TWO MORE GREAT BLOG TITLES TAKEN!

Man Bites Blog and the Vulgar Boatman.

AND WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT

Of hips and lips....

"I like big butts and I cannot lie
u other brotherz can't deny
when a girl walks in with a itty, bitty, waist
and a round thing in ur face u get sprung
want to pull up tough
cuz u noticed that butt was stuck
beef to the jeans shes wearing
im hooked and I can't stop staring
oh baby I wanna get wit cha
and take ur pictcha
my homeboys tryed 2 warn me
but that butt u got makes me so horny
ooooooo rumple smooth skin
u say u wanna get my benz
well use me use me cuz u ain't that average groupie
I seen her dancin
to hell with romancing
she sweat
wet
shes got it going like a turbo jet
im tired of magazines
seenin flat butts are the thing
cuz the average black man ask him that
shes got 2 pack much back
so fellas
YAH!
fellas
YAH!
cuz ur girlfriends got the butt
HELL YAH!
shake it
yah
shake it
yah
shake that healthy butt
baby got back

baby got back

I like them round and big
and when Im throwing a gig
I just can't help myself
I'm acting like an animal
now here's my scandal
I wanna get u home and
uh
double up
uh uh
I ain't talking bout playboy
those silicon parts are made for toys
I want them real thick and juicy
so find that juicy double
mix-alot seem trouble
begging for a piece of that bubble
so Im looking at rock videos
knocking these bimbos
looking like hoes
u can those bimbos
I keep my women like flo-jo
a word to the thick soled sisterz
i wanna get wit cha
i won't cus or hit cha
i gotta be straight when I say
I wanna uh to the break of dawn
baby's got it going on
a lot of sims won't like this song
cuz thoses punks like to hit and quit it
and I'd ratehr stay and play
cuz I'm long and I'm strong
and I'm down to get this frick shit on
so ladies
YAH!
ladies
YAH!
so u wanna roll my mercedes
YAH!
so turn around
stick it out
even white boys got 2 shout
baby got back

baby got back

yah baby
when it comes to females
cosmo ain't got nothing to do with my selection
36
24
36
on if she's 5'3"

so ur girlfriend owns a honda
playing workout tapes by fonda
but fonda ain't got a motor on the back of her honda
my anacoda
don't got none unless u got buns hun
you can do side bends or sit-ups
but please don't use that butt
some brotherz wanna play that hard roll
and tell ya that the butt ain't gold
so they toss and leave it
and i pull up quick to retrieve it
so cosmo says ur fat
well i ain't down wit dat
cuz ur waist is small
and ur curves are kicking
and im thinking bout sticking
to the beanpole dames and the magazines
you ain't it miss thing
give me a sista
i can't resist her
red beans and rice didn't miss her
some knuckle head tried to dis
cuz those girls are on my list
he had game
but he chose to hit em
and I pull up quick to get wit him
so ladies if da butt is round
and u wanna triple xbo down
dial 1-900-mixalot
and kick dem nasty thoughts
baby got back

baby got back

little in the middle but u got much back

little in the middle but u got much back

little in the middle but u got much back

little in the middle but u got much back"

Baby Got Back by Sir Mix a Lot

People say this song is sexist, but as a '''thick-soled sister," I take it as a compliment. As Rachel said to Emma on Friends, "you beautiful little weirdo." Those reading this will probably say "why doesn't that fat lardo get her big ass away from the TV and the computer already?" However, I AM proud of myself -- I've lost so much weight recently one of my rings fell off.

DIVINE THING

You are the one supreme being
Just dressed to kill and fulfill
Just any dream
And you are the one heart's desire
All hips and lips to trick any fool

And I could've sworn that you were an angel
'Cause you're a
Sweet,
Sweet,
Sweet divine thing
But I should've known that you were the devil
Dressed like a
Sweet,
Sweet,
Sweet divine thing

And you lack the one thing
That is devotion
Not always there
In your hair
In a daze
Just too mixed up in your own emotions
Your vanity will always be your greatest thing

And I could've sworn that you were an angel
'Cause you're a
Sweet,
Sweet,
Sweet divine thing
But I should've known that you were the devil
Dressed like a
Sweet,
Sweet,
Sweet divine thing

by the Soup Dragons

That's me, all hips and lips....

