That's what E is calling us as I am puking and she is doing her colonoscopy prep.
janedoe@seductive.com
Thursday, April 30, 2015
STRANGE DAY
Met a strange lady on the L-2, rode to L St. feeling pretty peaked. Hurled into a wastebasket, got a new charger at Staples, got back onto another L-2. The same lady got on shortly after me.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
I'll never forget...
....the night all Hell broke lose in Baltimore. I was at the Town Tavern. The TV was on and L said "Baltimore's on fire."
janedoe@seductive.com
janedoe@seductive.com
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
TO CHEER US UP
From Bennett Cerf's Book of Laughs: "Marvin ran to his father. 'Father,' he said, 'Andy just swallowed my ten cents.' So father shook Andy. And shook him. And shook him and shook him. At last a dime came out of his mouth. 'Here it is,' said Marvin's father. 'Here is your dime.' 'But this is not my dime,' said Marvin. 'Andy swallowed ten pennies."
http://djay.tumblr.com/post/37219009/bennett-cerfs-book-of-laughs-1959-my-mom
Monday, April 27, 2015
YOU SAY YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT YOUR WORK
I just think you're an asshole. In the old personals ads, "passionate" was code word for "horny." So was "affectionate."
janedoe@seductive.com
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Saturday, April 25, 2015
TWEETS FROM THE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER
Some day I will tell you everything. But
that will be when I'm retired. Or at least dead #NerdProm #nerdprom2015 #whca #whcd #WHCD2015
This is it boys, this
is war: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZ1TQYjCwYc&app=desktop
Saw some questionable if not unfortunate fashion choices #nerdprom#nerdprom2015 #whca #whcd #WHCD2015
lots of '80's and '90's music at the after party:https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iqq4BX_x4_k
Saw a guy
who was seven feet tall and one who looked as though he was four and a half
feet tall #NerdProm #nerdprom2015 #WHCA #whcd
First time I've gone to a Correspondents
Dinner with a tattoo #NerdProm #nerdprom2015 #whca #whcd #whcd2015
Felt guilty about asking
the Secret Service guy if I had cocktail sauce on my face #NerdProm #nerdprom2015
#whca #WHCD #WHCD2015
What moron wears a train to an event like this? #NerdProm #nerdprom2015 #whca #whcd #WHCD2015
Hot guys #NerdProm #nerdprom2015 #whca #WHCD #WHCD2015
at the Hilton #NerdProm #nerdprom2015 #WHCD #WHCD2015
WEIRD SCIENCE
Or something weird. Freaky phone call:
Me: Hello?
Caller: Hey, it’s Rooster Man!
Me: Okay.
Caller: Did you build the pen?
Me: I’m sorry?
Caller: The pen. For the rooster.
Me: Uh, sir, whom are you trying to call?
Caller: A gal outside of Hot Springs.
Me: Um, this is Washington, DC.
Turns out the guy was trying to rehome a rooster (the last of his flock), didn’t want to just turn him out into the wild and was giving him to a woman who wanted to raise chickens of his own, but wanted to make sure the woman had a proper enclosure for him so he would have a good home. I wished them all luck.
Me: Hello?
Caller: Hey, it’s Rooster Man!
Me: Okay.
Caller: Did you build the pen?
Me: I’m sorry?
Caller: The pen. For the rooster.
Me: Uh, sir, whom are you trying to call?
Caller: A gal outside of Hot Springs.
Me: Um, this is Washington, DC.
Turns out the guy was trying to rehome a rooster (the last of his flock), didn’t want to just turn him out into the wild and was giving him to a woman who wanted to raise chickens of his own, but wanted to make sure the woman had a proper enclosure for him so he would have a good home. I wished them all luck.
MY SCHEDULE FOR THIS WEEKEND:
6AM-Noon today, work, 6PM to 1A? Correspondents Dinner pre and
post-parties, 3-7AM tomorrow work, noon-6PM tomorrow work, 7PM-?
Tomorrow big event in Bethesda. I cannot afford to get sick, tired etc
between now and 9PM tomorrow night. After 9PM I can get sick, mugged,
hit by a bus etc….
