Monday, October 31, 2005

DON'T SAY "SHIT"

In front of the B-a-b-y. Divim says swearing makes Baby Jesus cry. Karen says if that were true He would never stop crying around her. Brandilynn says "Baby Jesus cries when you pinch him. When he is baby Jesus he is a baby and does not understand cuss words. He did not just PRETEND to be a baby."

In Little Women Amy says "I like to think that He was a little child once." In Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood , Vivian asks Our Lady whether the Son of God ever pooped or puked on her.

janedoe@seductive.com
THIS WILD PIGGY

Reuters reports Seoul is being attacked by wild boars. At the same time I was reading this I heard something on Radio America about Spiderman. My two favourite subjects -- Tobey Maguire and pigs.
HALLOWEEN

Today is Halloween, the day the Celts believed the veil between life and death was at its thinnest. To see a picture of my vampire pigs, click here. To see a picture of my darling Lightning with his glowing red eyes click here.

Last year I was at Mom's and she didn't hand out candy. Not sure whether she's going to this year. As usual I bought a bag, but probably won't have any trick or treaters.

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, October 30, 2005

GO GATORS?

Florida beat Georgia 14-10 in Jacksonville yesterday. I am trying to care.

FALL BACKWARDS

Set your clocks back one hour if you haven't already.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

UNHAPPIEST OF ANNIVERSARIES

A year ago today I still had a father. I have been dreading this day. In some ways things are more painful than the day my father died. Fortunately I either slept or worked most of it so it passed relatively painlessly. That no family members or pets have died in the last three months I take as a good sign. I still dream occasionally about my father and sometimes my grandmother, but nothing bad.

Friday, October 28, 2005

AWFUL BETA
Now people are getting ready for Tropical Storm Beta. Dallas says we should not have stopped at Wilma -- we should have had a Hurricane X. And a "Y." And a "Z?"

janedoe@seductive.com
52 WEEKS/TWO YEARS

52 weeks since my father died. Two years since the robbery. This is gonna be a fun weekend.

janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, October 27, 2005

SOX TAKE SERIES

The Chicago White Sox won this year's world Series last night. It's their first series win since 1917.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

MURDER BY THE NUMBERS

CBS reports there are two thousand dead in Iraq. Nevertheless, Cindy Sheehan isn't helping.

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

SUPPORT THIS BLOG

Click here. My address is radiobaby@hotmail.com
HALLOWEEN #1

Halloween is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.
ROSA PARKS DEAD

CBS reports civil rights pioneer Rosa Parks died yesterday at age 92. She was older than my father, younger than my grandmother.

Monday, October 24, 2005

GOLDEN IDOL

"He gave his life for tourists."

Steve Martin was honoured with the Mark Twain Award for American humour. Here is something Kevin wrote in the Steve Martin vein: "Hey, in farmer's field I was soon to be already making this swinging sex with fox from Serbia, when on tractor you my brother ran over my many bulges and her big Bosnian breasts on way to swinging party, much as tanks running over students we have thrown rocks at and run from manytimes!"

janedoe@seductive.com
GAILY TREADING THE MEASURE

"Let us gaily tread the measure, Make the most of fleeting leisure, Hail it as a true ally, Though it perish by-and-by.

Chorus.

Hail it as a true ally, Though it perish by-and-by.

Edith.

Every moment brings a treasure
Of its own especial pleasure;
Though the moments quickly die, Greet them gaily as they fly, Greet them gaily as they fly."

From the Pirates of Penzance by Sir Arthur Seymour Sullivan

Yes, though the moments quickly die it is important to greet them gaily as they fly.

Today is Kevin Kline's birthday. He played the pirate king in the movie version of Pirates.

Two of the pig people have a pair of pigs named Gilbert and Sullivan.

janedoe@seductive.com
SOMETHING NEW OVER WHICH TO OBSESS

Inasmuch as I am obsessed with my own weight, big fat Pippin's inability to lose it and baby Pandora's inability to gain it, I have bought a scale on which to weigh both pigs. Of course I have been weighing them and myself obsessively.

