VIETH #1
Michelle Vieth is again #1 of the Lycos 50. Never mind we just finished the Olympic games and started the Republican convention.
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
THINE IS THE MEDIUM SPRITE
Useful Aramaic Phrases:
"B-kheeruut re'yaaneyh laa kaaley tsuuraathaa khteepaathaa, ellaa Zaynaa Mqatlaanaa Trayaanaa laytaw!It may be uncompromising in its liberal use of graphic violence, but Lethal Weapon II it ain't.
Da'ek teleyfoon methta'naanaak, pquud. Guudaapaw! Please turn off your mobile phone. It is blasphemous.
Shbuuq shuukhaaraa deel. Man ethnaggad udamshaa? Sorry I'm late. Have I missed any scourging?
Aykaa beyt tadkeetha? Zaadeq lee d-asheeg eeday men perdey devshaanaayey haaleyn! Where is the loo? I need to wash my hands of this popcorn.
Een, Yuudaayaa naa, ellaa b-haw yawmaa laa hweeth ba-mdeetaa. Yes, I'm Jewish, but I wasn't there that day.
Demketh! Udamaa lemath mtaynan b-tash'eetha d-khashey? I fell asleep! What station of the cross are we up to?
Ma'hed lee qalleel d-Khayey d-Breeyaan, ellaa dlaa gukhkaa. It sort of reminds me of Life of Brian, but it's nowhere near as funny.
Ktaabaa taab hwaa meneyh. It's not as good as the book.
Puuee men Preeshey, puuee! Boo, Pharisees! Boo!
Etheeth l-khubeh 'almeenaayaa d-Maaran Yeshu Msheekhaa, ella faasheth metool Moneeqaa Belluushee! I came for the everlasting love of our Lord Jesus Christ, but I stayed for Monica Bellucci.
Aamar naa laak dlaa yaada' naa haw gavraa. B-aynaa feelmaa hwaa? I tell you I do not know the man. What's he been in?
Feelmaa haanaa tpeelaw! Proo' lee ksef dmaa! This film is terrible. I want my blood-money back.
D-tetbuun deyn men yameen u-men semaal, la hwaat deel l-metal, ellaa l-ayleyn da-mtaybaa.To sit at my right or my left is not for me to grant; it is for those to whom it has already been assigned.
Saabar naa da-mhaymen beh, ellaa la haymneth b-haw meemsaa d-beh. I suppose I believe in Him, but I didn't believe him in it.
Saggee shapeer! Laa tsaabey naa d-esakkey l-mapaqtaa trayaanaaytaa. Brilliant! I can't wait for the sequel (second coming).
Eeth lee 'ayney, ellaa layt lee d-ekhzey la-kteebaataa takhtaayaataa. Neqruuv leh? I have eyes but I cannot see the subtitles. Can we sit closer?
Ayleyn enuun Oorqey?Which ones are the Orcs?
Laa, haw Shem'uun Qooreenaayaa eethaw! Ezdar! No, that's Simon of Cyrene! Pay attention!
Waay! Haw 'aalmeenaayaa hwaa! Well, that was eternal.
Lebba deel daaleq, ellaa teezaa deel daamek.My heart is on fire, but my bum is asleep.
Enaa mqatreg naa l-Ruumaayey.I blame the Romans.
Tev attuun men qdaamaa!Down in front!
B-zabnaa d-qeenduunos, tayyeb lkuun uurkhaa d-mapaqtaa. In case of emergency, prepare ye the way of the exit.
Laa baakey naa-eeth gelaa b-'ayna deel.I'm not crying; I've just got a mote in my eye.
Spreet mets'aayaa deelaak huu. [Or, if addressed to a woman, Spreet mets'aayaa deelek huu!] Thine is the medium Sprite.
Peletaa kuullaah da-Qraabay Kawkbey. It's all an allegory of Star Wars.
Shluukh kleelaa d-kuubayk, pquud. Laa meshkakh naa d-ekhzey l-ketaan tsuur- aathaa. Could you take off your crown of thorns, please? I can't see the screen.
Baseem, ellaa saabar naa d-etstebeeth yateer b-Lebeh d-Gabaaraa! Not bad, but I think I preferred Braveheart."
From the March 8th archives, attributed to Tim Dowling from the Guardian.
Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ is now available on DVD/Video. I like Leno's Aramaic Version of Friends, in which Chandler says to Joey "couldst thou be a greater fornicator?" As I said in March, I will probably burn in Hell for this, or at least have to endure agony in the garden, scourging at the pillar, crowning with thorns, etc, but it's still funny.
Useful Aramaic Phrases:
"B-kheeruut re'yaaneyh laa kaaley tsuuraathaa khteepaathaa, ellaa Zaynaa Mqatlaanaa Trayaanaa laytaw!It may be uncompromising in its liberal use of graphic violence, but Lethal Weapon II it ain't.
Da'ek teleyfoon methta'naanaak, pquud. Guudaapaw! Please turn off your mobile phone. It is blasphemous.
Shbuuq shuukhaaraa deel. Man ethnaggad udamshaa? Sorry I'm late. Have I missed any scourging?
Aykaa beyt tadkeetha? Zaadeq lee d-asheeg eeday men perdey devshaanaayey haaleyn! Where is the loo? I need to wash my hands of this popcorn.
Een, Yuudaayaa naa, ellaa b-haw yawmaa laa hweeth ba-mdeetaa. Yes, I'm Jewish, but I wasn't there that day.
Demketh! Udamaa lemath mtaynan b-tash'eetha d-khashey? I fell asleep! What station of the cross are we up to?
Ma'hed lee qalleel d-Khayey d-Breeyaan, ellaa dlaa gukhkaa. It sort of reminds me of Life of Brian, but it's nowhere near as funny.