GROUND HOG'S DAY

Today is Groundhog's Day. Most likely he saw his shadow. Thunder is the closest thing I have to a groundhog. Aunt Ellen wants to know whether he saw his shadow.

PATS BEAT CATS

The Patriots beat the Panthers 32-29. Thank God.

PATS VS CATS

Sorry, I didn't make that one up, forget where I got it. Here are some Superbowl Facts.

AT LAST

At last
my love has come along
my lonely days over
and life is like a song


Ooh At last
the skies above are blue
well my heart was wrapped up in clover
the night I looked at you

I found a dream
that I could speak to
a dream that I could call my own
I found a thrill
to press my cheek to
a thrill that I have never known

well

You smile
you smile
oh and then the spell was cast
and here we are in heaven
for you are mine at last

I found a dream
that I could speak to
a dream that I
could call my own
I found a thrill
to press my cheek to
a thrill that I have never known

well

You smile
you smile
oh and then the spell was cast
and here we are in heaven
for you are mine at last

ooo yea
you are mine
you are mine
at last
at last
at last
at last

By Etta James

Jaguar used this in a spot about 12 years ago and I fell in love with the song then. About two years ago I went to two weddings and they played it. I would love to have it for the first dance if I get married, but at my age, it sounds like "at last I got married. Now I can eat."

COLUMBIA ANNIVERSARY

The space shuttle Columbia crashed a year ago today. I first heard about it from my girlfriend, Carol, but didn't believe it -- Carol sends jokes all the time, so I just thought this was another joke. One day Carol will e-mail me telling me the Apocalypse has taken place and I won't believe her.

MOULIN ROUGE

Also rented Moulin Rouge. Very visual, but slow in spots, kind of like Madonna's "Justify My Love" video, I had to force myself to watch parts of it. Still, I liked Kylie Minogue as the Green Fairy (was this the inspiration for Disney's Tinkerbell?) and Ewan McGregor has beautiful eyes. I also danced with the "Lady Marmalade" video at the end. For me, Tango De Roxanne, was the most hard-hitting -- having to share someone you love with another boy (or girl, or both). I don't blame Christian for wanting to write his own ending -- believe me, if I could write mine, things would be a hell of a lot different. I used to say we kind of lived a "La Boheme" existance at our house in Clarendon, kind of like the cast of rent, except to the best of my knowledge, all of us were heterosexual, none of us were HIV-positive and none of us could sing.

HOUSE OF MIRTH

Made the best of my Blockbuster coupon and rented two videos. House of Mirth was one of them. It took more than one viewing to warm up to it -- Gillian Anderson, her costumes and the sets are beautiful, but her deadpan X-Files delivery along with outdated language make it an acquired taste. Nevertheless, I can identify with the tragic heroine, Lily Bart, even though her ultimate downfall was her choice. OK, she had jerks for friends (male and female) but she ran up some huge gambling debts, became a junkie and refused help even when it was offered to her. Then, there are the three men who want to marry her. I admit, the one was a geek, however, she won't marry the one just because he's not filthy rich, even though she loves him. Personally, I think being cheap is as bad if not worse than being poor. I went out with a guy who drove a Beamer and was reluctant to pay for my coffee (he wouldn't even think of dinner because he was afraid it would be "awkward." Then there was the lawyer who bought me a club soda, but not so much as a cracker to eat (I ended up stopping at Wendy's on the way home) and the guy who bragged about the social circles he traveled in and the elegant schools he attended who asked for separate checks, but I digress. The other guy in the movie is filthy rich, but his is the wrong kind of money, he's Jewish, and I suspect a closet gay. At least he's not bad-looking, and seems like a decent guy.

WEIRDOS' NIGHT OUT

Ran into just about every weirdo in DC. The guys at Domino's were behaving like assholes, then when I went to 7-11, it was full of drunken AU (or maybe Georgetown University) students. One floozy couldn't stand up and her boyfriend couldn't keep his hand off her ass. Then there were the two bratty kids saying the place smelled like cheese and the clerk who couldn't stop jabbering in Ethiopian long enough on the cell phone to wait on people and the guy who tried to pick me up. I guess I should have been flattered, there were younger, thinner, prettier women in the store.

