DEEP THROAT REVEALED

ABC News reports former FBI official W. Mark Felt has identified himself as "Deep Throat." I still think Bob Woodward is hot.

ONE CLICK AND YOU'RE DUMB

Normally ordering something from Spamazon on our steam-powered computers is like launching a missile, but today I really was done in one click. It will be shipped to my condo within the next three business days. The problem was, it was a book for June, not for me.

ANOTHER DEPRESSING THING

Ted Koppel read the names of every single American military person killed in Iraq. As I said two years ago, we are involved in an unjust war.

MEMORIAL DAY

Well, it's a day in which we remember those who died in battle. My father did not die in battle, but he is still on my mind.

janedoe@seductive.com

TWO OF MY FAVORITE THINGS

Pigs and the paranormal.

I HAD A DREAM

Just woke up, dreamt my father was still alive. He and I were sitting next to each other in a church. He said "when you're going someplace unfamiliar, I think you should take some joy with you for the trip." I said "leave some for me." I couldn't stop crying.

Friday I was in a card store in Woodley Park. Looked at the Father's Day cards, realized I didn't have a father for which to buy one. In Delaware I dated a guy who played what I called "the dead mother card," like Phoebe on Friends. He couldn't stop bringing his dead mother into every matter. Whenever I complained about either of my parents he lectured me about "being happy they were still alive." Even with my father dead, I wouldn't do that now.

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU'VE SEEN EVERYTHING

Who you gonna call? Gumbusters!

TYING THE KNOT

No, I'm not getting married, but you can see the ad for my business in the Knot.

MY JEW-FINDER

When Jews see my aleph they ask "what's the aleph stand for?" When gentiles see it, they say, "what's that thing around your neck?"

30 WEEKS

I am tired and hungry, too tired to do much, really. Gonna have a burrito and a glass of wine and go to bed early.

janedoe@seductive.com

A COOL URL

The Albino Black Sheep. So I guess that would make it a white sheep?

KINDA FREAKED OUT

Got a cell phone message from Kaiser Permanente, the Wal-Mart of health care. The dumb woman pronounces my name "hyoo-TAYN-en." Then she tells me they want to do another mammography and they want my old films to compare them to. She won't say whether they fucked up or whether my body is fucked up.

STAR WARS III IS #1

Star Wars III is #1 of the latest Lycos 50. That's a lot of numbers.

ANOTHER REASON IT IS A BAD IDEA TO TELL PEOPLE TO BITE YOU:

Dentist filed down the broken-off piece of filling and evened everthing out nicely. She told me to massage my face frequently. I have at least three vibrators, but I would not want to use them on my face.

janedoe@seductive.com

WHY IT IS A BAD IDEA TO TELL PEOPLE TO BITE YOU:

Thursday I had a tooth filled and felt like poo after that. I put it down to the flu, but the pain was much worse yesterday. I called my dentist, who told me to take four Advils and call her in the morning. Last night (this morning) at work I got a piece of food stuck in the back tooth so I tried to pick it out with my finger. I felt what felt like a piece of wire. A couple minutes later it broke off -- it's either a piece of tooth or filling which has been digging into my cheek since Thursday. I feel better, but now I want to hurk. This is probably what I get for telling people to bite me all the time.

WATER AND WATER EVERYWHERE

And not a place to flush. Newschannel 8 reports two water main breaks in DC, leaving half of Northwest and Northeast without water.

AFLEET ALEX WINS

Afleet Alex is the winner of the 2005 Preakness.

29 WEEKS

One week ago I was relaxing at home after a beautiful week in Puerto Rico. Now it's cold and rainy and I am recovering from a painful dental visit. The plumbers are trying to rip Mom off, so she's depressed.

Last night I dreamt my father was alive again. I can't stop thinking about him. In my dream I told people "go easy on him. He died but was resuscitated."

janedoe@seductive.com

CASSANDRA JUNIOR

Frances is referring to me as "Cassandra, Jr." Uh, thanks, Frances.

DINER AVEC UNE AMIE FEMININE

Here are the "E's" and diacritical marks in case I missed any: eeeee,''''',^^^^^,ccccc,?????,:::::.

"It's like the movie Deconstructing Harry, in which Tobey Maguire plays a young Woody Allen and gets a blow job, or in Seabiscuit, in which you see Tobey in bed with a Mexican hooker. It's a problem I have -- none of my friends have had sex with celebrity lookalikes, so they can't really relate."