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, October 23, 2005

PORPOISE SPEW

Had a couple freebies to use up so I rented Muriel’s Wedding from Blockbuster. I had forgotten what a tacky bunch of bitches Toni Colettte hung around with. Reminds me of some of the girls I went to high school and college with. Never mind how common they actually are – I am still hurting from their words, such as “what do you know about anything? You come from some hick town in Virginia.” That’s why even now, unfortunately, it’s more important for me to date physically attractive men than men with money or education and to be on the air (or in the papers or on the Internet) than it is to earn a lot of money – I still feel the need to impress the assholes I went to elementary school, high school and college with even though most of them now live in tract houses in Loudon County. In the movie Rachel Griffiths refers to the fictional town of Porpoise Spit as “revolting.” I wouldn’t say that about Falls Church, but I DO feel that way about Gainesville.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

ALPHA BITES

The
Associated Press reports Tropical Storm Alpha is already forming. We've run out of names in the western alphabet.
I GET MISTY

It's cold and wet outside -- a good day to stay in.

Friday, October 21, 2005

51 WEEKS

Next week it will be one year since my father died and two years since the robbery. While things are looking up, I can't help wondering "what's next? Who's gonna die next? Am I gonna get robbed again?"

janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, October 20, 2005

WILMA!

Hurricane Wilma is headed for the Yucatan Peninsula, packing 145-mph winds. If she hits Florida and Mom's house is trashed, I'm sure Sean Penn won't come to visit her, LaVar Arrington won't treat her to a free shopping spree and Shaquillle O'Neal won't buy her free shoes. To her Bruce Springstone yell "Wilma!" click here.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

TIRED

Too tired to blog today. Everything is catching up with me.

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

HALLOWEEN #1

Halloween in #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

Monday, October 17, 2005

SAY GOODBYE TO HOLLYWOOD? OR MARYLAND? OR ARLINGTON?

Bobby's drivin' through the city tonight
Through the lights in a hot new rent-a-car
He joins the lovers in his heavy machine
It's a scene down on Sunset Boulevard
Say goodbye to Hollywood
Say goodbye to my baby
Say goodbye to Hollywood
Say goodbye to my baby
Johnny's takin' care of things for a while
And his style is so right for troubadours
They got him sitting with his back to the door
Now he won't be my fast gun anymore
Say goodbye to Hollywood
Say goodbye to my baby
Say goodbye to Hollywood
Say goodbye to my baby
Chorus:Movin' on is a chance that you take
Any time you try to stay together
Whoa
Say a word out of line
And you find that the friends you had
Are gone forever
Forever
Repeat Chorus
So many faces in and out of my life
Some will last
Some will just be now and then
Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes
I'm afraid it's time for goodbye again
Say goodbye to Hollywood
Say goodbye to my baby
Say goodbye to Hollywood
Say goodbye to my baby
Movin' on is a chance that you take
Any time you try to stay together
Whoa
Say a word out of line
And you find that the friends you had
Are gone forever
Forever
So many faces in and out of my life
Some will last
Some will just be now and then
Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes
I'm afraid it's time for goodbye again
Say goodbye to Hollywood
Say goodbye to my baby

Saying goodbye to Hollywood, or New York or any major market or network doesn't sound like such fun, but as Billy Joel says, "life is a series of hellos and goodbyes." I am working in three go-nowhere jobs, one of which I hate and none of which pay well, so it's time to tell at least one of them "goodbye."

By Billy Joel

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, October 16, 2005

SOME FUN TUNES

Here are some cute tunes. One of the Pigloo people started a "Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy" thread Bruce Springstone and the Screaming Blue Messiahs freak out poor Pippin.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

MILLIONS MORE MARCH

Newschannel 8 reports the Millions More March went peacefully. At least they included women. I'm sure I would have been welcome as hell -- a white woman wearing a star of David. Grooms says Judaism becomes me. Karen says "G-d knows what she's worshipping now."

