BATWOMAN
I am going to mass with Mom, wearing one of the two black dresses I brought down for the service, which will be in at least nine days. In Florida I will stand out like a big black bat, but at least it's Halloween.
Sunday, October 31, 2004
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Friday, October 29, 2004
CATHOLIC VOTER GUIDE
OK, it's Catholic as all-get out, but what do you expect?
janedoe@seductive.com
OK, it's Catholic as all-get out, but what do you expect?
janedoe@seductive.com
Thursday, October 28, 2004
ONE YEAR
Just when you thought it was safe to read my blog again. It's been one year since the robbery. It was a nice day, today, the way it was exactly a year ago, just maybe a little cooler.
And I forgot the Red Sox won the World Series. People in Washington seem to be more interested in the fact that you can now walk to Redskins games.
Just when you thought it was safe to read my blog again. It's been one year since the robbery. It was a nice day, today, the way it was exactly a year ago, just maybe a little cooler.
And I forgot the Red Sox won the World Series. People in Washington seem to be more interested in the fact that you can now walk to Redskins games.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
A VERY SPECIAL BLOG
The Tardblog is back in a new incarnation, and I don't care if I'm being politically incorrect. I work with a woman who has been saying "tobacco excercise tax" all morning, instead of "excise tax." What the hell is that, a tax to get farmers in shape to grow more tobacco? Or to punish them for growing it? Or to get smokers into shape to offset the effects of their bad habit?
janedoe@seductive.com
The Tardblog is back in a new incarnation, and I don't care if I'm being politically incorrect. I work with a woman who has been saying "tobacco excercise tax" all morning, instead of "excise tax." What the hell is that, a tax to get farmers in shape to grow more tobacco? Or to punish them for growing it? Or to get smokers into shape to offset the effects of their bad habit?
janedoe@seductive.com
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Monday, October 25, 2004
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Friday, October 22, 2004
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
1 IN 20
Newschannel 8 reports one in 20 DC residents tests positive for HIV. Please, be safe and get tested.
janedoe@seductive.com
Newschannel 8 reports one in 20 DC residents tests positive for HIV. Please, be safe and get tested.
janedoe@seductive.com
SHITTY SERVICES
Almost three months ago I filed for reimbursement from the Shitty Victim's Compensation Fund and was told I didn't need to do anything more. Today, the overpaid underworked bitch handling my case said I still need the police report, which the assholes at the police station never gave to me. To add insult to injury I will have to file a written request and have it notarized for $5.oo and pay a $3.oo request fee along with an SASE. Processing is expected to take six weeks. One week from tomorrow it will be one year ago that I was robbed.
janedoe@seductive.com
Almost three months ago I filed for reimbursement from the Shitty Victim's Compensation Fund and was told I didn't need to do anything more. Today, the overpaid underworked bitch handling my case said I still need the police report, which the assholes at the police station never gave to me. To add insult to injury I will have to file a written request and have it notarized for $5.oo and pay a $3.oo request fee along with an SASE. Processing is expected to take six weeks. One week from tomorrow it will be one year ago that I was robbed.
janedoe@seductive.com
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
JOYCE JILLSON DEAD
Joyce Jillson, who did the horoscopes for the Washington Times and about 200 other papers, died October first of kidney failure at age 58. She was a Capricorn. Her former apprentice and editor Holiday Mathis will take over the reins.
Joyce Jillson, who did the horoscopes for the Washington Times and about 200 other papers, died October first of kidney failure at age 58. She was a Capricorn. Her former apprentice and editor Holiday Mathis will take over the reins.
Monday, October 18, 2004
ALUMINUM FOIL
"Makes a lovely hat and it blocks out the government's mind-control rays."
Inspector Munch, the X-Files
janedoe@seductive.com
"Makes a lovely hat and it blocks out the government's mind-control rays."
Inspector Munch, the X-Files
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, October 17, 2004
VISIT PA. OR DC.
Heard a Visit PA spot on my car radio. Years ago they tried a new slogan "never a dull moment in Pennsylvania." Whoever came up with that never spent a weekend at Immaculata.