C says "just let us know which ER you'll be in so we can come visit."
C says "just let us know which ER you'll be in so we can come visit."
Friday, April 24, 2015
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
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Monday, April 20, 2015
MAD MEN
Marten Holden Weiner has got cute, but Glen Bishop went from being a weird little kid to being a weird big kid. But it's encouraging to see kids I went to elementary and high school with who didn't have the best time as a kid growing up to be apparently emotionally healthy adults.
THE DAY STARTED OFF BADLY
Patapsco hardly touched his food, which had me really
scared, but he started eating again later in the day. Then I got a n
encouraging e-mail, got a free train ride to work and R gave me his last slice
of pizza.
TODAY IS HITLER'S BIRTHDAY
It is also the 16th anniversary of the Columbine shootings and the robbery was two and a half years ago today.
E says its also my ex-boyfriends mom's birthday. she was estonian, and wanted to change it because she didnt want to share her birthday with someone who put her in a camp when she was a teenager.... it really rattled her when those awful things happened on her birthday. she used to say she was born on a cursed day.
janedoe@seductive.com
E says its also my ex-boyfriends mom's birthday. she was estonian, and wanted to change it because she didnt want to share her birthday with someone who put her in a camp when she was a teenager.... it really rattled her when those awful things happened on her birthday. she used to say she was born on a cursed day.
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, April 19, 2015
LYNYRD SKYNYRD SAID "WE ALL DID WHAT WE COULD DO"
Sometimes we do what we have to do: http://catholicexchange.com/dangers-filler-relationships
TRYING THIS AT HOME ANYWAY
For the past couple weeks I have had a sebaceous cyst behind my left ear and have been treating it with lemon oil. This isn't quite what the Promptcare doctor warned me about. The cyst has been shrinking slowly. Too bad I can't put it all over my whole body.
I'M YELLING TINDER
Too bad there is no song about Tinder. But maybe not: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5HXQ1HFDgA
TODAY MARKS THE 20TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE OKLAHOMA CITY BOMBING.
I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing.
Saturday, April 18, 2015
BETTER CALL SAUL
Saw the season finale. Like Breaking Bad and the Sopranos they make you actually root for the bad guy.
Jimmy: you have to feel sorry for him. Worked his ass off to get his law degree, works his way up from the mailroom, performs above and beyond the call of duty and brings in millions of dollars for HMM, yet he is screwed over by his own brother and offered a very small reward.
Chuck: Even though he’s a stuck-up douchebag (Marco’s words)
he’s dealing with a medical condition, real or perceived which keeps him a
prisoner in his own home and keeps him from pursuing his stellar career. I can
relate.
Mike: Again, I can relate—suffered a tragic loss, like
Jimmy, betrayal comes from within, trying to drown his sorrows, which are
pretty good swimmers. But Mike is a badass. Too bad he has to die: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jS6kAKj8R9o
I AM EXTREMELY NEARSIGHTED
My vision is about 20/700. By the time I was eight years old I was practically walking into walls and my parents accused me of looking for attention. They didn't do anything about it until they got a note from school:
I WANT TO BELIEVE
But not sure if I'll like the new X Files: http://www.digitaltrends.com/movies/90s-reboots-like-full-house-coach-x-files-are-a-good-thing
I HAVE SEEN THREE OF THESE FILMS MORE THAN ONCE
Eighteen films most people won't watch more than once: http://movieseum.com/12-films-youll-never-watch-again
AND IT MAKES ME WONDER
V treats me like a princess. But then Z ways V treats him like a princess, too.
Friday, April 17, 2015
The staph of life
Last November or December I noticed a bump on my right ring finger. It was red and hurt when I pressed it but it got smaller and stopped hurting. I pointed it out to my cardiologist in December and he seemed unimpressed so I forgot about it. Then last weekend it got bigger and redder and started hurting more and the skin around it looked shiny. I Googled it and it pointed to cellulitis, usually from a staph infection. I stuck a pin in it and yellow stuff came out.