Ktaabaa taab hwaa meneyh. It's not as good as the book.
Puuee men Preeshey, puuee! Boo, Pharisees! Boo!
Etheeth l-khubeh 'almeenaayaa d-Maaran Yeshu Msheekhaa, ella faasheth metool Moneeqaa Belluushee! I came for the everlasting love of our Lord Jesus Christ, but I stayed for Monica Bellucci.
Aamar naa laak dlaa yaada' naa haw gavraa. B-aynaa feelmaa hwaa? I tell you I do not know the man. What's he been in?
Feelmaa haanaa tpeelaw! Proo' lee ksef dmaa! This film is terrible. I want my blood-money back.
D-tetbuun deyn men yameen u-men semaal, la hwaat deel l-metal, ellaa l-ayleyn da-mtaybaa.To sit at my right or my left is not for me to grant; it is for those to whom it has already been assigned.
Saabar naa da-mhaymen beh, ellaa la haymneth b-haw meemsaa d-beh. I suppose I believe in Him, but I didn't believe him in it.
Saggee shapeer! Laa tsaabey naa d-esakkey l-mapaqtaa trayaanaaytaa. Brilliant! I can't wait for the sequel (second coming).
Eeth lee 'ayney, ellaa layt lee d-ekhzey la-kteebaataa takhtaayaataa. Neqruuv leh? I have eyes but I cannot see the subtitles. Can we sit closer?
Ayleyn enuun Oorqey?Which ones are the Orcs?
Laa, haw Shem'uun Qooreenaayaa eethaw! Ezdar! No, that's Simon of Cyrene! Pay attention!
Waay! Haw 'aalmeenaayaa hwaa! Well, that was eternal.
Lebba deel daaleq, ellaa teezaa deel daamek.My heart is on fire, but my bum is asleep.
Enaa mqatreg naa l-Ruumaayey.I blame the Romans.
Tev attuun men qdaamaa!Down in front!
B-zabnaa d-qeenduunos, tayyeb lkuun uurkhaa d-mapaqtaa. In case of emergency, prepare ye the way of the exit.
Laa baakey naa-eeth gelaa b-'ayna deel.I'm not crying; I've just got a mote in my eye.
Spreet mets'aayaa deelaak huu. [Or, if addressed to a woman, Spreet mets'aayaa deelek huu!] Thine is the medium Sprite.
Peletaa kuullaah da-Qraabay Kawkbey. It's all an allegory of Star Wars.
Shluukh kleelaa d-kuubayk, pquud. Laa meshkakh naa d-ekhzey l-ketaan tsuur- aathaa. Could you take off your crown of thorns, please? I can't see the screen.
Baseem, ellaa saabar naa d-etstebeeth yateer b-Lebeh d-Gabaaraa! Not bad, but I think I preferred Braveheart."
From the March 8th archives, attributed to Tim Dowling from the Guardian.
Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ is now available on DVD/Video. I like Leno's Aramaic Version of Friends, in which Chandler says to Joey "couldst thou be a greater fornicator?" As I said in March, I will probably burn in Hell for this, or at least have to endure agony in the garden, scourging at the pillar, crowning with thorns, etc, but it's still funny.
Monday, August 30, 2004
DUDE, WHERE'S MY BUTT?
My back has been hurting unbelieveably for the last couple days, to the point where I have to use both hands to get out of my desk, out of the car etc. Had a massage today, jacuzz'd and steamed. For a while the pain goes to the point in which I don't feel my behind -- I have to make sure the bottom of my bathing suit is still on and I wear a one-piece. Then the pain comes back.
janedoe@seductive.com
My back has been hurting unbelieveably for the last couple days, to the point where I have to use both hands to get out of my desk, out of the car etc. Had a massage today, jacuzz'd and steamed. For a while the pain goes to the point in which I don't feel my behind -- I have to make sure the bottom of my bathing suit is still on and I wear a one-piece. Then the pain comes back.
janedoe@seductive.com
CONVENTIONAL WEAPONS
The GOP convention is underway in NYC. Gee, I wonder whom they'll nominate. The other day I saw a poster at Idle Time Books on 18th St. urging people to boycott the Republican and Democratic Conventions. Now that's what I calling weighing both sides of the issue.
janedoe@seductive.com
The GOP convention is underway in NYC. Gee, I wonder whom they'll nominate. The other day I saw a poster at Idle Time Books on 18th St. urging people to boycott the Republican and Democratic Conventions. Now that's what I calling weighing both sides of the issue.
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, August 29, 2004
GAMES OVER
The 2004 Olympic games ended today, with no terrorist attacks. I think it was the 1996 games in Atlanta that soured me, with their overly-long ceremonies, yards of billowing cloth (what the Hell was that all about?) and the pick-up trucks, proving it is medically possible to die of embarrassment. I understand why four years later the Australians were embarrassed by the "Priscilla Queen of the Desert" theme.
The 2004 Olympic games ended today, with no terrorist attacks. I think it was the 1996 games in Atlanta that soured me, with their overly-long ceremonies, yards of billowing cloth (what the Hell was that all about?) and the pick-up trucks, proving it is medically possible to die of embarrassment. I understand why four years later the Australians were embarrassed by the "Priscilla Queen of the Desert" theme.
Saturday, August 28, 2004
LAURA BRANIGAN DEAD
Gloria, you're always on the run now
Running after somebody, you gotta get him somehow
I think you've got to slow down before you start to blow it
I think you're headed for a breakdown, so be careful not to show it
You really don't remember, was it something that he said?
Are the voices in your head calling, Gloria?
Gloria, don't you think you're fallin'?
If everybody wants you, why isn't anybody callin'?
You don't have to answer
Leave them hangin' on the line, oh-oh-oh, calling Gloria
CHORUS:Gloria (Gloria), I think they got your number (Gloria)I think they got the alias (Gloria) that you've been living under (Gloria)But you really don't remember, was it something that they said?Are the voices in your head calling, Gloria?