I decided to play tourist in my own hometown and drove to one of my favorite memorials -- the Navy-Marine Memorial to those lost at sea. If any of my relatives were lost at sea, they fought either with the Germans, the Austrians or the Russians. Don't think we can count my dad's cousin Roman, who drowned on a lake. The memorial is next to the Lady Bird Johnson Garden and across from the Lyndon B. Johnson Memorial Grove. Normally I just drive past all of them in a cab.
Two other underrated attractions -- the Heurich Mansion, near DuPont Circle, and the Arboretum, nice all year.
Heard a Visit PA spot on my car radio. Years ago they tried a new slogan "never a dull moment in Pennsylvania." Whoever came up with that never spent a weekend at Immaculata.
I decided to play tourist in my own hometown and drove to one of my favorite memorials -- the Navy-Marine Memorial to those lost at sea. If any of my relatives were lost at sea, they fought either with the Germans, the Austrians or the Russians. Don't think we can count my dad's cousin Roman, who drowned on a lake. The memorial is next to the Lady Bird Johnson Garden and across from the Lyndon B. Johnson Memorial Grove. Normally I just drive past all of them in a cab.
Two other underrated attractions -- the Heurich Mansion, near DuPont Circle, and the Arboretum, nice all year.
Saturday, October 16, 2004
DREAMING IN HUNGARIAN
I know, I know. Yesterday I dreamt Grandma was still alive. I saw her at what looked like a party with a bunch of other senior citizens. She looked relaxed and happy. Aunt Betty, who is still alive, was there, too, but she was speaking Hungarian. Grandma spoke English.
Today I had a bad dream. I was in a hospital with some minor problem waiting for mom to pick me up. Some of my high school classmates were there, too. The hospital was overtaken by terrorists. I squeezed into a phone booth with two other people to hide. The phone booth was the first place the terrorists looked. They pulled me out first. I disarmed the terrorist and shot him.
I know, I know. Yesterday I dreamt Grandma was still alive. I saw her at what looked like a party with a bunch of other senior citizens. She looked relaxed and happy. Aunt Betty, who is still alive, was there, too, but she was speaking Hungarian. Grandma spoke English.
Today I had a bad dream. I was in a hospital with some minor problem waiting for mom to pick me up. Some of my high school classmates were there, too. The hospital was overtaken by terrorists. I squeezed into a phone booth with two other people to hide. The phone booth was the first place the terrorists looked. They pulled me out first. I disarmed the terrorist and shot him.
Friday, October 15, 2004
BATHED IN LOVE
So many little kindnesses. I fell bathed in love, or at least showered in it. Or powdered with it. Or sprinkled with it or something like that.
janedoe@seductive.com
So many little kindnesses. I fell bathed in love, or at least showered in it. Or powdered with it. Or sprinkled with it or something like that.
janedoe@seductive.com
Thursday, October 14, 2004
FACT OF THE DAY
Or even the week, month year:
Hippos kill more people in Africa every year than any other animal. How embarrassing to admit you were attacked by a hippo. Kind of like being bitten by a dachshund, run over by a drunken pedestrian, falling off a donkey or experiencing an earthquake in Delaware.
Or even the week, month year:
Hippos kill more people in Africa every year than any other animal. How embarrassing to admit you were attacked by a hippo. Kind of like being bitten by a dachshund, run over by a drunken pedestrian, falling off a donkey or experiencing an earthquake in Delaware.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
I HAD A DREAM AGAIN
Yeah, I know, this is starting to sound like a dream book, but hell, it's my blog. If you don't like it, get your own. I dreamt Grandma was alive again, and so was a dog I had when I was a kid. I told Grandma "I thought you were dead." Then I woke up and realized I had seen her in her casket and I had a holy card with her picture on it.
janedoe@seductive.com
Yeah, I know, this is starting to sound like a dream book, but hell, it's my blog. If you don't like it, get your own. I dreamt Grandma was alive again, and so was a dog I had when I was a kid. I told Grandma "I thought you were dead." Then I woke up and realized I had seen her in her casket and I had a holy card with her picture on it.
janedoe@seductive.com
FINAL PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Of its kind. The final '04 presidential debate will take place at 9 PM tonight. Major (and minor) networks will be airing it.
janedoe@seductive.com
Of its kind. The final '04 presidential debate will take place at 9 PM tonight. Major (and minor) networks will be airing it.