I was gonna wait until next week to see my primary care (I already had an appointment) but Mom and C told me to see someone NOW. So next day I went to Promptcare and the on-call doctor said had I come in earlier she would have done the same thing, but she didn't advise home surgery.
The ringworm is still there but not spreading—she sez it may take a couple weeks :(
janedoe@seductive.com
I was gonna wait until next week to see my primary care (I already had an appointment) but Mom and C told me to see someone NOW. So next day I went to Promptcare and the on-call doctor said had I come in earlier she would have done the same thing, but she didn't advise home surgery.
The ringworm is still there but not spreading—she sez it may take a couple weeks :(
janedoe@seductive.com
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
IT WAS SAD....
....so sad, it was sad when the great ship went down."
103 years ago today the Titanic hit an iceberg, causing the greatest ship disaster of all time.
See http://catholicexchange.com/priest-titanic-last-voyage-fr-thomas-byles
A synopsis:"a man and woman meet on a boat. It ends badly."
R says "we know what happened--it sank."
Sixty years from now what will kids be signing about? Chernobyl? September 11th? The shootings on the VCU campus? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rP1gD9xXkU
janedoe@seductive.com
103 years ago today the Titanic hit an iceberg, causing the greatest ship disaster of all time.
See http://catholicexchange.com/priest-titanic-last-voyage-fr-thomas-byles
A synopsis:"a man and woman meet on a boat. It ends badly."
R says "we know what happened--it sank."
Sixty years from now what will kids be signing about? Chernobyl? September 11th? The shootings on the VCU campus? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rP1gD9xXkU
janedoe@seductive.com
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
IT'S RAINING AGAIN
And hopefully I'm not getting sick again: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZUE4_PtOk0
Monday, April 13, 2015
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Saturday, April 11, 2015
FROM WHEEKERS3
"Getting ready for my all night hack a thon. Geeze, when will it end?
Sleep tight everyone, except Jane and one million others with this sucky cold.
If you don't have it, wash your hands till they chap."
Sleep tight everyone, except Jane and one million others with this sucky cold.
If you don't have it, wash your hands till they chap."
SAW THE CHERRY BLOSSOMS
Missed the shooting: http://abcnews.go.com/US/man-shoots-us-capitol-suspicious-package-investigated/story?id=30248909 . Even without the shooting public transportation would have been atrocious, despite WMATA's PR attempts to tell us they were trying to accommodate everyone, including Caps fans.
A couple days ago I said the best way to humiliate people would be to send them to DC, dress them in garish matching T-shirts and make them ride Metro. The problem is, some of them don't seem to have the sense to be embarrassed.
Reminds me of the time I lived in Munich and kids were doing the "backpacking through Europe" thing to "find themselves." Unfortunately, part of this took place in the Hauptbahnhof, through which I had to go to work every morning. These kids did not carry little Jansport backpacks, they were the kind of backpacks which could hold a small child. And I was stuck behind them on the escalator. Every darn morning.
A couple days ago I said the best way to humiliate people would be to send them to DC, dress them in garish matching T-shirts and make them ride Metro. The problem is, some of them don't seem to have the sense to be embarrassed.
Reminds me of the time I lived in Munich and kids were doing the "backpacking through Europe" thing to "find themselves." Unfortunately, part of this took place in the Hauptbahnhof, through which I had to go to work every morning. These kids did not carry little Jansport backpacks, they were the kind of backpacks which could hold a small child. And I was stuck behind them on the escalator. Every darn morning.
YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING
Starbucks is supposedly the number one date destination, For whom? fifteen-year-olds? Good thing I bought stock in it. And Chipotle: http://www.bustle.com/articles/74432-the-best-first-date-places-according-to-dating-app-clover-show-that-americans-really-like-national
Friday, April 10, 2015
A YEAR AGO...
