LOOKING BACK

I only made one resolution last year – to get more sleep. Needless to say, I didn’t keep it. I am eating all my Christmas leftovers, I guess sort of a symbolic thing.

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Japan Times.

FIVE YEARS AGO

I started at one of my freelance jobs five years ago today. I took the Sunday AM shift, the absolute worst, because it was the only one available. It was a cold, dark night and I was feeling pretty bad about everything – there’s something about that overnight shift, especially on weekends. A couple raises, promotions and small bonuses later it turned out to be a pleasant surprise.

AN AMERICAN GIRL

Well, she was an American girl,
Raised on promises
She couldn't help thinking there was a little more to life
Somewhere elseAfter all it was a great big world
With lots of places to run to
And if she's gonna die
Tryin', she
Had one little promise she was gonna keep
Chorus:Oh yeah, alright,
Take it easy, baby
Make it last all night (make it last all night)
She was an American girl.
Well, it was kind of cold that night,
She stood alone on the balcony
Yeah, she could hear the cars roll by,
Out on four forty one like
Waves crashing on the beach,
For one desperate moment there
He crept back in her memory
God, it's so painful when something that's so close
Can feel so far out of reach

Tom Petty

This is reputedly about a girl who committed suicide on the University of Florida campus, although it has never been proven. As much as I hated Florida I would never kill myself.

WEEK 36

.No school this week and very little work. I actually GOT a massage, but did not give any. Can’t figure out why I’m still so tired .

janedoe@seductive.com

HOME

Got home almost five hours early. Pigs are in the pen. The roughest thing was waiting for my luggage. It's weird when things go as planned. Or even when better than planned.

FORD DEAD

For those of you who have been living in a cave, former President Gerald Ford died about twelve hours ago. One of my former co-workers had a friend who said Ford was one of the nicest guys one could hope to work for, with the possible exception of Spiro Agnew. If only it weren't for that nasty little bookkeeping thing.

janedoe@seductive.com

'TIS THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS

And Helen wasn't as obnoxious as feared, only occasionally making references to my father and my relationship, or lack thereof. And I got a purple fairy shirt and "Cracking the MCAT" from Mom.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL"

"And to all a good night."

Clement C. Moore

'TIS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

And we are off to midnight mass. Mom also announced to Margaret that "Janey doesn't have any money to start up her own business."

BRAWL IN THE FAMILY

.Well, after less than 24 hours here Mom has made it known to me that:1) My Mary Kay business is not doing well.
2) Not wearing pantihose is socially unacceptable, even though we're in Florida
3) My lip pencil is unsuitable.

WEEK 35

.Literally limped into Sarasota exhausted, broke and dirty. At least I flew into Tampa first-class and the airline is giving me a free ticket to anywhere in the US or Canada good for next year .

janedoe@seductive.com

BLESSED SOLSTICE

It was today. Things should be literally looking brighter.

VACATION
.
"Vacation all I ever wanted"

The Go-gos

Well, mine is not off to a good start. I was on my way to the other building and I tripped in a pothole, severely bruising my left knee and ripping my pants. I guess the good things are that the knee is not too severely injured and C is ordering new pants for me.

janedoe@seductive.com

VIDEOGRAPHER KILLED
.
Channel 7 videographer Gordon Davis was killed in the line of duty covering a fire in Prince George's County. Rescue crews were there but no one could save him. Sometimes it doesn't matter if you know, CPR, mouth-to-mouth, etc.

LOTS OF CHRISTMAS SURPRISES
.
Got some nice holiday surprises:
1) My customers tipped well and gave good reviews.
2) T. cancelled all my appointments for Wednesday, I think as well for her as for me.
3) She had one of Jay's students give me a full-body massage as a special treat.

janedoe@seductive.com

HOLIDAY HUMOUR

Q: What do you call a blow job that lasts for eight days?

A: A Hanukkah Lewinsky.

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Dover Post.

MATTERS OF THE HEART

Saw the cardiologist yesterday. He is not much for divination but he now believes in facials. I lectured him on the use of sunscreen. He did not say anything about my cholesterol.

TWO MONTHS

Two months until my "estimated" day of graduation. Thank G-d.

FIRST HANUKKAH

Happy First Hanukkah! To see some nice Jewish pigs, click here:

http://www.guinealynx.info/forums/viewtopic.php?p=969690&highlight=smudgie#969690

And here:

http://www.guinealynx.info/forums/viewtopic.php?p=676362&highlight=chanukah#676362

janedoe@seductive.com

WEEK 34
.
My last Friday in clinic and things went well. All my clients showed up, gave me good reviews and tipped me nicely. This is a rarity on Friday. A lot of our Friday customers are the biggest assholes. You see an unattractive person, no wedding ring on a Friday night and you figure we are the only human beings to touch their bodies. Also, those who prefer to be naked are usually slightly nutty. They claim it's because they like to feel "free" but it's either because they're perverts or because they consider themselves "connaisseurs" of massage and think it's their bounden duty to boss us around.

janedoe@seductive.com

AUNT IRENE

She had back surgery today. Mom said it was something like "they took out a piece of something and put it somewhere else. Not very medical but that's the best I can come up with.