janedoe@seductive.com
REEK (NOT RANK)
Reek (see September 27th) showed up today wearing a trenchcoat. He looks like a homeless flasher.
janedoe@seductive.com
Reek (see September 27th) showed up today wearing a trenchcoat. He looks like a homeless flasher.
janedoe@seductive.com
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
THIS WAS KIND OF A DREAM
Last night (for real) I was at Kramer's going to use the ladies' room and some Prince-like guy said he wanted to get into it. I asked why not into the men's room and he said "because I'm gay." Then he disappeared, really. When I got home I dreamt we were living in our old house in Falls Church and Mom and Dad were young and healthy again. My ex-boyfriend, whom I was stupid to let go of, came to pick me up. We got the times mixed up, but it worked out. The problem was he was shorter and less attractive than I remembered him, in fact he looked like the Prince guy from Kramer's.
Last night (for real) I was at Kramer's going to use the ladies' room and some Prince-like guy said he wanted to get into it. I asked why not into the men's room and he said "because I'm gay." Then he disappeared, really. When I got home I dreamt we were living in our old house in Falls Church and Mom and Dad were young and healthy again. My ex-boyfriend, whom I was stupid to let go of, came to pick me up. We got the times mixed up, but it worked out. The problem was he was shorter and less attractive than I remembered him, in fact he looked like the Prince guy from Kramer's.
Monday, October 11, 2004
HAPPY COLUMBUS DAY!
Today is Columbus Day. Our fifth-grade social studies book referred to him as a "brave Italian" who discovered America. No word about his bringing syphilis, alcohol, etc to the people later referred to as "Native Americans." Then again, the "noble savages" (I think it was Voltaire who called them that, or maybe Rousseau) introduced us to tobacco, marijuana, cocaine, etc.
janedoe@seductive.com
Today is Columbus Day. Our fifth-grade social studies book referred to him as a "brave Italian" who discovered America. No word about his bringing syphilis, alcohol, etc to the people later referred to as "Native Americans." Then again, the "noble savages" (I think it was Voltaire who called them that, or maybe Rousseau) introduced us to tobacco, marijuana, cocaine, etc.
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, October 10, 2004
I HAD ANOTHER DREAM
I dreamt I was in the hospital for four days and didn't mind -- people cared for me and I got the rest I needed. No one told me I had been discharged, they just gave me a chart to sign with today's date on it.
Then a man who still means very much to me, although we can never be more than friends in this life came and took me home.
I dreamt I was in the hospital for four days and didn't mind -- people cared for me and I got the rest I needed. No one told me I had been discharged, they just gave me a chart to sign with today's date on it.
Then a man who still means very much to me, although we can never be more than friends in this life came and took me home.
Saturday, October 09, 2004
I HAD A DREAM
That I was on a movie set with Tobey Maguire, but not sure whether it was really he, 'cause I couldn't get near him. The director, whom I didn't recognize, fell asleep.
That I was on a movie set with Tobey Maguire, but not sure whether it was really he, 'cause I couldn't get near him. The director, whom I didn't recognize, fell asleep.
Friday, October 08, 2004
LET THE GAMES BEGIN!
The Animal Welfare League of Alexandria, from whence cometh my beloved Thunder, is sponsoring its annual Canine games at Chinquapin Park tomorrow. Thunder is one of the contestants in the Cutest Pet in Alexandria contest. I think he is the only pig there. Lightning is not eligible, as I did not get him from the shelter.
janedoe@seductive.com
The Animal Welfare League of Alexandria, from whence cometh my beloved Thunder, is sponsoring its annual Canine games at Chinquapin Park tomorrow. Thunder is one of the contestants in the Cutest Pet in Alexandria contest. I think he is the only pig there. Lightning is not eligible, as I did not get him from the shelter.
janedoe@seductive.com
YET ANOTHER PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Yet another presidential debate begins at 9:00 Eastern Time tonight. Most networks will air it.
janedoe@seductive.com
Yet another presidential debate begins at 9:00 Eastern Time tonight. Most networks will air it.
janedoe@seductive.com
Thursday, October 07, 2004
NATIONAL DEPRESSION SCREENING DAY
Today is National Depression Screening Day. Gee, what do I have to be depressed about?
