SYNCHRONISTIC EVENT

During my break at First Class, I saw a Gypsy woman telling fortunes in front of Xando. Figured she can't be doing that well if she has to sit on a lawn chair on a sidewalk in this weather.

THIS IS NICE, TOO

An oldie, but a goodie.

THE POSITIVE SIDE OF LIFE

This is nice. It came from a girlfriend who just lost her mother. Wow!

Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip
around the sun every year.

Birthdays are good for you;
the more you have,
the longer you live.

Happiness comes through doors you
didn't even know you left open.

Most of us go to our grave
with our music still inside of us.

You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun
to only make once.

Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened.

A truly happy person is one who
can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Speaking of the sun, it now sets one minute later and comes up about one minute earlier every day. Yay!

NO SHIT!

Reuters reports this year's flu shots didn't do such a good job.

TAKE A CLASS

Signed up for a class at takeaclass.org. Tiffany sez this year will be better than last. Sure isn't starting out that way.

THE BLOGGIES ARE GOOD ENOUGH

Nominations for the 2004 Bloggies are open.

MOSLEY BRAUN GONE

WJLA-TV reports Carol Mosley Braun has dropped out of the presidential race and will endorse Howard Dean.

THE ACE OF CUPS

Got the Ace of Cups for today and found a penny on my way to work. Things are looking up.

EMILY

Watching the X-files episode in which Scully dreams about the gold cross her mother gave her for Christmas. I started wearing my crucifix a couple days ago, maybe out of religious guilt? She also dreams about her a conversation with Melissa in which Scully says she doesn't believe iin fate. If I hadn't cancelled my first appointment and the city hadn't screwed up my second one, I wouldn't have met the second great love of my life. In the same story, Mulder tells Scully Emily is a miracle which never should have happened.

NO COMMITTMENT

Just saw a 10-10-987 spot on TV advertising ""no committment." Yeah, that's what he wants, so that's what he'll get. One of the Mensa guys says he suggests all engaged couples spend one day in family court before they get married. That way, they can see couples who once pledged to love, honor and obey each other all the days of their lives duking it out in court. It's amazing how a man who less than four months ago told me he couldn't wait to get his nands on my body now tells me to forget I never met him. I sure as hell would like to.

MY SIDE OF THE STORY

Sorry to bore all of you, but there's more. For those of you who think my blog is vulgar -- bite me. I figured he had blown it, and I had nothing to lose anyway, so I called him today and told him why I would not give in to his demands -- because I love him, and if it didn't hurt him in the end, it would hurt me. Bad idea. He called tonight and told me never to call, write or e-mail him again. Darling, I will do that with much pleasure. Don't you understand English, dipshit? I told you that just before I told you loved you, but you chose not to hear that..

I deleted him from my phone book and all my address books as well as all voicemail messages and any traces of him on my Caller ID. Decided not to flush his business card -- the Potomac is already full of enough trash. Instead, it will go into the recycle bin tomorow. It's amazing how many yet how few physiclal reminders there are of him. Calling Verizon and asking him to delete him from their phone book is probably asking too much. I had made plans with a female friend to get together for drinks tomorrow -- always a good thing to do when you break up with a guy, or are just sick of them and their shit in general. If I run into you, deal with it, baby. The city is big enough for both of us, and I'm not letting you have custody of it.

The pigs have been great. They cried with me. Don't laugh. They are both little symphonies of sound, which you can interpret in a number of ways. Lightning was much more cooperative about being held. I llook at him and think "less than six months ago he stopped breathing, yet look at how happy and healthy he is now."

I won't say what the terms of the break-up were, to personal and downright embarrassing. Let's just say it was about 90 to 99% his idea and 1 to 10% mine. What kills me, is he's the one who terminated the relationship. If he hadn't followed me onto the elevator and asked me out for coffee, I would have forgotten him within the hour. So he starts it and he ends it. What also sucks is I wasn't even LOOKING for anyone at the time.

For those of you who say "you'll find someone new," please don't. It took oer 30 years for me to meet this man. I had not been that attracted to any man or woman in almost two years, and it had been about ten years before that I had loved anyone the way I love (d) him.