LESS STRESS

I have purchased all my gifts and all those which need to be mailed have been mailed. And I have almost ten per cent of my cards mailed. So the stressors listed on December 3rd have lessened a little.

janedoe@seductive.com

SPEARS #1

Britney Spears is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

WOW

I woke up in the middle of the night with your scent still on my skin.

PARTNERS IN PAIN

You ask whether it's possible to love again after a death or a divorce. I wonder whether either of us have been hurt too badly emotionally or physically to ever love again.

They say people who haven't eaten enough for a long time, concentration camp survivors, anorexics etc can't process food right for a while after they start eating again. Sometimes they never do. I wonder whether I have been emotionally starved for so many years and whether I am so bent on satisfying clients, teachers, school administrators, family and friends to allow anyone, myself included, to make me happy.

An encouraging thing: Two months ago D. lost her husband of almost 13 years to cancer. He was the second husband she lost that way. She thanked J. and me for getting her out of the house. Now she is talking about getting a puppy.

janedoe@seductive.com

MURDERSINC

A mnemonic device for the body’s ten systems:

Muscular
Urinary
Respiratory
Digestive
Endocrine
Reproductive
Skeletal
Integumentary
Nervous
Cardiovascular

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Arkansas Democrat Gazette.

FROM MY OLD BOSS

“Seriously, Jane: You're a really strikingly lovely woman...You can do better than massaging lesbians!”

WEEK 33

.Only one more Friday left in this mod. I am so tired I called Happy Family to place and order and forgot my beloved pepper oil. The woman on the phone said “don’t you want hot pep-pah with that.?” I apologized. Then I tried to make some tea in the microwave and almost forgot top put water into the cup.

janedoe@seductive.com

TWO WEEKS

Two weeks left until the generic winter holiday vacation.

JOE AND HIS WARTS

When I was a kid my girlfriend's father would sit on the couch picking his warts and flicking them off. Mom would say "stop it, Joe, those are viral." I ended up getting them.

Tonight's client had what looked like similar warts and athlete's food. I made sure I washed my hands REALLY well afterward. And Purelled them.

janedoe@seductive.com

SPEARS #1

Britney Spears is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

TWO WEEKS AND TWO DAYS

Two weeks and two days until generic winter holiday vacation.

I NEED A LOVER

I need a lover that won't drive me crazy
I need a lover that won't drive me crazy
I need a lover that won't drive me crazy
Some girl that knows the meaning of a
Hey hit the highway
Well I've been walkin' the streets up and down
Racing through the human jungles at night
I'm so confused, my mind is indifferent
Hey I'm so weak, won't somebody shut off that light
Electricity runs through the video
And I watch it from this hole I call home
All the stony's are dancin' to the radio
And I got the world calling me up here
Tonight on the phone**
I need a lover that won't drive me crazy
Some girl to thrill me and then go away
I need a lover that won't drive me crazy
Some girl that knows the meaning of a
Hey hit the highway
Well I'm not wiped out by this poolroom life
I'm livingI'm gonna quit this job, go to school, or head back home
And I'm not askin' to be loved or be forgiven
I just can't face shakin' in this bedroom
One more night alone(*Repeat)(**Repeat)
You bet cha

John Mellencamp

Heard this on Arrow 94 last night, driving down Lee Highway past the State Theater, just like in high school, cranked up the volume like the scene in the Wayne's World movie in which the guys are listening to Bohemian Rhapsody. The difference is it's my own car, not my parents'. I have not quit my job but I AM back in school and hope I won't have to fake shakin' alone for much longer. Hope springs eternal.

THE ROAD TAKEN

Went to the CDA Christmas party and the Fulbright party yesterday in an attempt to keep my social life alive, to show people I still care. While I look at the Fulbright fellowship as one of my great accomplisments I sometimes wonder if it didn't hinder me. What would have happened if I hadn't got it? I guess I would have got a job at some radio station or some agency, but would I just have ended up being phased out anyway? Would I have clung to the same man for six years because he was the best thing that had come along and nothing better came along after?

janedoe@seductive.com

WHY I AM STRESSED OUT

These are the things over which I'm stressing in no particular order:

1) Money
2) Mom
3) School
4) Getting an internship
5) Volunteer work
6) Passing the nationals
7) Getting a decent job
8) Christmas Cards
9) Christmas Gifts
10) Peppy
11) The pigs
12) My condo
13) My car
14) My social life
15) My love life
16) My body
17) What people think of me

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Juneau Empire.

TWO MONTHS, TWO WEEKS

Two months and two weeks left until my last day of classes. Actually, maybe less than that if I can get started with my internship earlier. Three weeks from today I will be with my mother in Florida.

WEEK 32

.This mod is now officially one-half over. My deep tissue is improving, but still not consistent and I am still worried about getting the internship I want. Academically I am doing ok and Stephanie sez someone at Sport and Health told her a lot of what we learn in school doesn’t apply anyway. Lord knows a lot of what I learned in graduate school didn’t apply.

janedoe@seductive.com

WORLD AIDS DAY

December first is World AIDS Day.