Today is National Depression Screening Day. Gee, what do I have to be depressed about?
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
DUMBASS THUNDER II
Took my beloved Thunder, referred to last Friday as "Fatass Thundercloud" to the vet yesterday. Evidently he's crapped out any plastic he might have ingested. Both pigs got their toenails cut. Thunder is now up to a proud two lbs 14 oz, Lightning is up to two lbs 15.
janedoe@seductive.com
Took my beloved Thunder, referred to last Friday as "Fatass Thundercloud" to the vet yesterday. Evidently he's crapped out any plastic he might have ingested. Both pigs got their toenails cut. Thunder is now up to a proud two lbs 14 oz, Lightning is up to two lbs 15.
janedoe@seductive.com
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Monday, October 04, 2004
SHIT!
I forgot Yom Kippur was about ten days ago. Maybe because it was on a weekend? I guess it really was the "Shabbat Shabbatom" or "Sabbath of Sabbaths."
janedoe@seductive.com
I forgot Yom Kippur was about ten days ago. Maybe because it was on a weekend? I guess it really was the "Shabbat Shabbatom" or "Sabbath of Sabbaths."
janedoe@seductive.com
JANET LEIGH DEAD
Actress Janet Leigh is dead at age 77. Don't think my father will ever forget the shower scene from Psycho. The lady up the street wouldn't sleep for a week without the light on I know I've seen it at least once, but when it comes to scare-you-shitless-fuck-you-up-for-life movies, I think Silence of the Lambs had it beaten. Another movie that had me scared shitless for years was a B-movie called Out of the Fog or something like that. It starred Rondo Hatton from Hagerstown, a guy with acromegaly as a guy called "the Creeper." The Creeper went around snapping people's necks, killing them instantly. I asked my dad whether there was actually a Creeper and he said "yeah, the Boston Strangler" However, he neglected to tell me the Boston Strangler had been dead for years and was in Boston, anyway. As a result, I would not go out alone in the dark for years after that, not even into the basement.
One of Dad's cousins was married to a guy who worked for Janet Leigh and Tony Curtis. She was proud of the fact that she wore some of Janet's cast-off clothes. George sez maybe some of my cousins wore Jamie Lee Curtis's hand-me-downs. These same relatives put up a toilet seat in the back yard and used it as a basketball hoop. Dad thought that was rather hillbillyish, I just thought it made good sense.
janedoe@seductive.com
Actress Janet Leigh is dead at age 77. Don't think my father will ever forget the shower scene from Psycho. The lady up the street wouldn't sleep for a week without the light on I know I've seen it at least once, but when it comes to scare-you-shitless-fuck-you-up-for-life movies, I think Silence of the Lambs had it beaten. Another movie that had me scared shitless for years was a B-movie called Out of the Fog or something like that. It starred Rondo Hatton from Hagerstown, a guy with acromegaly as a guy called "the Creeper." The Creeper went around snapping people's necks, killing them instantly. I asked my dad whether there was actually a Creeper and he said "yeah, the Boston Strangler" However, he neglected to tell me the Boston Strangler had been dead for years and was in Boston, anyway. As a result, I would not go out alone in the dark for years after that, not even into the basement.
One of Dad's cousins was married to a guy who worked for Janet Leigh and Tony Curtis. She was proud of the fact that she wore some of Janet's cast-off clothes. George sez maybe some of my cousins wore Jamie Lee Curtis's hand-me-downs. These same relatives put up a toilet seat in the back yard and used it as a basketball hoop. Dad thought that was rather hillbillyish, I just thought it made good sense.
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, October 03, 2004
Saturday, October 02, 2004
Friday, October 01, 2004
DUMBASS THUNDER
Fatass Thundercloud, normally referred to as "My Beloved Thunder" pulled a plastic bag into his cage this morning. Not sure whether he ate any of it, and this just before the Citypaper Crafts Fair, where I am an "attraction." Normally doing stupidass things is Lightning's department.
janedoe@seductive.com
Fatass Thundercloud, normally referred to as "My Beloved Thunder" pulled a plastic bag into his cage this morning. Not sure whether he ate any of it, and this just before the Citypaper Crafts Fair, where I am an "attraction." Normally doing stupidass things is Lightning's department.
janedoe@seductive.com