"And so the old years...

...fraught with memories, die, one after another, and the new years, bright with hopes, are born to take their places"

Kate Douglas Wiggin

janedoe@seductive.com

Irritable Owl Syndrome

janedoe@seductive.com

Chief Engineer told me the automation barfed

That's novel.

THIS IS NOT NORMAL

See http://crimefeed.com/2014/12/woman-smears-poop

janedoe@seductive.com

THE SEVENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS

I t really bugs me that some people take down their decorations/stop playing Christmas music December 26th. The Christmas season goes on until the Epiphany: http://catholicexchange.com/catholics-keep-your-trees-up

I like the idea of a 12th Night celebration, then beginning Carnival. When I lived in Germany I found it exhausting, not having a break between Christmas and Lent. Now I miss it.

janedoe@seductive.com

MY TATTOO AT 6+ MONTHS

janedoe@seductive.com

THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING

Did the Jewish thing for Christmas (Chinese and a movie). Saw the Theory of Everything. Not bad, but didn't live up to the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Salz7uGp72c

Still, I liked the line "however bad life may seem, while there is life, there's hope." 

Unfortunately I thought of the Friends episode in which Phoebe gets upset because she watched Pride of the Yankees and the main character got Lou Gehrig's Disease: http://www.friends-tv.org/zz220.html

TEN YEARS AGO....

...one of my favourite shows ever debuted. Here is a clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEnZ80AQ__I

And another: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PhWshI_yN4

THAT WAS THE YEAR THAT WAS

For those of you who are on Facebook, here's my year in review if you haven't seen it: https://www.facebook.com/snipercatcher/posts/10205734626589964?pnref=story

While this year was better than the last two, I can see how the idea was a slap in the face for other people: http://www.ibtimes.com/facebook-apology-year-review-app-sparks-debate-about-privileged-brogrammers-need-1768690

and http://www.ibtimes.com/facebook-apology-year-review-app-sparks-debate-about-privileged-brogrammers-need-1768690

SAW THE PODIATRIST

Surgery on both feet will be possible, but it means at least 12 weeks of being on crutches/wearing a boot. On the bright side, I have not gained weight over the holidays and may have even lost a little.

janedoe@seductive.com

WARM AND FUZZY

The diner in Adams Morgan is collecting stuff to keep people warm--socks, gloves, blankets, sleeping bags etc. See http://www.dinerdc.com , https://www.facebook.com/DinerDC and https://twitter.com/dinerdc

janedoe@seductive.com

PARTY LIKE IT'S....

...whatever. There are still tickets available: http://www.meetup.com/20sand30sgroup/events/216365542

Happy Birthday, Baby

My beautiful Patapsco is three years old today. Darling, I wish I could do better by you and Pepino.

In Memoriam

My cousin Joe Savko died of cancer this morning. Although the Redskins are playing tomorrow, I am wearing my Steelers shirt in his memory.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ADAMS MORGAN

R put it well when he said "it used to be people came here to get fun fucked up. Now they come here and get mean fucked up."

More than halfway through a 13-day run. Pretty tired.

Did my Christmas duty and finished both my novenas

Because I said so. That's why.

janedoe@seductive.com 

AN OVER-THE-TOP COMPLIMENT

C says I am really on the ball, not like other shithead producers.

HAPPY KWANZAA!

Feliz Navidad!

See  https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RTtc2pM1boE

BEST. CHRISTMAS SPECIAL. EVER.

 See http://www.hulu.com/watch/58777

THE ULTIMATE CHRISTMAS CAROL

For unto us a child is born: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TN5BaOGTmGs

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Thanks to Alden Mahler Levine of Atlanta for this!

Went to Spanish vigil mass

janedoe@seductive.com

DAMN!

Six hours after confession I took the name of the lord in vain.

Today is Festivus

The airing of the grievances: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R60z_7vZ0YI

Went to confession

Managed to not address the guy next to me at Starbucks as "dickhead."

I will get to stay in my condo at least three more months

Today is the fourth Sunday of Advent

Blessed Solstice!

Every day it gets dark one minute later.

Mailed all my packages

THE SWEET SOUNDS OF THE SEASON:

The cough of a small child in a crowded post office.

They should have a sign out front saying "abandon hope all ye who enter here."

Wer die Wahl hat, hat die Qual

Being Jewish again this Christmas. Two things are definite:

1) Work

2) Chinese

But what else? A walk in the Botanical Garden? Volunteer work? A movie? (most of them suck) Other?

FUDGE

Breakfast of champions.

Fucking weird oatmeal flavours.

“I hope the exit is joyful and i hope never to return.”

Frida Kahlo

I wouldn't say I hoped that, but I DO hope when I die people will miss me and if they are relieved it is because my pain/suffering are over and not that they're relieved about not having to deal with me anymore.

And not to sound preachy, but while you and other people are still alive, make an effort to visit them, make the phone call, send the e-mail etc.

