Jane Doe's Blog: 12/01/2013

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

PIGGY TRAIN!

Apparently there is a sociological reason for it:

THIS IS A RIOT

How to know when your cat is fully charged:

Monday, December 30, 2013

It seems to be that way at this time of year, literally and figuratively--the time after Christmas, especially between Christmas and New Year. I started a job December 30th, 2001 on a Sunday morning--the worst possible shift. But I stayed there for more than seven years.

I GOOGLED BEE POLLEN

And came up with beef stew.

janedoe@seductive.com

"WHAT WAS I THINKING?"

Seems to be the dominant theme.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

BUSHED

From a 14-hour night.

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Washington Post: http://washingtonpost.com

Saturday, December 28, 2013

WEEK

Dow closed over 16 thousand, another record I think. Weather was bitterly cold, ended pleasantly.

WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, WMATA?

Zoo Lights + Construction = Fail. You are the reason people drink and drive.

CANE MUTINY

Some of these sound revolting: http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702304465604579221943029447818

WHILE WE'RE AT IT

Happy Kwanzaa!

Friday, December 27, 2013

GO TO JAIL

Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.00

An hour and forty minutes in the oral surgeon's office and he can't pull the tooth. This after three weeks. All this for nothing, could have slept. .And still as thirsty as a fish, waiting for my blood work results. If I end up in the ER with an infection let the sin be on their heads.

janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, December 26, 2013

A TREE GROWS IN ADMO

Bought a giant economy size bottle of tea tree oil. Because the last thing I need to do is get sick:

NO ONE EVER SAID...

"I'm dreaming of a weird Christmas." This one was weird, but better than last--did not end up with screaming, tears, stolen bags etc.

A VERY ADMO CHRISTMAS

Exchanged gifts with bar tenders and greetings with the tattoo parlour guy. I buy so much from the Botanica they gave ME a gift.

THE DAY AFTER

Was late in getting the tree up, but will probably be late getting it down, too:

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD

At least on TV, except for maybe the Charlie Brown Christmas Special: http://www.hulu.com/watch/58777

janedoe@seductive.com

BEING JEWISH

Chinese dinner and a movie, The Great Gatsby on Amazon. Mmmm, Tobey Maguire.

janedoe@seductive.com

JESUS AND I HAVE ONE THING IN COMMON

Our birthdays both fall on the same day of the week.

janedoe@seductive.com

HALLELUJAH!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9XzrDltKgI

janedoe@seductive.com

THE MOST ORIGINAL HOLIDAY GREETING YET:

Christmas is a coming

And the geese are getting fat

Please to put a dollar in Mr. Lomax' hat

If you haven't got a dollar, your spare change will probably do

But if you have no change to spare, then a "MOTHERFUCK!" to you!

From K

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

PRAYER REQUEST

Please pray for me--I may have another chance to save my condo. If I do, it would be a Christmas miracle.

IT TAKES A WOMAN...

...all powdered and pink to joyously clean out the drain in the sink.. And the bathtub. And the toilet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Kc6ROLNNq4

OLD SCHOOL

Wow, apparently the cartoons with which I grew up are old school:

THINK I NEED A GINGER ALE

Chugging huge amounts of the stuff, really craving it and can't figure out why, as I am not nauseous. Maybe it's the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f1TKLywtok

At least it will help the 24-hour urine.

MERRY PISSMAS

Doing a 24 hour urine, dropping it off before mass. So festive. I don't think any normal person likes them. Doctors hate ordering them, patients hate doing them and I can't imagining anyone enjoying processing them.

Monday, December 23, 2013

AMERICA'S MOST INSULTING

I thought the most insulting thing you could say to a patient was "it's all in your head," but I was wrong. It's "you'll just have to accept it." And then there's "it can be controlled by diet and exercise." I walk so much I broke a bone in my foot, dumbass.

janedoe@seductive.com

MY COUSIN DAVID II

Today is the anniversary of my cousin David's death. I was eleven years old. We spent Christmas Eve in a funeral home. I still remember Grandma's tears dripping onto his coffin.They served good food at the wake.

NOW BEGINNITH...

...a marathon of ten and 15-hour days.

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, December 22, 2013

THE SOFTNESS OF YOUR SWEATER...

...against my skin. Mmmmm.

MY COUSIN DAVID

Today would have been his birthday. He was Aunt Irene and Uncle Jim's first child, Grandma and Grandpap's first grandchild and Mom's oldest nephew.

BUT NOBODY GETS A LIFETIME REHEARSAL....

...as specks of dust we're universal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xzsY2vkEMM

Amy Ray/Emily Saliers

A twist on the Indigo Girls: "having your head up your ass is universal." has to be the most profound thing I've heard all month.

Edd Lynch

STRANGE NIGHT

It's a strange night, compared to last. It feels as if it should be midnight.

ADVENT, ADVENT

Today is the fourth Sunday of Advent: http://catholicexchange.com/the-last-days-of-advent

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Los Angeles Times: http://www.latimes.com

Saturday, December 21, 2013

WEEK

Dow closed up over 16 thousand, hit a record high this week. Weather ended unseasonably warm. I think I saw a sign saying gas was $3.40/gallon. Since none of the doctors I’m going to are available or helpful, I’m treating myself with vitamins, essential oils, etc. If I end up in the ER with a lavender overdose, let the sin be on their heads.