CHRIST YOU KNOW IT AIN'T EASY

As usual, I told this evening's first client to "disrobe to his level of comfort." I prefer to have the shorts left on. He preferred otherwise. So not only was there nothing into which I could touch the sheet, I had to look at this buttcrack. Not a pretty picture. Jesus.

At least he left a decent tip and gave me a good review.

janedoe@seductive.com

THANKSGIVING #1

Thanksgiving is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

PROGRESS REPORT

Got our grades yesterday. I have almost a 97 average.

ANOTHER FIRST

Who can turn the world on with her smile?
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?
Well it's you girl, and you should know it
With each glance and every little movement you show it
Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have the town, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after all
How will you make it on your own?
This world is awfully big,
girl this time you’re all alone
But it’s time you started living
It’s time you let someone else do some giving
Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don’t you take it
You’re gonna make it after all You're gonna make it after all

Sonny Curtis

.Got my first 15-d0llar tip tonight. One client said my massage was "irratic," but who can take him seriously if he can't even spell? I might just make it after all.

janedoe@seductive.com

THE GIFT

One of the women from church says being able to give massages is a gift, that it's wonderful to be able to heal people's pain. Frankly, I am ashamed to tell people I am studying massage therapy -- I get the feeling people look on me as either a hooker or a glorified hairdresser. I need to be healed, not just to heal.

Another woman in my church teaches school. She says her students are not afraid to tell people if they have problems at home, that way they get people to do more things for them. Of course, some kids will outrightly lie and make up stories. I want to scream and say "I am still hurting from my childhood and more than two years after my father's death it is only getting worse."

CHAKRA CHAT

Evidently the seven chakras will be part of the nationals. Here is a cool page.

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Montgomery Advertiser.

PORTRAIT OF THE BLOGGER AS AN ANGRY YOUNG SHOPPER

Okay, make that middle-aged. Three years ago on November 28th I was dumb enough to buy into the Black Friday “sale” thing. You know, they say “72% off some items,” but not on any of the items you want.

This year instead of seven stores I hit three after my all-night shift. All I want are gift bags, tissue paper, panties, bras and shoes. Frankly, the “bargains,” or at least the service, were worse than they were three years ago.

6:00 Sign off shift, head for Michaels, get there at about 6:20. There is hardly anybody there. The woman is extremely unhelpful and I don’t find anything I really want. I buy two pink gift bags and some white tissue paper, which I figure I can use for my Mary Kay business all year around. I didn’t find any coupons in my paper. Two years ago and last year they were handing out coupons to anyone who didn’t bring their own. This year they didn’t.

I head to AC Moore and find some Christmas gift bags I like. Again, no coupon, but I get a good deal. Neither the woman at AC Moore nor the one at Michael’s speaks English well.

7:00 Head to Ballston Common. Neither Payless Shoes Source nor Victoria’s Secret are open early, and I have no desire to wait. Macy’s has a coupon offering ten dollars off purchases made before noon. I can’t find matching panties or bras in my size and no one to help me, so I head to the shoe department. The overly-friendly guy becomes very hard to find once I’ve made my purchase, although I give him the benefit of a doubt, as he is waiting on multiple customers. The woman who rings up my order is incredibly slow and speaks English about as badly as the women in the other stores. I have to swipe my credit card through multiple times. I want to say “are you stupid or just slow?” but I don’t. Can’t figure out whether I actually saved twenty dollars on the deal, so I don’t complain.

7:40 Macy’s is cold as hell so I head to Starbucks for some tea. The people are reasonably polite and they get my order right.

I HAD A DREAM

I am in a hospital bed wearing a plain, clean white gown and covered with a clean white sheet. The doctors are kind of absent-minded and there is not much privacy. Gee maybe that wasn’t a dream. One of the nurses looks like one of my classmates, which is not a good thing, especially since she is performing a very delicate procedure.

I lie there without saying anything, thinking it’s good to lie there doing nothing, but I am worried about who will feed the pigs.

WEEK 31

Wow, this mod is one-third over. It seems to go by faster than the others, maybe because time seems to pass faster this time of year or maybe because this mod I am allowed to progress at my own speed. There is probably no doubt that I will pass the written portion, but I am still worried about my deep tissue work. And my body mechanics. And getting a good internship.

janedoe@seductive.com

THANKSGIVING 2006

A person whose opinion I value writes:

“You're a middle class American living better than 99 percent of the world and enjoying luxuries unimaginable even half a century ago. Perhaps you're focused on what you don't have - not on what you do - ask yourself whether this is healthy or unhealthy to think this way.”


Okay, I have running water and electricity but then so do probably all of my elementary school classmates. And my high school, undergraduate school and graduate school classmates. Plus, some of them are more attractive than me, married to attractive men, have more money and more prestigious jobs than I do. And looking at what I had to be thankful for in 2003 when I first started blogging and last year I have less and less for which to be thankful every year. (I didn’t list anything in 2004 as I was still getting over my father’s death.

1) I am one parent and one grandparent lighter.

2) I am still reasonably healthy, I just don’t feel it a lot of the time. And I am paying less for health insurance, even if it is fucking Kaiser Permanente, the McDonald’s of health plans.