I am a magnet for weirdness

janedoe@seductive.com

The sweetest gift

Sometimes the greatest generic winter holiday gift you can give someone is to keep you mouth shut and/or not be a bitch.

I forgot

I should have started the novena to the Infant of Prague yesterday: http://www.2heartsnetwork.org/prague.htm

I have little regard...

For people who have trouble with anything more complicated than Green Eggs and Ham. Or the Cat in the Hat for that matter.

Janedoe@catholicexchange.com

EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS

Happy Chanukah: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUCNAnp2QAI

JUST SAYIN'

Expecting a reasonably normal, healthy child to behave in an age-appropriate way is not child abuse.

TOOTH CLEANING. MAMMOGRAPHY. PAP SMEAR

Two down, three to go.

And it rained

Not only that, but a water main broke near Metro Center during rush hour.

Best. Dental Cleaning. Ever.

Let's try this again

Missed yesterday's dental appointment. On my way again.

ANOTHER WORTHY CHARITY

See http://www.hortonskids.org

Headed to the dentist

Ugh. Boo.

janedoe@seductive.com 

TODAY IS THE THIRD SUNDAY OF ADVENT

Otherwise known as Gaudete Sunday: http://catholicexchange.com/rejoicing-messiahs-jubilee

NEW YEAR'S EVE--OPEN BAR!

http://www.meetup.com/20sand30sgroup/events/216365542

ST. LUCY

Today is her feast day: http://www.aquinasandmore.com/catholic-articles/facts-and-legends-about-st.-lucy/article/413/sort/relevance/productsperpage/12/layout/grid/currentpage/1/keywords/lucy

Bringin' in the Funk

Kind of in a funk after a REALLY busy couple days.

Two for Two

Saw Imitation Game tonight: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5CjKEFb-sM

Saw Disney’s Hero 6 yesterday: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3biFxZIJOQ

Was prepared to hate both as I got into both free and usually that means the movie will suck, but was pleasantly surprised and would recommend either. 

Mamma Mia!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unfzfe8f9NI


Here you come again: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yyNT7afVSs

I RULE!

I now have three Microsoft Office Certifications: Word, Excel and Outlook.

janedoe@seductive.com

THIS IS HOW BORED I AM:

janedoe@seductive.com 

ONE OF MY CLASSMATES IS MAKING WEIRDO NOISES

I swear he's about to fucking give milk.

janedoe@seductive.com 

TODAY IS NOT PEARL HABOR DAY AND NOT THE FEAST OF THE IMMACULATE CONCEPTION

Um, it rained?

IT'S A FEAST OF THE IMMACULATE CONCEPTION MIRACLE!

No, not that kind, but Pepino has gained six ounces and his skin looks better. It's like an early Christmas present.

janedoe@seductive.com

Today is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception

NEVER FORGET

Seventy-three years ago today the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. My mom says it was snowing. In Pennsylvania, that is, not Hawaii.

It is also the second Sunday of Advent, but I forgot that. 

A ROLLING STONE GATHERS NO NEWS

Okay that’s not exactly it, but as Kelly Bundy said, the mind wobbles. Last month the magazine ran an article about the alleged gang rape of a University of Virginia freshman. The event took place three weeks before the robbery. Now it turns out there are a number of inaccuracies in her story: 

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2014/12/rolling_stone_backs_away_from_its_uva_gang_rape_story.html and http://news.yahoo.com/rolling-stone-uva-rape-story-retraction-180722194.html

This is opening up new wounds for me. Or old ones. 

"HAVE A NICE DAY"

and "you're welcome" are NOT substitutes for "thank you."

janedoe@seductive.com

Oh, lord I am so tired

How long can this go on? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FA3Royf9_zM

janedoe@seductive.com

YOU SAY YOU WANT A REVOLUTION? THE SEVEN-DAY ITCH: A MITEY PROBLEM

Pepino has been diagnosed with mites. Vet treated him with Revolution and he is on Sulfamethoxazole for two weeks. I feel like an unfit pet owner.

HUMP DAY

After Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday and Giving Tuesday.


janedoe@seductive.com

Today is giving Tuesday

www.byteback.org is a good choice.

Today is Cyber Monday

I almost forgot.

Today is the feast of St Andrew:

http://www.twoheartsdesign.com/prayers/standrew.html

Today is the first Sunday of Advent

A WORTHWHILE CAUSE

See http://www.caringforothersltd.org

SMALL BUSINESS SATURDAY

Today is Small Business Saturday. I try to support small business all year 'round, but sometimes it's easier said than done.

BLACK FRIDAY

Go out and buy stuff so people will spend more money, and I will get a raise or a new job and not lose my condo.

janedoe@seductive.com 

The winter holidays

Tonight begin the "Winter Holidays," which for me begin Thanksgiving night. Although I'm wondering if they should actually begin on Halloween. It seems the time between Halloween and Thanksgiving gets shorter and shorter. This year Chanukah ends on Christmas Eve.