"He's just like this little treat. I can just sit there and look at him and listen to him for two hours and go 'nnnngggh.'"

"So you're fag-bagging?"

This is one reason why Maman is not a Grandmere.

janedoe@seductive.com

WHERE DO I GO NOW?

Well, we’ve established where I where I went wrong. So what do I do now? Lose 25 pounds? Get a haircut? Get a facelift? Get liposuction? See a psychiatrist? Ask my GP to put me on Prozac? Sell some stuff? Refinance my condo? Get my bathroom re-modeled? Improve my Spanish? Go to more parties? Find another dating service? Go to computer school? Go to massage school? Get a PhD and prove that I can’t, so I teach?

janedoe@seductive.com

WHAT SHALL WE DO NOW?

What shall we use to fill the empty spaces
Where waves of hunger roar
Shall we set out across this sea of faces In search of more and more applause?
Shall we buy a new guitar
Shall we drive a more powerful car
Shall we work straight through the night
Shall we get into fights
Leave the lights on
Drop bombs
Do tours of the east
Contract diseases
Bury bones
Break up homes
Send flowers by phone
Take to drink
Go to shrinks
Give up meat
Rarely sleep
Keep people as pets
Train dogs
Race rats
Fill the attic with cash
Bury treasure
Store up leisure
But never relax at all
With our backs to the wall

Pink Floyd

WHERE DID I GO WRONG?

Immaculata was probably my first mistake. Knowing how people worship the Ivy League I should have at least tried to get into there, even if it meant going into debt. Even if you major in basketweaving and you graduate with a "C" average, people are more impressed when you've been to Harvard than if you've been to Immaculata. Majoring in German was another mistake. When I was in high school and undergraduate school people said having a second language would make one more marketable. Bullshit. Unless you're into banking, computers or tourism a degree in German literature will get you nowhere. I should have concentrated more on Spanish.

Maybe if I hadn't won the Fulbright Fellowship I would have got a good job right away and started making money and entrenched myself in the media elite. If I hadn't been offered a job right away maybe I would have come back to America and started making money and advancing up that career ladder. My University of Florida degree didn't get me very far, either. Had I known better I would have taken out a loan and gone to AU, Boston U or USC, even if it meant initially going into debt. If I end up in Hell when I die it will be Gainesville. All I ended up meeting there were rednecks, assholes and asshole rednecks. Occasionally when I say I graduated from the University of Florida people will say "go, Gators," but they don't genuflect the way they do when you say "Harvard."

Holding onto the same guy and letting him string me along for six years ago was another big mistake. If I hadn't met him I probably would have come back to America sooner and got on with my life. Still, next to my high school boyfriend and the losers at Immaculata and in Gainesville, he was Prince Charming. What kills me is the fact that while I was never a straight-A student, I took courses people told me would get me ahead. I drove to photo shoots in the snow, came to work for three days with a temperature of 101 and hitched a ride on a pickup truck to a job interview. When other kids were at the beach or at the mall or at parties I was in the news room or the practice room or in the library. I told myself "Never mind, Janey, someday you'll be a big anchorwoman." Now I unmarried and childless, barely making it financially and usually on the air one or two nights a week. When I'm not doing that I talk on the phone to retarded hicks and get called on the carpet because I'm sick as a dog and some hillbilly receptionist in Ohio says I was"abrupt" with her. If she came to work that sick, she'd probably be abrupt, too. Maybe I should have gone to more parties. At least I might have met someone with whom I could split the bills.

ANDERSON #1

Pamela Anderson is again #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

AUNT MARY DIED

My Great Aunt Mary died today. She was 103. Now we are four generations in our family again. Towards the end, she stopped speaking English, as did my mom's stepfather. At least Dad and Grandma spoke English until their deaths.

janedoe@seductive.com

HOW JANEY GOT HER GROOVE BACK

Well, I didn't get to speak or hear as much Spanish as I would have liked and you can probably get more and better Puerto Rican food in my neighborhood and I think I probably handed out two business cards. No, I didn't hook up with Taye Diggs either, but I must admit I enjoyed the male attention I received. Still, I feel much more relaxed and energized, the same as when I was in college and went to Spain and Portugal. It reminds me of a time in which I was younger, thinner and more enthusiastic. I thought I would be a big star and everyone would want to hire me, even though I had so little education and experience. Now I'm educated and experienced and people won't hire me because they can get younger people more cheaply. Nevertheless, it's a reminder that there are still nice things waiting for me.