DON'T ASK ME WHY

All the waiters in your grand cafe
Leave their tables when you blink
Every dog must have his everyday
Every drunk must have his drink
Don't wait for answers
Just take your chances
Don't ask me why

All your life you had to stand in line
Still you're standing on your feet
All your choices made you change your mind
Now your calender's complete
Don't wait for answers
Just take your chances
Don't ask me why

You can say the human heart
Is only make-believe
And I am only fighting fire with fire
But you are still a victim
Of the accidents you leave
As sure as I'm a victim of desire

All the servants in your new hotel
Throw their roses at your feet
Fool them all but baby I can tell
You're no stranger to the street
Don't ask for favors
Don't talk to strangers
Don't ask me why

Yesterday you were an only child
Now your ghosts have gone away
You can kill them in the classic style
Now you, "parlez vous francais"
Don't look for answers
You took your chances
Don't ask me why
Don't ask me why

By Billy Joel, an NJB (No, that doesn't stand for "New Jewish Boyfriend") from Lawn Guy Land

Heard this on the loudspeaker at Giant this morning. Some people go to clubs, some people go to concerts, I go to Giant.
All my life I've had to stand in line. Yes, I'm a victim of desire, no my ghosts have not gone away.

JANEY@LARGE

No, this is not a fat joke. I found this site through extrahip.com.

WHAT WOMEN WANT/NEED

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

June sent this.

NEW BABY

This is my first post on my new computer, which only arrived about three weeks ago and which I only took out of the box last Friday. Not sure I like AOL, but that could be purely emotional.

KERRY CARRIES NEW HAMPSHIRE

For those of you on the West Coast, or who just got up, or have been living in caves, John Kerry won the New Hampshire primary. If it comes to a showdown between him and Bush, I will be hard-pressed. I am not that excited by Bush, but Kerry was an asshole to me or my boss. I forget to whom, and it had to be at least three years ago, but I don't forget things easily.

NEW #1

Catherine Bosley is now Lycos 50's 1#. Thank God!

THIRTEEN WEEKS

Thirteen weeks since the robbery. An insensitive radio reporter referred to OJ Simpson's Bruno Magli shoes as his "murder shoes." I am wearing my "robbery shoes." They make me over an inch taller, but still shorter than the robber. Tax time is coming up soon. I am hoping to deduct both robberies and the break-in as a capital loss.

It's been two weeks since the break-up. Got my cell phone bill yesterday. The last time I called him was December 17, two days before Hanukkah. June says "you look pretty today. Did you get some last night?" I said "no, not even from myself."

FROM A GAY FRIEND

"Heartache is worse than any physical pain. I feel for you. It would be easier if you were a lesbian....I know a lot more good women than straight men to fix you up with."

A guy at Kramers called me "lesbo cunt." I told him it was because of limp-dicked assholes like him that women become lesbos. Maybe that's why I'm not married.

janedoe@seductive.com

THANK YOU'S

Started my post-Christmas thank you's. I always wait exactly one month after my birthday, Christmas, any major event -- I figure anyone who would have sent a card, gift, etc would have done so by now.

BACK TO CHURCH

Went to church for the first time since Assumption Day. Didn't go to mass, just said some prayers. Also started exercising. This is what our parish bulletin says about flu season: "Now that the flu and cold season is here, certain precautions should be taken when receiving from the cup at Communion. If youhave a cold or communicable illness, feel one coming on or are recovering from one, you should refrain from the cup altogether. Actually there is more possibility of passing germs from people intincting, or dipping their hosts into the Precious Blood, because there is more chance of fingers going into the wine. We believe that we receive the Whole Christ (body and blood, soul and divinity) when we receive under the form of bread or wine or both. For those who are not sick, drinking from the cup affords better protection from becoming ill as a result of communion because the cup is wiped well and turned. We are more likely to get sick from the Sign of Peace or touching the door handles and hymnals. Medical studies on the safety of the cup can be found at the back of the Church/Theater."

THIS IS ADDICTIVE

Jigzone.com. Thanks, Betty

janedoe@seductive.com

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM BALLET

As long as you smile, the audience won't notice a mistake.

There are only seven movements in dance. Binding, gliding, turning, stretching, jumping, rising, and darting.

It's not sweat, it's glow.

They tell you to spot for a reason.

Keep your toenails short (but not too short)

You can't fall off the floor (easily)

You can tell how you feel but NEVER complain.

Never make excuses.

