A GREAT QUOTE

"Wow, a man who satisfies your lesbian tendencies!"

janedoe@seductive.com

HILTON #1

Paris Hilton is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

I'M DEPRESSED

Maybe it's climactic, maybe it's nutritional, maybe it's hormonal. Or maybe I wish I were still at the shore.

If I were a pig I would stuff myself and crawl into the pigloo until tomorrow.

janedoe@seductive.com

HARRY POTTER AND THE HOLY FATHER

Did Pope Benedict pronounce a ban on Harry Potter?

POOP FROM THE POPE

Rabbi Michael Dalin says maybe Pope Pius XII wasn't such a bad guy after all.

SOMEBODY LOVES ME!

Jeffy does! He's calling my name (scroll down)

Here he is, blowing me kisses!

WOW

Mom told me tonight I'm a smashing success. As Bohannon would say, that's a dear diary first.

THE PERSON BELOW ME

Here's a fun game we play on Pigloo: The Person Below Me. It starts out with something like "the person below me feeds tomatoes to piggies." The next person says "yes, I do" or "no, I don't." Then he she adds one "the person below me has a pierced body part." And so on. It works for lots of forums, e-groups and group blogs. But you probably knew that anyway.

43 WEEKS

Feeling better this week, other than what is either a ragweed allergy or the result of being with eleven small children. Haven't physically seen Betty or her family since any of the deaths in my family. Pippin's biopsy came out negative today, which is a great weight off my shoulders.

janedoe@seductive.com

LIAR, LIAR

Don't believe Mapkvetch.com. They tell you you can make it from my neighborhood to Ocean City in three hours and 36 minutes. That's only if you exceed 80 mph, have NO delays and take no pitstops.

THE O.C.

Spent the last two days with Betty in Ocean City. New Jersey is so underrated. Florida is so overrated.

HILTON #1

Paris Hilton is #1 of the latest Lycos 50. Pamela Anderson Lee is #2.

SCHOOL DAZE II

For those of you who don't know, I've gone back to school. I'm taking a massage course at Georgetown Bodyworks. This is not how it was supposed to be.

SCHOOL DAZE

Some counties are already starting school. US News and World Report ranks the University of Florida #50 in the country. It would be #1 as far as best place to hook up with a retarded hick and #1 school to attend for a dead-end career.

One comfort is the two graduate schools I would rather have attended ranked even lower, but at least I might have ended up marrying a man with a triple-digit IQ. At least I interned in the town of Princeton, so I can semi-legitimately wear a Princeton T-shirt.

janedoe@seductive.com

ALL STUFFED UP

I am feeling sorry for myself. Except for my mom no one called yesterday and the one person who e-mailed me was very insulting. My morning appointment fell through, during which time I could have got some sleep. I was having an absolutely wonderful dream when the alarm went off, which didn't make matters better -- you can seldom continue a dream.

Yeah, I am meeting men and am even attracted to them, but I'm not sure whether they're married/attached/hetero/homo/just being polite. Some are even calling/e-mailing, but I'm not sure what their motives are. I had even forgotten I had a sex drive. Money is coming in, but not predictably or steadily and definitely not easily. I saw one of my graduate school classmates on TV and rather than being happy for her, I just felt envious. Dammit, I want to be ON TV, not watching TV. She should be getting other people on the air and following up it and I should be the one people are watching.

In spite of 90-degree-plus heat my head is stuffed up and I got some foul-smelling stuff out of one ear. I am eating pepper oil to loosen up the snot, but it's not working much. This could explain why I am so grouchy. Whatever it is, I hope it's gone by Wednesday. The last thing I need is a cold when I go to the shore. At least the weather is supposed to be nice.

SUPPORT THIS BLOG

Through Paypal. My address is radiobaby@hotmail.com . Hey, I've seen other bloggers do it, so I figured why not try it myself?

HOTTER UNDER THE COLLAR

Rotten Blogger will not save my colour changes.