EASY CUSSWORDS

NPR and Google marked the anniversary of the crossword puzzle. I like the idea of a cussword puzzle: http://www.npr.org/2013/12/21/251986578/the-crossword-turns-100-across-celebrate-by-playing-our-puzzle

Friday, December 20, 2013

ONE TEST AT A TIME

Frustrating visit with the endocrinologist. I want to cry. J says "Don't ever give up, Jane! Take one test at a time, one day at a time, and believe for the best!

janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, December 19, 2013

I RULE

S sent this email to almost a dozen people, including Frodo:

Thanks to Jane’s early warning about the missing Rush Update last night we took a look and found the Enco “EN-ININT” machine was down and would not boot properly.

Thanks $1,000,000 to Mike, the machine has a repaired graphics card and appears to be working properly again. Who knows, maybe the old card had been close to the edge before, causing the previous freeze incidents of that box.

IN THE SPIRIT OF THE HOLIDAYS

Met some bi-polar acting guy at the PO who told me he spoke four languages. I told him if he spoke English to speak it correctly. I refrained to tell him to bite me in at least five.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

WALK AWAY

And that's what I should do. I love what Youtube writes about the real Renee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RCenpcN3EM

The James Gang's Walk Away: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICmD8P0x8_M

janedoe@seductive.com

WELCOME TO THE WRECKING BALL

I never thought I’d say it, Miley Cyrus actually makes Britney Spears look like a class act: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLtmauJLP-A

But yeah, I DID unfortunately come in like a wrecking ball. And that’s what’s making problems now. Over a year ago a door was opened that never should have been: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=My2FRPA3Gf8

janedoe@seductive.com

IT'S FUCKING COLD HERE

That's why I'm dressed like a Hungarian grandmother.

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

SELDOM IS HEARD A DISCOURAGING WORD

From Jim Bohannon:

"You're not too old.
You're strikingly attractive.
Your voice is fine.
You've got a great resume.

Ya gotta believe!"

LIVING ON THE ISLAND

A text from D: "watch out for the polar bears."

OLD SCHOOL

Taken in the old Smooth Jazz studio, probably between 2005 and 2008. I had forgotten it existed. Note posters in the background and 7-11 cup in the foreground:

Monday, December 16, 2013

I AM AMUSED

That some people are actually scared of me. Especially men who are bigger and stronger than me.

janedoe@seductive.com

THIS IS PRETTY MUCH WHAT I DO:

THIS IS KINDA FUNNY:

THE INTERNET:

Yet another way to insult/malign people. And you don't need Facebook or Twitter to do it.

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, December 15, 2013

THE PRODIGAL SON

I can so relate to this guy:

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the San Francisco Chronicle: http://sfchronicle.com

Saturday, December 14, 2013

WEEK

Dow closed under 16 thousand, gas was $3.67/gallon at the Sunoco station on Harvard St. Weather mostly unseasonably bitterly cold, but at least it gets dark one minute later every day. Trying to stay healthy, the rheumatologist said there’s not much he can do while the foot is still healing. Seeing the endo next week, hope to get some answers, don’t want to be this fat.

ORDERED ONE OF THESE ON EBAY:

A mariner's cross, otherwise known as St. Clement's cross:

I PRETTY MUCH LIKE WHAT I'M DOING

I just wish I were earning more. And getting more airtime/on-air mentions. And had someone with which I could share it. But compared to this time last year, things are better.

EXPERIMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slYExz44k0Q

I am experimenting with goulash soup. A couple weeks ago it was chicken.

Friday, December 13, 2013

HOUSE WAS RIGHT

It's not lupus.

janedoe@seductive.com

JOINT VENTURE

At the Washington Hospital Center rheumatology department.

janedoe@seductive.com

Thursday, December 12, 2013

MCGARRY DEAD

Mac McGarry just died. He was responsible for my TV debut: http://wtop.com/109/3523983/Its-Academic-host-Mac-McGarry-dies

IT'S TOO COLD OUTSIDE

For angels to fly. Angels die. But I went out anyway: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAWcs5H-qgQ

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

PLANS

1) To get my condo together, whether or not I sell it.
2) To buy a car
3) To pay off my student loans
4) To get more, better work
5) To forgive

janedoe@seductive.com

PAIN

A little kid on the train looked at my crutches and said "I'm sorry you got hurt." I wanted to explain to him that there are much more painful things than breaking a bone. I also refrained from telling him "this is what happens when you don't drink your milk/eat your vegetables.

janedoe@seductive.com

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

SNOW DAY

They closed city and federal government offices today. Maybe there was a reason for it.

Monday, December 09, 2013

THAT WAS THE YEAR THAT WAS

Starts with a great boob shot: https://www.facebook.com/yearinreview/snipercatcher

janedoe@seductive.com

Sunday, December 08, 2013

OMG

You shook me all night long: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lo2qQmj0_h4

And then he kissed me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUaUIwuU8so

CRUTCHPRINTS IN THE SNOW

"Snow has fallen."

Ruth Tessler Goldstein

MULTIPLE FEASTS

Today is the feast of the Immaculate Conception. It is also the Second Sunday of Advent: http://catholicexchange.com/the-immaculate-conception-2

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the New York Times: http://newyorktimes.com

Saturday, December 07, 2013

WEEK

Dow closed over 16 thousand. Weather was warm mid to late week, then bitterly cold. Gas was $3.36/gallon at the Sunoco station between the Columbia Heights Metro and Washington Hospital Center. Doing my best to stay healthy and optimistic, but getting hard.

Thursday, December 05, 2013

RIP

Nelson Mandela is dead

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

WHAT A CONCEPT:

janedoe@seductive.com

Monday, December 02, 2013

CRUTCHES SUCK

But there are other things that suck more:

Being told everything's "just nerves" or "all in your head" sucks.
Being accused of faking an illness or medical condition to get attention sucks.
Having to go to work or school when you're sick sucks. Not being able to home sucks, too.
Having your mom say "aw, come on, Janey, you're not that sick" sucks.