"Can't" doesn't exist.

You are the one that's dancing, not your teacher.

You can always learn from another dancer, no matter how good or bad he/she is.

Never think you cannot do a step before you even try it.

The more you learn and practice, the more you can do.

There's always going to be someone better than me, don't get discouraged.

It is not a big deal if someone tells me I am doing something wrong.

It's okay to make mistakes.

Never show your anger towards your teacher, no matter how unfair they may be.

Most teachers don't put up with silly nonsense.

It's okay to cry but tears won't solve your problem.

How a dancer feels doesn't matter to a choreographer.

Never let my personal or social life affect my dancing.

There's much pain involved with dancing.

It is better to do an easier job but do it well than to do a hard job without doing it well.

It is better to be embarassed by asking a "stupid" question about a particular dance step than to not know what you are doing and train the wrong muscle.


There are times when you get frustrated because you aren't the best, and times when you get overwhelmed, but don't let them stop you.

There are times when you loose, but that doesn't mean a thing- as long as you did your personal best.

There are times when other dancers seem to get all of the praise from the teachers, and you get none- don't let it get to you.

There are times when you see things being done that you can't do- use them for inspiration not for disapointement.

There are times when your feet hurt so bad that you feel like you are going to collapse- but you must keep on working.

For those who are late starters, there are times when you wish that you had started sooner.

We mustn't let these things get to us. When you aren't the best, push forward. When you have trouble with something, practice. There is always a way to get out of a predicament. As long as you work hard with all that you have, you will get to where you want to be.

Thanks to pointe-less.blogspot.com

I am a terrible dancer, but I found this useful.

THE BEER SONG

Some day, when I’m awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.

Yes you’re lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart...
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.

Lovely ... never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won’t you please arrange it ?
’cause I love you ... just the way you look tonight.

Mm, mm, mm, mm,
Just the way you look to-night.

The Way You Look Tonight by Frank Sinatra

One of my former co-workers referred to this as "the beer song," because it was used in a beer spot, I think Miller Lite. I forget which beer, which is a bad thing, 'cause you're supposed to remember what the advertiser is selling. I can safely say the world is cold now -- about 20 degrees -- and I can think of my great love, not the aforementioned First Love, who turned out to be gay, or the latest love interest, who says he's not. Really, even when things suck, I can think of GL or LLI and it actually makes me happy, if only for a few seconds. I guess it's better to have loved and lost....I will stop now before it gets too maudlin.

BETTER DREAMS

Had a better dream this afternoon. I am playing basketball, but it is more like volleyball -- I am slapping the ball to other people. My latest love interest is there with his best friend and the best friend's wife. LLI has another woman with him, but she looks old enough to be his mother. Both of them don't want me to see them, so they have coats pulled over their heads. During halftime LLI introduces the players, and does a reasonably good job of it. My first love (the one who turned out to be gay) is there. He tells me LLI is definitely gay. I feel vindicated by this. FL and I become very affectionate with each other in front of LLI, the way we never were in real life. I wonder what this means?

RELAPSE?

Think I am having a relapse -- had some BADASS dreams, woke up with a sore throat and low-grade fever.

CAPTAIN KANGAROO DEAD

CNN reports Bob Keeshan, TV's "Captain Kangaroo," is dead.

BLOOD AND FIRE

I have spent nights with matches and knives
Leaning over ledges only two flights up
Cutting my heart, burning my soul
Nothing left to hold
Nothing left but blood and fire

You have spent nights thinking of me
Missing my arms but you needed to leave
Leaving my cuts, leaving my burns
Hoping I’d learn

But blood and fire
Are too much for these restless arms to hold
And my nights of desire they’re calling me
Back to your fold
And I am calling you, calling you
From 10,000 miles away
Won’t you whet my fire with your love
Babe

I am looking for someone who can take as much as I give
And give back as much as I need
You know and they still have the will to live ah no
Cause I am intense, I am in need
I am in pain, I am in love
And I feel forsaken you know
Like the things I gave away

And blood and fire
Are too much for these restless arms to hold
And my nights of desire they’re calling me
Back to your fold
And I am calling you, calling you
From 10,000 miles away
Won’t you whet my fire with your love
Babe, babe, babe

I am intense, I am in need, I am in pain, I am in love
You know I am intense, I am in need, I am in pain, I am in love
I am intense, I am in need, I am in pain, I am in love
And blood and fire
Are too much for these restless arms to hold
And my nights of desire they’re calling me
Back to your fold
And I am calling you, calling you
From 10,000 miles away
Won’t you whet my fire with your love
Babe
Won’t you whet my fire with your love
Babe now
Whet my fire with your love

by the Indigo Girls

D'YER MAKER

Ohh oh oh oh ohh ohh
You don't have to go-oh oh oh ohh ohh,
You don't have to go-oh oh oh ahh ahh,
You don't have to go__.