For me the holidays end Valentine's Day, Mardi Gras or Chinese New Year, whichever comes last.

It's Official

The winter holidays have begun. It wouldn't be Christmas without this little gem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgIwLeASnkw

SOMEHOW I FIND THIS FUNNY

THANKSGIVING

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sorry.

Not gonna get involved in your pissing contest.

Yay!

No school today:  https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GuOcyEVQCyI

Today is the most-traveled day of the year

I'M A SWEETHEART OF A GIRL:

PROTESTS IN FERGUSON

Hearing about pepper spray brings back bad memories.

janedoe@seductive.com

IT'S MONDAY

I am in school and just felt like sharing a picture of some cute pigs:

janedoe@seductive.com 

IT'S OFFICIAL

Marion Barry still dead.

Just said the traditional prayer for the dead for Marion Barry

Dómine,Réquiem æternam dona ei, . 
Et lux perpétua lúceat ei. 
Requiéscat in pace. 
Anima ejus, et ánimæ ómnium fidélium defunctórum, per misericórdiam Dei requiéscant in pace. 
Amen.

Bitch set him up

Marion Barry reported dead.

KEEP CALM AND CAVY ON

President Kennedy was shot 51 years ago today.

THIS IS ME:

janedoe@seductive.com 

The good news: I will be able to stay in my condo for at least three months.

janedoe@seductive.com 

janedoe@seductive.com

THIS FOR ALL THE SINGLE PEOPLE

And it helps if your family thinks you're gay. One of my Facebook friends suggested showing up in a lumberjack shirt: https://www.facebook.com/snipercatcher/posts/10205441302497045?pnref=story

Years ago a neighbour told me there was nothing wrong with me, I would feel better if I did some volunteer work

Mom said I would feel better if I would A) get some exercise B) dust the furniture.

IT'S COLD OUT. #@*! COLD

Might as well grow your own coat:

janedoe@seductive.com

GRIEF

BACK IN SCHOOL

janedoe@seductive.com 

MAKE THAT NUTRITIONIST, NOT DOCTOR:

I guess I could try sitting on him/her.

This is me

Except with a pig:

MY PATRONESS!

See https://www.facebook.com/snipercatcher/posts/10205418356403407?pnref=story

FOR THOSE WHO ASKED:

This is what End Stage Renal Disease is: http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/healthlibrary/conditions/kidney_and_urinary_system_disorders/end_stage_renal_disease_esrd_85,P01474 

Let's make the most of the night...

...like we're gonna die young: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOubzHCUt48

IT'S THE TWENTY FIRST CENTURY

Get Internet access already. And if you don't have it, find someone who does.

I'M SO TIRED

Un-fun dental visit this morning. Some people have WAY too much power.

NOW WHAT?

Outlook is next.

I feel as though I've given birth

THIRD TIME'S A CHARM

I am now certified in Microsoft Word AND Excel. I do not suck as a human being. I totally fucking rule!

janedoe@seductive.com 

SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST PLAIN STUPID

Not learning disabled, not emotionally disturbed, ignorant, uneducated or culturally deprived. Just plain stupid.

Slept for eleven hours

Happy Veterans Day!

WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO RUDE?

See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIh2xe4jnpk 

Watching the Packers' game.

The suspense is killing me.

NO! I AM NOT!

The question is, "are you getting enough sleep?" http://www.webmd.com/healthy-aging/living-well-in-retirement-14/aging-affects-sleep

A BLESSING OR A CURSE?

I prefer the former

DEPRESSION

This has been one weird-assed week.

Oh, Crappy Day

IT NEVER RAINS

But it pours, literally. Toilet valve blew in the men's room. As I was not there and don't use the men's room anyway I am clear. And I got wet on the way to school, trains backed up something fierce.

YESSS!

Republicans took control of the Senate, so now they have the majority in both houses. 

janedoe@seductive.com 

IT'S ELECTION DAY

Vote for the candidate who sucks least. Or against the one who sucks most.

NO KIDDING

janedoe@seductive.com

TODAY IS THE FEAST OF ALL SOULS

PUBLIC SERVANTS ANNOUNCEMENT

Tonight's weather is more suitable than last night's for a Halloween party

TODAY IS ALL SAINTS' DAY

Happy Halloween!

janedoe@seductive.com 

October is never an easy month

Giants won the World Series

Now for basketball, football and hockey

My Steelers Tee Shirt arrived in the Mail Today

Ten Years Ago Today My Father Died

GOT A CALL FROM A FAKE IRS AGENT

He told me there was a warrant for my arrest. I called him a slimy little bastard. He called me bitch: http://www.irs.gov/uac/Newsroom/Scam-Phone-Calls-Continue;-IRS-Identifies-Five-Easy-Ways-to-Spot-Suspicious-Calls

I AM WEARING SIZE 11 WIDE NUN SHOES

>Sigh<

janedoe@seductive.com

Heard a guy making puking sounds on the bus. Hopefully he doesn't have Ebola.

