GETTING LUCKY DAY 59
Okay. Enough of this positive thinking/gratidude bullshit already. My Amazon.com gift certificate arrived in the mail. I have been writing this crap for almost two months. That's longer than the Oh, Happy Day thing I did last year. Still, I have to admit, it hasn't hurt and maybe things have got a little better. If anything else, they have got no worse.
janedoe@seductive.com
Monday, April 30, 2007
SHANA SENT THIS
A lot of that stuff people forward is so sickeningly sweet I could hurl, but this is good:
I AM THANKFUL FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO, BECAUSE HE IS HOME
WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS
FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING
ABOUT DOING DISHES BECAUSE
IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.
FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED.
FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
FOR THE CLOTHES
THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUGLY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.
FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE.
FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.
FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND
AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.
FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANSI AM WARM.
FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.
FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.
FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE
OF WORKING HARD.
FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.
AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME
SEND THIS TO SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT.
I JUST DID.
Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!.
janedoe@seductive.com
A lot of that stuff people forward is so sickeningly sweet I could hurl, but this is good:
I AM THANKFUL FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO, BECAUSE HE IS HOME
WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS
FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING
ABOUT DOING DISHES BECAUSE
IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.
FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED.
FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
FOR THE CLOTHES
THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUGLY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.
FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE.
FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.
FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND
AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.
FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANSI AM WARM.
FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.
FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.
FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE
OF WORKING HARD.
FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.
AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME
SEND THIS TO SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT.
I JUST DID.
Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!.
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Friday, April 27, 2007
WEEK 53
.I have completed more than one-third of my hospital volunteer requirement. The hospital serves the best hot dogs yet I could not eat them on the Fridays I was there during Lent. Now I can eat them but they have been out of them the last couple times I was there. And of course since Lent’s over they serve really good vegetarian soups.
A couple weeks ago I worried I would always be in debt and never have enuff money. That seems to be less of an issue – now I worry about not having a life. Forget a social life, just a LIFE.
janedoe@seductive.com
.I have completed more than one-third of my hospital volunteer requirement. The hospital serves the best hot dogs yet I could not eat them on the Fridays I was there during Lent. Now I can eat them but they have been out of them the last couple times I was there. And of course since Lent’s over they serve really good vegetarian soups.
A couple weeks ago I worried I would always be in debt and never have enuff money. That seems to be less of an issue – now I worry about not having a life. Forget a social life, just a LIFE.
janedoe@seductive.com
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
GETTING LUCKY DAY 54
It never rains, but it pours. Now that I am moving on in my massage therapy career things are picking up at my other jobs. At least one person who had long resisted is making concessions to make things easier for me.
janedoe@seductive.com
It never rains, but it pours. Now that I am moving on in my massage therapy career things are picking up at my other jobs. At least one person who had long resisted is making concessions to make things easier for me.
janedoe@seductive.com
ALMOST LEGAL
Got my supervisory consent form signed, sealed and delivered. This means I can give massages in DC, possibly also Maryland and Virginia, for 90 days.
janedoe@seductive.com
Got my supervisory consent form signed, sealed and delivered. This means I can give massages in DC, possibly also Maryland and Virginia, for 90 days.
janedoe@seductive.com
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Sunday, April 22, 2007
GETTING LUCKY DAY 51
"For the beauty of the earth,
For the glory of the skies,
For the love which from our birth over and around us lies"
http://www.hymnsite.com/lyrics/umh092.sht
Folliot S. Pierpont
"For the beauty of the earth,
For the glory of the skies,
For the love which from our birth over and around us lies"
http://www.hymnsite.com/lyrics/umh092.sht
Folliot S. Pierpont
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Saturday, April 14, 2007
GOING TO THE CHAPEL
Now it's actually WENT to the chapel. Dallas and Betty got married. It was all very tasteful and both of them are extremely deserving of happiness. Okay, so the last wedding I went to was Cassandra’s. There were two brides and no groom. And one of them used to be a guy. It was her third wedding – she was the groom at her first and the bride at the other two. I tell my other friends they go to boring weddings.
Now it's actually WENT to the chapel. Dallas and Betty got married. It was all very tasteful and both of them are extremely deserving of happiness. Okay, so the last wedding I went to was Cassandra’s. There were two brides and no groom. And one of them used to be a guy. It was her third wedding – she was the groom at her first and the bride at the other two. I tell my other friends they go to boring weddings.