A-ha-ha, a-ha-ha,
Gloria, how's it gonna go down?
Will you meet him on the main line, or will you catch him on the rebound?
Will you marry for the money, take a lover in the afternoon?
Feel your innocence slipping away, don't believe it's comin' back soon
And you really don't remember, was it something that he said?
Are the voices in your head calling, Gloria?
Gloria, don't you think you're fallin'?
If everybody wants you, why isn't anybody callin'?
You don't have to answer
Leave them hangin' on the line, oh-oh-oh, calling Gloria
CHORUS
(Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, Gloria)(Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, Gloria)
Gloria by Umberto Tozzi
Laura Branigan died Thursday at age 47. I always liked that song, but could never quite figure what it was about. I remember hearing it as I was walking down the Leopoldstraße in the fall of '82 as my innocence was slipping away. Marrying for the money has been an option, but not taking a lover in the afternoon.
Gloria, you're always on the run now
Running after somebody, you gotta get him somehow
I think you've got to slow down before you start to blow it
I think you're headed for a breakdown, so be careful not to show it
You really don't remember, was it something that he said?
Are the voices in your head calling, Gloria?
Gloria, don't you think you're fallin'?
If everybody wants you, why isn't anybody callin'?
You don't have to answer
Leave them hangin' on the line, oh-oh-oh, calling Gloria
CHORUS:Gloria (Gloria), I think they got your number (Gloria)I think they got the alias (Gloria) that you've been living under (Gloria)But you really don't remember, was it something that they said?Are the voices in your head calling, Gloria?
A-ha-ha, a-ha-ha,
Gloria, how's it gonna go down?
Will you meet him on the main line, or will you catch him on the rebound?
Will you marry for the money, take a lover in the afternoon?
Feel your innocence slipping away, don't believe it's comin' back soon
And you really don't remember, was it something that he said?
Are the voices in your head calling, Gloria?
Gloria, don't you think you're fallin'?
If everybody wants you, why isn't anybody callin'?
You don't have to answer
Leave them hangin' on the line, oh-oh-oh, calling Gloria
CHORUS
(Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, Gloria)(Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, Gloria, Gloria)
Gloria by Umberto Tozzi
Laura Branigan died Thursday at age 47. I always liked that song, but could never quite figure what it was about. I remember hearing it as I was walking down the Leopoldstraße in the fall of '82 as my innocence was slipping away. Marrying for the money has been an option, but not taking a lover in the afternoon.
Friday, August 27, 2004
CONDO COOKOUT II
We had a raffle. I won a set of napkin rings. Did not take the pigs, as I was afraid someone would barbecue them.
janedoe@seductive.com
We had a raffle. I won a set of napkin rings. Did not take the pigs, as I was afraid someone would barbecue them.
janedoe@seductive.com
Thursday, August 26, 2004
CONDO COOKOUT
No, we are not going to cook a condo, we are not even going to cook in a condo. Every year we do this to raise money for the bulb garden fund. It's hard to believe I bought this place eight years ago last Monday. The garden party/cookout usually comes near my birthday. One neighbor said the first one was to welcome me to the Valley Vista, all the others were anniversary celebrations.
No, we are not going to cook a condo, we are not even going to cook in a condo. Every year we do this to raise money for the bulb garden fund. It's hard to believe I bought this place eight years ago last Monday. The garden party/cookout usually comes near my birthday. One neighbor said the first one was to welcome me to the Valley Vista, all the others were anniversary celebrations.
GOYIM FOR JESUS
Evidently a lot of local Jews are offended by a radio spot put out by Jews for Jesus and I don't blame them. The Post reports to counter them, there is a group called "Jews for Judaism." Ironically, the article was written by a reporter named David Cho, who is most likely not Jewish.
Here is something I hope you will find less offensive.
Evidently a lot of local Jews are offended by a radio spot put out by Jews for Jesus and I don't blame them. The Post reports to counter them, there is a group called "Jews for Judaism." Ironically, the article was written by a reporter named David Cho, who is most likely not Jewish.
Here is something I hope you will find less offensive.
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
IVYSOMETHING
My Princeton shirt arrived. Now I look like Hope on Thirtysomething.
janedoe@seductive.com
My Princeton shirt arrived. Now I look like Hope on Thirtysomething.
janedoe@seductive.com
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
VIETH #1
Michelle Vieth is again #1 of the Lycos 50. The Athens Olympics are #2. Some of you must be wondering, "jeez, Janey, the Olympic games have been going on for over a week and you haven't mentioned one word." Sorry, but I've been jaded by the Olympics with their overly-long, pretentious opening and closing ceremonies, terrorist threats (and actual attacks) and reports of who failed which medical test. Kind of like what former Westwood sports guy George McNeely said about why he was getting out of sports reporting, too much of it consisted of jocks' arrest reports.
Michelle Vieth is again #1 of the Lycos 50. The Athens Olympics are #2. Some of you must be wondering, "jeez, Janey, the Olympic games have been going on for over a week and you haven't mentioned one word." Sorry, but I've been jaded by the Olympics with their overly-long, pretentious opening and closing ceremonies, terrorist threats (and actual attacks) and reports of who failed which medical test. Kind of like what former Westwood sports guy George McNeely said about why he was getting out of sports reporting, too much of it consisted of jocks' arrest reports.