BORED

Frustrated.

WONDERFUL

My relatives disapprove of my tattoo. And they think I'm gay.

I have driven the Pennsylvania Turnpike so much lately I feel like a long-haul truck driver

NOT A BAD PICTURE

PENGUINS POSTER CHILD

This is a gag shot of me with Aunt I's walker.

Just Say No

Future Shock

Family is underrated

Janedoe@seductive.com

Time goes too fast

Shootings in Canada

BEN BRADLEE DIED THIS MORNING

I first heard it on the bus.

I JUST THINK THIS IS FUNNY:

It's a beautiful morning

SOME THINGS JUST BEAR REPEATING:

Two years ago today I was beaten and robbed several hundred feet from my home:

janedoe@seductive.com

A BLESSING OR A CURSE?

See http://catholicexchange.com/blessing-curse#at_pco=smlwn-1.0&at_si=5443f37923eaa601&at_ab=per-4&at_pos=0&at_tot=1

It's Cold in Here

I am wearing tights and drinking tea. Whoever said superheros had to wear tights anyway?

I should take more vacations.

I miss my family.

TRUE

But some kids are just spoiled brats. And it's hard to tell a real medical/emotional issue from bad parenting.

Conversation with R

ME: I'm not going anywhere. Not socially, not professionally, not academically...

R: Awesome

janedoe@seductive.com

Back Home Again

John Denver

janedoe@seductive.com

Some Vacation

Drove Aunt Irene to the urgent care center.

In Pennsylvania with very limited Internet access. And this town needs a Starbucks.

janedoe@seductive.com

Led Zeppelin did not write a song called "Going to Pennsylvania." I wonder why.

This Is So True:

Take your pick:

Networks are leading with Ebola and the Redskins lost.

I am craving salt so much might as well put a darn salt lick in the kitchen.

Listening to Ray Charles.

G-d done shed his grace on thee.

COMING TO THE REALIZATION THAT I DON'T SUCK AS A HUMAN BEING.

I just suck at Excel. And I don't suck at it, I'm just not certified.

Failed the Excel Certification test.

Went to a movie with K.

STILL TRYING TO GET THE VIRTUAL BABY OUT.

STILL STUDYING

janedoe@seductive.com

Jane walks into a bar...

and finds the bartender drunk and in tears about how bad her life is. Shouldn't it be reversed?

IT'S YOM KIPPUR

I hope all our names are sealed in the book of life.

Third Banana

Sounds more depressing than second banana.

Wow, it's a Slow Night

And not just for Los Angeles and Kansas City.

Today is the feast of the Guardian Angels

See http://catholicexchange.com/guardian-angels

Shit

I can't sleep

The bad news is...

I will probably have to sell the condo. The good news is, some units in our building are going for more than half a million.

Watched House Withdraw from Vicodin ...

...while I am withdrawing from calories.

I'm All About That Bass

The music, that is, not the fish. Not treble: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PCkvCPvDXk

GONNA TRY THIS

How can it hurt? http://catholicexchange.com/weapon-times-54-day-rosary-novena-divine-assistance

NEVER A DULL MOMENT IN THE 'HOOD

janedoe@seductive.com 

Heard Dave Matthews

Thought of You

AN OLDIE BUT A GOODY

See http://alumni.cs.ucr.edu/~jyao/yeah.html

Hard Labour

I have been told when a woman is in the late stages of pregnancy all she wants to do is get the baby out. And that is how I feel about getting my Excel certification.

G-d Always Answers Our Prayers

But more likely than not the answer is "no." http://forums.familyfriendpoems.com/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=30485

New Year

Happy New Year 5775!

THIS IS HOW I FEEL

ST. LINUS

Today is the feast of St. Linus, known far and wide for his holy blanket: http://www.bartleby.com/210/9/231.html

And it would have been Grandma B's 107th birthday. And it is the day Patapsco, Pepino and I buried Pepsi's ashes.

AIR STRIKES HAVE BEGUN IN SYRIA

EXCEL IS HELL

LOST

Ten years ago this month it debuted on ABC TV. Here is one of the funniest scenes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1OVl8aAmA8

STRESSED, CONFLICTED...

That's how I'm feeling. On so many levels.

TWENTY YEARS AGO...

...this month one of the funniest shows ever first aired on NBC. Here is one of my favourite  episodes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62zfNz0Uf9I

One month from now

It will have been two years since the robbery. I thought of that when I walked over the spot.

THIRTY YEARS AGO....

... this month British television came out with a made for TV movie “Threads,” about a year after the US nuclear horror story “The Day After.” The production values in “Threads” are different, but the characters are more likeable than those in “The Day After.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwBRcitO1lA

FRODO HAS A COLD

If I catch it, I will kill the little rodent.

