WEEK 18

An up and down week, started up moodwise and marketwise, ended down the same way, but up weatherwise.

janedoe@seductive.com

DAY 105 ASSAULT IN ADAMS MORGAN

Around 2:29 AM a woman was assaulted in the Valley Vista Condominium in Adams Morgan. The victim had been drinking with friends at a bar at 18th St and Columbia Rd when she entered the building from the Ashmead Place entrance. She says once she was inside the building he grabbed her from behind, putting his had over her mouth. He fled the building when she screamed.

The victim describes her assailant as bald black man, probably in his thirties, from five foot nine to six feet, medium build. He was wearing a light blue or white shirt and blue jeans. It's not clear whether the man followed her into the building or whether he was already inside.

DAY 104

Just when you thought it couldn't get weirder: http://media.wakooz.com/the-surfing-sheep

DAY 103

My third day with the federal government. Not sure whether I am all grown up or have become part of the Hitler Youth: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gY86ADsJvcY

janedoe@seductive.com

DAY 102

I am apparently developing a relationship with DC's Finest. Last night I saw some people smoking dope on 18th St. I was terrfied the cops would think I was smoking, too.

DAY 101

Started a temp job with the Census Bureau.

janedoe@seductive.com

DAY 100

Wow, 100 days without starving.

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Lancaster Intelligencer Journal.

SUPPORT THE CARPENTER'S SHELTER

See http://www.carpentersshelter.org/2010/02/carpenters-cook-off

I'll be at the Birchmere tomorrow.

DAY 99

"Slamming the ham" is a great expression. And I'm not talking about food.

WEEK 17

Mostly lovely weather and a better-than-nothing financial situation. The Dow closed up ever single day this week. People are also less assholish. Not sure weather it’s the weather, the Dow or both.

janedoe@seductive.com

DAY 98

Saw another dwarf, this time in Georgetown. Ought to call it "Dwarftown."

janedoe@seductive.com

JOKE

Nurse: Doctor, do you realize you just wrote that prescription with a thermometer?

Doctor: Shit! Some asshole has my pen!

DAY 97

HAPPY EARTH DAY!

DAY 96

It just gets weirder. This morning I did a hustled a dwarf. At first I thought she was a little kid and wondered what kind of jerk would bring his child to Adams Morgan at that hour of the morning. But she appreciated it and was not drunk or high, unlike the last dwarf I hustled.

I figured dwarves need my services, too, and dwarf money is as good as any other money (although it was her normal-sized friend who paid) and it’s not as though I tossed her. I would only toss a consenting dwarf – there is nothing worse than a reluctant dwarf, all that screaming and those little arms and legs flailing…

janedoe@seductive.com

DAY 95

Hot coffee is good with whipped cream on top. I first had it that way in Europe. It doesn't need sugar. And it is so comforting on a cold April morning. Especially when someone treats you.

janedoe@seductive.com

DAY 94

About a week or two a go a guy gave me a dollar because I'm so sexy (his words). I think it was last week a guy gave me five dollars extra because I'm "so beautiful." Last night a guy gave me twenty provided I would leave him alone and go away. Hey, I'll take what I can get.

janedoe@seductive.com

DAY 93

SMART COOKIE:

Got a cookie fortune that said "you are capable, confident, creative, careful. Prove it."

DAY 92

I HAVE A DREAM

I am at a party with a variety of foods, ham, noodles, etc. Every time I fill my plate and put it down it disappears and the selection of food changes. I refuse to vote for some bill or other in Congress (healthcare related, I think) and some mafia-type guys steal my car, demanding more than 10K to get it back.

