GOOD RIDDANCE TO A BAD MONTH

As much as I hate to be negative, this has not been much of a month. Mark's death, Pippin/Thunder needing a biopsy, being screwed financially (or not having things work out quite as I would like them) and having love interests disappear/reappear. I hope the coming one will be better.

QUEEN ON THE GREEN

One of the pig people sent this. It is addictive. My best score is 47 with three holes in one.

LAZY SUNDAY

Still feeling a little under the weather, but better after having slept about 19 hours in the last two days.

WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?

The evangelicals I work with, the same ones who eat my lunch before I get a chance to do it, do not refill the ice trays at work. Considering it's been over 90 degrees outside, that's rather inconsiderate. I think Jesus would refill them.

39 WEEKS

The heat wave has broken, but no one has figured it out, including me. I'm wearing skimpy little dresses and everyone still has their A/C cranked up full blast, so I feel physically lousy. While it's good to have the money from the Victim's Compensation Fund, it is opening up old wounds all over, kind of like the post-traumatic stress stories I have been hearing about on radio and TV. Also, with Pippin/Thunder needing a biopsy, that makes it worse. Plus being screwed at work. One of the things I am buying with the check is this charm.

janedoe@seductive.com

THE HEAT IS OFF

The temperature has dropped about ten degrees, but I feel worse physically. Went to the Giant Pharmacy. Which pain relievers to buy? Aspirin, naproxen, ibuprofen, acetominophine? Brand name or generic? I already had a headache.

SEX, LIES AND VIDEOTAPE

It's been a long, hot week, with temperatures over 90 degrees. Today we had rain to break the spell, kind of like at the end of Sex, Lies and Videotape.

janedoe@seductive.com

COVER ME!

What one person considers really bad album covers. As far as I know I had no hand in the making of any of them.

janedoe@seductive.com

POKER #1

Poker is #1 of the most recent Lycos 50.

SO BEAUTIFUL YET SO DANGEROUS

The Princeton Art of Science Competition. It remains a sore spot with me that I never even TRIED to get into an Ivy League school. It wasn't until after my father died that I learned he had enough to pay for my education to Immaculata and could probably could have afforded to send me somewhere more expensive.

janedoe@seductive.com

WHAT'S OLD IS NEW

Green Day, Gwen Stefani and U-2 are the top nominees for the MTV Awards.

janedoe@seductive.com

TOUR DE LANCE

Newschannel 8 reports Lance Armstrong won his 7th Tour De France. He sez he's retiring.

janedoe@seductive.com

"HAPPY" ENDING

Former Lawrence Welk accordian player Myron Floren, known as "the Happy Norwegian" is dead at age 85. He is known, among other things, for his rendition of the Champagne Polka .
Unfortunately, Cassandra ruined that one for me with her "belly bongo." She used to pull up her shirt and beat on her bare stomach in time to that tune. More than seven years later I still can't get that picture out of my head.

AT THE END OF A PERFECT DAY

It's been a beautiful day, almost Maxfield Parrishian weatherwise.

SO BEAUTIFUL YET SO STUPID

She practiced a weird blend of Roman Catholicism, Judaism and New Age with a smattering of Eastern Orthodoxy, prompting one of her devout Catholic friends to throw up her hands and say "God knows what she's worshiping now." One of her less devout friends wanted to know whether she practiced voodoo, saying he had a list of potential subjects who needed pins stuck into them.

JUAN/JUANITA

20/20 had a package on a woman named Juanita who became "Juan." She has not yet had the penis attachment, otherwise known as an "addadicktomy." There was another package on cousin marriages. Is this sweeps week or something? Because of the recent number of deaths I've experienced (not my own) Jeff asked whether we had a big family. I said not too much now -- we're all dying. It will be interesting to see which of us goes next.

38 WEEKS

One day and two weeks after we buried Mark. And after the London bombings, which we scarcely noticed at the time. My beloved Pippin/Thunder has a couple subcutaneous lumps which have been aspirated. I am saying a lot of prayers. And trying not to freak out.

janedoe@seductive.com

MORE EXPLOSIONS

CNN reports there have been more explosions in London. The first ones were two weeks ago today. That day was the day we buried Mark, so we didn't think about them as much as most families.

DON'T WORRY

I won't use the "L" word. I'm not even sure I like you anymore.

janedoe@seductive.com

JUST BECAUSE

You show us everything you've got
You keep on dancin' and the room gets hot
You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You say you wanna go for a spin
The party's just begun, we'll let you in
You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You keep on shoutin', you keep on shoutin'
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
You keep on saying you'll be mine for a while
You're lookin' fancy and I like your style
You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You show us everything you've got
Baby, baby that's quite a lot
And you drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You keep on shoutin', you keep on shoutin'
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day
I wanna rock and roll

By Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons, a nice Jewish boy from Lawn Guy Land. For some reason this tune keeps running through my head.