Ayy ay ay ay ay ayy
All those tears I cry ay ay ay ayy,
All those tears I cry oh oh ahh ayy,
Baby please don't go__.

When I read the letter that you wrote me
It made me mad, mad, mad.
When I read the words that it told me
It made me sad, sad, sad.
But I still love you so,
I can't let you go,
I love you
Ooh baby I love you-eah.

Oh oh oh oh ohh ohh
Every breath I take oh oh oh ohh,
Ahh every move I make a-yeah,
Oh baby please don't go__ ahh.

Ayy ay ay ay ay ayy
You hurt me to my soul ohhh-oh-oh-ohh,
You hurt me to my soul ohh~ohh~oh oh~ooh~oh,
Darlin' please don't go__.

When I read the letter you sent me
It made me mad, mad, mad.
When I read the news that it brought me
It made me sad, sad, sad.
But I still love you so,
And I can't let you go,
I love you
Ooh a-baby I love you-ahh.

Oh oh oh oh ohh ohh
You don't have to go oh oh oh ohh,
You don't have to go oh oh oh ohh,
Ahh baby, babe please, please, please, please.

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah baby.
Ah-ah I really love you baby.
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh darlin'.
Ohh~oh~ohh. Oh~ooh~oh.

Ahh baby I still love you so.
Ahh baby I still love you so.
Oh~oh~oh. Oooh.

Oh oh oh oh ohh ohh yeah. Fine.
Ah ah ah ah ahh ahh oh~oh~oh~oh. Fine.
Ah-ah-ahh-ahh-ahh.
Oooh__~ooh~hooh Fine. yeah.
Ah baby, baby, Fine. baby.

(Whatever happened to Rosie and the Originals?)

by Led Zeppelin

This is one of few songs I can play on the guitar. Like Heart and Soul, Who Put the Bomp , and "Greased Lightning," it has four chords. Sweet Home Alabama and Fleetwood Mac's Angel have three.

YEAR OF THE STEAK

Evidently this is also the year of the steak. McDonald's is making its "Philly Cheesesteak" sandwich and Domino's has a "Philly Cheesesteak" pizza. Have not had the sandwich, but the pizza is dry and unpalatable. My ex, who hails from Delaware, sez "Yuk."

YEAR OF THE MONKEY

We are now in the Chinese Lunar Year of the Monkey, for what it's worth.

THE SWEETEST THING II

My love she throws me like a rubber ball
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
She won't catch me or break my fall
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
Baby's got blue skies up ahead
But in this I'm a rain cloud
You know she likes a dry kind of love
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing


I'm losing you
Hey hey hey, I'm losing you yeah
Ain't love the sweetest thing


I wanted to run but she made me crawl
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
Eternal fire, she turned me to straw
Oh oh, the sweetest thing
You know I got black eyes
But they burn so brightly for her
Mine is a blind kind of love
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing


I'm losing you
Oh oh oh, I'm losing you yeah
Ain't love the sweetest thing
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
Oh oh, yeah


Blue-eyed boy meets a brown-eyed girl
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
You can sew it up but you still see the tear
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
Baby's got blue skies up ahead
And in this I'm a rain cloud
You know we got a stormy kind of love
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
Oh oh, the sweetest thing
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing

by U-2

I first heard this one when I was losing my blue-eyed boy (different one) in 1998. Another sweet thing happened to me yesterday -- someone left some candy in my coat pocket (little red cinnamon hearts). No idea who it was.

ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE

Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad,
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle.
And this'll help things turn out for the best.
And....
Always look on the bright side of life, (whistle)
Always look on the bright side of life, (whistle)
If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten,
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps.
Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing.
And...
Always look on the bright side of life. (whistle)
Come on...
Always look on the bright side of life...
For life is quite absurd,
And death's the final word,
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin,
Give the audience a grin,
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
So always look on the bright side of death,
Just before you draw your terminal breath,
Life's a piece of shit,
When you look at it,
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show,
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And always look on the bright side of life,
Always look on the right side of life,
Come on guys, cheer up.
Always look on the bright side of life.
Worse things happen at sea, you know.
Always look on the bright side of life.
I mean - what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing,
you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!
(fade...)

From Monty Python's Life of Brian

THE BOOR

I first read this play in graduate school. They say it took Chekhov one evening to write it.

janedoe@seductive.com

SOME '80'S NOSTALGIA

"Let's do it
Workin' all week 9 to 5 for my money
So when the weekend comes I go get live with the honey
Rollin' down the street I saw this girl and she was pumpin'
I winked my eye she got into the ride went to a club was jumpin'
Introduce myself as Loc she said "You're a liar"
I said "I got it goin' on baby doll and I'm on fire"
Took her to the hotel she said "You're the king"
I said "Be my queen if you know what I mean and let us do the wild thing
Wild thing (x2)
Shoppin' at the mall looking for some gear to buy
I saw this girl she cool rocked my world and I had to adjust my fly
She looked at me and smiled and said "You have plans for the night"
I said "Hopefully if things go well I'll be with you tonight"
So we journeyed to her house one thing led to an other
I keyed the door we cold hit the floor looked up and it was her mother
I didn't know what to say I was hanging by a string
She said "Hey you two I was once like you and I liked to do the wild thing"
Wild thing
She loved to do the wild thing
Wild thing
Please baby baby please
Posse in effect hangin' out is always hype
And when me and the crew leave the shindig I want a girl who's just my type
Saw this luscious little frame I ain't lyin' fellas she was fine
The sweet young miss go gave me a kiss and I knew that she was mine
Took her to the limousine still parked outside
I tipped the chauffeur when it was over and I gave her my own ride
Couldn't get her off my jack she was like static cling
But that's what happens when body start slappin' from doin' the wild thing
Wild thing
She wanna do the wild thing
Please baby baby please
Wild thing
Doin' a little show at the local discotheque
This fine youg chick was on my jack so I say what the heck
She want to come on stage and do her little dance
So I said chill for now but maybe later you'll get your chance
So when the show was finished I took her around the way
And what do you know she was good to go without a word to say
We was all alone and she said "Tone let me tell you one thing
I need $50 to make you holler I get paid to do the wild thing"
Say what
Yo love you must be kidding
You're walkin' babe
Just break out of here
Hasta la vista baby
Wild thing"

Wild Thing by Tone Loc

"cold cooling at a ball
looking for some action
but like Mick Jagger said
I can't get no satisfaction
the girls are all around
but none of them wanna get with me
my threads are fresh and I'm looking def
yo, wassup with the l-o-c
the girls are all jocking
at the other end of the bar
having drinks with some no-name chump
when they know that I'm the star
so I got up and strolled over
to the other side of the cantina
I asked the guy, "why you so fly?"
he said "funky cold medina"

this brother told me a secret
on how to get more chicks
put a little medina in your glass
and the girls'll come real quick
it's better than any alcohol
or afrodesiac
a couple of sips of this love potion and she'll be on your lap
so I gave some to my dog, when he began to big
and then he licked his bowl and he looked at me
and did the wild thing on my leg
he used to scratch and bite me
before he was much much meaner
but now all the poodles run to my house for the funky cold medina

you know what I'm saying
I got every dog in my neighborhood breaking down my door
I got Spuds McKenzie, Alex from Strolls
they won't leave my dog alone with that medina thing

I went up to this girl
she said "Hi, my name Sheena"
I thought she'd be good to go with a little funk cold medina,
she said "I'd like a drink", I said "ok, I'll go get it"
and then a couple of sips, she cold licked her lips and I knew that she was
with it
so I took her to my crib
and everything went well as planned
but when she got undressed it was big old mess
Sheena was a man
so I threw him out
I don't fool around with no Oscar Meyer weiner
you must be sure that the girl is pure for the funky cold medina

you know,
ain't no plans with a man,
this is the 80s and I'm down the ladies,

break it down,

back in the saddle, looking for a little affection
I took a shot, I thought I'd test it on the Love Connection
the audience guests voted, and you know, they picked a winner
I took my date to the Hilton ford
media had some dinner
she had a few drinks, I'm thinking soon what I'd be getting,
but that's when she starting talking 'bout plans for a wedding,
I said "wait, slow down love, not so fast, I'll be seeing ya",
that's why I found you don't play around with the funky cold medina

you know what I'm saying
that medina's a monster y'all"

Funky Cold Medina by Tone Loc

ROE V WADE

Today is the anniversary of Roe versus Wade. We used to go to the March for Life in high school. Why couldn't the decision have been made on a nicer day?

IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU

Don't know why
I'm survivin' every lonely day
When there's got to be no chance for me
My life would end
And it doesn't matter how I cry
My tears, so far, are a waste of time
If I turn away
Am I strong enough to see it through?
Go crazy is what I will do

If I can't have you
I don't want nobody, baby
If I can't have you...uh-huh-huh, oh
If I can't have you
I don't want nobody, baby
If I can't have you...uh-hoh

Can't let go and it doesn't matter how I try
I gave it all so easily to you my love
To dreams that never will come true
Am I strong enough to see it through?
Go crazy is what I will do

If I can't have you
I don't want nobody, baby
If I can't have you...uh-huh, oh
If I can't have you
I don't want nobody, baby
If I can't have you...uh-hoh

If I can't have you
I don't want nobody, baby
If I can't have you...uh-huh, oh
If I can't have you
I don't want nobody, baby
If I can't have you...uh-hoh

Oh! If I can't have you...


by Yvonne Elliman

That's a lie. I can think of other guys I wouldn't mind dating, but only one of them is in the Washington area. Yesterday I got a catalogue with a bunch of slutty dresses in it. I remember how you used to like it when I dressed that way.

THE LAST ACCEPTABLE PREJUDICE

Philip Jenkins refers to anti-Catholicism as "the last acceptable prejudice."

MAGIC MAN

Cold late night so long ago
When I was not so strong you know
A pretty man came to me
Never seen eyes so blue
You know I could not run away
It seemed we'd seen each other in a dream
It felt like he knew me
He looked right through me, yeah
"Come on home, girl" he said with a smile
"You don't have to love me and
Let's get high awhile
But try to understand
Try to understand
Try try try to understand
I'm a magic man."

Winter nights we sang in tune
Played inside the months of moon
Never think of never
Let this spell last forever
Summer lover passed to fall
Tried to realize it all
Mama says she's worried
Growing up in a hurry, yeah
"Come on home, girl" mama cried on the phone
"Too soon to lose my baby and my girl should be at home!"
"But try to understand, try to understand
Try try try to understand
He's a magic man, mama, ah...
He's a magic man"

"Come on home, girl" he said with a smile
"I cast my spell of love on you, a woman from a child!
But try to understand, try to understand, oh... oh....
Try try to understand
Try try try to understand
YOUR a magic man!" oh yeah
Oh, you've got the magic hands

"Come on home, girl" he said with a smile
"You don't have to love me yet
Let's get high awhile
But try to understand
Try to understand
Try try try to understand
He's a magic man." yeah... oh...

Magic Man by Heart

Yeah, he was pretty, and he had beautiful blue eyes, but it's 23 degrees outside and we are not singing in tune.

ANOTHER READER HEARD FROM


Kalorama Citizens' Association President Matt Forman reads my blog. What does that make, 13, 14 people who read this? When I apologized for not returning his calls, e-mails etc promptly, he said he understood, it had been a rough couple of months. No shit!

HILTON STILL (AGAIN?) #1

Paris Hilton is still (again?) #1 of the Lycos 50. I don't know why I bother.

GEPHARDT OUT, W SPEAKS

Dick Gephardt has announced his withdrawal from the 2004 presidential race. President Bush will deliver his state of the union address at 9 PM EST tonight.