Funny, so far this has not been as painful as some other losses. Kind of like having a tooth pulled or a tumour excised -- they needed to be removed, but it hurt and it will take awhile to heal. The card I drew for today was the Death card, which doesn't necessarily mean physical death, but termination, transformation, change or elimination, clearing out the old to make way for the new.

SOMEONE THAT I USED TO LOVE


When I wake up each morning
Trying to find myself
And if I'm ever the least unsure
I always remind myself
Though you're someone in this world
That I'll always choose to love
From now on
You're only someone that I used to love
As for me it's getting down to the last unspoken part
When you must begin to ease the pain of a broken heart
Tell me why should I even care
If I have to lose your love
From now on
You're only someone that I used to love
Yet it wasn't enough for you
All the love I had to give
I did my best to keep you satisfied
I guess you'll never know how much I tried
I really tried
And if ever our paths should cross again
Well, You won't find me being the one
Who gets lost
Once I had so much to give
But You just refused my love
From now on
You're only someone that I used to love
I did my best to keep you satisfied
I guess you'll never know how much I tried
I really tried
When I wake up each morning
Trying to find myself
And if I'm ever the least unsure
I always remind myself
Though you're someone in this world
I'll always choose to love
From now on
You're only someone that I used to love
Though you're someone in this world
I'll always choose to love
From now on
You're only someone that I used to love
From now on
You're only someone that I used to love

by Masser and Goffin

I agree with Masser and Goffin except for two things. 1) this is not someone I CHOSE to love, it happened. Just as I didn't choose to love a gay guy 26 years ago, either.

2) I can't say I wouldn't make the same mistake again

HILTON #1

Paris Hilton is still (again) #1 of the Lycos 50.

HOT DIGGITY!

Arbitron ratings are in, and they're up for two of DC's three ABC stations.

ELEVEN WEEKS

It's been eleven weeks since the robbery. Two of my co-workers have had their cars broken into and one of them says another co-worker had her car stolen. Mine was intact and in its place when I last looked. Having someone threaten to shoot you and breaking off a relationship, even it it's mutual, both rank about the same.

MEANT FOR ME

I hear the clock, it's 6 a.m.
I feel so far away from where I've been
I got my eggs, and my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup, everything but you
I break the yolks and make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
I wipe the spots off of the mirror
Don't leave the keys in the door
I never put wet towels on the floor anymore 'cause

1-Dreams last so long, even after you're gone
I know, you love me
And soon you will see, you were meant for me
And I was meant for you

I called my momma, she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk
So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy and I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad
(repeat 1)

I go about my business, I'm doing fine
Besides, what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken every day

I brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it, when I leave the light on
I pick up a book, and turn the sheets down
And take a deep breath and a good look around

Put on my pj's and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight
(repeat 1)

You were meant for me and I was meant for you

You Were Meant for Me by Jewel

Yeah, it seems I go through the motions day after day. Eventually things get better, but I'm not kidding myself that anyone is gonna think he is "meant for me."

FUNERAL BLUES

A beautiful Swedish web site. No, he's not dead, and neither am I -- it just feels like it. I'm debating whether to delete all his old e-mails and flush his business card down the toilet. My ex says I should try dating a grown-up. It kind of reminds me of September 11th and the day I lost my job. Both were beautiful, sunny days. I thoght it was unashamed of the sun -- how dare it shine so brightly when so many people were suffering?

WOKE UP THIS MORNING

You woke up this morning
Got yourself a gun,
Mama always said you'd be
The Chosen One.

She said: You're one in a million
You've got to burn to shine,
But you were born under a bad sign,
With a blue moon in your eyes.

You woke up this morning
All the love has gone,
Your Papa never told you
About right and wrong.

But you're looking good, baby,
I believe you're feeling fine, (shame about it),
Born under a bad sign
With a blue moon in your eyes.

You woke up this morning
The world turned upside down,
Thing's ain't been the same
Since the Blues walked into town.

But you're one in a million
You've got that shotgun shine.
Born under a bad sign,
With a blue moon in your eyes.

When you woke up this morning everything you had was
gone. By half past ten your head was going ding-dong.
Ringing like a bell from your head down to your toes,
like a voice telling you there was something you should
know. Last night you were flying but today you're so low
- ain't it times like these that make you wonder if
you'll ever know the meaning of things as they appear to
the others; wives, mothers, fathers, sisters and
brothers. Don't you wish you didn't function, wish you
didn't think beyond the next paycheck and the next little
drink' Well you do so make up your mind to go on, 'cos
when you woke up this morning everything you had was gone.

