SIMPSON #1

Ashlee Simpson is #1 of the latest Lycos 5o.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT...DAY 121

The person who tried to charge about five thousand dollars to my American Express card didn't succeed.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT...DAY 120

My beloved Pippin got two birthday cards.

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT...DAY 119

At least three people want to buy my massage chair.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT...DAY 118

I got to leave both my jobs on time.

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Baltimore City Paper.

SORRY, I AM NOT THE WONKETTE

Went to the correspondent’s dinner. It was at least my 12th one—all the emotional insecurities of a high school dance, except we’re older and weigh more. Some of us are on the lookout for mates, others for better jobs. Peacock blue seems to be big this year.

The first thing I did was grab a club soda, then checked out all the food. Then the hot guys. After that I went for the booze. When you think of it, it is a high-class way of catering to our most primal needs – food, booze, sex, money and external validation.

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT...DAY 117

Morgan Fairchild was nice to me. I want to be like her when I grow up. And I got another Amazon.com gift certificate, which will pay for most of the 48-dollar textbook I need.

WEEK 17 OR BLATANT ABUSE OF THE SLASH MARK
HIV, cancer, diabetes, flatulence, midgetism – all the pathologies and/or manifestations thereof I’ve run into this week. I didn’t massage, the midget, I just saw her on DuPont Circle. I think she went up to my hip.It’s been quite a week pathologically – I have met people sicker, weirder, more broken, more hurting than I am. In a way one has to feel sorry for them, yet at the same time I feel like yelling “just because you have (insert disease here) is no reason to be an asshole. Just because your parents were abusive/alcoholics/bipolar/dead/divorced/schizophrenic/all/none of the above is no reason to be so self-absorbed and/or take it out on me. I’m a massage therapist (soon to be reflexologist/aromatherapist) not a psychiatrist. For the little amount of money you are paying me to put up with this crap you could at least tip me better.”

Then I wonder what my doctor/dentist/vet/hairdresser/vet thinks of me. Am I that weird/annoying/obnoxious/disgusting?

The Life Before Her Eyes opened this week. I saw the Mix preview Monday, but only the first 35 minutes of it. It’s about a woman in her thirties who survived a Columbine-like high school shooting. As the 15th anniversary approaches she is having weird flashbacks. It is supposed to have a surprise ending, like Tony Perkins in Psycho being his own mother or Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense being already dead. Being a crime victim myself it was kind of disturbing – now I get scared when I’m in the studio alone at night.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT...DAY 116

A phone call from a very special person.

And we are getting our economic stimulus checks sooner than expected.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT...DAY 115

A diabetic client told me I made his feet feel great. And his blood sure was normal after the session. I saw a midget on DuPont Circle. Not that that's good or bad, just got my attention.

LONGORIA #1

Eva Longoria is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE...DAY 114

Free bacon on my sandwich. And the guy gave me ten dollars too much in change. I gave it back.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE...DAY 113

I am grateful for Band-aids.

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE...DAY 112

Free movie tickets. And a Nathan's hot dawg, not free but yummy.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE...DAY 111

It pissed outside, so I had the opportunity to wash a WHOLE BUNCH of clothes. And my hair.

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the St. Louis Dispatch.

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE...DAY 110

Say what you will about the DC Government, I already got my city tax refund. One week after filing.

WEEK 16

Hmmm, a rewarding week financially, and not too bad in other respects, either. Glad I saw the Pope. Like most religious things, it was a matter of obligation – people came all the way from Texas or even farther than that, so I can certainly go four or five Metro stops to see him.

I feel I’ve completed an obligation, kind of like attending mass or going to confession, but I honestly don’t feel very spiritually uplifted. What is wrong with me? Truly, I have come back from aromatherapy or reflexology classes feeling more spiritual.

I saw Pope John Paul II when he was in DC and I saw Princess Diana about seven or eight years later in Munich. I will never forget seeing either one of them, but truth be told, the princess made more of an impression. I couldn’t stop talking about it for days, weeks even. Maybe because I was about seven or eight feet from her and got a close-up view or maybe she has a better wardrobe consultant/make-up artist.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 109

Some fat bastard broke my massage chair and won't pay for it. Nor will his boss, nor will mine. So I am trying to internalize what M sez about "a new window opening in the universe" and ordering a nice new chair from Oakworks, instead of a piece of crap off E-bay.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 108

More money and air time and a possible repeat client.

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 107

I saw the pope. And got a free sandwich. And the weather was nice.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 106

I made a depressed man smile. And got about a dozen free sandwich coupons. The two had nothing to do with each other.

JOLIE #1

Angelina Jolie is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 105

The Weather was nice.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 104

Baby Pandora is eating like a horse and begging for food.

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for L'Osservatore Romano.

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 103

Finished two-thirds of my aromatherapy classroom requirement. And sold an unneeded DVD at a profit.

WEEK 15

Well, I am slowly but surely getting through all the stupid paperwork I’ve been working on. And filed my federal and city tax returns, which is also a load off my mind. I have completed 25% of my classroom requirement and 12% of my practical experience for my reflexology certification.

Not much progress on the resolution to learn Spanish.

Now time to prepare for the Papal visit.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 102

Filed my tax returns. And am getting a refund.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 101

I am grateful for power. Especially when it comes back after being lost for about 40 minutes. And my new dress for the correspondents' dinner has arrived.

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 100

Nice clients and lots of leads.100 days. Wow. At our college we had the 100 Nights Dinner--100 Nights before graduation. Except I didn't go as I finished my course requirements a semester early.

janedoe@seductive.com

JOLIE #1

Angelina Jolie is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 99

Clients with gorgeous feet. They could be foot models.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 98

A client who tipped and a little extra sleep.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 97

It was five years ago today that I adopted my first pig, my darling Lightning, and I've never regretted it.

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the St. Petersburg Times.

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 96

We have a printer in the control room, so I feel less like a refugee. My tarot client paid me almost twice what I expected. And I found my keys. Thank you, St. Anthony!

FARTING LESBIANS

"Farts and lesbians. That's all he's interested in. Too bad they're not farting lesbians."

Charlie Donovan

WEEK 14

Wow, it was five years ago that I started blogging. .

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 95

Things went smoothly at Borders AND at the UPS store. And an old lady at Giant let me go in front of HER.

janedoe@seductive.com

HE HAD A DREAM

One man come in the name of love
One man come and go
One man come here to justify
One man to overthrow
In the name of love!
One man in the name of love
In the name of love!
What more?
In the name of love!
One man caught on a barbed wire fence
One man he resists
One man washed on an empty beach
One man betrayed with a kiss
In the name of love!
What more in the name of love?
In the name of love!
What more?
In the name of love!...
nobody like you...
there's nobody like you...
Mmm...mmm...mmm...
Early morning,
April 4
Shot rings out in the Memphis sky
Free at last, they took your life
They could not take your pride
In the name of love!
What more in the name of love?
In the name of love!
What more in the name of love?
In the name of love!
What more in the name of love...

Bono

Martin Luther King Jr. Was shot 40 years ago today.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 94

Got an extra hour's worth of sleep. And my table is comfortable enough to sleep on.

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 93

Ordered some essential oils from Iowabeauty.com for a good price. And my new purse arrived.

janedoe@seductive.com

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Stratus #1

Trish Stratus is #a of the latest Lycos 50.

TRYING NOT TO BE TOO UNHAPPY ABOUT IT, OR MY LIFE DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH DAY 92

We got paid.