POKER #1

Poker is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

IT'S NOT THE HEAT II

Spent most of the day talking to radio stations all over the country in which everyone else seemed out of sorts, too. People at my office are struck with mysterious illnesses. How conVEENient. Came home, dreamt about Grandma.

janedoe@seductive.com

IT'S NOT THE HEAT

It's the stupidity. And no, I'm not talking about Florida. The humidity I feel here is so disgusting I feel as though my inner thighs were coated with Crisco.

WHY IS IT?

That when it's 5 AM and the humidity feels like 110% and you're so tired you can't speak English properly your relief guy is late?

JANEY AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

Or something like that. The remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is out and somehow Johnny Depp looks too young and pretty to be Willy Wonka. Then I realized he is 41 or 42, which is older than Gene Wilder was in the original one. I remember seeing the original in 1971 or '72. It was probably at the The State Theater in Falls Church when they still showed movies, but wherever it was it had to be near where I grew up because I went with the neighbours' kids. At the time I was allergic to chocolate so the chocolate globs on screen were practically orgasmic for me. Too bad I wasn't allergic to broccoli or green beans or gross stuff like that.

I hear they are also doing a remake of the Bad News Bears. Again, that is depressing. It is so middle-American perfect. At the time I longed not just to look like Tatum O'Neal or the hot moms in the movie, I wanted to BE Tatum O'Neal. I think of a time in which I weighed less and it makes me think of a time in which I had more potential and was more desireable, on the job market and the love market. Now at least my skin looks better, or it would if I would get more sleep.

I am in a vicious circle, or something like that. I am overweight partly because I am unhappy with myself, my love life and my career. If I lost weight and felt better about myself I would have a better chance of attracting a better man and a bettter job, but I tell myself I can't stop eating, have no time to exercise, can't afford new clothes, make up etc, don't have time or money to socialize and am too worn out to make a good impression on prospective employers, boyfriends etc, so I just keep stuffing myself and diving into the couch after my soul-sucking job, rather than working out, trying to meet guys, updating my resume etc. I guess you know what I mean.

SO BEAUTIFUL YET SO STUPID

"I never thought of her as mannish. It's just that she was not feminine. No one told me about her 500-lb mother or her father the convenience-store-robbing Jew. Where was I, then?" he asked.

"Remember, you drank a lot and did a lot of drugs back then," she answered. "And you would perform your great disappearing acts. More people reported seeing Elvis than seeing you. I brought you a bottle of wine as a gift one Christmas. I told one of your brothers "if your brother doesn't show up soon, we're gonna drink his Christmas present."

37 WEEKS

So many deaths, so little time. Mark was buried the day of the London bombings, yet our family took little notice of them. David Haines fromWPGC died Sunday. Although I never worked for him I went to the viewing Thursday. Geronimo's wife died the same day. It's amazing how cold Evangelical "Christians" are when someone dies. Catherine says maybe it's because we're not "saved." Mom says "what a bunch of assholes. We were saved first." Diner food is so comforting in times of bereavement. Also in other times.

janedoe@seductive.com

I HAD A DREAM ABOUT YOU

And it wasn't good. We ran into each other in a hotel. You were drunk and wearing a bow tie like Tucker Carlson gone bad. You were showing me e-mails from various women and pointed to one, saying "she may be The One." I was hurt. Maybe Dallas is right -- I'm better off without you.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"My G-d is not as mean as your G-d."

From Catherine. She told me to bring poetry to read, so I read the poem from the November 24th post. I warned her it would be bad -- about halfway through she said "you're right. This is terrible."

janedoe@seductive.com

I USED TO MISS YOU

But now my aim is impoving. An ex e-mail generator.

YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS

Because the voices talk to me, not to you. Seriously, researchers in England say people who hear "voices" tend to hear male ones, not female ones. My cousin Mark, who died on the third, heard voices. He had a fight with them right before he died.

janedoe@seductive.com

'TWAS ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS

We have had record highs, but the wx tonight was absolutely beautiful. Took the pigs out. The roses are in bloom and there is a baseball game on TV. I stood on a corner, feeling like Maxfield Parrish's Ecstasy. Some guy asked if I was ok -- I said I was just enjoying the beautiful evening.

POKER #1

Poker is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

ON THE EXISTENCE OF G-D

Got a call from the City Victims' Compensation Unit. They will pay for the October 28, 2003 robbery. Maybe there is a G-d after all. I should charge interest, considering it's been almost two years.

janedoe@seductive.com

STILL COOL 40 YEARS LATER

Today marks the 40th anniversary of the Slurpee. Some 7-11's are supposed to be giving out samples but the one in my neighborhood isn't.

janedoe@seductive.com

WHY WE ARE THE WAY WE ARE

Now I am into what Alexandra Fuller refers to as "The Tragedies of Our Lives." This post only refers to one branch of my mother's family and only forty years of it but it should help explain why we are the way we are and why holidays are somewhat different for us.