3) Yeah, I have enough to eat and yeah, I make bad choices

4) Still have a roof over my head in a neighbourhood people would kill to live in, don’t have to deal with roommates, classified ads, etc. If I can just keep everything from falling apart until more money comes in…

5) Still working in a top ten market, with the usual ratings fluctuations

6) Still thankful for the pigs. They know how to live. They eat every meal as though it were a Thanksgiving dinner.

7) Home equity line of credit is maxed out and the fucks at Wachovia won’t extend it. The twit I last dealt with said “just try to get your debt down a little more.” Yeah, tell the starving people in Africa their problems would just go away if they’d eat a little more. Okay, I guess I should be grateful for student loans.

8) I have almost all my generic winter holiday gifts already. About all I need now is some gift bags and paper. This year I’m not falling for those “sales” that really aren’t.

9) No close family members or pigs have died within the last four months.

10) Mom, her siblings and Dad’s are still in reasonably good health.

11) Peppy and the pigs are healthy.

12) Catherine is out of town this year due to a family emergency, but I still have good friends with whom I can have dinner. Including Uncle Pat, who has lived and lost more than I have yet can still say “it’s memories like days of today that matter.”

13) My career is moving laterally or even downhill, but at least I’m free from the bad choice I made a little over a year ago.

Yes, I still have something left. Now to get over the fear that even that will be taken away.

TO AN UNTHANKFUL CLIENT FROM AN UNTHANKFUL THERAPIST

It’s Thanksgiving Eve. I have things to do. Lee Highway is a multi-vehicle accident waiting to happen yet I drive through rain, fog and rush-hour traffic to massage your fat ass. Yet you say I don’t “meet your needs.” What do you expect for $24.00? That’s about a third of what the average DC area therapist charges and we don’t get a nickel of it. And sometimes you don’t even tip. And you’re late yet I go overtime and you still bitch. BTW, have you ever heard of deodorant?

WASHEE IRONY, OR THE SONG OF THE KOREAN LAUNDRYMAN

I livee upee in a teeny-weeny housie

I livee upee on the thirty-first floor

I do the washing, a VELLY BIG-A WASHING

Ruffles on a petticoat ten cents more

I like a chow-chow better than a bow-wow

I like a little girl and she like-a me.

Way back in Hong Kong, big-a man-a come along

He take my little girl a way from-a me

Boom ditty ah-ah

So sad!

This was not politically incorrect when I was a Camp Fire Girl. Even then, though, I wondered.

For more camp songs click here.

Unfortunately, one of my favourite Our Gang episodes is titled "Washee Ironee." The kids need to do some laundry so they find a Chinese kid who really looks the part -- Mandarin jacket, cap etc. It's politically incorrect as hell.

Now it is mostly Koreans who do laundry/drycleaning. One afternoon P and I were watching a Korean soap opera with no subtitles. Scene: a beautifully dressed couple in an elegant restaurant. They are toasting each other with champagne -- the mood is festive. P's interpretation "we celeblate. I open new dly cleaning stole tomollow."

We get our laundry delivered to the school by some Hispanic guys. The company's motto is "always rented, never sold." It is stamped on every pillow case. I guess so we don't try to sell it.

THANKSGIVING #1

Thanksgiving is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

THE WELL-HYDRATED PIG

Took baby Pandora to the vet to give a stool specimen, took myself to the hospital to give a urine specimen. The vet sez Pandora's colouring is good and she looks well-hydrated. I pride myself on that.

janedoe@seductive.com

WHERE HAVE ALL THE PARTIES GONE?

Since about 6:30 AM yesterday (Saturday) I have only left the building twice. Ok, so I got my homework for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and part of Thursday finished. And I will be fresh for tomorrow. If there had been anything going on I would have gone, but there wasn't. Maybe that was a good thing. Last week Roger had a games night but I was either working, going to school or too tired, I forget which. The week before that Neil called but I was on my way to Sally's. The time before that I was either asleep or online. I sometimes think for all it's brought me I should have gone to more parties, to the beach and to the mall more from high school through graduate school. In less than three months I will have more spare time and be able to start enjoying life again, but will there be any parties left to go to?

DEE DEE, JAMIE AND ME

My cousin Dee Dee is an LPN and our cousin Jamie is a student nurse. They have to do more lifting than I do. Mom sez as big as Jamie is she still has trouble and even then she doesn't get much help. Dee Dee is tiny and dark like her Italian mother. Jamie is probably about my size if not bigger. She is built like her blonde German mother but has the Romany facial features of her father's family. It's hard to believe the three of us share the same genetic material.

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Old Colony Memorial.

NAME THAT DISEASE

For homework I have to come up with a pathology for every letter of the alphabet, tell which system if affects and whether it is indicated or contraindicated for massage. Here goes:

A-Autism, affects nervous system. Indicated but best to consult with client's physician, other professional, legal guardian.

B-Beriberi, affects nervous, circulatory systems. Contraindicated until client has completely recovered.

C-Constipation, affects digestive system. Indicated if client is otherwise healthy.

D-Dwarfism, affects skeletal system. Indicated but therapist should be careful because client's bone structure is likely to be different from that of a person of stature.

E-Eczema, affects skin.Contraindicated if client is experiencing a flare-up.