At least there were no riots like there are in Toledo.
BAD MOOD DAY

Okay, by now it's night. Everyone else is out clubbing and I am working. They drive in from the suburbs in their sports cars and block me on my way to work. They clog up the lines at McDonald's when all I want are three stinking cookies. There was a trampy-looking chick in front of me in an orange dress. I wanted to ask here if that was her Halloween costume. The guy whom I relieve runs a sloppy board and is out before the stroke of midnight, as though he were gonna turn into a pumpkin. I will feel better when I get more sleep. Hopefully in a couple days.

Friday, October 14, 2005

50 WEEKS

The weather has been horrible and people's attitudes are horrible. We are living in a police state and cops are ticketing everywhere. Co-workers are asking me to help them with their side businesses for free and act insulted when I ask for something in return And the bad dreams are back.

janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, October 13, 2005

THE GATE IS CLOSING

Today is Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. There is so much I have to atone for, including my inability to forgive and forget. Catherine and I had pork and pinot at David Greggory last night. The only thing that would have made it less kosher would be to do it on Passover. With a loaf of rye bread and a glass of milk.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

CAN'T BLOG NOW

I am pretty overwhelmed, but in a good way. Will try later.

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

ANDERSON #1

Pamela Anderson is again #1 of the latest Lycos 50. Halloween is #2. Paris Hilton is #3.

Monday, October 10, 2005

WHY SOME MEN NEED TO PAY ME FOR MASSAGES

Because they are unattractive. And they can't spell or punctuate. And they use really annoying little emoticons. And no other adult human female will touch them. Here is
an example. Here is a related film.

janedoe@seductive.com
COLUMBUS DAY

Happy Columbus Day! How politically incorrect is that? Not that it makes much of a difference. For the Knights of Columbus webring click here. One sign of aging -- when you see guys younger than you who are Knights.

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, October 09, 2005

SUPPORT THIS BLOG

Click here. My address is radiobaby@hotmail.com
BAD HAIR DAY

One of my girlfriends just got out of the hospital after having multiple EEG's. The first thing she did was go to the hairdresser and get the glue out of her hair. Ouch!
THEY SAY IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY

Grooms reminds me today is John Lennon's birthday. And the 19th anniversary of my tonsillectomy.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

WHEN IT RAINS

It pours. We had at least eight inches of rain yesterday. And at least 18 thousand people are dead in the earthquake in South Asia.

Friday, October 07, 2005

49 WEEKS

More than 48 weeks since my father died. Almost a full calendar year. At least the weird dreams have stopped.

janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, October 06, 2005

DO YA

In this life I've seen everything I can see woman,
I've seen lovers flying through the air hand in hand
I've seen babies dancing in the midnight sun,
And I've seen dreams that came from the heavenly skies above
I've seen old men crying at their own grave sides
And I've seen pigs all sitting watching, picture slides
But I never seen nothing like you.

CHORUS:

Do ya do ya want my love
Do ya do ya want my face
Do ya do ya want my mind
Do ya do ya want my love
Well I, heard the crowd singin' out of tune,
As they, sat and sang Auld Lang Syne by the light of the moon
I heard the preachers bangin' on the drums,
And I heard the police playin' with their guns
But I never heard nothin' like you.
In the country where the sky touches down
On the field, she lay her down to rest
In the morning sun,
They come a'runnin' just to get a look, just to
Feel to touch her long black hair they don't give a damn

CHORUS -- repeat

Well I think you know what I'm trying to say woman,
That is I'd like to save you for a rainy day,
I've seen enough of the world to know,
That I've got to get it all to get it all to grow.

CHORUS -- repeat

By Jeff Lynne

'70's music was underrated at times. This one is on the Monster.com TV spot, the one on which you see people deliriously happy in their new jobs. I think it's been years since I felt that way about a job.