If you were expecting a diatribe on poverty, social injustice and political corruption you're reading the wrong blog. There are some self-righteous left-wing blogs which would rail about those things, but they don't link to my blog so I won't link to theirs.

I can't figure out how Puerto Rico is so much like Florida, at least meteorologically, yet I hate Florida and love Puerto Rico.

janedoe@seductive.com

JAMSWORLD

Another good thing I found out in Puerto Rico. You can buy Jams World dresses for as little as $8.00 on E-Bay.

janedoe@seductive.com

ENCHANTED MAY

About 13 years ago I saw a movie called Enchanted April. It's about four English women who rent a castle in Italy. In one scene you see a woman so relaxed a lizard crawls over and she doesn't notice. Tried to rent it at Blockbuster, but they didn't have it, so I settled for House of Mirth with Spanish subtitles.

A TREE GROWS IN FAJARDO

"Francie had never been photographed before. For the first time, she saw herself as others saw her. She was standing stiff and straight on the edge of the curb, her back to the gutter and her dress blowing sidewise in the wind. Neeley stoodclose to her, was a head taller, and looked very wealthy and hansome in his freshly pressed black suit. The sun had slanted over the roofs in such a way that Neeley was in the sun and his face was clear and bright, while Francie looked dark and angry in the shadow."

From A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

A couple years ago a psychiatrist who was a guest on one of our shows suggested I go on antidepressants, saying I projected an aura of anger and that people would be less likely to hire me because of it. At the Golden Door I saw evidently well-heeled women sipping tea in giant terrycloth bathrobes. They looked absolutely miserable. Even Mom, who is still depressed, said they looked as though they would benefit from a massage. I figured if I look like that, angry and lethargic, no wonder my life sucks, but then I look that way because my life sucks.

HOTEL CALIFORNIA

On a dark desert highway
Cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy, and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell
Then she lit up a candle
And she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here
You can find it here
Her mind is Tiffany twisted
She's got the Mercedes Bends
She's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys
That she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard
Sweet summer sweat
Some dance to remember
Some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain
Please bring me my wine
He said
We haven't had that spirit here since 1969
And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely Place (Such a lovely Place)
Such a lovely face
They're livin' it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise (What a nice surprise)
Bring your alibies
Mirrors on the ceiling
Pink champagne on ice
And she said
We are all just prisoners here
Of our own device
And in the master's chambers
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back to the place I was before
Relax said the nightman
We are programmed to receive
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave

By Don Felder/Don Henley/Glenn Frey

In hi school Marie told me this song was about heroin addiction. I think it could be any addiction -- you just can't kill the beast, you can check out any time you want, but you can't ever leave.

CUBAN CRIME OF PASSION

Well now Billy Voltaire was a piano player up from Miami way
He used to play in the bars, he could sound like the stars
Ladies would pay and pay
One night he did wind up playin' in Havana town
Nobody knew, least Billy Voltaire that these were his final sounds
He met up with Meritta, a dancer in from the Coast
Half woman, half child, she drove him half wild
He loved that lady the most
One night he did find her in the arms of Shrimper Dan So he pulled a knife, took poor Danny's life
And then he turned his own cold hand

Chorus: And it's just a Cuban crime of passion
Messy and old fashioned
Yeah, that's what the papers did say
It's just a Cuban crime of passion
Anjejo and knives a slashin'
Yeah but that's what the people like to read about
Up in America, up in America
Well now they never found Meritta, some people say she got ill
Billy Voltaire had no one to claim him, he was buried on pauper's hill
And no one talks about 'em no more, it happened just a week ago
But people get by and people get high
In the tropics they come and they go

Chorus: And it's just a Cuban crime of passion
Messy and old fashioned
Yeah, that's what the papers did say
It's just a Cuban crime of passion
Anjejo and knives a slashin'
But that's what the people like to read about
Up in America, up in America

By Jimmy Buffet

UNA JUDIA PUERTORIQUENA

Or something like that. I too lazy to go to the character map, so here is the tilde: ~ . Right now I am wearing one of my Puerto Rico T-shirts with my gold aleph so people probably think I'm a Puerto Rican Jew. Kind of like when I was wearing a Finnish flag T-shirt with a JCC pass, I just figured people thought I was a Finnish Jew.