Monday, August 23, 2004
SORRY, CHARLEY
Catholic Charities USA is collecting for Hurrican Charley victims. To find out more, click here. You can also donate by phone -- the # is 1-800-919-9338. I called at 1:20 Sunday morning and a lady picked up immediately -- she was very nice.
janedoe@seductive.com
Catholic Charities USA is collecting for Hurrican Charley victims. To find out more, click here. You can also donate by phone -- the # is 1-800-919-9338. I called at 1:20 Sunday morning and a lady picked up immediately -- she was very nice.
janedoe@seductive.com
WHAT A FEELING
Every birthday and Chanukah the guy I mentioned June 29th sends me a dirty book or a sex toy. This b-day he did not disappoint me -- it was a vibrating thong. I must admit it works very well. He was upset that I have not mentioned it recently, so here it is. I will not put in his web page.
janedoe@seductive.com
Every birthday and Chanukah the guy I mentioned June 29th sends me a dirty book or a sex toy. This b-day he did not disappoint me -- it was a vibrating thong. I must admit it works very well. He was upset that I have not mentioned it recently, so here it is. I will not put in his web page.
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, August 22, 2004
GREEK TO ME
Conversation at Zorba's
Foreigner: You eat the salad?
Me: (Looking up from my animal flesh sandwich) No. You can order salad, but I didn't get it.
Foreigner: You have had the salad?
Me: Yes, I have had the salad here. It was ok.
Foreigner: It was bad?
Me: No, I don't remember it as being bad, but it was nothing special.
By this time I want to say "It was SALAD, you retard. How am I supposed to know more? Do I look like a fucking vegetarian?"
Foreigner: It was not good? I hear there is Greek salad.
Me: (Again) It was just ok.
By this time the foreigner has given up and I have finished my animal fat.
Foreigner: I think I have seen you before.
Me: (Trying to smile) Maybe you have.
I am thinking "if this was a pick-up line, it was the most weird-assed one I have heard in a long time."
Conversation at Zorba's
Foreigner: You eat the salad?
Me: (Looking up from my animal flesh sandwich) No. You can order salad, but I didn't get it.
Foreigner: You have had the salad?
Me: Yes, I have had the salad here. It was ok.
Foreigner: It was bad?
Me: No, I don't remember it as being bad, but it was nothing special.
By this time I want to say "It was SALAD, you retard. How am I supposed to know more? Do I look like a fucking vegetarian?"
Foreigner: It was not good? I hear there is Greek salad.
Me: (Again) It was just ok.
By this time the foreigner has given up and I have finished my animal fat.
Foreigner: I think I have seen you before.
Me: (Trying to smile) Maybe you have.
I am thinking "if this was a pick-up line, it was the most weird-assed one I have heard in a long time."
Saturday, August 21, 2004
THE BLUES
1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like " I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ... sort of:
"Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."
4. The Blues are not about choice.
You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars:
Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles.Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues.They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, " adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues.
You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.
9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highwayb. jailhousec. empty bedd. bottom of a whiskey glassBad places:a. Ashramsb. gallery openingsc. Ivy League institutionsd. golf courses11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you're older than dirtb. you're blindc. you shot a man in Memphisd. you can't be satisfiedNo, if:a. you have all your teethb. you were once blind but now can seec. the man in Memphis lived.d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund.13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck.Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could.
Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues.Other acceptable Blues beverages are:a. wineb. whiskey or bourbonc. muddy waterd. black coffeeThe following are NOT Blues beverages:a. mixed drinksb. kosher winec. Snappled. sparkling water
15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot.
You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.
16. Some Blues names for women:a. Sadieb. Big Mamac. Bessied. Fat River Dumpling17. Some Blues names for men:a. Joeb. Williec. Little Willied. Big Willie
18. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Auburn, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit):
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,etc.)c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.(Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues.You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. I don't care.
(attributed to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky,revisions by Little Blind Patti D. and Dr. Stevie Franklin)
For some reason I got the blues today. Maybe it's the weather, my latest business venture not zooming along or Mom throwing a wet towel on it.
1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like " I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ... sort of:
"Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."
4. The Blues are not about choice.
You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars:
Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles.Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues.They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, " adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues.
You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.
9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highwayb. jailhousec. empty bedd. bottom of a whiskey glassBad places:a. Ashramsb. gallery openingsc. Ivy League institutionsd. golf courses11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you're older than dirtb. you're blindc. you shot a man in Memphisd. you can't be satisfiedNo, if:a. you have all your teethb. you were once blind but now can seec. the man in Memphis lived.d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund.13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck.Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could.
Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues.Other acceptable Blues beverages are:a. wineb. whiskey or bourbonc. muddy waterd. black coffeeThe following are NOT Blues beverages:a. mixed drinksb. kosher winec. Snappled. sparkling water
15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot.
You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.
16. Some Blues names for women:a. Sadieb. Big Mamac. Bessied. Fat River Dumpling17. Some Blues names for men:a. Joeb. Williec. Little Willied. Big Willie
18. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Auburn, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit):
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,etc.)c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.(Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues.You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. I don't care.
(attributed to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky,revisions by Little Blind Patti D. and Dr. Stevie Franklin)
For some reason I got the blues today. Maybe it's the weather, my latest business venture not zooming along or Mom throwing a wet towel on it.
Friday, August 20, 2004
Harvard and Princeton #1
US News and World Report has rated Harvard and Princeton tied as America's #1 Universities. Good thing I ordered a Princeton shirt for my birthday. Immaculata and University of Florida are probably rated at #998 and 999 or something like that.
janedoe@seductive.com
US News and World Report has rated Harvard and Princeton tied as America's #1 Universities. Good thing I ordered a Princeton shirt for my birthday. Immaculata and University of Florida are probably rated at #998 and 999 or something like that.
janedoe@seductive.com
Thursday, August 19, 2004
CAN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF YOU
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
Pardon the way that I stare.
There's nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak.
There are no words left to speak,
But if you feel like I feel,
Please let me know that it's real.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down,
I pray. Oh, pretty baby,
now that I found you,
stay
And let me love you, baby.