Friday, April 13, 2007
GETTING LUCKY DAY 42
.I am grateful that Lent is over and that I can eat hot dogs in the hospital cafeteria. And that the guy gave me extra fries. And that the clerk charged me for a medium drink when I ordered a large one.
janedoe@seductive.com
.I am grateful that Lent is over and that I can eat hot dogs in the hospital cafeteria. And that the guy gave me extra fries. And that the clerk charged me for a medium drink when I ordered a large one.
janedoe@seductive.com
WEEK 51
.I have completed more than one-fourth, almost one-third of my hours at the hospital. And trying to tell myself that G-d did not kill my car in return for letting me pass my boards with high scores.
janedoe@seductive.com
.I have completed more than one-fourth, almost one-third of my hours at the hospital. And trying to tell myself that G-d did not kill my car in return for letting me pass my boards with high scores.
janedoe@seductive.com
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
GETTING LUCKY DAY 40
More for which to feel grateful today.
That Triple A will pay for my tow from the garage to the dealership. That we will get extra frequent-flier miles for using Avis. That I am getting a city and federal income tax refund.
janedoe@seductive.com
More for which to feel grateful today.
That Triple A will pay for my tow from the garage to the dealership. That we will get extra frequent-flier miles for using Avis. That I am getting a city and federal income tax refund.
janedoe@seductive.com
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
GETTING LUCKY DAY 39
There are few things to be grateful for on a day like today. Except for maybe the fact that it's over.
I guess I am grateful that Mom is paying to have a new engine put into my car. And that the repair guy was nice.
I am not grateful that it took the Triple-A people an hour and a half to get to me in the 45-degree weather while my car was blocking traffic on Connecticut Avenue.
Or to the DC cop who gave me hell for inconveniencing him and the city government (even though Triple A told me to call 911)
Or to my incredibly callous boss and co-workers.
There are few things to be grateful for on a day like today. Except for maybe the fact that it's over.
I guess I am grateful that Mom is paying to have a new engine put into my car. And that the repair guy was nice.
I am not grateful that it took the Triple-A people an hour and a half to get to me in the 45-degree weather while my car was blocking traffic on Connecticut Avenue.
Or to the DC cop who gave me hell for inconveniencing him and the city government (even though Triple A told me to call 911)
Or to my incredibly callous boss and co-workers.
Monday, April 09, 2007
GETTING LUCKY DAY 38
.I am grateful for a bed onto which I can crash at the end of an exhausting day.
janedoe@seductive.com
.I am grateful for a bed onto which I can crash at the end of an exhausting day.
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Friday, April 06, 2007
GETTING LUCKY DAY 35
.For one thing Jesus Christ died on the cross for us over two thousand years ago. And I have been getting lots of nice e-mails. And G. sez I'm pretty .
janedoe@seductive.com
.For one thing Jesus Christ died on the cross for us over two thousand years ago. And I have been getting lots of nice e-mails. And G. sez I'm pretty .
janedoe@seductive.com
Thursday, April 05, 2007
GETTING LUCKY DAY 34
I passed my boards. And, this sounds kind of superficial, but I love my new Brooks Brothers shirt. And Bonnie gave me a Netflix gift certificate.
I passed my boards. And, this sounds kind of superficial, but I love my new Brooks Brothers shirt. And Bonnie gave me a Netflix gift certificate.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Monday, April 02, 2007
GETTING LUCKY DAY 31
The Gators still hold the title in football and basketball. And the Hoyas made it to the Final Four. I hate myself less.
janedoe@seductive.com
The Gators still hold the title in football and basketball. And the Hoyas made it to the Final Four. I hate myself less.
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, April 01, 2007
FOUR YEARS
.For those of you who have not been following me since Day 1, here is some background on me:
I am a woman, overweight and Catholic. I have a bachelor'sdegree in German literature and master's degree in telecommunications. I had no real interest in German literature. My father browbeat me into taking German to fulfill my high school language requirement. Four years later I would rather have majored in music or theater but was told by my mother I was not this "big ball of talent" I thought I was and wouldn't earn anything by "flitting my ass on a stage." German literature would be an easy "A" and I would be able to graduate fast and go to California to write songs. Instead I get a Fulbright Fellowship to Germany and flounder around there for a couple years after the fellowship runs out. After it becomes economically unfeasible to be a student under the German Social Democratic system for much longer my boyfriend persuades me to go back to America and get an MA. So I get an MA in telecommunications and end up at one of America's premiere radio networks, where I work for more than five years until I am terminated in 2001. I spent two years in North Central Florida talking to a bunch of retarded hicks, but I told myself "never mind, Janey, someday you'll be a big anchorwoman and you won't have to deal with these hicks anymore." Well, my education there only trained me to spend more than six years talking to a different set of hicks.