KARIBISCHE GEFUEHLE

About 20 years ago a German band called Geier Sturzflug did a song called "Karibische Gefuehle" (Carribean Feelings) or "Karibisches Gefuehl" or something like that. I can't find the lyrics on the Internet and I am too lazy to look for the album and type the stuff into my blog. I am even too lazy to type umlauts.

NO WOMAN NO CRY

No, woman, no cry;
No, woman, no cry;
No, woman, no cry;
No, woman, no cry.
Said - said - said: I remember when we used to sit
In the government yard in trenchtown,
Oba - obaserving the ’ypocrites
As they would mingle with the good people we meet.
Good friends we have, oh, good friends we’ve lost
Along the way.
In this great future, you can’t forget your past;
So dry your tears, I seh.
No, woman, no cry;
No, woman, no cry.’ere, little darlin’, don’t shed no tears:
No, woman, no cry.
Said - said - said: I remember when-a we used to sit
In the government yard in trenchtown.
And then georgie would make the fire lights,
As it was logwood burnin’ through the nights.
Then we would cook cornmeal porridge,
Of which I’ll share with you;
My feet is my only carriage,
So I’ve got to push on through.
But while I’m gone, I mean:
Everything’s gonna be all right!
Everything’s gonna be all right!
Everything’s gonna be all right!
Everything’s gonna be all right!
I said, everything’s gonna be all right-a!
Everything’s gonna be all right!
Everything’s gonna be all right, now!
Everything’s gonna be all right!
So, woman, no cry;
No - no, woman - woman, no cry.
Woman, little sister, don’t shed no tears;
No, woman, no cry.
I remember when we used to sit
In the government yard in trenchtown.
And then georgie would make the fire lights,
As it was logwood burnin’ through the nights.
Then we would cook cornmeal porridge,
Of which I’ll share with you;
My feet is my only carriage,
So I’ve got to push on through.
But while I’m gone:
No, woman, no cry;
No, woman, no cry.
Woman, little darlin’, say don’t shed no tears;
No, woman, no cry.
Eh! (little darlin’, don’t shed no tears!
No, woman, no cry.
Little sister, don’t shed no tears!
No, woman, no cry.)

Bob Marley

Another song heard on the Island.

115-DOLLAR INDIAN BURNS

Got back yesterday. The day before I left I went to the Golden Door for a massage. The guy gave me Indian burns, but he didn't give me noogies, wedgies, or a Chinese bangle or flush my head. The oil he used was great -- all during dinner I sat there feeling my leg under the table. I felt like a pervert.

In graduate school I went to a party at which one of the guests, a medical student, massaged the host's cat. Because we're weird like that.

CARIBBEAN BLUE

Eurus Afer Ventus
So the world goes round and round with all you ever knew
They say the sky high above
Is Caribbean blue ...
If every man says all he can,
If every man is true,
Do I believe the sky above Is Caribbean blue ...... Boreas ... ... Zephryus ...
If all you told was turned to gold,
If all you dreamed was new,
Imagine sky high above
In Caribbean blue ...... Eurus... After Ventus ... ... Boreas Zephryus ... ... Africus ...

The Caribbean really is blue: azure, teal, aqua, turquoise...

RICH LITTLE PIGGIES

The El Conquistador casino has a slot machine called "Rich Little Piggies." My first night I won but didn't have the sense to put the money back. The second night I won, the next two nights I lost. It sucks being betrayed by pigs. No wonder they're rich.

LIVING ON THE ISLAND

Day by day they drink and dream,
Old men staring out to sea,
From the island, living on the island;
And down in the harbour, it's a show,
Watching all the people as they come and go,
On the island, living on the island;
And up in the mountains, they're alright,
Tasting the first of the summer wine,
On the island, living on the island;
I wanna feel that sunshine in my heart,
And let it blow my worries away,
I wanna spend a night in the ocean with her,
That little lady loverwho's in love with me,
Prettiest little lady that I've ever seen,
On the island, living on the island...
Ooh, and when I finally sail away,
I know for sure I'll be back someday,
On the island, living on the island,
On the island, living on the island,
I wanna feel that sunshine on my back,
On the island, living on the island,
On the island, we'll be living on the island,
I wanna feel that wind blow in my hair,
Living on the island...