F-Flatulence, affects digestive system.Indicated if client is otherwise healthy, but may be unpleasant for therapist.

G-Gonorrhea, affects reproductive system in earliest stages, can affect others if untreated. Indicated if client has received treatment and therapist does not attempt to massage affected areas.

H-Hirsutism, caused by endocrine system, affects integumentary system. Indicated but therapist may want to use more lubricant.

I-Impetigo, affects integumentary system. Contraindicated.

J-Jaundice, affects digestive system (liver). Contraindicated.

K-Klismophilia, sexual gratification through enemas. Indicated but therapist should not perform colonic irrigation even if client requests it.

L-Lyme Disease, affects nervous, musculoskeletal and ultimately circulatory system. Contraindicated until client has fully recovered.

M-Multiple Personality Disorder, believed to originate in nervous system. Indicated as long as client is not dangerous and all the personalities agree to it. Therapist has a right to charge more if personalities want to be massaged separately.

N-Neurofibromatosis, mainly affects nervous, muscular systems, can affect others. Indicated unless client is in severe pain or physician recommends against it.

0-Otopyorrhea, affects ear. Contraindicated.

P-Paget's Disease, affects skeletal system. Contraindicated.

Q-Quinsy, affects lymphatic system (tonsils). Contraindicated.

R-Rickets, affects skeletal system.Contraindicated unless directed by physician.

S-Syphilis, originates in reproductive system, can affect others if untreated. Indicated if client has received treatment and is not in advanced stations. Therapist should not massage affected areas.

T-Tay-Sachs disease, affects nervous system. Indicated but client's parents should get authorization from physician.

U-Ulcerative Colitis, affects digestive system. Contraindicated if symptoms are acute.

V-Vitiligo, affects integumentary system. Indicated if client is otherwise healthy, pain-free.

W-Whipple's Disease, affects digestive system. Contraindicated until patient is symptom-free.

X-Xeroderma Pigmentosa, affects integumentary system. Contraindicated.

Y-Yellow Fever, digestive, urinary and later other systems. Contraindicated.

Z-Zoster, Herpes (Herpes Zoster), affects integumentary system. Contraindicated.

WEEK 30

. Five weeks left in this mod. Five weeks until the generic winter holiday vacation, at which I will be working, but not studying or doing massages. Less than three months until my "anticipated graduation date." Got two ten-dollar tips this week, my first since I came here. I still hurt today -- slept about eleven hours.

janedoe@seductive.com

SCARY MOVIE

As part of the requirement for our first aid/First Aid certification we had to watch a RedCross DVD with about 25 different crisis situations. It was too realistic -- might as well have been a home video. I suggested afterwards we go out to dinner and order something with a lot of tomato sauce. Or ketchup.

THREE MONTHS

Three months until my "estimated date of graduation." Ok, that's actually my last day of classes -- the graduation ceremony probably won't be until about two or three months later. Meanwhile, it is a matter of hanging on physically, emotionally, financially...

CLOSER TO FINE

I'm trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all
Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.
I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a B-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper
And I was free.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.
I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as I'd been the night before
I went in seeking clarity.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.
We go to the bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

Amy Ray/Emily Saliers

Spent the evening massaging women. Pretty soon I will be getting my paper and be free.

janedoe@seductive.com

ANOTHER REASON I WANT OUT

Shamu belched into the phone and said to the person at the other end "excuse me, I had a bowl of soup and I'm sittin' here belchin'."

Class act.

SPYWARE #1

Spyware is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

NEW MOD, FIRST DAY
.
It went pretty well, but I realize how much I still have to learn. Nevertheless, I've come a long way. If past indicators are an indication of future performance I won't have to work nearly this hard when I'm actually massaging in the real world.

janedoe@seductive.com

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Annapolis Capital.

VETERAN'S DAY
.
Lots going on here, obviously. My late father was a veteran. I observed the holiday by going to school for extra-credit tutoring. Worked on the Michelle Phillips test to see where I stand. As I suspected, I need lots of work on the bones and muscles, but at least I got a head-start.

WEEK 29
.
Last mod before clinic. I got a 98 on the final plus two extra-credit points. I am the only one in my class who will be going to clinic, which may be beneficial. Al says I will be assistant clinic director, even if by default.

janedoe@seductive.com

WOW

Only one more night left in this mod. We had our finals one night early. And it looks as though I might get my SECOND choice of an internship, which may be better than the first.

O'MALLEY'S TASTE IN WOMEN

"O'Malley has good taste in women. He talks to you." My boss on Governor-elect Martin O'Malley, whose band played where I used to hang.

janedoe@seductive.com

THE CZAR'S A LITTLE TALLER

"Do you think there's any difference whether we live under the Czar or Napoleon? They're both crooks. The Czar's a little taller."

Woody Allen, Love and Death

That's basically how I feel, but I voted anyway. I would probably vote for anyone who would improve the economy so that I don't ever have to give another massage. Or pitch another newsfeed.