HOT UNDER THE COLLAR

There was a heat advisory today yet three stores on Connecticut Avene had their front doors open with the air conditioner on FULL BLAST. Not only is does this lead to higher power bills on their part (passing on the expense to the customers) it's bad for the environment. I went into each store and told the people this. My mom used to punish me for leaving the front door open when the heater was on. I'm not shopping at any of these stores for at least a month.

42 WEEKS

I still dream about my father. And about Mark. The other day I dreamt there was a shoot-out at Aunt Irene's. Then I realized he was already dead. One of the pig people also lost a father and pig within the last year.

janedoe@seductive.com

BABY STEPS

Baby Pandora is now learning to stand up and beg for her dinner.

YEAH

Yeah, you still turn me on and yeah, I would like to see you again, but on whose terms? And yeah, I have met other guys and yeah, I am attracted to at least two of them.

HEY, FAT BOY!

No, I'm not calling anybody names. Click here to see some fat (and not so fat) pigs.

janedoe@seductive.com

WORDS TO LIVE BY:

"Use only as directed."

janedoe@seductive.com

SPEAK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG PURSE

Chris said "I remember the first time I saw you. It was freshman year. You were carrying this big purse and elbowing your way through the crowd. People were scattering in every direction. It was like the parting of the Red Sea." Some things never change.

SPEARS #1

Again, Britney Spears is #1 of the Lycos 50. Pam Anderson is #2.

IN THE 'LOO

The pigloo is one of the greatest inventions ever. Yesterday, in honour of my birthday, I joined Pigloo.net. For New Year's Eve I joined Guinealynx. Wonder which group I'll join next in honour of which occasion?

janedoe@seductive.com

A NEW YEAR

Gee, a year ago I still had a father. Since my last birthday there have been three human deaths and one pig death. As far as career satisfaction goes, I have not slipped too much. Financially I will probably be ahead of last year, just because I have not had to take so much time off. Healthwise I am probably about the same. I did meet a man to whom I am very attracted, but I'm not sure whether he is married/living with someone/seeing someone/hetero/homo/interested/not interested. At least I hope to increase my income and by doing so lose weight, update my hair/wardrobe/makeup/tape/resume and have more time for a social life. And sleep.

janedoe@seductive.com

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

Had a nice birthday. Got a cookie and a card from the people at work Friday. Went out to Olive's with the Mensans that night, drinks at the St. Regis after that (the best part) Had drinks and dessert with Catherine Saturday. Had dinner with George, Hope, Chris and Rob Sunday. The guy who usually give me sex toys or dirty books every birthday and Hanukkah gave me a vibrating banana this year.

I HAD A DREAM

I was at my parents' house in Falls Church. Dad was still alive, but very sick. I found a snake in the basement and called 911 an asked for a herpetologist to remove it. Then I forgot about it and went shopping. When I came out it turned out the whole house was full of snakes. They were in a pen like the pig pen. Baby Pandora crawled into it but I pulled her out.

Tonight Catherine told me pork has the closest taste to human flesh of any meat. That's why Polynesians refer to roast person as "long pig." Now I am gonna have nightmares.

41 WEEKS

Again, I am not handling this well, with the memory of Mark's funeral, burying Lightning's ashes and waiting for the results of Pippin's biopsy. Mom said "and I thought you were handling this so well." At least I should be finally able to dig myself out of the financial hell holl I've dug myself into in the last four years.

janedoe@seductive.com

FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND

Five weeks ago today we buried Mark. Six months ago my darling Lightning died. I sprinkled his ashes in the garden today, then I had Pippin and Pandora look at them. They will both get extra lettuce tonight.