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

now, don't just walk away
pretending everything's okay and you don't care about me.
and i know it's just no use
when all your lies become your truths and i don't care yeah yeah yeah

(chorus)
could you look me in the eye
and tell me that you're happy now oooooh
would you tell it to my face or have i been erased
are you happy now?
are you happy now?

you took all there was to take
and left me with an empty plate and you don't care about it yeah.
and i am giving up this game
and leaving you with all the blame cause i don't care yeah yeah yeah

(chorus)(are you happy now)(x2)

yeah yeah do you really have everything you want
you could never give something you ain't got
you can't run away from yourself

could you look me in the eye
and tell me that your happy now yea yeah
come on tell it to my face or have i been replaced
are you happy now yeah yeah yeah yeah ohh ohh oh oh
yeah yeah yeah ohh oh
would you look me in the eye
could you look me in the eye
i've had all that i can take and i'm not about to break cause i'm happy now oooh
are you happy now?

Are You Happy Now? by Michelle Branch

I don't know whether I have been erased, but you have been erased from my computer, my cell phone, my caller ID and any other source I can think of. I would have you deleted from the AOL White Pages and the DC phone book, but that would be going too far. As per your instructions, I have not called, e-mailed, written or faxed you, nor have I gone anywhere near your home or place of business. You are free to do any kinky thing you want with any man or woman you want. Are you happy now?

CHICKEN JOKE

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL
Now, at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

BAGHDAD BOB (Iraqi information minister)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, «Thou shalt cross the road.»
And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.

VOLTAIRE
I do not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death it's right to do it.

Thanks to Erie Pa and Life

TWELVE WEEKS

Twelve weeks ago today I was robbed. Five weeks ago today I found out my father had been hospitalized with acute congestive heart failure. One week ago today I lost one of the most important relationships I've had in over ten years. Tuesdays must not be good days.

THE NEW JERUSALEM

We're coming to the edge
running on the water
coming through the fog
your sons and daughters

Let the river run
let all the dreamers wake the nation
Come, the New Jerusalem.

Silver cities rise
the morning lights the streets that lead them
and sirens call them on with a song

It's asking for the taking
trembling
shaking
Oh, my heart is aching

We're coming to the edge
running on the water
coming through the fog
your sons and daughters

We the great and small
stand on a star
and blaze a trail of desire
through the darkening dawn

It's asking for the taking
Come run with me now
the sky is the color of blue
you've never even seen
in the eyes of your lover

Oh, my heart is aching
We're coming to the edge
running on the water
coming through the fog
your sons and daughters

It's asking for the taking
trembling, shaking
Oh, my heart is aching


We're coming to the edge
running on the water
coming through the fog
your sons and daughters

Let the river run
let all the dreamers
wake the nation
Come, the New Jerusalem

Let the River Run by Carly Simon

The song conjures up images of Melanie Griffith in Working Girl, headed into Manhattan, pre-9/11 and also of myself as an intern at DC-101 and WPST, taking the train into DC or Philadelphia, convinced I'd be a big star and happy to pick up the program director's dry cleaning. But what are we coming to the edge of? I first heard the term "New Jerusalem" in elementary school, Mom told me it was Heaven. The nation certainly DOES need to be awakened. As for the blue "in the eyes of your lover," all the great (and not so great) loves of my life, except for one, have had blue eyes.

MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY

In his "I Have a Dream" speech, Martin Luther King refers to "Jews and Gentiles, Catholics and Protestants." Yesterday at brunch we were talking about some of the mean, vile, hateful things said to and about us as Catholics. As a woman and an American, I have personally heard similar insults. Sadly, I must admit, I have said mean, vile, hateful things myself.

They talk about the trivialization of the holiday, people going to the beach, the mall, etc instead of going to church, to a library or to a museum. If there is ever a Jane Ellen Hautanen Day, I give you permission to trivialize it. Go shopping, or to the movies or just stay home and sleep. People work too hard for their money and life is too short.

GO PATS?

Guess I will root for them by default, as the Eagles are not in the running.

OUCH!

Went to George and Hope's. George put on the Spiderman DVD to keep the kids entertained. Karen mentioned how hot Tobey Maguire is.

FROM A FRIEND

I know it seems really awful right now, but you will get past this. He was great-looking, but you can do better, or at least as good, and get someone who returns your feelings. Just keep trying, as I know you will...he took advantage of you at times and took you for granted, there are others…he MAY feel bad about it but I wouldn't count on it. If you want you could say "hey... you have just thrown away someone who loves you, but you know what? I will get over it. I am a survivor and can live with it, can you live with the fact that you threw away someone who loved you and would have been true to you? You only have a few chances at love, pal and you just wasted one. I hope you are better at recognizing it the next time around...........See ya."