POKER #1

Poker is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

PUBLIC SERVANTS ANNOUNCEMENT

Don't forget to vote tomorrow (November 7th)

janedoe@seductive.com

SALLY'S GREAT ART

See http://sallysgreatart.blogspot.com/

janedoe@seductive.com

HAIL TO THE REDSKINS

The Redskins actually won one today. As our school provides them with massages we are enthusiastic about this. DC media is giving the Redskins about as much attention as the imminent hanging of Saddam Hussein. Here is a person whose viewpoints pretty much coincide with my own. I realize if I were of Kurdish ancestry I might see things differently.

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Daily Mirror.

THE QUEEN

Saw The Queen today. It made Queen Elizabeth II look like a very fragile, human person. It also reminded me of all the deaths I've experienced in the last couple years and how those closest to the recently-deceased are put the most closely under the microscope. And that no one knows what they're REALLY thinking. And how we don't always have the warm and fuzzy feelings we're expected to have. For example no matter how annoying your MIL is she is still your husband's mother and the grandmother of your children and no matter how little regard you have for your son's ex-wife she is still your grandchildren's mother.

They showed some brief footage of Princess Diana's wedding. I'll never forget that day. Who could think anything could go so horribly wrong? Okay, I never thought back then I would end up doing public relations and massaging horny fat guys but at least I'm not dead. Okay, I realize I am not being horribly articulate but I haven't slept much.

Not that it has much to do with anything, but check out the National Press Club if you get a chance -- that's where we had lunch before the movie. They have great desserts.

WEEK 28

.Only five days of class left. I tested positive for measles, mumps and rubella so I won't need a third set of shots. The next thing is to get a reading on my second Mantoux test.

janedoe@seductive.com

DECISIONS, DECISIONS

They are trying to get me into the AOS program. As I already have a bachelor's and master's degree I figure this would be overkill. If I were gonna go for another degree it would be MD, PhD, JD or something like that. Or it would have to be from a really prestigious university. But with an AOS would I earn more money faster? Have to expend less physical energy? Could I work in a cushier place? Would people be nicer to me?

ALL SOULS

Today is feast of All Souls, also the title of one of my favourite X-Files episodes. Went to St. James to pray for Dad, Grandma, Mark and the many other people who have died in the past two years, most of them this year. I prayed for Lightning, too, I figured, "why not." There were no candles to light. What the hell is going on?

ALL SAINTS' DAY

Today is All Saints' Day, the day on which we honour ALL the saints, even those we've never heard of.

janedoe@seductive.com

POKER #1

Poker is #1 of the lastest Lycos 50.

HALLOWEEN


Happy Halloween!

To see demonic vampire pigs, click here: http://www.cerridwin.org/jane/lookdown.jpg

and here: http://www.pigloo.net/forums/viewtopic.phpt=2604&sid=a9a5b1670faabafe3f1c71880a7533dc

and here: http://www.guinealynx.info/forums/viewtopic.php?t=25641&view=next

Tonight I filled in for one of my Evangelical co-workers who wanted the night off for Halloween. That's fucked up. I drove home thru Georgetown and there were people still in costumes. All these years I read about rich young, beautiful people and their parties and I never got to go. I was either working, studying, or stuck in my dorm/apartment because I had no rich, young beautiful friends. By the time I have enough money and free time there will be no single people my age.

HOW I SPENT MY SUNDAY

Couldn't sleep, went to 7 AM mass, stopped at Mac's for breakfast, at Krispy Kreme for donuts. Bought myself some candy at CVS and got carrots for the pigs at Whole Foods. Did a couple loads of laundry, got my hair cut, had dinner at China Cafe.

janedoe@seductive.com

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Lake Superior Voice.

TWO YEARS

It was two years ago today that my father died.

PUBLIC SERVANTS ANNOUNCEMENT

Set your clocks back one hour at two AM tomorrow (Sunday).

CARDS TAKE SERIES

ABC reports the St. Louis Cardinals took the World Series from the Detroit Tigers. Ok, so that was yesterday.....

WEEK 27

.Two weeks until clinic. Two weeks and two mods until graduation. Instead of having our usual Friday quiz we had the graduation ceremony. At least three or four of my original classmates graduated and two won awards. At least one has taken her boards. That's encouraging.

janedoe@seductive.com

BUMP DAY?

I seem to have hit a bump. Or a hump? Academically, financially, professionally, romantically. The question is, what do I do? Try to get out of it, running the risk of digging myself deeper into a hole? Hoping the bump will flatten itself out? Hoping a tow truck will arrive soon? Or even a guy on a camel?

ROLLING DEAD

MSN reports Danny Harold Rolling was executed in Starke today. As much as I oppose the death penalty, if there were a candidate for it he would be one of them.

He used to hang out at the Krispy Kreme in my neighbourhood. North Central Florida is not a place to find a career or a man.

janedoe@seductive.com

POKER #1

Poker is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

MIDTERMS THE SEQUAL

Danny and I tied for first -- we both got 98.