Let me love you.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay...
by Frankie Vallie
Yeah, unfortunately, if a guy/girl appears too good to be true, he/she probably is. He/she is probably married or gay or just wants to be friends, or just an asshole. Or all of the above.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
Pardon the way that I stare.
There's nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak.
There are no words left to speak,
But if you feel like I feel,
Please let me know that it's real.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down,
I pray. Oh, pretty baby,
now that I found you,
stay
And let me love you, baby.
Let me love you.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay...
by Frankie Vallie
Yeah, unfortunately, if a guy/girl appears too good to be true, he/she probably is. He/she is probably married or gay or just wants to be friends, or just an asshole. Or all of the above.
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
DUDE, WHERE'S MY PIANO?II
It arrived yesterday. I put it on top of the pigpen. The pigs went from terrified to stupified to resigned. Mom greeted the news with the usual enthusiasm reserved for acquisition of a new pet or musical instrument. I am learning to play Beethoven. I think Thunder prefers Mozart, but that's his problem -- if he doesn't like it, let him find a new place to live.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Monday, August 16, 2004
Sunday, August 15, 2004
THE HOLY GOALIE
Tody is a holy day of obligation. Note this type is in blue, Our Lady's colour. If I get my butt into gear, I will go to St. Matthew's. In A Prayer for Owen Meany, John Irving refers to a statue of St. Mary Magdalene as "the holy goalie." I swear there is a painting (mosaic) at St. Matthews in which Our Lady looks as though she's surfing.
Tody is a holy day of obligation. Note this type is in blue, Our Lady's colour. If I get my butt into gear, I will go to St. Matthew's. In A Prayer for Owen Meany, John Irving refers to a statue of St. Mary Magdalene as "the holy goalie." I swear there is a painting (mosaic) at St. Matthews in which Our Lady looks as though she's surfing.
Saturday, August 14, 2004
DUDE IT'S MY BIRTHDAY
Had dinner with George and Hope, went to see Spiderman II. The other two choices were The Door in the Floor and Harry and Kumar. After knowing me for almost 28 years, George has accepted the fact that I have to sit through all the credits to wait for the Union emblem.
They say those whom the lord loveth he chastiseth. He must really love my family. In 1998 I spent the first part of my birthday in an emergency room, the second part at a funeral and the third part fighting with my boyfriend. On my birthday last year we had the NY blackout. My father had a stroke two days before his 79th birthday and spent part of his birthday in a hospital and this year Grandma died four days before Mom's b-day.
Thunder and Lightning's Aunt Amy asked what Freud would say about a middle-aged woman wanting to see movies dealing with younger men. I said it's pretty obvious -- an aging woman who really likes younger men -- you don't need Freud to analyze that. Amy is into ghost orbs. She showed me pictures of her last Seder (no, not the last supper) I said maybe she's got Jewish ghosts?
The Pleasantville DVD arrived in today's mail, so I will have a nice little video party on my own...
Had dinner with George and Hope, went to see Spiderman II. The other two choices were The Door in the Floor and Harry and Kumar. After knowing me for almost 28 years, George has accepted the fact that I have to sit through all the credits to wait for the Union emblem.
They say those whom the lord loveth he chastiseth. He must really love my family. In 1998 I spent the first part of my birthday in an emergency room, the second part at a funeral and the third part fighting with my boyfriend. On my birthday last year we had the NY blackout. My father had a stroke two days before his 79th birthday and spent part of his birthday in a hospital and this year Grandma died four days before Mom's b-day.
Thunder and Lightning's Aunt Amy asked what Freud would say about a middle-aged woman wanting to see movies dealing with younger men. I said it's pretty obvious -- an aging woman who really likes younger men -- you don't need Freud to analyze that. Amy is into ghost orbs. She showed me pictures of her last Seder (no, not the last supper) I said maybe she's got Jewish ghosts?
The Pleasantville DVD arrived in today's mail, so I will have a nice little video party on my own...
DUDE, WHERE'S MY PIANO?
Ordered a keyboard from Ebay over a week ago, still has not arrived :( I paid more than $20 for shipping, handling and insurance for it -- for that price and that time the seller could have walked over here with it. And it's a piano, for God's sake. How can one lose that? Kind of like what my friend Susan says about people losing 24-hour urines, how can anyone lose anything that big? When that happens, it is not a happy situation for any involved.
Ordered a keyboard from Ebay over a week ago, still has not arrived :( I paid more than $20 for shipping, handling and insurance for it -- for that price and that time the seller could have walked over here with it. And it's a piano, for God's sake. How can one lose that? Kind of like what my friend Susan says about people losing 24-hour urines, how can anyone lose anything that big? When that happens, it is not a happy situation for any involved.
Friday, August 13, 2004
TROPICAL DEPRESSION
Kind of the way I feel about Florida in general, but I digress. Fortunately Hurricane Bonnie has fizzled out, and Charlie has veered away from my parents' house.
janedoe@seductive.com
Kind of the way I feel about Florida in general, but I digress. Fortunately Hurricane Bonnie has fizzled out, and Charlie has veered away from my parents' house.
janedoe@seductive.com
Thursday, August 12, 2004
VACATION
Can't seem to get my mind off of you
Back here at home there's nothin' to do
Now that I'm awayI wish I'd stayed
Tomorrow's a day of mine that you won't be in
When you looked at me
I should've run
But I thought it was just for fun
I see I was wrong
And I'm not so strong
I should've known all along that time would tell
A week without you
Thought I'd forget
Two weeks without you and I
Still haven't gotten over you yet
CHORUS:
Vacation
All I ever wanted
Vacation
Had to get away
Vacation
Meant to be spent alone
A week without you
Thought I'd forget
Two weeks without you and I
Still haven't gotten over you yet
Vacation by Kathy Valentine/Charlotte Caffey/Jane Wiedlin from the Go-go's "Vacation" album.