Curse of the Spider Woman

Something bit me, probably a tick or a spider and apparently while I was asleep. So now I'm on Keflex.

But nobody gets a lifetime rehearsal

As specks of dust we're universal: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0xzsY2vkEMM

Emily Saliers

A woman just called me spooky

Not sure if that's a compliment.

HEY WASHINGTON HOSPITAL CENTER!

I did not ASK to be there. My primary care physician was in Anacostia and Promptcare sent me to you. Neither of you had the good sense to do any bloodwork or put me on an antibiotic, in spite C’s virus, low O2 sats and several indicators of Lyme Disease. But BTW, I thank you for at least one staffer listening to me and sending good wishes.

I FEEL LIKE A PING PONG BALL

Being batted back and forth between health care facilities.

DRAGGING

JANEY'S NEW BABY

Janey and Patapsco proudly announce their newest family member. His name is Pepino, formerly "Juan" and he is an almost five-month-old white Abby boar adopted from the Fairfax County Animal Shelter. He, his mom and four siblings were surrendered to the Shelter sometime before July 12, date of birth given was April 29th. His official adoption date was July 15 of this year. 

My Ears are Still Fucked Up

And I have a rash.

janedoe@seductive.com

I COULDN'T SLEEP AT ALL LAST NIGHT...

Kept on thinking of you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghFBvBmXv4E

OVERDID IT YESTERDAY

And making up for it today.

SUNDAY IS ADAMS MORGAN DAY

See http://dc.about.com/od/specialevents/a/AdamsMorganDay.htm

SEPTEMBER 11TH

And I have a bad feeling.

FEELING SO BAD

I ordered some Texas Superfood.

THE GOOD NEWS:

Had a chest X-ray, my lungs are clear. The bad news: my ears are still gunked up.

VIRUS HITS WEST AND MIDWEST

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2014/09/08/uncommon-but-severe-virus-hospitalizes-hundreds-of-kids-in-midwest-and-south

janedoe@seductive.com

C REFERRED TO ME AS "ALIVE AND BITCHING."

Kind of like Joan Rivers without the clothes or the accessories.

HAVING A RELAPSE

A whole year with no broken bones.

And another birthday with no deaths

Joan Rivers Died

I liked her.

Running a Fever

THERE IS HOPE

And that is good: http://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/therese-borchard-sanity-break/what-i-wish-people-knew-about-depression

SCHOOL IS HELL

See  http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/8b/3c/cf/8b3ccf7a5ebd12cd35345a6f20b71b9e.jpg

WATCHING BREAKING BAD

And hacking like Heisenberg: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0JPTgAtqzw

LABOUR DAY

And I am observing it by labouring only one hour.

janedoe@seductive.com

Sometimes things happen for a reason. And sometimes things DON'T happen for a reason.

FUCK.

There goes my weekend.

Yay!

The Diner is open again.

janedoe@seductive.com

ONE OF OUR CLASSMATES IS TALKING ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCE MAKING LICENSE PLATES. GREAT.

I WANT TO SHOVE ONE OF MY CLASSMATES OUT A WINDOW

Not sure what to make of it

Dreamt my vet told me she heard some abnormal lung sounds. Not sure if it was in me or the pigs.

Janedoe@seductive.com

I DO BELIEVE IN FAIRIES, I DO, I DO!

Angels, too.


janedoe@seductive.com

THIS IS HOW COOL MY LIFE REALLY IS:

See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFteHgX01Jk&list=PLNlrH5VANSPP_nB9OguwUk-we3ZZXi5B1

FRUSTRATED. BORED.

This is true

Earthquake in California

About three years after we had one HERE.

Guy Went Berserk on the Train

This worries me.

Barely Keeping It Together

Janedoe@seductive.com

Who needs Direct TV?

Just watched a woman getting busted in front of the Town Tavern.

Now I know how they felt at Nuremberg

Janedoe@seductive.com

LEARNING ABOUT FORMULAS AND FUNCTIONS

"Concatenate" sounds dirty.

Went into the field

For real.

janedoe@seductive.com

Catching up on my rest

THIS IS HOW I FEEL. I SHOULD HAVE IT PRINTED ON A T-SHIRT:

TODAY IS THE FEAST OF THE ASSUMPTION

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY

Went into the field today

LAUREN BACALL DIED.

I honestly thought she was dead already. And it's official--Robin Williams hanged himself.

HALFWAY DONE WITH MY CENSUS TRAINING

ROBIN WILLIAMS DIED

janedoe@seductive.com

Started temp job with the Census Bureau

I'm bored, and I hate this neighborhood. I need to learn patience.

Janedoe@seductive.com

Full moon tonight, supermoon in fact

Jane Doe's Tours

Otherwise known as "the Real Drunks of Adams Morgan."

EXTRA SUPER MOON TONIGHT

Why are our people such fucking perverts?