Chris DeBurgh

DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY

Useful Island phrases:

"It's Okay"
"It's the same"
"It's not important"
"Don't worry"

VACATION

Can't seem to get my mind off of you
Back here at home there's nothin' to do
Now that I'm awayI wish I'd stayed
Tomorrow's a day of mine that you won't be in
When you looked at me I should've run
But I thought it was just for fun
I see I was wrong
And I'm not so strong
I should've known all along that time would tell
A week without you
Thought I'd forget
Two weeks without you and
I Still haven't gotten over you yet
CHORUS:
Vacation
All I ever wanted
Vacation
Had to get away
Vacation
Meant to be spent alone
A week without you
Thought I'd forget
Two weeks without you and
I Still haven't gotten over you yet

Charlotte Caffey/Kathy Valentine/Jane Wiedlin

Except it was five days, not two weeks.

janedoe@seductive.com

CREO ESTOY ENAMORADA

I think I'm in love. With Puerto Rico. I want to come back.

janedoe@seductive.com

28 WEEKS

Friday the 13th. It figures. For the last week Mom and I have been talking about vacations spent on Majorca with her and Dad.

janedoe@seductive.com

BIMBO CAKES

No, that's not anyone's nickname for me. There are actually some cookies advertised on local TV called "Bimbo Cakes." Not sure how that would go over on the mainland.

SUNGLASSES

I got my swimcap and comb and my paperback book That I'm almost through I got my lipstick and mirror and my suntan lotion And my cam'ra, too I got my beach bag full of all the necessary items For a day in the sun And of course it wouldn't be Like me if I didn't bring along, some .. Sunglasses, mmm.. to hide behind Sunglasses, mmm.. to cry behind Sunglasses, mmm.. to die behind Dear, while I lie and cry and sigh and hurt And watch you while you flirt With your somebody new Makin' me blue I brought my towel and transistor radio So I could tell the time 'Cause the Top Forty records and the weather and sports Will get you off of my mind I'll rent an umbrella from the lifeguard fella With the dreamy eyes And ya bet - I couldn't forget My old stand-bys - my .. Sun glasses, mmm.. to hide behind ..

by John Loudermilk

Bought two pairs at Ballston Common before I came here. There are younger, blonder, thinner chicks here but I take comfort in the fact that I'm a natural blonde and my breasts are real.

METAMEAT/METAMUCIL

Mom saw Metameat for the first time the other day. She thought it was "Metamucil."

janedoe@seductive.com

ISLAND GIRL

I see your teeth flash,
Jamaican honey so sweet
Down where Lexington cross 47th Street
She's a big girl, she's standing six foot three
Turning tricks for the dudes in the big city
Island girl
What you wanting with the white man's world
Island girl
Black boy want you in his island world
He want to take you from the racket boss
He want to save you but the cause is lost
Island girl, island girl, island girl
Tell me what you wanting with the white man's world
She's black as coal but she burn like a fire
And she wrap herself around you like a well worn tire
You feel her nail scratch your back just like a rake
He one more gone, he one more John who make the mistake

Not that Elton like girls that much, anyway, I don't think.

janedoe@seductive.com

CARIBBEAN BREEZES

Now I know what they mean by "Carribbean breezes" or "Island Breezes." Tried sleeping the the balcony, but it was just too breezy. Mom sez it's that way in the keys all the time.

janedoe@seductive.com

SHE DON'T USE JELLY

I know a girl who thinks of ghosts
She’ll make ya breakfast
She’ll make ya toast
She don’t use butter
She don’t use cheese
She don’t use jelly
Or any of these
She uses vaseline
VaselineVaseline
I know a guy who goes to shows
When he’s at home and he blows his nose
He don’t use tissues or his sleeve
He don’t use napkins or any of these
He uses magazines
Magazines
Magazines
Magazines
Magazines
I know a girl who reminds me of Cher(reminds me of Cher)
She’s always changing(she’s always changing)
The color of her hair(color of her hair)
She don’t use nothing
That ya buy at the store
She likes her hair to be real orange
She uses tangerines
Tangerines
Tangerines
Tangerines
Tangerines
Tangerines