How dumb are these women? Even when the album came out more than 20 years ago I realized it took more than two weeks go get over a guy. Sometimes it takes 23 years, but I digress
I am actually taking a three-day vacation, which may sound like nothing, but this Friday and Saturday night are the first I have taken off since December. It figures we would have not one, but two hurricanes to contend with.
Can't seem to get my mind off of you
Back here at home there's nothin' to do
Now that I'm awayI wish I'd stayed
Tomorrow's a day of mine that you won't be in
When you looked at me
I should've run
But I thought it was just for fun
I see I was wrong
And I'm not so strong
I should've known all along that time would tell
A week without you
Thought I'd forget
Two weeks without you and I
Still haven't gotten over you yet
CHORUS:
Vacation
All I ever wanted
Vacation
Had to get away
Vacation
Meant to be spent alone
A week without you
Thought I'd forget
Two weeks without you and I
Still haven't gotten over you yet
Vacation by Kathy Valentine/Charlotte Caffey/Jane Wiedlin from the Go-go's "Vacation" album.
How dumb are these women? Even when the album came out more than 20 years ago I realized it took more than two weeks go get over a guy. Sometimes it takes 23 years, but I digress
I am actually taking a three-day vacation, which may sound like nothing, but this Friday and Saturday night are the first I have taken off since December. It figures we would have not one, but two hurricanes to contend with.
USEFUL DRUM WEBSITES:
Modern Drummer Magazine: www.moderndrummer.com
Drummer World: www.drummerworld.com
Percussive Arts Society: www.pas.org
Rhythm Web: http://rhythmweb.com
Drums Database: http://www.drumsdatabase.com
Modern Drummer Magazine: www.moderndrummer.com
Drummer World: www.drummerworld.com
Percussive Arts Society: www.pas.org
Rhythm Web: http://rhythmweb.com
Drums Database: http://www.drumsdatabase.com
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
THINGS THAT SCARE ME
Saw a disturbing sign in the Georgetown Lab:"For your safety and ours, please don't talk on your cell phone while having lab work done." I had blood drawn out of my right arm, so I guess I could have talked on the cell with my left if I were so inclined. I guess one could also talk on a cell phone while giving a urine specimen. Ended up reading a copy of Washingtonparent. Doesn't it strike anyone as ironic that while the front part of the magazine is full of articles on spending quality time with your children and making sure they get enough sleep, the back is full of adds for camps, gyms, music, dancing and drama schools?
janedoe@seductive.com
Saw a disturbing sign in the Georgetown Lab:"For your safety and ours, please don't talk on your cell phone while having lab work done." I had blood drawn out of my right arm, so I guess I could have talked on the cell with my left if I were so inclined. I guess one could also talk on a cell phone while giving a urine specimen. Ended up reading a copy of Washingtonparent. Doesn't it strike anyone as ironic that while the front part of the magazine is full of articles on spending quality time with your children and making sure they get enough sleep, the back is full of adds for camps, gyms, music, dancing and drama schools?
janedoe@seductive.com
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO "HAPPY BIRTHDAY?"
The birthday wishes have started rolling in. Years ago Miss Manners lamented "whatever happened to "congratulations?" My question is "whatever happened to "happy birthday" or "thank you," for that matter?
Cases in point: I got a birthday card from the mother of a dear friend (she is also a friend of my parents, as was her late husband). I guess she was just thinking out loud, but she went on and on about my grandmother's death, her funeral, my father's illness and her late husband's illness and death. In a fucking BIRTHDAY CARD! Ok, I realize she meant well and needed to vent, but thoughts like this don't belong in a birthday, Chanukah, Christmas, graduation, wedding, Easter, anniversary etc card. I do not need to be reminded of these things on my fucking BIRTHDAY! Ditto for my cousin who proceeded to play 20 questions at Grandma's funeral. Hello, you're not related to me except by marriage and I don't ask questions about your marriage to an abusive drunk, your gay brother's death from AIDS or any of your relatives' infidelities. Don't you think I was miserable enough as it was without having my life picked apart and probed? A blanket warning goes out to people who ask about my parents' and my medical, religious and economic affairs. THIS IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!
Ok, thanks, I feel better. Now another case in point. For years we have had a late-summer party to raise money for the condo garden fund. The party includes various gifts to be raffled off to fund contributors. In the past I have always contributed a little cash. This year I have offered to contribute a gift certificate for my fledgeling business and was told association members preferred "cash." OK, I can accept that, but the lady added the association had already solicited other residents who were "artists," and who had already contributed gifts. Sorry I'm can't contribute some crappy pottery bowl for someone to sell at a garage sale next year.
The birthday wishes have started rolling in. Years ago Miss Manners lamented "whatever happened to "congratulations?" My question is "whatever happened to "happy birthday" or "thank you," for that matter?
Cases in point: I got a birthday card from the mother of a dear friend (she is also a friend of my parents, as was her late husband). I guess she was just thinking out loud, but she went on and on about my grandmother's death, her funeral, my father's illness and her late husband's illness and death. In a fucking BIRTHDAY CARD! Ok, I realize she meant well and needed to vent, but thoughts like this don't belong in a birthday, Chanukah, Christmas, graduation, wedding, Easter, anniversary etc card. I do not need to be reminded of these things on my fucking BIRTHDAY! Ditto for my cousin who proceeded to play 20 questions at Grandma's funeral. Hello, you're not related to me except by marriage and I don't ask questions about your marriage to an abusive drunk, your gay brother's death from AIDS or any of your relatives' infidelities. Don't you think I was miserable enough as it was without having my life picked apart and probed? A blanket warning goes out to people who ask about my parents' and my medical, religious and economic affairs. THIS IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!