Just asking.

This is me

"FOOD" FOR THOUGHT:

See http://michellearnold.org/2014/07/28/the-line-at-the-gates/#more-300


janedoe@seductive.com

Showed up on time for school

Almost slept through class

President Obama's Birthday

Except he won't have to work. Or go to school until 9PM. And he can afford to eat better places than I can and they'll be open.

First Day of School

Whoopee. But I like the teacher.

DAMN, I'M GOOD

The way you grab me

Must wanna get nasty: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxpzRHRX6y4

It should read I'm Jane...

...I'm so GD brilliant: http://imgur.com/gallery/lfgwN

It feels more like October than August

Girl on girl action in the 'hood

My name is lesion, there are so many of us

You know it's a problem when you're so drunk homeless peeps complain about you.

Slept about 14 hours yesterday, 12 today

there is beauty in the silence of the first morning's train

NEVER FAILS

Geeks will find you.

The Cleveland Park Library is full of fucking freaks.

For some reason Stevie Wonder songs keep running through my head....

WHAT A HORRIFYING THOUGHT

La Linea Plateada

The Silver Line opened today. WMATA should concentrate on the shitty lines it has, not adding new ones.

Janey's new Baby

Stand and be counted

Started a temp job with the Census Bureau.

Brought home Pepsi's cremains

TV trucks in the 'hood are not always a good thing

Weather is better and so am I

Over 90 Degrees

And still not feeling well. I am told the weather here is weirder than Texas.

Janedoe@seductive.com

FEELING A LITTLE BETTER

But still tired.

SELFIE TUESDAY

UNDER THE WEATHER

Keeping hydrated and resting a lot.

janedoe@seductive.com

45 YEARS AGO

Americans walked on the moon.

THE LAST SHOW WAS HOUSE, ANGER MANAGEMENT BEFORE THAT

C IS IN THE KITCHEN SNORING AND FARTING, FARTING AND SNORING

POLAR VORTEX

Medicating Myself

Janedoe@seductive.com

All The Time

Saw Sex Tape

A good movie to see with someone you love. Kind of on the lines of "Beavis and Butthead Do America."

TALKED TO THE VET

She said the most notable thing about Pepsi's necropsy was adrenal hyperplasia.

WHY DO PEOPLE AND PIGS HAVE TO DIE?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/14/archie-gay-comic-shooting-_n_5584166.html

BONNE BASTILLE!

janedoe@seductive.com

GERMANY WINS WORLD CUP #WorldCupFinal #GERvsARG #ARGvsGER #WDS2014

Dude:

You are not an extra in a Run DMC video. You do not need to yell yo, yo,yo at your bartender/server

FULL MOON TONIGHT. SUPERMOON, IN FACT

DAYS GO BY

MY BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL, PEPSI, DIED TODAY

OPHTHALMOLOGIST TUESDAY, CARDIOLOGIST TODAY, PRIMARY CARE NEXT THURSDAY

Judge all you want

I can identify:  http://www.newsday.com/opinion/oped/i-drove-my-mercedes-to-pick-up-food-stamps-darlena-cunha-1.8726138

LOOKING FORWARD TO MORE SLEEP

YIPPEE!

Starting this weekend I get Sunday evenings off.

janedoe@seductive.com

When I'm 74

Ringo Starr is 74 today

DISGUSTING LITTLE RODENT

is not always a bad thing. Sometimes it just is.

FIFTH OF JULY

Fourth of July

It's gonna be a hot one

Carlos Santana

HOT

And humid.

Janedoe@seductive.com

SELFIE TUESDAY

O CANADA

Bonne Fête du Canada!

THEY'RE HARD TO DOWNLOAD

Patrick O'Donnell on why it's a bad idea to order plants online. 

janedoe@seductive.com

TODAY IS MOM'S BIRTHDAY

Happy Birthday, Mom. 

janedoe@seductive.com

I am a walking Helen Keller Joke

Which is better than being a limping Helen Keller joke.

BLINDED BY THE LIME

Saw a large, in both senses of the word, family, all wearing matching neon lime green T-shirts. Did not notice if they were wearing Spandex, as I was blinded by the lime.

So not cool

A woman at Dr. Clock's wearing a T-shirt with the word "Cunt" across the front.

Janedoe@seductive.com

Told a guy his underwear was showing

A little under the weather

Janedoe@seductive.com

RIP DIANNA MCLELLAN

See http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/diana-mclellan-washington-gossip-columnist-dies-at-76/2014/06/26/ccb680bc-faff-11e3-932c-0a55b81f48ce_story.html

As Heisenberg would say

You're G-D right.

I am amused

An African American Gentleman referred to a Romany neighbour as "that white dude."

Janedoe@seductive.com

Saw a great T-shirt on 18th St

"I'm not lazy, I'm energy-efficient."

FUCKIN' A

I AM SO PROUD OF MY MOM

Her computer is up and running.