Yes I've seen and heard a lot but I've never seen or heard anything like you. Yes, I want your face and your mind and your love. I know at least you want my body. To here the song, click here and scroll down to ORCHESTRA. I like the part about pigs watching picture slides.

ZIPS IS THE PITS

Despite using a deodorant made for a man (my father's unused Old Spice) I still sweat pretty heavily, so one of my dresses had pronounced pit odour. Normally I am very satisfied with Zip's Dry Cleaners on Connecticut Avenue but today when I picked the dress up I sniffedthe pits and the odour was still there. I took it back immediately and the woman admitted there was still some pit odour but tried to explain they "didn't have anything" to remove it. She said they would clean the dress again. After a bad experience at another cleaner's I always sniff my clothes before leaving the store. A couple years ago I went to Artistic Valeton Columbia Road and my dress came back smelling like urine (it didn'tsmell that way when I left it there).

I got a couple e-mails from neighbours about this. One said places like Zips' don't really clean stuff -- they just press it. Ugh. Another one suggested I buy dress shields.
PRIESTLY PERVERT

WTOP reports the priest who baptized me has been busted on kiddie porn charges. I didn't know whether I wanted to throw up or take a shower. Sometimes I so want out of this church.

A couple years ago the pastor of my parents' church was fired for having sex with a woman. No word as to how old she was or whether she was a parishioner. The ironic thing was this asshole used to preach about the good posture during prayer and the evils of gum-chewing and praying with your hands in your pockets. I guess no one ever told him about keeping your penis in your pants.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

VOTE FOR US!

I hate to sound like Mama Rose (Chris sez I don't look like Ethel Merman), but my beloved Pippin/Thunder and Lightning are contestants in the Pets of Alexandria Contest. Here's how you can vote for them:

1. Voting prior to the Canine Games can be done by mail, at the Shelter or by calling 703-838-4774, ext. 206. All votes made prior to the Canine Games must be received by 5:00 PM on October 7, 2005. To make sure the vote is credited to the correct entry, votes must identify the pet and owner's name. To vote by snail mail, send correspondence to AWLA, Attn: Pets of Alexandria Calendar, 4101 Eisenhower Ave., Alexandria, VA 22304.

2. Cast your vote at the Canine Games on Saturday, October 8. The Canine Games will be held at the Episcopal High School in Alexandria. On-site voting will be held from 10:00 AM - 12:00 PM.

Votes are a dollar apiece, but there's no pressure....

jandoe@seductive.com
THE BOOK OF LIFE

So it's a new year. I do feel some optimism, as I am about to finish massage school and there are rumours of other non-massage jobs. Considering I've lost three family members and a pig in the past year, I wonder whose names are inscribed in the Book of Life for this year?

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

ANDERSON #1

Pamela Anderson is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

GOOD YONTIFF

Happy New Year 5766! What are you doing online?

Monday, October 03, 2005

"A HARD-ON...

...doesn't count as personal growth."

Kellyjo sent this:

1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Un-fuck you.
2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
3. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?
5. Don't bother me; I'm living happily ever after.
6. Do I look like a people person?
7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
8. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control? 11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet!
16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.
17. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
20. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
21. Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
23. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
24. Earth is full. Go home.
25. Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
27. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
29. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
30. Look in my eyes. Do you see one ounce of gives-a-shit?

janedoe@seductive.com
ON CHRIST

"If he was a carpenter, how much did he charge for bookshelves?"

Woody Allen, Love and Death

janedoe@seductive.com
I'VE GOT MAIL

Well, actually not much regarding this blog. Which may be a good thing. Scott says he has got some foul stuff in the past.

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Saturday, October 01, 2005

FAIR GAME

Or maybe fair warning. Made $227.00 in a little over seven hours at the fair today. If only every day could be like today -- beautiful weather, nice people, doing what I enjoy and earning a shitload of money at it.