MIDTERMS

Finally had midterms, but won't get our grades until tomorrow. About a week ago Al told us about the Chinese water torture test. Mom told Brian and me about it years ago. She compared it to dealing with Grandma. This is kind of the same thing.
After my last post I had another dream. I think it was Munich but there was at least one Wilmington person in it. I dream a lot about Wilmington. And Munich. And streets. And streetcars. And streetcar tracks.

janedoe@seductive.com

I HAD A DREAM

Didn't go to church yesterday, slept about five hours, woke up about two hours ago. I dreamt I was in Wilmington. In a lot of my dreams Wilmington has kind of a "noir" look to it. I was at my old job and delighted to be there -- some of the other people who had left were back there, too. Then I was in a nice clean, white twin bed. I thought "this feels like a hospital bed. Am I in a hospital? Am I dreaming?"

DEAD WOMAN WALKING

Not to be confused with Dead Man Farting, see November 18. Ziggy could not find a pulse in either one of my arms. I told her no one can. She called me a "walking dead woman." This is especially bad in hospital emergency rooms. My worst nightmare is that I will be found dead in a ditch and no one will be able to detect any vital signs. Ziggy suggests sitting up and saying "boo" and scaring the shit out of them.

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Buenos Aires Herald. Stand back, Buenos Aires.

PYE CHAMBERLAYNE DEAD

Former UPI correspondent Pye Chamberlayne died at his Virginia home this morning. He was 68. Ebbi was right -- I AM the most boring woman he ever met. Or at least the most depressing.

WEEK 26
.
This mod is now half over, even though we haven't had midterms yet. Three weeks until clinic. At first I was concerned about being able to handle things intellectually. Then I worried about being able to handle it physically. Now I worry about being able to give a really GOOD deep-tissue massage to ensure big tips..

janedoe@seductive.com

SHANA'S FATHER DIED

.Shana's father died. This is starting to sound like a deathblog again.

BACK TO SQUARE ONE

.Well, the person who organizes our internships up and quit. So now I am back to square one. This probably means I can kiss the Georgetown internship goodbye. Which means I will probalby end up interning for some crappy chiropractor in Darnestown whom nobody ever heard of. Or somewhere in Baltimore or Southeast DC where I will end up being knifed. I have to keep tellin myself this is nothing I did.

janedoe@seductive.com

PAUL RICHARDSON DEAD
.
Phillies organist Paul Richardson died over a week ago. I knew him through his wife, Dee. I remember when Dee's first husband died and I was in the midst of various boyfriend crises. It seems like such a short time ago, even though it was over fifteen years ago that Lloyd died. Yet it seems like such a LONG time ago that I started school.

POKER #1

Poker is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

FOUR MONTHS

.Four months until the last day of school. Actually it's a little less than that now.

janedoe@seductive.com

I ADMIT IT

.I am a geek. We have cardboard and plastic skeleton decorations at work and I count the number of ribs, phalanges etc.

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Lancaster Intelligencer-Journal.

"OH, OH, OH...

to touch and feel very good velvet. A-hah." That's a mnemonic for the 12 cranial nerves. There are also 31 pairs of spinal nerves, 206 bones, 32 teeth and over 600 muscles in the human body. Fortunately I don't have to memorize all of them.

WEEK 25
.
This mod is one-third over. One month until clinic. We got our grades -- I still have an "A" average. Didn't do so well on the latest quiz but I was still the best. Al compared me to the tards who share our facilities. Not sure whether I wrote about them before -- we have to keep the blinds down because they like to watch us massage each other.

janedoe@seductive.com

COFFEE FOR THE WEARY

Went to bed at 3:30 AM, didn't fall asleep until 7:30, got up at 10:30. Dragged myself into Starbucks. The guy gave me my latte free, saying "you need this more than I do."

SOME ENCHANTED EVENING

Cousin Charles writes to Mom "Jane looks very much like you did at her age. What's wrong with the young men that encounter her that they cannot see her beauty? Shame on them!!" I did a massage in the clinic and got a $6.00 tip and a favourable write-up. Al won a coupon for a free soft drink at Mac's and let me have it. I got a parking space directly in front of my building entrance and found I have enough bonus miles for a flight to Puerto Rico.

janedoe@seductive.com

CURSE LIFTING?

Maybe the curse mentioned July 29th is finally lifting.

POKER #1

Poker is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

COLUMBUS DAY

We did not have work (at least I didn't) but we did have school.

In fifth grade our social studies book referred to Christopher Columbus as "a brave Italian." At least now people still agree he was Italian.

janedoe@seductive.com

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for Leesburg Today. I may to to the Waterford Fair today if I'm not too tired.

A NICE COMPLIMENT

Uncle Joe has bookmarked my Mary Kay page. Not sure whether he has bookmarked my homepage or any of my other pages. As he does not have his own I cannot return the compliment.

WEEK 24

.Five weeks left in this mod. Five weeks until clinic. There was a bunch of stuff on this week’s quiz I swear we never went over in class.

Lizbeth is in clinic now and we have a new white person in our class. I am not the only white person anymore, but I am still the whitest.

janedoe@seductive.com

MAKE-OVER FOR THE CURE

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. The Y-Hope Foundation is holding its Make-over for the Cure fundraiser tomorrow, complete with chair massages.

janedoe@seductive.com

CANINE GAMES

The Alexandria shelter, from whence cometh my beloved Pippin and Pandora, is holding its annual Canine Games tomorrow. You can also vote for Pippin and Pandora in the Pets of Alexandria Calendar contest there if you haven't already. For final weather updates on the games call 703-838-4774.

janedoe@seductive.com

A MILESTONE REACHED

Since I signed on with Mary Kay in August I have made more than $500.00 in retail sales.