Selfie Tuesday

WE ARE RUNNING THIS PSA A LOT

See http://www.nmaus.org/educational-resources/psas

Having blood drawn

Lots of shit going on in the Middle East

At least that's what ABC is leading with.

Blessed Solstice

Not

I have been called "amazing" and "a hero" within the space of about two hours

I found the bathroom key at Starbucks.

Now I'm not dumb

But I can't understand why she walk like a woman but talk like a man.

I wish the guy in front of me at Starbucks would wash his ear hair

And trim it. And comb it.

Another great quote from Steve Mirsky

"There's a fine line between being bored and being an asshole."

This is the same guy who said "having to have your ass saved is part of being human."

Selfie Tuesday

Got a fortune cookie that said "your luck is about to change."

MY TATTOO AT SIX WEEKS

MY FATHER DIED ALMOST TEN YEARS AGO AND FATHER'S DAY WAS STILL WEIRD.

janedoe@seductive.com 

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

KEMAL 'CASEY' KASEM DEAD AT AGE 82

It's a fucking freak show out there

And a freak show in here, too.

ORDERED A CHROMEBOOK ONLINE FOR MOM

Friday the 13th

And a full moon to boot.

janedoe@seductive.com

So true

Ask what you want for

"and have no pride."

A quote from John Waters. We saw him tonight.

DUPONT CIRCLE SMELLS LIKE CHESTNUT BLOSSOMS

Reminds me of Munich.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE GOOD AND HONEST AND WMATA DOESN'T TOTALLY SUCK

janedoe@seductive.com

DOWN TO SEVEN PRESCRIPTION MEDS

Tonalist, not California Chrome, is the winner of this year's Belmont Stakes. I was running the board when it happened. #belmontstakes #californiachrome #triplecrown2014

I wish all mornings could be like this one

Janedoe@seductive.com

Went to the Bier Baron

Dude threw up

To the asshole who fucked with my Visa card--I hope your penis falls off

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY

My beautiful baby girl, Pepsi, is two today! Darling, I wish I could provide you and Patapsco with more.

janedoe@seductive.com 

CAN'T STOP THINKING OF PRIVATE EDDIE SLOVIK AND BOWE BERGDAHL. I'M TOLD THEY DON'T SHOOT DESERTERS ANYMORE.

HAD WEIRD DREAMS ALL AFTERNOON--WAS LUCKY TO GET UP IN TIME FOR WORK.

BEAUTIFUL WEATHER

Zzzzzzzzz

So Damn tired

Now up to eleven prescription meds

Doctor told me to take it easy this weekend....

Janedoe@seductive.com

IF NOT ME, WHO? IF NOT NOW, WHEN?

So I went and planted rose bushes outside.

WOW

Roses are growing everywhere in DC. 

NOW up to nine PREScCRIPTION meds

I posted this from my iPad, hence the weird lettering.

WHOEVER HAS BEEN FUCKING WITH MY VISA CARD IS IN FOR A WORLD OF HURT.

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!

janedoe@seductive.com

IN A LOT OF PAIN AND ON EIGHT PRESCRIPTION MEDS

Heard so many war stories on WMAL

PTSD all over again.

Bushed

Too bad, it's such a beautiful day.

Janedoe@seductive.com

Had a tooth pulled

Kind of sad but a relief.

OH, THE JOYS OF ONLINE SHOPPING

returned over $160 worth of merchandise.

Janedoe@seductive.com

GOOD ADVICE

BRUTAL

But I want it to be about me

As Charlie Brown said, we need more hellos

Why I fucking cuss so much

See http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/1343944421200_3187331.png

Trifluridine, how I love thee

In Pain

SOMEBODY SUGGESTED

https://twitter.com/snipercatcher/status/466776346640023553

WASHED MY PENS T

Couldn't wait, it was getting disgusting. The shirt, that is.

MONDAY

Mother's Day

RIP DAN SCANLAN

When I asked did you bring the baby lotion

It was for my tattoo. I was not referring to an actual or virtual baby.

Catholic in the cubicle

See http://www.catholicgentleman.net/2014/03/catholic-in-the-cubicle-part-2-interacting-with-co-workers 

Eleven years ago

I'm insulted

The iPad mini is replacing Patapsco as the "new" baby

B-List friends are giving me so much advice about my new tattoo I feel like a new mom.

Happy cinco de Mayo!

i'm glad you're a man and so's lola

I WOULD CLIMB ANY MOUNTAIN

HOW DO I LOVE THEE?

SUNDAY PAPER

MAN, IT HAS BEEN ONE HELL OF A NIGHT

I AM TRULEY A HUGE FUCKTARD

I AM THE BIGGEST RETARD IN DC

fucking rain

my new business cards

giving the boot the boot

Nothing is sure

That takes technique

Intoxicated woman just hit two copies with a car in front of Grand Central in Adams Morgan.