By the Flaming Lips

Mom ordered fried eggs for breakfast yesterday. I told her about the above video in which a guy breaks a fried egg yolk with his finger, then sticks his finger up his nose. That's one reason I order my eggs fried up hard.

janedoe@seductive.com

ANDERSON #1

My brain is going soft. Pamela Anderson is #1 of the latest Lycos 50.

janedoe@seductive.com

I LIFT MY LAMP BESIDE THE GOLDEN DOOR

Went to the Golden Door, got an eyebrow wax, facial, manicure and pedicure. Those women are incredible. Like all women who work on my body they grunt -- I don't begrudge them the money. I'm sure I provide them with plenty of conversational material.

BIG LIZARD

Big lizard in my backyard
Can't afford to feed him anymore
Big lizard in my backyard
Bustin' down my neighbor's door
I bought a big lizard
Only a dollar fifty
Well that's pretty neat
Yeah it's fucking nifty
But I just can't afford to feed it
And you should see the way it shits
I've got a big lizard in my backyard
Can't afford to feed it anymore
Big lizard in my backyard
Bustin' down my neighbor's door
I was knocked out of bedLate last night
I was woken up by the sound of dynamite
I ran downstairs to find an army man
He said "We gotta blow up those things we don't understand!"
No more big lizard in my backyard
I won't have to feed it anymore
No more lizard in my backyard
They shipped his ass to El Salvador
I got knocked out of bedLate last night
I was woken up by the sound of dynamite
I ran downstairs to find an army man
He said "We gotta blow up those things we don't understand!"
Big lizard in my backyard
Can't afford to feed it anymore
Big lizard in my backyard
Bustin' down my neighbor's door
Well, I bought a big lizard
Only a dollar fiftyThat's pretty neat
Yeah it's fucking nifty
But I, I just can't afford to feed it.

by the Dead Milkmen

Mom and I took the water taxi to Palomino Island this morning. There were big lizards there. And bunnies. And chickens. All very tame. I left my bra hanging on the edge of a table. When I picked it up a lizard fell out.

COMPUTER DE MIERDA

Not sure whether I'm spelling this right. Priceline.com said Wyndham had Internet Access. However, my computer de mierda is in the shop and the internet access here is not too good. That's one reason you're not hearing from me. Another reason is it costs five dollars per hour when one can get it.

EL FACTOR MIEDO

Watched Fear Factor in Spanish, only here' it's called "El Factor Miedo." Had to explain to Mom that these people were letting themselves be dragged by horses for 50 thousand dollars.

janedoe@seductive.com

PUERTO RICO, ISLAND OF MY DEVOTION

I like to be in America, Okay by me in America.
Everything free in America, For a small fee in America.
I like the city of San Juan, I know a boat you can get on.
Hundreds of flowers in full bloom, Hundreds of people in each room!
Automoblie in America, Chromium steel in America.
Wire spoke wheel in America, Very big deal in America.
I'll drive a buick thru San Juan, If there's a road you can drive on.
I'll give my cousins a free ride, How you fit all of them inside?
Immigrant goes to America, Many hellos in America.
Nobody knows in America, Puerto Rico's in America.
When I will go back to San Juan, When you will shut up and get gone.
I'll give them new washing machine, what have they got there to keep clean?
I like the shores of America, Comfort is yours in America.
Knobs on the doors in America, Wall to wall floors in America.
I'll bring a T.V. to San Juan, If there's a current to turn on.
Everyone there will give big cheer, Everyone there will have moved here.
I like to be in America, Okay by me in America.
Everything free in America, For a small fee in America.