WEEK 16

Weather has improved, dogwoods and azaleas are at least two weeks early. This week we had the largest gathering of world leaders in DC since WWII and one person was killed. Also, Goldman Sachs stocks plummeted and there was a volcanic eruption in Iceland. I would like to think my job situation is improving. I am not very nauseous or dizzy, but still tired and my rosacea is flaring up. And I itch. How banal.

janedoe@seductive.com

DAY 91

A guy I worked with in Munich had a dawg named “Pizza,” so called because they found her in Italy. I wasn’t sure of the dawg’s gender, as in German it is “der Hund.” Pizza’s owner said “he’s very intelligent. He learns everything right away.” I wanted to say “yeah, but he forgets it right away, too.”

janedoe@seductive.com

DAY 90

INSTANT ASSHOLE

Just add alcohol.

DAY 89

ONE DRUNK AT A TIME

That should be my motto.

janedoe@seductive.com

DAY 88

Weather has turned itself around 180 degrees, but things seem to be progressing in other areas.

DAY 87

What a day. The Dow closes over 11 thousand, I'm getting a nice tax refund, I got offered a temp job with the Census Bureau and a guy gives me five dollars extra because I'm beautiful (His words, not mine)

janedoe@seductive.com

DAY 86

The smell of fried diner food is equal to aromatherapy. Especially at this hour of the night.

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Modesto Bee.

HOPE

The shrubs surrounding our building are not nearly as badly damaged by the snows as I thought they would be. Some even have little leaves budding. New ones.

DAY 85

Four missing West Virginia miners found dead: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36183425/ns/us_news-life

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and may the perpetual light shine upon them. May their souls and the souls of all the faithful departed through the mercy of G-d rest in peace. Amen.

WEEK 15

Had a much nicer Easter than I could have expected. Weather has improved, my financial situation not really. Was feeling much better Thursday, then a lot worse Friday. Feeling a LOT better right now.

janedoe@seductive.com

DAY 84

A LOVE SONG

There is something so comforting about pizza in the middle of the night. There at least three places on 18th St. that are open that late. The pizza has just the right amount of cheese and I love the way the pepperoni grease drips off it. The slices sell for about five or six dollars per, but each one is about the size of half a regular pizza. I like to add garlic, oregano and hot peppers.

janedoe@seductive.com

DAY 83

HOW BIZARRE

This morning a client told me "my father found a penguin on the beach and rehabilitated it."

DAY 82

HOW COULD I FORGET?

Seven years ago yesterday I adopted my first pig and haven't regretted it for a second: http://www.cerridwin.org/jane/pigone.jpg

janedoe@seductive.com

DAY 81

WHAT TO MAKE FROM LEFTOVER MARSHMALLOW PEEPS:

Peepshi (Peep sushi)

http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2010/03/peeps-recipes-how-to-make-peepshi-sushi-rice-krispies-treats-easter.html

DUKE BEATS BUTLER

61 to 59. Either way I would have been happy. Dad went to Duke, but I went to a little college no one ever heard of, too.

janedoe@seductive.com

DAY 80

Big day for sports: Donovan McNabb, Tiger Woods, NCAA finals, Nats and White House Easter Egg Roll.

janedoe@seductive.com

DAY 79

Happy Easter! As I don't own a rabbit, here is a picture of Baby Pandora: http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/cc224/xmattxyzx/Pignic/IMG_2951.jpg

PLEASANT SURPRISES

I had at least five of them today.

DIFFERENT FROM ALL OTHER NIGHTS

"I spent Passover with gay friends. Two of the four questions were on Liza Minnelli."

Joan Rivers

DAY 78

HOLY SATURDAY

I miss taking the basket to church to get it blessed but am happy to be going to the potluck tomorrow.

WEEK 14

Weather is gorgeous, my financial situation WAS improving. In spite of it I am nauseous, tired and dizzy a lot of the time. I hope this years-long Lent will turn into a years-long Easter.

janedoe@seductive.com

DAY 77

He thought you were worth dying for: http://catholicexchange.com/2010/03/30/127381

Also, I almost forgot Passover. Next year in Jerusalem.

janedoe@seductive.com

THE LAST SUPPER

See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4oKXagF3IE

DAY 76

HOLY MACKERAL, IT'S THURSDAY!

I mean it's Holy Thursday.