Funny Story

Congratulations

Another

Wow An Endocrinologist

Who actually listens. What a concept.

TALKED TO MY NEIGHBOUR

She remembers the screaming.

THE ROBBERY WAS

EASTER MONDAY

HAPPY EASTER!

Theological Question

Wow

That Lent went by fast

A new low?

Blood pressure 92/50

I feel like Cal Ripken Jr.

Worked 24 out of the last 25 days.

GOT PROMOTED

SAW THE MOON

It was NOT blood red. Then it disappeared completely. Now I know how Linus felt waiting for the Great Pumpkin.

WE ARE SUPPOSED TO B E HAVING A BLOOD RED MOON. LAST TIME I SAW IT IT LOOKED YELLOW

Saw the cherry blossoms

The way you grab me,

Must wanna get nasty

Got my tablet back

All is not well but all is better

Kathleen Sebelius Resigned

Spent most of the day in bed

A GUY SAID I LOOKED GOOD--AS THOUGH I WERE LOSING WEIGHT

TOO BAD ONE CAN'T DONATE SNOT LIKE BLOOD OR SPERM

I AM PRODUCING HUGE AMOUNTS OF SNOT

WEEK

BORED

ZONKED

PEOPLE ARE BEING POOPY

FOUR DEAD IN TEXAS

APRIL FOOL'S DAY

THE GOOD NEWS

My tablet is covered under the service plan.

janedoe@seductive.com

WHAT A WEEKEND

WEEK

I DIDN'T INVENT THE BAD DECISION

BROKE MY TABLET

WHAT L POSTED:

THE MOON'S THE NORTH WIND'S COOKIE

Bushed

A RISING TIDE

CHOO, BAD BUGS

Week

CHERRY BLOSSOM TIME

K POSTED THIS

janedoe@seductive.com

SLEPT 24 HOURS

WENT TO MAC'S

Still in pain

And very tired

St. Patrick's Day

What a weekend

Week

STILL IN PAIN

conversation with woman at America's Best

Diet is Die with a T

Sorry, no body shots

I gave up booze for Lent

Boreas

IT'S 32 DEGREES OUTSIDE

With a windchill of 21. And it is so lovely to be inside Angles with a cup of tea.

Janedoe@seductive.com

HOLD MY HAND...

...and we're halfway there. Doctors say my infection has cleared up about about 50%.

IN LESS PAIN BUT STILL VERY TIRED

These 40 Days

It's gonna be a long-assed Lent

PUBLIC SERVANTS ANNOUNCMENT

Set your clocks forward

WEEK

OW FUCKING OW

OW, OW, OW

LOST:

One night due to a raging infection.

Oh, glory of these 40 Days

It's Ash Wednesday and I'm craving ham. And chicken. And sausage.

Janedoe@seductive.com

BABY STEPS

Doctor says I can slowly get off the crutches.

SNOW DAY

Feeling like shit. Busses aren't running and cab drivers are charging $15.00 extra.

janedoe@seductive.com

THE ENVELOPE, PLEASE

The Oscars start less than an hour from now and I am at work.

Week

SO I'm not going to worry

YOU KNOW WAAAAYYY TOO MUCH ABOUT BROADWAY MUSICALS FOR A STRAIGHT GUY

"It's almost like being in love."

Lerner and Loewe

janedoe@seductive.com 

P SAYS R IS HIS RIDE.

So that's what they're calling it now?

OVERHEARD AT DR. CLOCK'S

SHOWER THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE...

...with snot"

Betty Jo Cohen 

Burning for you

Or someone

THE CASE OF THE SCARLET MEMBRANE

"Snot is running down his nose."

Ian Anderson/Jennie Anderson

WORE OUT ANOTHER CRUTCH

To the doctors who say I should just "accept" my weight gain and "control it" with "diet and exercise," do you believe me now? Fuck you.

janedoe@seductive.com 

WEIRDEST BLOOD PRESSURE IN A WHILE

WEEK

THE PICTURE OF HEALTH

Listening to Morgan Freeman telling people to get checked for cancer. You want people you love to be there with you even if it's to watch movies that suck. Think I overdid it with the supplements, though, am cutting back.

Tomato sauce for your ass

DIRTY SHIRLY

Shirley Temple didn't twerk:

https://catholicexchange.com/shirley-temples-america

I'VE BEEN

REMEMBERING YOU

President s Day

SUNDAY PAPER

week

SAW A WINTER'S TALE YESTERDAY WITH R

The heroine dies of tuberculosis.

body works

happy valentine's day

Deprivation

SNOW DAY

Watching Downton Abbey, drinking tea and eating whatever's around. I imagine a lot of people are having sex and or/masturbating, but I'm not much in the mood for either.

THIS IS WHAT I LOOK LIKE:

We are expecting a huge storm. Maybe the snow will help me burn this fat off or at least the fat will keep off the snow. 

janedoe@seductive.com