Stephen Sondheim/Leonard Bernstein

ISLAND OF LOST SOULS

In Babylon on the boulevard of broken dreams, my will power at the lowest ebb.
Oh what can I do?
Oh buccaneer!
Can ya help me put my truck in gear?
Can ya take me far away from here, save my soul from sin?
"You wanna get away?
You've had it man?
Nothing's going right so come sit on the sands of the island!
Island of lost souls.
No luxuries.
No no! Amenities?
Too dull!
Your senses?
Oh oh!
Only primitive!
Hey hey!
Really get away!" is what he said...
Where did he go?
I'm tired of waiting here for him.
Where can he be?
He's not with me!
Where did he go?
What will I do alone?
Why did he run, run away from me?
"The sky is blue, the sea is warm and clear, and golden sands are calling out to you.
Inviting.
Make a new man outta you!
You can come for a while, come with a friend, forget about work, start all over again, let the real you through! Here's what we do..."
Where did he go?
I'm tired of waiting here for him.
Where can he be?
He's not with me!
Where did he go?
What will I do alone?
Why did he run, run away from me?
Oh-oh oh-oh!
Oh buccaneer!
Can ya help me put my truck in gear?
Can ya take me far away from here, save my soul from sin?
"No luxuries!
No no! Amenities?
Too dull! Your senses?
Oh oh! Only primitive!
Hey hey!
Really get away!
Island of Lost Souls!"
Eee ya ya ya ya ya!
Island of Lost Souls.
Iya iya iya iya island.
Iya island.
Island of lost so oh oh oh oh.
Iya iya. Island of lost souls.
Forget about work.
Forget about work!
Start all over again!
Oh oh oh oh. Island of lost souls.
Isla Isla Isla Isla ah. (?)
Ayayayaya.
Island of lost so oh oh oh oh.
Far away from Babylon.
Oh oh oh oh oh.
On the boulevard.
Oh oh.
Of broken dreams iyayailan.
Island of lost so oh oh oh.
Oh oh!

Deborah Harry/Chris Stein

MOTHER'S DAY

This is Mom's first Mother's Day without a mother and my first one without a grandmother. Went to the nearby town of Fajardo for Mother's Day Mass.

FANTASY ISLAND

Arrived in Puerto Rico this afternoon. Looks like something out of a movie.

27 WEEKS/40 YEARS

It was 27 weeks ago yesterday that my father died. Couldn't blog yesterday as the computer is in the shop and Mom doesn't have one. My grandfather, Joseph Michael Vereb, died 40 years ago today. That must have been a sucky Mother's Day weekend.

GONE FISHIN'

Or swimmin'. Or sailin'. Or somethin' like that. As my career is going nowhere, my love life sucks and my father, grandmother and Lightning are dead I decided I need a break. I wanted to go to someplace cheap where there is a beach and the weather is nice and where I can improve my Spanish so I am going to Puerto Rico, leaving the computer at the shop and pigs at the vet's. Wyndham supposedly has internet access.

MR. PISSED

Here's a guy even more pissed off at life than I am. As Louisa May Alcott wrote, "if our young friend studied punctuation it would be well."

janedoe@seductive.com

ANTMAN!

When Marie's son, TJ, was about six years old he decided he wanted to be called "Anthony," not "Tony" or "TJ." Marie objected. George said we should compromise and call him "Ant."

NO BLOGS ALLOWED

Whenever my boss tells me something juicy, he says "don't put it in your blog. I have three jobs, so you can only guess which boss I'm talking about.

ANDERSON #1

Pamela Anderson is again #1 of the most recent Lycos 50.

WHY IS IT?

That at Starbucks or McDonalds there are six people behind the counter, all ostensibly doing something, and none at the register? And why does it take them so long to do something that's not rocket science or brain surgery? This morning at Starbucks they had a new woman behind the register and the guy she was waiting on was almost as stupid. New girl sneezed into her hand and didn't wash it afterwards.

janedoe@seductive.com

MY LORD WHAT A MORNING

June is now a grandmother and one of the pig women lost a pig. Also, the
guy who sends me dirty books and sex toys for my birthday and Chanukah called.

janedoe@seductive.com

MAY DAY

Arise, you prisoners of starvation!
Arise, you wretched of the earth!
For justice thunders condemnation:
A better world's in birth!
No more tradition's chains shall bind us,
Arise, you slaves, no more in thrall!
The earth shall rise on new foundations:
We have been naught, we shall be all!
'Tis the final conflict;
Let each stand in their place!
The international working class
Shall be the human race.
We want no condescending saviors
To rule us from their judgment hall,
We workers ask not for their favors
Let us consult for all:
To make the thief disgorge his booty,
To free the spirit from its cell,
We must ourselves decide our duty,
We must decide and do it well.
'Tis the final conflict;
Let each stand in their place!
The international working class
Shall be the human race.

The International Communist Hymn
by Pierre DeGeyter

Click here for some Russian websites.

Happy May Day! I am wearing a red shirt.