STRESS RELIEF

The author of Metameat, from whence cometh the insipration for this blog and probably my other blogs, gives some advice for relieving stress. See the October 3rd entry.

MY SPACE #1

My Space is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS

Cherry Icee



janedoe@seductive.com

THE GATE IS CLOSING

Yom Kippur begins at midnight tonight.

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Florida Times-Union.

WIPED

I've got that churning-stomach, itching-skin, want to stay in bed feeling. Can't figure out why -- I got an "A" on the final and I have sold more than $470.00 worth of Mary Kay Cosmetics since August.

WEEK 23
.
This mod is one half-over. Yay!

When I came here it was springtime. Now it's fall and it's getting colder and the days are getting shorter. When we graduate it will be in the dead of winter, but at least spring will be on its way.

I got a 98.4 on the finals. It was the highest mark in the class. To celebrate the end of the mod we went to Super Chicken and ordered Peruvian chicken. That stuff is addictive. So are the beans, the yucca and the plantains.

janedoe@seductive.com

TOOK THE FINALS

I know I passed, I'm sure I got an "A."

For some reason career services had a presenter from the TSA give a presentation. Gee, that pays even less than what I'm doing now.

TRAGEDY TOMORROW, COMEDY TONIGHT

Or maybe that should read "finals tomorrow, studying tonight." We have finals in less than 24 hours. I just saw a Cheerios spot on TV. A guy older than me is telling his son (grandson?) he has to prepare for his cholesterol test so he's eating Cheerios. Yeah, that's something else I have to do. Evidently the friendly folks at General Mills now have something called "Fruity Cheerios." Maybe I should eat them instead of donuts.



janedoe@seductive.com

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

I think I finally figured out that's true. It's good to be on my couch with the pigs in their pen. Not rich, not famous, not beautiful, not even liked, just home.

MY SPACE #1

My Space is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

I'M BACK

Nobody killed anybody. We are learning which toes not to tread on, which buttons not to push, which raw nerves not to touch. And I sold over $280 worth of Mary Kay cosmetics.

janedoe@seductive.com

GOING TO PENNSYLVANIA

In about an hour I am headed out to visit my relatives. As I said before, if you hear about mayhem in western Pennsylvania, Osama Bin Laden had nothing to do with it this time. Whether or not the man is living or dead is immaterial.

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Leechburg Advance.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 5767!

What are you doing online? Why aren't you in temple praying?

WEEK 22

.Only one week left in this mod. At first I doubted my ability to master the academic part, or the theory. Then I worried about my ability to handle the physical demands, or the practice. Then I worried about my ability to combine theory and practice. It seemed I was getting everything wrong, then they called me into the clinic. I’m not even supposed to be there for almost another two months.

The guy was smiling and he gave me a more than 25% tip. I’d like to think he wasn’t just being polite.

Next Friday four of us will be halfway through. Mom sez we’ll celebrate Sunday.

janedoe@seductive.com

PIGNIC IN THE PARK:

The Maryland Pig People are having their pignic Saturday:

http://www.guinealynx.info/forums/viewtopic.php?t=33015

"ASKING ONLY WORKMAN'S WAGES...

...I come looking for a job, But I get no offers, Just a come-on from the whores On Seventh Avenue."

Paul Simon/Art Garfunkel

I'm not even asking for wages for G-d's sake. Okay, and Georgetown does want me in its volunteer program, but the question is whether the school will approve the program.

At least I got my immunization records from the University of Florida. That part was disturbingly easy.

janedoe@seductive.com

MY SPACE #1

My Space is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

CHEAP CURE

My father used to say psyche majors were looking for a cheap cure -- they were so fucked up themselves. Ruben commented on how tight my back muscles are. Maybe that's why I want to be an MT. I got an e-mail from my first love today. He sez "do what you want to do and you'll be better at it than most." I am already good at massage therapy, at least the academic part, but the problem is it's not what I really want to do.

I READ ABOUT PENISES TODAY

And I thought of you. As tempting as it is, I'm not adding any graphics to this one.

janedoe@seductive.com

NAP TIME

I'm working all night and into the morning so it's nap time now. You know you're sleep-deprived when pregnannt women say "you need the sleep more than I do."

SUNDAY PAPER

Click here for the Helena Independent Record.

FIVE MONTHS

Five months left until my last day of school. Actually slightly less than that according to the Timeleft countdown clock.

WEEK 21
.
Only two weeks left in this mod. Sometimes I doubt my ability to pass the written exam, other times I wonder whether I have the physical strength and endurance to make a go of it. And I worry about wrecking my body and rendering myself disabled.

janedoe@seductive.com

IT'S A FINE, FINE DAY

For a reunion. My elementary school is holding its centennial celebration tomorrow.

janedoe@seductive.com

HAPPY ENDING

No, not what you think. Last night baby Pandora was like a pig on crack or speed or something like that. I had to feed her by hand. Evidently it was gas. She seems to be doing better now. I thought I would lose her. Maybe the universe doesn't hate me.