I'M CLEAN

Channel Five reports one in 20 DC residents is HIV-positive. The last time I was tested was almost four years ago and NIH and I came up clean.

janedoe@seductive.com

9 LIVES?

Channel 9 reports there could be a lot of fur flying in MoCo.

janedoe@seductive.com

OOPS, SHE DID IT AGAIN

Britney Spears is again #1 of the Lycos 50. Pamela Anderson Lee is #2

JESSIE'S GIRL

Jessie is a friend
Yeah, I know he’s been a good friend of mine
But lately something’s changed that ain’t hard to define
Jessie’s got himself a girl and I wanna make her mine
And she’s watchin’ him with those eyes
And she’s lovin’ him with that body, I just know it
And he’s holding her in his arms late, late at night
You know I wish that I had Jessie’s girl
I wish that I had Jessie’s girl
Where can I find a woman like that
I play along with the charade
That doesn’t seem to be a reason to change
You know I feel so dirty when they start talkin’ cute
I wanna tell her that I love her, but the point is probably moot
‘Cause she’s watchin’ him with those eyes
And she’s lovin’ him with that body, I just know it
And he’s holding her in his arms late, late at night
You know I wish that I had Jessie’s girl
I wish that I had Jessie’s girl
Where can I find a woman like that
Like Jessie’s girlI wish that I had Jessie’s girl
Where can I find a woman
Where can I find a woman like that
And I’m lookin’ in the mirror all the time
Wonderin’ what she don’t see in me
And I’ve been funny, I’ve been cool with the lines
Ain’t that the way love supposed to be
Tell me
Where can I find a woman like that
You know I wish that I had Jessie’s girl
I wish that I had Jessie’s girl
I want Jessie’s girl
Where can I find a woman like that
Like Jessie’s girl
I wish that I had Jessie’s girl
I want, I want Jessie’s girl

By Rick Springfield

Ah, lusting after a good friend's S.O. Yeah, I've done that. But I digress.

1981: Jessie's Girl is #1 on the BILLBOARD chart. Rick Springfield is making an appearance at the Pierce Street Annex. I am probably not even old enough to drink. He is very cute and charming. He has a couple more hits after this, but his career flounders and he sinks into depression. Or he sinks into depression and his career flounders.

1990: I have just arrived in Wilmington, convinced that I will be a network anchor within three months and that my boyfriend of the last five years will marry me. I have unlimited possibilities.

2005: I am back in Wilmington to see my dermatologist and my old church and have lunch with friends at the Hotel DuPont. I hear Jessie's Girl on WSTW. I am about 40 pounds heavier, marginally employed and still not married, BF having not called me in years and all other relationships tanking. I realize if I would lose 30 of the 40 lbs I would have a better chance of getting an on-air job and an attractive man. Unfortunately, working three jobs I have little time to work out or shop for/cook healthy meals for myself. Sure you can get salads at McDonalds, but a salad is about four or five bucks and a McChicken or double cheeseburger is one buck. You do the math. Also, being constantly tired I give the impression of being perpetually angry, which does not make a good impression on prospective bosses or husbands. So how do I get out of this trap? Still, it is fun to drive into the Dairy Palace on rte 141 with Jessie's Girl blaring on the radio. And yeah, I realize not getting the chocolate soft-serve cone would keep the extra pounds off.

janedoe@seductive.com

THE JERSEY DEVIL

Heard about the Jersey Devil on Coast to Coast this morning. This just before I head up north in that direction tomorrow. At least it will be during the daytime.

MY EVERYTHING

We got it together, didn't we?
We've definitely got our thing together, don't we baby?
Isn't that nice?
I mean, really, when you really sit and think about it, isn't it really, really nice?
I can easily feel myself slipping more and more ways that simple world of my own
Nobody but you and me
We've got it together baby
The first, my last, my everything and the answer to all my dreams
You're my sun, my moon, my guiding star
My kind of wonderful, that's what you are
I know there's only, only one like you
There's no way, they could have made two
Girl you're all I'm living for
Your love
I'll keep forever more
You're the first, you're the last, my everything
In you, I found so many things
A love so new only you could bring
Can't you see it's you?
Can't you see it's you?
You make me feel this way
You're like a fresh morning dew
On a brand new day
I see so many ways that I
Can love you til the day I die
You're my reality, yet I'm lost in a dream
You're the first, the last, my everything
I know there's only, only one like you
There's no way they could have made two
Girl you're my reality, but I'm lost in a dream
You're the first, you're the last, my everything
You and me baby, just you and me
ou are the first, the last, my everything

You're the First, The Last, My Everything

by Barry White

It's got a good beat and you can dance to it. There's only one man I feel that way about. OK. Maybe two.