Example:
Me: Hi, may I please speak to your news director?
Retarded hick receptionist: News director? Is that th' guy who tells th' news onth' air?
Follow up:
Me: Hi, this is Jane from ____. A couple weeks ago we faxed you a press release.We wanted to know whether you were able to use it.
RHR: What do you mean? Read it on th' air?
Me: (Thinking) No, dumbass. Use it for toilet paper. Use it to wrap fish. Use it to line a bird cage. I don't care what the hell you did with it afterwards. Were you or weren't you able to read it on air?
"So how did you get into massage therapy" you might ask. About two years ago following my father's death and dealing with multiple low-paying jobs, failed relationships and asshole "friends" I decided I needed a vacation. Somewhere cheap, where there was a beach, where I could practice my Spanish and wouldn't need a passport. The answer: Puerto Rico. We got a ridiculously good deal on the hotel and flight so I decided to treat myself to an aromatherapy massage. It was $85.00 plus a $25.00 "gratuity" which was not optional. I knew the therapist didn't get to keep it all for herself, but I figured becoming a massage therapist would be a good way to earn a lot of money fast and still allow myself to do what I wanted to do -- radio, TV and Internet. Plus, when I gave massages to family members and friends they would say "where did you learn to do that?" and "you mean you don't do this professionally?"
So now I have completed all the requirements for national certification except taking the boards. For those of you who cared enough to read this, this should bring you up to speed without reading four years' worth of posts. I thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
.For those of you who have not been following me since Day 1, here is some background on me:
I am a woman, overweight and Catholic. I have a bachelor'sdegree in German literature and master's degree in telecommunications. I had no real interest in German literature. My father browbeat me into taking German to fulfill my high school language requirement. Four years later I would rather have majored in music or theater but was told by my mother I was not this "big ball of talent" I thought I was and wouldn't earn anything by "flitting my ass on a stage." German literature would be an easy "A" and I would be able to graduate fast and go to California to write songs. Instead I get a Fulbright Fellowship to Germany and flounder around there for a couple years after the fellowship runs out. After it becomes economically unfeasible to be a student under the German Social Democratic system for much longer my boyfriend persuades me to go back to America and get an MA. So I get an MA in telecommunications and end up at one of America's premiere radio networks, where I work for more than five years until I am terminated in 2001. I spent two years in North Central Florida talking to a bunch of retarded hicks, but I told myself "never mind, Janey, someday you'll be a big anchorwoman and you won't have to deal with these hicks anymore." Well, my education there only trained me to spend more than six years talking to a different set of hicks.
Example:
Me: Hi, may I please speak to your news director?
Retarded hick receptionist: News director? Is that th' guy who tells th' news onth' air?
Follow up:
Me: Hi, this is Jane from ____. A couple weeks ago we faxed you a press release.We wanted to know whether you were able to use it.
RHR: What do you mean? Read it on th' air?
Me: (Thinking) No, dumbass. Use it for toilet paper. Use it to wrap fish. Use it to line a bird cage. I don't care what the hell you did with it afterwards. Were you or weren't you able to read it on air?
"So how did you get into massage therapy" you might ask. About two years ago following my father's death and dealing with multiple low-paying jobs, failed relationships and asshole "friends" I decided I needed a vacation. Somewhere cheap, where there was a beach, where I could practice my Spanish and wouldn't need a passport. The answer: Puerto Rico. We got a ridiculously good deal on the hotel and flight so I decided to treat myself to an aromatherapy massage. It was $85.00 plus a $25.00 "gratuity" which was not optional. I knew the therapist didn't get to keep it all for herself, but I figured becoming a massage therapist would be a good way to earn a lot of money fast and still allow myself to do what I wanted to do -- radio, TV and Internet. Plus, when I gave massages to family members and friends they would say "where did you learn to do that?" and "you mean you don't do this professionally?"
So now I have completed all the requirements for national certification except taking the boards. For those of you who cared enough to read this, this should bring you up to speed without reading four years' worth of posts. I thank you, ladies and gentlemen.