Tuesday, May 26, 2015

THE POWER OF ALGORITHMS

Or something. A guy in one of my Meetups plays a lot of cards. Not sure how it happened, but somehow he got an invitation to play cards naked.

LIGHTING A SINGLE CANDLE


COmfort me

Started Power of Kabbalah 3 tonight. We talked about setting goals. Mine is to eat more fruit, to start out with. 

ON THE BUS

I saw a guy who looked like you. There was a woman sitting next to him with her legs in his lap. I thought I had lost feeling for you and for all other men. 

A WARM AND FUZZY STORY.

Literally: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/11/australias-oldest-man-sweaters-penguins-oil_n_6660962.html

NOBODY DOES....

so why should you? Happened across this on Youtube--the Fabulous Singlettes from Australia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmZnJVIS4X0

M SAYS I'M BORING WHEN I'M NOT DRINKING.

B says so too, but I think she finds me boring all the time. 

I AM STILL LIVING WITH YOUR GHOST

But not on the west coast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MW6E_TNgCsY

Monday, May 25, 2015

MAD MEN--THE FINALE

It’s been over a week, so here’s the rundown on the six characters most people consider the most important, unless you’ve been living in a cave:

Don Draper: When last seen he had abandoned his Cadillac in Oklahoma, headed to California to give Stephanie (Anna’s niece) Anna’s engagement ring and drove up north with her to some cult-like place in Northern California. There we are led to think he got inspired to buy the world a Coke, headed back to New York and made even more money: http://www.vulture.com/2015/05/see-mad-mens-series-ending-finale-montage.html

Betty Draper: I guess it had to happen to one of them, considering how much they all drank, smoked and kept a bad diet. In the penultimate episode she was diagnosed with an incredibly aggressive form of lung cancer and had less than a year to live. She wasn’t exactly my favourite character but geez, why her? It still hadn’t decided where her and Don’s three kids would go.Ironically, the real Don Draper's wife, Anna, died of cancer, too.  In the final scene Betty is seen smoking and dying while Sally does the dishes. Don’t they have a maid for that?

Roger Sterling: His agency having been completely absorbed by another, Roger draws up a will, leaving most of it to his grandson, Ellery, and his and Joan’s love child, Kevin. Marie Calvet (Megan’s mother) has left her husband, Emile, who was an asshole anyway, for him. It’s nice to see Joan’s face when she hears the news. When last seen Roger and Marie are seen in a cozy cafĂ©, either in Paris or Montreal, with Roger ordering  champagne and lobsters in French.

Joan Holloway Harris: After being screwed out of a quarter million dollars, she decides to cut her losses and start her own company without the consent of her gazillionaire boyfriend. Peggy refuses Joan’s offer to make her partner, and Joan is last seen running her new company, named “Holloway Harris” out of her apartment.

Peter Campbell: The scum also rises. Pete accepts Lear’s offer to move to Wichita and Trudy accepts his offer to re-marry her, despite his dalliances. When last seen they are beautifully dressed with Tammy in tow, boarding a Learjet. Incredibly romantic—I wouldn’t mind being Trudy, even if she ends up in Wichita with an adulterous husband. At least she’ll have use of the company plane, so she can fly back to New York any time she wants to.



Peggy Olson: So she and Pete have a love child already and at 4:24 and 4:44 it looks as though there could still be something going on: https://vimeo.com/38969950 . In the final episode Stan Rizzo makes a declaration of love for her (did not see that coming) and we last see her getting a back rub from him while pounding away at her typewriter. The “Mr. Peggy Olson” jokes abound.  Okay, it they’re happy. I guess he's preferable to Duck Phillips...

A TAIL OF TWO COWS

A Russian farmer is praying to G-d. His neighbour has the most fantastic cow anyone could want—she’s sweet, beautiful, gives huge quantities of milk and gives birth to huge numbers of beautiful, healthy calves.

G-d asks “so what do you want me to do about it?”

The farmer says “kill his cow.”

I don’t want anyone to lose his/her cow, no matter how badly they’ve treated me or my family/friends. I would ask for a cow just like his, or better. Or better yet, two cows.

janedoe@seductive.com

IDENTITY THEFT MADE FUNNY

Years ago Citibank did a really funny spot about identity theft. It used phrases such as "What's it too you,""buzz off," "take a hike" and "none of your beeswax." I just loved the inyourfacedness. Too bad I can't find it on Youtube. Others were less funny. 

janedoe@seductive.com

I'M SO SILLY

When I first heard about the Sopranos, I thought it was a musical thing, like the Three Tenors: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUT07eZoXPw

janedoe@seductive.com

Minor earthquake in California

janedoe@seductive.com

MEGHAN TRAINOR DID NOT DO A SONG TITLED "ALL ABOUT THAT BUS"

Not WMATA, Not WMATA: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PCkvCPvDXk

janedoe@seductive.com

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE SANDWICH


I do try to order something before I use the free Wifi...

janedoe@seductive.com 

ENDLESS SUMMER


Some people say summer begins Memorial Day and ends Labour Day, others say it begins with the summer solstice and ends with the autumnal equinox. I prefer to have it begin Memorial Day and end with the autumnal equinox--that way we get more of it. 