When you woke up this morning,
When you woke up this morning,
When you woke up this morning,
Mama said you'd be the Chosen One.

When you woke up this morning,
When you woke up this morning,
When you woke up this morning,
You got yourself a gun.

The Sopranos theme by Alabama 3

This is how I feel and my psychic moved. On the brighter side, I haven't eaten in over 19 hours, so I should become so gorgeously thin no man will be able to resist me.

PS

If you're reading this, I don't care.

HERE'S THE DEAL

Worked about five hours at my day job, had to go home. Then, at 8:02 PM I get a call from a man I have been seeing on and off (he wakes me up out of a sound sleep). He delivers an ultimatum I am unwilling to meet -- don't think I should have to. I'm sorry, but I still want the one-carat engagement ring, the bridesmaids in pink, the three-tiered wedding cake and 200 guests. Even though I am not 18 anymore, I am not giving up, and not giving in.

So what do I do now? Delete all his old phone messages, remove him from mh phone book, my address book? Valentine's Day is obviously out.

OH, GOD

I am in shock, soon to be replaced by pain.

DEAL WITH IT

Some deaf guy at Kramers was giving me a hard time, so I signed "deal with it." Knowledge of sign language is always useful for a career in radio. I would have signed "bite me," but this guy probably would have bitten me.

"LAST NIGHT I HAD THE STRANGEST DREAM"

Okay, so it was this afternoon. I dreamt someone told me to go back to write a book and take the pictures, even though the only camera I own is a cheapo disposable from Ritz. I bought a book on Kabbalah with my Christmas money -- the perfect Christmas gift for a nice Catholic girl. Also bought one on numerology about a week ago, but can't get into it. There is the story of Rabbi Eisek of Cracow, the son of Rabi Yekel. Eisek dreams he should journey to Prague to dig for treasure under a bridge. He does and finds the bridge guarded. When a guard asks him why he's hanging around the bridge, he tells the story and the guard tells him he had a dream saying he should go to Cracow and dig for treasure under a stove belonging to a Rabbi Eisek, son of Yekel.

MY PLANS FOR THE DAY

After hearing Nyquil, Aleve, Ester C and St. Vincent's Catholic Medical Center spots all night, I get to go home. My plans for the day are as follows, not necessarily in any order:

1) Eat
2) Drink
3) Sleep
4) Take medication/vitamins
5) Watch videos if I have enough energy.

FIRST WIVES' (AND PRODUCERS') CLUB

Got back from my old boss's b-day party. Mayor Williams' mother sang "Happy Birthday" and Eddie Walker, who is a Working Girls' fan was there. I saw the guy who fired me, a number of my predecessors and sat at the same table as my replacement. Still, I figured, be an adult about it -- if Bohannon can come with his two wives in two and they can be civil to each other, I can do the same.

janedoe@seductive.com

TRYING AGAIN

It's 17 degrees outside. Slept about ten hours -- feeling some of Z-pak's less desireable effects. Ate part of a Sara Lee cheesecake to make my stomach feel better. Dreamt Mom told me to take Viagra -- another Pfizer product. Not feeling very refreshed, but going to a party in honor of my old boss.

BACK TO BED

Worked all night at my night job. We had a catered breakfast -- crabcakes, crab claws, sushi, crepes, creme brulee. I haven't enjoyed food this much in weeks. Went to my day job, but only held out two hours there.

ONE FINE GAY

One fine day, you'll look at me
And you will know our love was, meant to be
One fine day, you're gonna want me for your girl

The arms I long for, will open wide
And you'll be proud to have me, right by your side
One fine day, you're gonna want me for your girl

Though I know you're the kind of boy
Who only wants to run around
I'll keep waiting, and, someday darling
You'll come to me when you want to settle down,
Oh!

One fine day, we'll meet once more
And then you'll want the love you threw away before
One fine day, you're gonna want me for your girl

(BARITONE SAX SOLO)

One fine day, you're gonna want me for your girl


One Fine Day by Carole King and Gerry Goffin

I used to think my first love, who turned out to be gay, would one day come around. Boy, was I wrong. They tell us God gives us free will, but I did not fall in love with this man voluntarily -- believe me, there were enough heterosexual guys whom I should have fallen in love with. And why did God make this man gay? I don't think he chose that of his own free will, either.