My grandfather, Joseph Michael Vereb Junior, died May 7th, 1965. It was Mother's Day weekend. Grandma was visiting us in Virginia. Grandpap took a nap and never woke up. Aunt Irene went to the beer garden with one of the older boys and found Grandpap dead in bed. Her father-in-law, Miklaus Kepics, whom people called "Nick," died June 6, 1966. 6-6-66. That's pretty Satanic.

Aunt Irene's oldest son, my cousin David Jame Kepics, died December 23, 1973. It was one day after his 20th birthday. He bled to death in an accident. He was trapped in the car for about four hours. He was an A-negative. I was too young to donate blood. Mom says if there had been a better shock-trauma unit there he might have survived. It was the day before Aunt Irene's birthday. We spent that Christmas Eve in the funeral home. I remember Grandma's tears flowing onto his casket right before they buried it.

Aunt Irene's mother-in-law, Mary Kepics, died in the fall of 1977. She died in Aunt Irene's house. Aunt Irene's youngest son, Brian George Kepics, died about a year later. I think it was October of 1978. It was about a week before his 19th birthday. We saw him about a week before that. He died on a Friday night or Saturday morning. He and his friend were speeding on State Route 66, past his parents' house. Brian's car left the road and became airborne, going through the wall of a house. The only reason no one else was hurt or killed was that the people living in the house went to bed early that night. I remember that night/morning the phone wouldn't stop ringing. It was Uncle Jim calling to tell us.

Uncle Jim died about five years later. It was the Saturday after Thanksgiving, 1983. He had been in the ICU and on life support for a long time. It was a beautiful sunny Saturday. I came home from the Christmas/Thanksgiving parade and yelled "hola, estoy de vuelta." Dad said "Jimmy died" or "Jimmy's dead" or something like that.

My grandmother, Mary Ann Kozma Vereb Bartha, Mom and Aunt Irene's mother, died June 26, 2004. I think Allegheny Valley Hospital is technically listed as the place in which she died, but she stopped breathing at Aunt Irene's house, where she was living with Mark and Aunt Irene. June 28 would have been Aunt Irene and Uncle Jim's anniversary. Mark died exactly one year and one week after Grandma. Wednesday night Mom told me the viewing would go on until 9PM. I said "Clawson's?" As if I had to ask. I could probably find my way there blindfolded. I have not got into Uncle Chuck's, Uncle Dom's, Uncle Johnny's, Mr. Ripoli's, Mr. Bartha's or Jerry's deaths. I think these are quite enough.

ALL IN THE FAMILY

My cousin Lynn got married today and there is a new baby panda at the National Zoo.

WESTWARD HO!

The DC Western Market is holding its Adams-Morgan Night Bazaar Saturday the 9th from One to 11 PM. It's at 18th St. and Wyoming Ave. I am doing readings there.

janedoe@seductive.com

36 WEEKS

Yet another death. I am numb.

janedoe@seductive.com

WE HAD THE WAKE LAST NIGHT

It didn't work so we buried Mark today. I think Jews have the right idea. You all are probably sick of reading this kind of stuff. Think of how I feel writing it. I am typing this in a US Army computer, which is kind of cool.

HOLIDAY ROAD

I found out long ago, oooohhhh
It's a long way down the
Holiday Road, oooohhhhHoliday RoadHoliday Road
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, oooohhhh
Take a ride on a West Coast kick, oooohhhh
Holiday Road
Holiday Road
Holiday Road
Holiday Road
I've come back long ago, oooohhhh
Long way down the Holiday Road
Holiday Road
Holiday Road
Holiday RoadHoliday Road
Oooohhh

by Lindsey Buckingham

Except I'm driving on the Pennsylvania Turnpike and it' s no holiday.

janedoe@seductive.com

POKER #1

Poker is #1 of the latest Lycos 5o.

SIMPLE PLEASURES AND PLEASANT SURPRISES

I actually saw some of the fireworks last night. I was on my way to Safeway to buy vegetables for the pigs. I have been living in this neighborhood almost nine years and but I have worked almost every Fourth so I didn't realize you could see the fireworks from Connecticut Avenue.

INDEPENDENCE DAY

Obviously been thinking about Mark all day. I guess he's achieved his independence.

janedoe@seductive.com

YET ANOTHER DEATH

My cousin Mark died this morning. I think they are doing the autopsy now. He was Aunt Irene's only living child. Now there are only four of us.

PIGGY TRAIN

36 Maryland pigs have made their way from Southern Maryland to Connecticut. Their owner, Richard Rohland of LaPlata, had over 200 animals living on squalid conditions on his property. Just about all of them have been accounted for and placed in better homes, however, Rohland has been allowed to keep ten pigs. At least justice has been served for most of them.

WE ARE THE WORLD II

Live 8 is wrapping up. Hard to believe it's been 20 years since the first one. I was living in Cologne then -- I remember it was a beautiful summer day. I also remember Nadja had herself a field day making fun of the original one.

Janedoe@seductive.com

35 WEEKS

Yesterday was Mom's first birthday as a widow. I have enough work to keep me busy, more than I can handle, in fact.

janedoe@seductive.com