...I was talking about my body's ability to produce snot. This year I'm ahead of schedule.
janedoe@seductive.com
janedoe@seductive.com
Thursday, April 09, 2015
Wednesday, April 08, 2015
Tuesday, April 07, 2015
WHY ME
When I was the one who could set your heart free? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jQWfPLSzbQ
Monday, April 06, 2015
TWELVE YEARS AGO TODAY
I adopted my first pig, my darling Lightning. G-d has a sense of humour: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jQWfPLSzbQ
janedoe@seductive.com
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, April 05, 2015
PRETTY COOL
Last Easter an Orthodox friend texted me in Greek (Χριστὸς ἀνέστη!) so I Googled it and came up with a list of international greetings. Pretty neat! See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paschal_greeting
Saturday, April 04, 2015
TRYING NOT TO BE TOO ANGRY
THIS AFTERNOON I TRIED TO GO TO CONFESSION SO I COULD RECEIVE COMMUNION IN A
STATE OF GRACE TOMORROW. I CHECKED AT LEAST THREE PARISH WEB SITES AND SAW THE
CHURCH CLOSEST TO MY WORKPLACE HAD CONFESSIONS FROM 3:30 TO 4:30 PM TODAY. I
GOT ON THE BUS, ARRIVED THERE AT ABOUT 3:20 AND SAW A SIGN ON THE DOOR SAYING
THERE WOULD BE NO CONFESSIONS TODAY. I WENT TO THE RECTORY TO SEE IF THERE
MIGHT BE A PRIEST AVAILABLE TO HEAR MY CONFESSION AND NO ONE ANSWERED. A SIGN
ON THE DOOR SAID “OUT OF SANDWICHES.” WHAT THE FUCK? I DIDN’T WANT A SANDWICH,
I WANTED TO MAKE A CONFESSION. A CATHOLIC CHURCH NOT HAVING CONFESSIONS ON HOLY
SATURDAY AFTERNOON IS COMPARABLE TO A TOY STORE BEING CLOSED CHRISTMAS EVE, A
LIQUOR STORE BEING CLOSED NEW YEAR’S EVE OR A PIZZA PARLOR NOT MAKING
DELIVERIES SUPERBOWL SUNDAY.
I WORK MOSTLY AT NIGHT AND ON THE
WEEKEND—FOR ME TO BE AWAKE AT THIS TIME SATURDAY AFTERNOON WOULD BE LIKE MOST
PEOPLE GETTING UP AT 3:00 AM TO GO SOMEWHERE. NOT ONLY THAT, I DON’T HAVE A CAR
SO I CAN’T JUST DRIVE TO THE NEAREST CHURCH, WHICH MIGHT NOT HAVE CONFESSIONS
TODAY EITHER. AND I’M SICK, IT’S NOT TOO WARM OUTSIDE AND I SHOULD BE IN BED
ANYWAY.
THIS IS NOT A STRUGGLING INNER CITY
PARISH OR A RURAL MISSION CHURCH—THIS PARISH IS IN AN AFFLUENT NEIGHBOURHOOD IN
A MAJOR CITY. AND THEY WONDER WHY MORE PEOPLE DON’T GO TO MASS/CONFESSION? I
WOULD HAVE EXPECTED BETTER. FAIL.
ON THE OTHER HAND...
...some kids just need their asses kicked: https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/an-open-letter-to-the-moms-who-judged-my-kids-for-115349417407.html
SOMETIMES IT'S HARD
But I really TRY to stifle my sarcastic remarks. Especially on a holiday weekend.
HAPPY PASSOVER!
OMG, I love this video--next year in Jerusalem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZgDNPGZ9Sg
GOOD EATIN'
Huh. A year ago I was telling people to knock
off the Zombie Jesus jokes for Easter. Now it is the “bunnies as food” humour.
Yes, I know some people eat rabbit, but do you need to bring it into my Easter
posts? When people post pictures of their dogs or cats I don’t say “mmm, that
would be good with some kung pao sauce” or “that should be prepared à la moutarde.”
Really funny. Not.
Friday, April 03, 2015
Thursday, April 02, 2015
Wednesday, April 01, 2015
APRIL FOOLS DAY
Just about all my pranks were online:
I also changed my profile picture to a pic of Meghan
Trainor.