I LIKE CHINESE

To offset the last post. I did not write this:


Spoken: The world today seems absolutely crackers.
With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high.
There are fools and idiots sitting on the trigger.
It's depressing, and it's senseless, and that's why...
Intro: I like Chinese,
I like Chinese,
Theyonly come up to your knees,
Yet they're always friendly and they're ready to please.
Verse: I like Chinese,
I like Chinese,
There's nine hundred million of them in the world today,
You'd better learn to like them,
that's what I say.
Chorus: I like Chinese,
I like Chinese,
They come from a long way overseas,
But they're cute and they're cuddly,
and they're ready to please.
Verse: I like chinese food,
The waiters never are rude,
Think of the many things they've done to impress,
There's Maoism, Taoism, I Ching and chess.
Chorus: So I like Chinese,
I like Chinese,
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong, their yin and yang-ese.
Verse: I like Chinese thought,
The wisdom that Confucious taught,
If Darwin is anything to shout about,
The Chinese will survive us all without any doubt.
Chorus: So I like Chinese,
I like Chinese,
They only come up to your knees,
Yet they're wise and they're witty, and they're ready to please.
Verse: (in Chinese)
Chorus: I like Chinese,
I like Chinese,
Their food is guaranteed to please,
A fourteen, a seven, a nine and lychees.
Chorus: I like Chinese,
I like Chinese,
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong, their yin and yang-ese.
Fade: I like Chinese,I like Chinese...


From Monty Python's Contractual Obligation Album

THE BITTER BANANA

Wow, this guy is even more pissed off at life than I am! At least I presume he's a guy. Or a lesbian. For the uninformed, "banana" is a derogatory term for assimiliated Asians, "yellow on the outside, but white on the inside." Kind of like the term "Oreo," "black on the outside white on the inside." I did not make up either one of these.

SUMMER DAZE

Here are some nice summer scenes for you. Also, the Montgomery County and Prince William County fairs start next weekend (August 12th)

40 WEEKS

Wow. That's ten months. Drove past the WWII Memorial on the way to work. Dad hated the idea -- said it cluttered up the mall. I hate to sound like a broken record, but I am still feeling physically and mentally bad. I am not handling any of the past year's deaths and illnesses well.

janedoe@seductive.com

ANTIDOTE TO FEAR

Temperatures still in the '90's. Not much to blog about except other people's blogs, which are quoting me anyway. Kind of like when I read people's Christmas form letters and visiting me or having me visit them is one of the highlights of their year. I'm flattered, but at the same time I feel sorry for them. Daphne du Maurier said boredom is a pleasing antidote to fear.

ONE MONTH LATER

It was one month ago today Mark died. Wow. Today my beloved Pippin/Thunder had surgery. So far so good. Temperatures are still over 90 degrees, which leaves everyone dragging.

janedoe@seductive.com

IT'S A BOY!

Officials say the baby panda born at the National Zoo last month is a boy. For sure.

janedoe@seductive.com

SPEARS #1

Britney Spears is #1 of the latest Lycos 50. Whoop de doo.

DAWG DAZE

I can see why they refer to these as the Dog Days of August. Dawgz go mad and so do people. Even with air conditioning, refrigeration, etc people are grumpy and out-of-sorts. You would think it was February. The Manson Murders took place in August. At least evenings here are lovely -- like something you'd read about in an Edith Wharton novel.

janedoe@seductive.com

NOT OFF TO A GOOD START

Well, I have been trying to say I'm off to a better start, but stupid Blogger won't save any of my changes. I want to go back to bed.

janedoe@seductive.com