BACK TO WORK

Back to work tonight, fortified with Z-Pak. Good thing I bought stock in Pfizer.

Laissez les bons temps roulez!

Christmas is over and Mardi Gras season is underway. All the years I lived in Europe I couldn't see the sense of it -- After surviving Christmas, New Year and two Transatlantic flights we're supposed to pick out costumes and slog through the ice and snow drunk? It would be much better suited to fall or spring.

JOE GIBBS IS BACK

Joe Gibbs is back with the Redskins. I still don't think they gave Spurrier much of a chance, but maybe I'm prejudiced.

RELAPSE

Having a relapse, my doctor is supposed to fax in a prescription for Z-pack. How bad can it be?

On the brighter side, I got the mousepad I was looking for on E-Bay. Paypall sucks!

THE OTHER WOMAN

"At four I was madly in love with Alan Hirsch, who was madly in love with Cynthia Fishman. He played doctor with me, but he swore he would marry her when he grew up. At age four I was already the other woman. I should have known then. But no, I had hopes."

From Sheila Levine is Dead and Living in New York by Gail Parent

I wasn't the other woman until age 28. I have been the other woman and dealt with her. It's slightly (but not much) fun the BE the other woman.

LATE IN THE EVENING

The first thing I remember, I was lying in my bed
I couldn't've been no more than one or two
And I remember there's a radio, coming from the room next door
My mother laughed the way some ladies' do

Well it's late in the evening, and the music's seeping through

The next thing I remember, I am walking down a street
I'm feeling alright I'm with my boys and with my troops, yeah
Down along the avenue some guys are shootin' pool
And I heard the sound of acapella groups, yeah

Singin' late in the evening, and all the girls out on the stoops, yeah

Then I learned to play some lead guitar, I was underage in this funky bar
And I stepped outside to smoke myself a J
When I come back to the room, everybody just seemed to move
And I turned my amp up loud and I began to play

It was late in the evening, and I blew that room away

First thing I remember when you came into my life
I said I wanna get that girl, no matter what I do
Well I guess I've been in love before and once or twice have been on the floor
But I've never loved no-one the way that I love you

And it was late in the evening, and all the music's seeping through

by Paul Simon

I remember the first time I heard this song -- it was summer time and I had just dropped my mom off at work. Elliot and Woodside played it on WPGC. They liked it so much they played it a second time.

Yeah, I know what it's like when you meet someone you love like you've never loved anyone before. No comment about the on the floor bit.

DECONSTRUCTING JANEY

Used my last Blockbuster freebie to rent Deconstructing Harry. Who the hell edited it? And why is one of Harry's ex-wives named Jane? Watching a young Tobey Maguire on a psychiatrist's couch, twisting his new wedding ring is too painful, not just because of the fact that I'm totally hot for Tobey. Harvey Stern tells his shrink he's not attracted to his wife. That was one of the reasons I never got married, other than the one being gay, the other two marrying other women, and the other one stringing me along for six years. Watching Harry confront his creations was like reading my late uncle's book, only in reverse. He created a character named Tollefson, then about 18 years later I was dating a guy by the same name. It's kind of weird telling your date "my uncle created a character named Tolllefson."

NEW COMPUTER

My new computer arrived today. I have yet to take it out of the box.

HILTON # 1 YET AGAIN

Paris Hilton is yet again #1 of the Lycos 50. And she's not even that attractive.

CHRISTMAS CARDS FROM THE EDGE

Just as I thought I had received all my Christmas cards, I get one from George in England and one from Patrizia in Italy (written in German). Although German comes to me more slowly, I'm amazed at how much I remember, more than Spanish. Maybe it's because I learned German first, or maybe it's resistance on my part.

TEN WEEKS

Ten weeks since the robbery. Nadia Comaneci writes about the Soviet gymnast Elena Mukhina, who broke her neck shortly before the 1980 Olympics. It was shortly before the games, so Elena wouldn't have been trying anything new -- it was something she did every day. When I was in Wilmington, there was an accident at the Dupont experimental station. I asked the flack whether she person involved was a student and the flack anwered , no, the man was a PhD chemist. Correspondent John Hockenberry writes the accident that put him in a wheelchair took place on a dry road in broad daylight.