Ok, thanks, I feel better. Now another case in point. For years we have had a late-summer party to raise money for the condo garden fund. The party includes various gifts to be raffled off to fund contributors. In the past I have always contributed a little cash. This year I have offered to contribute a gift certificate for my fledgeling business and was told association members preferred "cash." OK, I can accept that, but the lady added the association had already solicited other residents who were "artists," and who had already contributed gifts. Sorry I'm can't contribute some crappy pottery bowl for someone to sell at a garage sale next year.
MY LITTLE SEA BASS
Had dinner at Chris and Rob's house, which is in their own words "Stepfordian." I wore a full-skirted flowery print dress because it fits and it's clean and the weather's nice. Had I known, I would have worn a big picture hat. I'm sure the neighbors were convinced I came to sell drugs, since I came in a car w/DC tags. Chris said they were probably more surprised to see a woman coming -- not many come except for his sisters.
He refers to his Chilean-German-American neice as "my little sea bass." Her mother refers to her as "eskimo baby." The child does not look much like her blonde brother -- some stupid woman at Nordstom's asked their mother from which countries she had adopted the children.
Had dinner at Chris and Rob's house, which is in their own words "Stepfordian." I wore a full-skirted flowery print dress because it fits and it's clean and the weather's nice. Had I known, I would have worn a big picture hat. I'm sure the neighbors were convinced I came to sell drugs, since I came in a car w/DC tags. Chris said they were probably more surprised to see a woman coming -- not many come except for his sisters.
He refers to his Chilean-German-American neice as "my little sea bass." Her mother refers to her as "eskimo baby." The child does not look much like her blonde brother -- some stupid woman at Nordstom's asked their mother from which countries she had adopted the children.
Monday, August 09, 2004
WHAT A LONG STRANGE TRIP IT'S BEEN
Jerry Garcia died nine years ago today. Unless you were brain-dead yourself, you could see it coming, but some people were actually shocked. Ed says that's what happens when you get off heroin. I wouldn't know.
janedoe@seductive.com
Jerry Garcia died nine years ago today. Unless you were brain-dead yourself, you could see it coming, but some people were actually shocked. Ed says that's what happens when you get off heroin. I wouldn't know.
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, August 08, 2004
OUTFOXED
Saw Outfoxed last night. Basically it's a bunch of people too ugly to be on TV with a bee in their bonnet about the Fox network. There are some very unflattering inside-the-mouth shots -- all I can think was "gee, it's a good thing I got my teeth done when I did." The guy I was with is a print journalist, and he agrees the production, especially the editing, was terrible.
Saw Outfoxed last night. Basically it's a bunch of people too ugly to be on TV with a bee in their bonnet about the Fox network. There are some very unflattering inside-the-mouth shots -- all I can think was "gee, it's a good thing I got my teeth done when I did." The guy I was with is a print journalist, and he agrees the production, especially the editing, was terrible.
Saturday, August 07, 2004
Friday, August 06, 2004
RICK JAMES DEAD
"Singer" Rick James was found dead in California today. He was 56.
janedoe@seductive.com
"Singer" Rick James was found dead in California today. He was 56.
janedoe@seductive.com
SILLY WALKS
I have been walking funny since Wednesday. My back has been hurting so bad I need people to pull me up. I have also some abdominal pain and low-grade fever, but I would like to think it is just muscle strain. There is a guy in my office with cerebral palsy, and it's like being in the ministry of silly walks. I worry this is God's punishment for being mean.
janedoe@seductive.com
I have been walking funny since Wednesday. My back has been hurting so bad I need people to pull me up. I have also some abdominal pain and low-grade fever, but I would like to think it is just muscle strain. There is a guy in my office with cerebral palsy, and it's like being in the ministry of silly walks. I worry this is God's punishment for being mean.
janedoe@seductive.com
HIGH NOON
Saw Steve Oliver at Zanzibar last night. Not a bad way to spend an evening. Like Bruce Springsteen, Steve runs a fast-paced show, and it was a nice day to spend on the waterfront.
janedoe@seductive.com
Saw Steve Oliver at Zanzibar last night. Not a bad way to spend an evening. Like Bruce Springsteen, Steve runs a fast-paced show, and it was a nice day to spend on the waterfront.
janedoe@seductive.com
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
TO MARKET, TO MARKET
Today is market day in Bethesda. I bought some swiss chard for the pigs. They don't like it. Boss Hogg and his buddies were not there. Either it was too hot for them or they were afraid a farmer would buy or sell them. June says you could get a lot of slabs of meat off of them. I suggested maybe the farmers are pissed off at Boss Hogg and Co. for eating up all the vegetables, but Phil sez they probably don't eat many vegetables. I told Mom I am tempted to rob the bank across the street, but Mom sez they couldn't walk after a bank robber, much less than run after one.
There was also a guy playing blues guitar, which made the humidity more bearable. I could fantasize I was in the Mississippi Delta. Having an active fantasy life is good. In winter time I fantasy that I'm starring in an Ingmar Bergman film or that I'm part of the cast of Northern Exposure.
Today is market day in Bethesda. I bought some swiss chard for the pigs. They don't like it. Boss Hogg and his buddies were not there. Either it was too hot for them or they were afraid a farmer would buy or sell them. June says you could get a lot of slabs of meat off of them. I suggested maybe the farmers are pissed off at Boss Hogg and Co. for eating up all the vegetables, but Phil sez they probably don't eat many vegetables. I told Mom I am tempted to rob the bank across the street, but Mom sez they couldn't walk after a bank robber, much less than run after one.
There was also a guy playing blues guitar, which made the humidity more bearable. I could fantasize I was in the Mississippi Delta. Having an active fantasy life is good. In winter time I fantasy that I'm starring in an Ingmar Bergman film or that I'm part of the cast of Northern Exposure.
