe@seductive.com
SIX WEEKS

My father died six weeks ago today. The other day Aunt Ellen asked me how I was feeling. I think I answered something like "sad, angry, cheated, resentful, hurt, blue, betrayed" or something like that.

Last night I dreamed Dad was driving me in the car. He could barely control it and nearly knocked over a little girl, ran over a bunch of garbage cans and hit a telephone pole. I had to get out of the car and move everything. When we got home I told Mom Dad probably shouldn't be driving and she said "it's not so bad."

janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, December 09, 2004

OH, CHRISTMAS TREE, OH DREIDL

Christmas trees have often been an issue in my family, even among the gentile members. Not whether we should have one, but what kind to get. My dad picked out last year's tree. It looked as though it was made of fish tank tubing. The only good thing about it was it was so ugly the cat left it alone. This year Mom and I decided to go with something we actually like, so she picked out two or three from Target. I saw an ad for a Waterford Georgian Tree like this one at Hechts. The guy must have been so flattered by my attention he gave me a really good deal on it. I had it shipped to Mom with a card enclosed. Not many people mail her trees, so it shouldn't have been that hard to figure it out who sent it. Before we narrowed it down to three trees I found a Menorah on E-bay and had that shipped to her, too, figuring she could put it up in protest if nothing else.
PROBABLY NOT KOSHER

Nice Jewish pigs?
ALL IN A DAY'S WORK

Some guy called me this morning and asked if I would perform an exorcism. That has to be the weirdest call I've received all week.
CALENDAR PIG

My beloved Thunder is one of the many pets in the 2005 Pets of Alexandria calendar. True, he's on the very last page pictured in a resting position with the caption "at rest," but he is not dead -- I saw him about two hours ago and he was oinking his lungs out.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

O MARY

Conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee.

(Today is the feast of the Immaculate Conception)

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS

Hanukkah begins at sunset today. Click here for candle-lighting times. So far I have got e-mails from my ex, who's sworn off Hanukkah, Linda and Aunt Ellen, and I'm not even Jewish.
AND THE NOMINEES ARE...

ABC announces the 2005 Grammy Nominees.
CHRISTMAS #1

Christmas is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.
INFAMY

On the eve of Pearl Harbor Day I dreamt about a dome-shaped structure being attacked. Someone mentioned the Smithsonian.


Monday, December 06, 2004

DANCING SHOES

"A person who spends all his or her life pushing to get to the top gets tough as a result of working so hard. This happened to Mrs. Wintle. She became a rather frightening person. In fact, sometimes people said she had a stone where other people had a heart...Being unhappy and having cried so much had taken all the color from Rachel's cheeks and given her eyes the bulgy look of somebody getting over a cold...Nor was that all. Being unhappy had taken away her appetite at the right times, and made her hungry at the wrong ones, so she was mostly eating bread and jam between meals. This had given her pimples,one large one on her chin, a little one on one cheek, and the beginning of another on her nose...Aggravating child, why did she have to look as if she were about to be beaten every time she spoke to her?"

From Dancing Shoes, by Noel Streatfield. This is how I feel -- the book is about two little girls who lost their mother. Phil came back to work today. We exchanged condolences.

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, December 05, 2004

FARTING IN ELEVATORS

Is a risky proposition. I've always wanted to say that.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

ANOTHER GREAT BLOG TITLE TAKEN!

The Untaught Goat (It's a music site)

Friday, December 03, 2004

THE TWELVE CARDS OF CHRISTMAS

Actually it's more like 75 or 76. As I wrote on December first, just as I have my rules for thank you notes, I have my rules for Christmas cards and gifts. Traditionally I never started my card or gift list until Thanksgiving night and I never sent cards out until December first. However, this year I started everything early -- my first Christmas cards went out December first and all of them, except for about four, have gone out.

jandoe@seductive.com
FIVE WEEKS

"A little gray-coated sand bird came tripping over the beach `peeping' softly to itself, as if enjoying the sun and sea. It came quite close to Beth, and looked at her with a friendly eye and sat upon a warm stone, dressing its wet feathers, quite at home. Beth smiled and felt comforted, for the tiny thing seemed to offer its small friendship and remind her that a pleasant world was still to be enjoyed. "

From Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

I still have to remind myself I like men, I like food, I like music, I like reading....Betty asked me how Mom and I are coping with the holidays. Honestly, we have had so many holiday tragedies in our family and the last three years have brought so many deaths, job disappointments, failed relationships, I am just numb.

janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, December 02, 2004

SOME GOOD NEWS FOR A CHANGE

Our newest family member is Ryan Matthew Parker, born November 30th. This is the first baby born after my father's death -- it's nice to have something to celebrate.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

TOM BROKEJAW

Tonight was Tom Brokaw's final night. He said when he failed it was personally painful. Yeah, I can relate. Brian Williams starts tomorrow.

janedoe@seductive.com


POST-CONDOLENCE THANK YOU'S

I have sent out all my post-condolence e-mails and thank-you notes except for one. It is my rule that I always wait exactly one month after any event (my birthday, Christmas, Easter etc) before I send out thank-yous, that way I figure anyone who would have written, called etc would have by then. If I have received so many condolences and sent so many thank-you's why do I still feel sad?

janedoe@seductive.com
APOLOGIES

I have just discovered Earthlink is royally fucked up and I have probably lost dozens of e-mails at least since my grandmother's death in June. If you have e-mailed me and I have not replied or if you have replied to any of my e-mails and I did not send a fitting response I apologize, especially if I have been thinking unkind thoughts about you.

janedoe@seductive.com