You can be walking to your car for work at 10:45 on a sunny morning at the intersection of two heavily-populated streets and be confronted by a man who trheatens to shoot you.

About a week ago Mom and I were talking about the shooting of George Wallace and how a bullet rips your insides apart. Mom says that is not always the case -- some of them go right through you and some of them rip your insides apart. Thanks, Mom.

LARRY KING STILL ALIVE

Smooth Jazz is playing Larry'King's Ester C spots. Considering all his health problems, I'm not sure whether Larry is a credible spokesperson for any health-related products, but then he has managed to outlive several of his Westwood One colleagues.

ANNOYING MAN (MEN?)

Am I Annoying.com rates Al Qaeda as the most annoying person (persons) of 2003.

janedoe@seductive.com

BITE ME

Bite Me. Bite me. BITE ME. bite me. BITEME. biteme. bITE ME. Bite me bite me. bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me bite me. There, I feel better. Thank you.

janedoe@seductive.com

I'M HIP

CNN reports blogs are in, websites are out. Usually I am totally out of the loop.

SO BEAUTIFUL YET SO STUPID

That night in bed her told her""You looked so beautiful, I had to leave the room so as not to stare."
"Really, I hadn't noticed it, " she answered in honest innocence. Yet after that she couldn't stop staring at him. It was an obsession which would outlast numerous bad dates and pitiful attempts at relationships with other men. It would be almost ten years before she felt that way about any other man or woman. When the next relatonship failed, the recurring thought was "it took me 28years to meet the great love of my life, and another ten to replace him. Will I be 48 when the next one comes along?"

BLOGGED OUT

Both ABC and CBS led with the Britney Spears story. There is not much to blog about, so being the dirty old woman I am, I am gonna use my last Blockbuster freebies and rent a video.

SO I'M A LITTLE SLOW

This is kinda cute. Now you see how behind I am.

THREE DEATHS

They say deaths happen in threes. Within the last week, one of my high school classmates (Paul Frazier) died, so did the mother of another classmate and my college friend, Germania's mother.
My dad's friend, Dick, died around this time in 1968. He had Lou Gehrig's disease. I remember Dad saying "Poor Dick didn't live to see 1969." Sometime before he was diagnosed, Dick fell down a flight of stairs. It might have been at my parent's house. Everyone just figured he was drunk. I think of that whenever I fall. Reminds me of the Friends episode in which Phoebe is upset because the main character in Pride of the Yankees gets Lou Gehrig's disease. Richard says "the guy was Lou Gehrig. Didn't you kinda see it coming?"

SAY YOU LOVE ME

Have mercy, baby on a poor girl like me,
You know I’m falling, falling, falling at your feet,
I’m tingling right from my head to my toes,
So help me, help me, help me make the feeling go.

’cause when the loving starts, and the lights go down,
And there’s not another living soul around,
Then you woo me until the sun comes up,
And you say that you love me.

Have pity baby,
Just when I thought it was over,
Now you got me running, running, running for cover.
I’m begging you for a little sympathy,
’cause if you use me again it’ll be the end of me.

’cause when the loving starts, and the lights go down,
And there’s not another living soul around,
Then you woo me until the sun comes up,
And you say that you love me.

Baby, baby, hope you’re gonna stay away,
’cause I’m getting weaker, weaker everyday,
I guess I’m not as strong as I used to be,
And if you use me again it’ll be the end of me.

’cause when the loving starts, and the lights go down,
And there’s not another living soul around,
Then you woo me until the sun comes up,
And you say that you love me.

Fallin’ fallin’ fallin
Fallin’ fallin’ fallin

by Christine McVie

Heard this at Giant this morning. One of my crude high school friends changed the lyrics to "you screw me until the sun comes up." Today I sound more like Bonnie Tyler or Kim Carnes than Christine McVie, and I have an itchy blotchy rash that would do justice to a Gold Bond spot.

SLOW START

2004 is off to a slow start. I had a bad dream, it's raining, and I feel like poo. On the brighter side, the stock market got off to a positive start and I got a free eggnog latte at Starbucks.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2004!

My New Year's resolutions:

1) Eat more fiber
2) Exercise more
3) Get my book published

So far I have been able to keep the fiber resolution