GOOD GNUS
When Cares attack and life seems black,
How sweet it is to pot a yak,
Or puncture hares and grizzly bears,
And others I could mention:
But in my Animals "Who's Who"
No name stands higher than the Gnu:
And each new gnu that comes in view
Receives my prompt attention.
When Afric's sun is sinking low,
And shadows wander to and fro,
And everywhere there's in the air
A hush that's deep and solemn;
Then is the time good men and true
With View Halloo pursue the gnu:
(The safest spot to put your shot
Is through the spinal column).
To take the creature by surprise
We must adopt some rude disguise,
Although deceit is never sweet,
And falsehoods don't attract us:
So, as with gun in hand you wait,
Remember to impersonate
A tuft of grass, a mountain-pass,
A kopje or a cactus.
A brief suspense, and then at last
The waiting's o'er, the vigil past:
A careful aim. A spurt of flame.
It's done. You've pulled the trigger,
And one more gnu, so fair and frail,
Has handed in its dinner-pail:
(The females all are rather small,
The males are somewhat bigger).
by P.G Wodehouse
While I am not a tree-hugger, I do not hunt, at least for animals. Nevertheless, I though we could all use some good gnus.
When Cares attack and life seems black,
How sweet it is to pot a yak,
Or puncture hares and grizzly bears,
And others I could mention:
But in my Animals "Who's Who"
No name stands higher than the Gnu:
And each new gnu that comes in view
Receives my prompt attention.
When Afric's sun is sinking low,
And shadows wander to and fro,
And everywhere there's in the air
A hush that's deep and solemn;
Then is the time good men and true
With View Halloo pursue the gnu:
(The safest spot to put your shot
Is through the spinal column).
To take the creature by surprise
We must adopt some rude disguise,
Although deceit is never sweet,
And falsehoods don't attract us:
So, as with gun in hand you wait,
Remember to impersonate
A tuft of grass, a mountain-pass,
A kopje or a cactus.
A brief suspense, and then at last
The waiting's o'er, the vigil past:
A careful aim. A spurt of flame.
It's done. You've pulled the trigger,
And one more gnu, so fair and frail,
Has handed in its dinner-pail:
(The females all are rather small,
The males are somewhat bigger).
by P.G Wodehouse
While I am not a tree-hugger, I do not hunt, at least for animals. Nevertheless, I though we could all use some good gnus.
Monday, August 02, 2004
THREE DAYS
It's been three days since the latest shitty episode in my life, and good old Mom says "I wish you would forget him" and "just put this behind you." OK, I made a mistake, but can't I have time to grieve? None of my relationships have been good enough for my family. My first boyfriend was a Moslem from Turkey, which naturally had my parents upset. The next one was German and he was Lutheran, but that wasn't good enough either. The next one was German and Catholic, still not good enough. Years later I was dating a white Catholic American guy who was 15 years older than I was, which only met with more objections. At least I never had to get married like a number of women in my family, but no one gives me credit for that. Sorry I didn't marry the man of my late grandmother's choice and move out to a big house in the suburbs -- no one gives me credit for paying less than 100 thousand dollars for a condo less than eight years ago and that now units in our building are going for three and four hundred k.
janedoe@seductive.com
It's been three days since the latest shitty episode in my life, and good old Mom says "I wish you would forget him" and "just put this behind you." OK, I made a mistake, but can't I have time to grieve? None of my relationships have been good enough for my family. My first boyfriend was a Moslem from Turkey, which naturally had my parents upset. The next one was German and he was Lutheran, but that wasn't good enough either. The next one was German and Catholic, still not good enough. Years later I was dating a white Catholic American guy who was 15 years older than I was, which only met with more objections. At least I never had to get married like a number of women in my family, but no one gives me credit for that. Sorry I didn't marry the man of my late grandmother's choice and move out to a big house in the suburbs -- no one gives me credit for paying less than 100 thousand dollars for a condo less than eight years ago and that now units in our building are going for three and four hundred k.
janedoe@seductive.com
Sunday, August 01, 2004
THE GIRL FROM IPANEMA
Ken and I were talking about spit valves. He says in his rendition of The Girl from Ipanema, Stan Getz sounds as though he never empties his spit valve. Now I will never be able to hear that song again without thinking about that.
That is one reason I never played a wind instrument. When I was in third grade one of our neighbors played the trumpet and the other played the clarinet. The stuff that accumulated in their mouthpieces made me nauseous. In college one of my girlfriends played the trumpet and let the spit drip out on the rug. More than 20 years later I can never forget that.
I told Ken about Hilary and Jackie and how the Du Pre sisters were involved in a menage a trois. One of them played the flute -- he wanted to know which one. He says seeing attractive women like Candy Dulfer or Mindy Abair playing the saxophone is sexy, but there's nothing sexy about watching a woman playing a cello or a bass. Thanks, Ken.
My parents' cat hates flutes, so I bought them a cheapo "greatest flute hits" CD
Ken and I were talking about spit valves. He says in his rendition of The Girl from Ipanema, Stan Getz sounds as though he never empties his spit valve. Now I will never be able to hear that song again without thinking about that.
That is one reason I never played a wind instrument. When I was in third grade one of our neighbors played the trumpet and the other played the clarinet. The stuff that accumulated in their mouthpieces made me nauseous. In college one of my girlfriends played the trumpet and let the spit drip out on the rug. More than 20 years later I can never forget that.
I told Ken about Hilary and Jackie and how the Du Pre sisters were involved in a menage a trois. One of them played the flute -- he wanted to know which one. He says seeing attractive women like Candy Dulfer or Mindy Abair playing the saxophone is sexy, but there's nothing sexy about watching a woman playing a cello or a bass. Thanks, Ken.
My parents' cat hates flutes, so I bought them a cheapo "greatest flute hits" CD