And as for people forgetting the meaning of the holiday, right now I am thinking of my Great Uncle Louis Kozma  who did not die in battle but in training camp, my cousin Tom who was badly wounded in Viet Nam and my late father, Edward Hautanen, who served in World War II but did not die then. 

As I say on Martin Luther King Day, if there is ever a Jane Hautanen Day I give people carte blanche to do WHATEVER they want--go to the beach, go to the mall, go to the movies, surf the web, watch TV, get drunk, get high, have sex, sleep in, stare at the wall or just stare into space. 

janedoe@seductive.com 

MEMORIAL DAY

Formerly Decoration Day: 


janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, May 21, 2015

PRESENT PERFECT

"Nobody was in the yard and that was nice. Usually it was preempted by the boy whose father rented the store on the ground floor. The boy played an interminable game of graveyard. He dug miniature graves, put live captured caterpillars into little match boxes, buried them with informal ceremony and erected little pebble headstones over the tiny earth mounds. The whole game was accompanied by fake sobbings and heavings of his chest. But today the dismal boy was away visiting an aunt in Bensonhurst. To know that he was away was almost as good as getting a birthday present."

Betty Smith


Other things are as good as getting a birthday/Christmas/Chanukah present--For example having the bus pull up right in front of you just as you arrive at the bus stop. And having a nice seat there for you at Starbucks. 

I'M TOLD SOME DOGS HEARD THE HIGH NOTES IN THIS SONG

And went deaf: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnVUHWCynig

Earthquakes in England and California

I LIKE THIS PREDICTION


A PIPE BROKE AT GRAND CENTRAL

One broke at Mom's house and one at work before that. What am I, a broken pipe magnet?

I want cupcakes

There is no such song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLJ1vuUWprA

Years ago I needed a picture of a cupcake for something or other. I ended up saving about 20 to my hard drive. A student said "you must like cupcakes."


THE BEST-DRESSED PERSON IN THE PHARMACY WAITING ROOM WAS A MOST LIKELY A TRANNY.

I felt like such a frump.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

I DON'T IDENTIFY WITH THIS

And I don't believe necessarily that "mongrel" children are smarter, more attractive etc. There seem to be a lot of biracial children in special ed, juvi etc: http://www.buzzfeed.com/elliesunakawa/31-things-all-half-asians-know-to-be-true#.vpv957e5Z

HELLO, FODDER

I'm sure I provide people with material:


RE-READING ANOUILH'S ANTIGONE

"Who was always the first out of bed every morning because she loved the touch of the cold morning air on her bare skin? Or the last to bed because nothing less than infinite weariness could wean her from the lingering night?"
 
Like Joanne Woodward said at the end of the movie Sybil, there aren't enough hours in the day.

I'VE BEEN TOLD I'M BATSHIT CRAZY


THIS IS PRETTY COOL

The Gulf of Alaska


MANY OF YOU KNOW ABOUT MY AVERSION TO FOOTWEAR

That includes shoes, socks, stockings, pantyhose, tights, etc. But I would wear these:


I wish I had enough energy to enjoy a beautiful day like this.

Monday, May 18, 2015

ISO

Two of my Gentile colleagues have Jewish bosses and/or business associates and get invited to Jewish events in their line of work. Neither one owns a yarmulke. I would like to get them each a nice one (not too kitschy) which does not cost too much but is presentable and could be worn in Temple . Are there any places in/near DC that sell them or do you recommend buying one online? Thanks!

janedoe@seductive.com

WATCHED THE MAD MEN SERIES FINALE

Be prepared for a lot of posts/tweets within the next couple days. 

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, May 17, 2015

ATE MY EASTER DINNER

Offered to share my funnel fries but no one accepted. That's okay--more for me. 

TATTOO YOU

I want my next one to say "wonton soup" in Chinese: http://www.thedailymeal.com/news/eat/guy-thinks-his-hebrew-tattoo-says-strength-it-actually-says-matzo/51415

PROBABLY TOO MUCH INFORMATION

In 1989 I had probably the worst cold ever. I wasn't that sick, just kind of tired. But the snot WOULD NOT STOP FLOWING from my nose. About a month ago we had a repeat--snot would not stop flowing from my nose and I kept coughing up phlegm. Last week it was the opposite--snot would not come out of my head. At least now it's starting to come out, albeit kind of dry. 


IN PIAM MEMORIAM